Can"t cope anymore

[bashley]

Hi all,

I have suffered from health anxiety for many years, and now its got to the stage where my doctors and family are fed up with me.
I have been having counselling due to some traumatic events in my childhood which people think contribute to my anxiety.
I feel so alone, I am so scared I ache so much and this morning I feel like I cannot breathe, and I keep getting the chills. My back has been bad for months and the doctors say its all anxiety, I was getting IBS symptoms and was petrified that I had bowel cancer, then I was thinking maybe I have an ulcer as I was getting tummy pains and rumbly noises.I told my doctor about my back pains and chest pains, and they know that I am always worrying about my heart, my nan died when i was 11 walking me home from school due to a heart attack. I managed to get my doctor to send me for a full blood test, and the doctor who has known me for over 20 years that they were all fine and my cholesterol was amazing and said I have had so many tests over the years and i'm medically fine. but then I worry that maybe due to my anxiety they don't take me seriously, my counsellor said its all anxiety. But can anxiety really make you feel that bad, my back hurts so much as does my chest it even hurts to put pressure on my back and now i cannot breathe in deeply as it really hurts and it feels tight. my husband said he cannot live with me like this anymore as its bringing him down, can anxiety really make you feel this bad and are these symptoms of it, I feel like running away. Obviously the doctors get fed up with me as they said i have had ecg's echo, portable monitors and it was all ok i have even been to a & e on occasions and they said before its muscular and anxiety please help me

[Fairy Rose]

I can completely identify with you. It sounds like you are having a similar time to me at the moment. You are not alone. The aches and pains are real but when you are in the middle of it it's hard to believe that it is just anxiety. I was feeling like this just last night and I remembered reading Clare Weekes book and her advice to accept the worst that it can throw at you because it can't harm you. As soon as you really let go somehow the adrenaline stops pumping quite as hard and gradually it gets better. You can't run away from it as you can't leave it behind, but maybe if you tried to accept it as an unwelcome friend and let it get on with it without fighting it, you may start to feel some improvement. It takes time to get used to this and I am certainly not an expert, but for me at least today is a bit better.

It can be very hard for partners to deal with this. They don't want to see you hurting and they can't fix you. You have people here on the forum that understand you and I hope others will wish you well as I do. Hang in there, you may surprise yourself that you do cope and obviously have been doing for some time. This too will pass (self lecture going on here too!).

[bashley]

Hi Fairy Rose, thank you for your kind reply. Its so hard sometimes I feel like I am such a pain. Like you say these pains are real but people around us don't understand, it broke my heart when my hubby said he does not want to live like this anymore x

[Fairy Rose]

Maybe if he sees that you are trying to be positive, despite everything, your hubby will feel better. It is easy to become so introspective that they feel left out. He needs to feel appreciated by you not you needing him all the time. I have to make an effort in this direction too and sometimes it's a struggle. I don't mean to sound preachy but I realised how upset my hub was getting and he thought I was leaving him out. Things have improved and I try to let him know that he is appreciated. When I have tried to do things after a while I can be distracted and enjoy what we are doing even if it's only going for a walk. I had to learn how to laugh again and we started to have more fun. It's far too easy to forget what fun is. Why don't you go out for a treat together somewhere nice. If you start to feel anxious do it anyway and you might find you are enjoying yourself. I don't find doing this very easy but it is beginning to be better. I can usually get to the top of the hill on our walks now, whereas before I would be too scared to try. I still have bad days but thankfully not every day now.
I hope you find this helpful, I don't think you are a pain but others can become weary of us if we always give that impression. Don't let the anxiety get you down. There are often times in between when things are a bit better. Grab this time and try to enjoy yourself.