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KW
22-10-04, 11:34
Hi all

I've just had supervision with my boss and with the way the services are expanding he'd like to train me up to be Admin Manager (i'm Admin Officer at the moment) and will have Admin Support under me, but he would like me to go on all these different courses such as...interview skills...time management....and......

........presentation skills [xx(] (MY WORST FEAR)

How on earth will i cope?! I have social phobia and can't abide people looking at me or listening when i'm the focus of attention... I'm glad i've started counselling, came just at the right time! My boss obviously thinks i'm capable though..is he mad?!...he saw how nervous i was when he interviewed me.., guess i should believe in myself a bit more. I can barely say a few words at meetings etc so god knows how i'll manage with doing presentation!! [8)]

But.... I will have a go. Maybe this is what i need to conquer my fear. Everything happens for a reason i suppose. I'm not going to say i can't do this.....i won't know until i try will i :)

KW

minny
22-10-04, 12:02
Hi KW!! :)

You can do this! Remember how you felt during the build up to calling for a counsellor?? You did it and we are all so proud of you! We know how difficult it was for you!
This is another challenge! A bigger one granted, but one that you can handle! Your boss isnt mad, he just sees your ability and your potential. He obviously knows a good thing when he sees it and has faith in you! :)

Good on you for giving it a bash! We are behind you ALL the way!

Good luck and a big hug!

Love Minny...xx



I have NOT failed!! Ive succeeded in finding 1000 solutions that dont work! :o)

jill
22-10-04, 12:32
Hi KW,

YOU CAN DO THIS.
Keep those positive thoughts going
We are all behind you all the way.

GOOD LUCK.

LOVE JILLXXX


Do it trembling if you must, but do it!

tt
22-10-04, 13:08
I have been there. After each time you will feel better. When you begin, practise speaking slow and soft not to soft but enough to be heard. No one notices that your nervous as long as you speak slow. If you are a little nervous, just declare this to your boss. Let him know that I think I will be nervous at first. I have just came back from facilitaing a large group and a few weeks before this had to practise with big executives and my boss. The thing that was wonderful was the everyone in the room declared that it does make one feel nervous in different enviroments. But the good thing is they made us practise for
2 days and by the 2nd day we all felt better. All it takes is practise.
If you have the oportunity to practise a little bit on someone or some co-workers you feel comfortable do it. But don't let this little fear thing stand in your way. Your boss must feel you are the right fit, so I sure you are. Your in charge of this fear, stand tall and tell yourself you want this and I can do it. Repeat the"The I can do it" to yourself each and every time you think or go to say "i can't or I don't know"
Positive thinking is the key.


Good Luck!
tt:)

Sue
22-10-04, 19:29
Congratulations!!

Your boss wouldnt ask you if he didnt think you could it, so that in itself must be a confidence boost.

Good luck,

Sue

Karen
22-10-04, 20:44
Hi KW

I can understand this being your biggest fear, having social phobia myself. There is no way in a million years I could even consider standing in front of everyone to do a presentation.

I think you are really brave to go for it. Hopefully your counselling will help. As others have said, your boss obviously has faith in you or he wouldn't have suggested it.

All you can do is try.



Briary



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
22-10-04, 23:29
KW - congratulations on being asked . Thats pretty special these days

You've had great advice already.

I would add that you can't do all those courses within a week or so so you have time to get to grips with the other aspects of the role and decide whether it is for you overall.

When you have a presentations course date ask for details of the tyrainer and make an effort to speak to them ahead of time and explain your circumstances so you're comfortable that you won't be picked on out of the blue .

Once the course is over start practicing immediately - to 1 -2 people for a while , the build up to 3-4 people and do it until you're comfortable etc . You'll need to do at least one a week - practice on friends, boss, peers , kids etc

Some of the battle is knowing your subject intimately .

Good luck




Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

KW
26-10-04, 10:54
Hi Meg

Thank you for your advice. I have been in a right state about all of this, I just don't know if i can go ahead.

I feel very trapped at the moment. My boss explained at this morning's meeting that all the staff have to be in this 100% for the new structure to develop. But i just know i'm going to let him down. No matter how hard i've tried in the past i always go to pieces when i have to 'present' myself in any form - i struggle to talk at meetings let alone do presentations / talks on a regular basis! It's just not me..i'd go blank, would appear nervous, would shake... My boss has never seen me like it so he obviously doesn't realise my problem..i've battled to hide it from everyone i work with.

I'm seriously considering looking for a new job. I'm starting to get down about it and my stress levels are going through the roof. I would only dread coming to work if i went ahead with this and would probably become ill. I know i sounded positive last week but i was only kidding myself and deep down i know what my limits are.

I feel such a failure.

KW

KW
26-10-04, 14:17
A colleague of mine is in exactly the same predicament as me and i feel so much better now i've told her how i feel. She also has the chance of promotion but she's going to refuse as she doesn't know how she'd get through doing talks / presentations. She thinks i ought to explain to my boss that i can't do the talks.. but i'm scared even to do that! I'm getting so down about this and feel so trapped. There's a presentation course in November and my colleague joked and said maybe we should both go on it together...

i would prefer to avoid it altogether.....

KW

Karen
26-10-04, 15:07
Hi KW

Firstly, you are certainly not a failure. You have been making excellent progress recently and pushing yourself to move forward.

I would be petrified of the presentations too, so I really do understand how you feel. I couldn't continue with my uni course because of this and taking part in discussion work. I know how difficult it is.

It is good you managed to talk to your colleague about it. I think a lot of people who don't even have social phobia would be quite scared of doing presentations.

Talking to your boss would be a good idea, but I know this might be difficult too. Maybe putting yourself under this much pressure to take the promotion is too much at the present time. But, if you were able to speak to your boss there might be a way to work around the situation without being dropped straight in the deep end.

You might find as you continue to work with your counsellor these situations become a little easier.

I'm thinking of you and hope you can sort this out.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
26-10-04, 15:15
KW -

I think the question still remains Whether if the promotion didn't contain any presenting would you want it ?

Is there the option of staying in your current job whilst going through the training and possibly going for the promotion next time round as you improve with confidence and training or don't you want to stay at all ?




Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

KW
26-10-04, 15:27
Hi Meg

The aim of the structure is for me to become Admin Manager and have 2 Admin Assistants under me (i'm the only Admin person at the moment). I'm sure if i explained to my boss that i'm not ready to become manager he'd probably understand and would then employ someone else to become Admin Manager. But there again he might say i've got no choice as i'm the one who has the experience.

I enjoy working where i am, although i do get nervous going to meetings but always manage to get through them. In the ideal world i'd love to go to work and not have to worry about attending meetings or courses.

KW

Sue
26-10-04, 17:45
Hi KW,

From my own experience, if you really think that taking this job will make you ill DONT TAKE IT! I have been there and its not worth it, trust me. I am sure your boss couldnt make you do it against your wishes.

If you are going to get this stressed out, perhaps it would be better to go on with your councilling and concentrate your efforts on your recovery for now. After all, whats more important?

There will always be other opportunities for promotion later on, I am sure.

Take care,

Sue

KW
27-10-04, 09:30
Hi Sue

I had a chat with my family lastnight who are so supportive and we all agreed this promotion just isn't for me. I'd dread going to work and would probably not eat anything from feeling sick, i'd get myself in to such a state. My health is more important and i'm quite happy to just plod along as i am now. Being a manager would be great but it's just not me.

Now i've got the task of explaining to my boss. He's on holiday for the rest of the week now so will ask to see him in private next Monday

KW

Karen
27-10-04, 16:27
Hi KW

It sounds like you have made the right decision for you, and hopefully you feel better for doing so.

It's good your family are so supportive and you were able to discuss it with them so they could help you come to your decision.

I think the most important thing is that it is your decision and if taking the promotion was affecting you so much you were thinking of leaving, I think you've done the right thing for you. Now is obviously not the right time for you to be taking on this extra pressure.

I hope the talk with your boss goes ok on Monday.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
27-10-04, 16:39
Hi KW ,

When you talk to your boss to decline the post you could say that you would still be interested in the self development courses but without having the added pressure of 'having' to perform and use the new skills immediately. You might feel comfortable enough to say you would consider covering for the new person when they're recruited and perhaps do a bit of their training on a 1:1 basis as you know so much more about the job. That way you would be gaining experience and practice indirectly .

Well done for making your choice .



Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

Sue
27-10-04, 18:16
Hi KW,

Its tough but given the circumstances, I think you have definately made the right decision.

Megs suggestion sounds like a good idea, what do you think?

Sue

mypanichelp
07-11-04, 04:20
Hi KW,

Its really good that you consulted out here and took the decision which you felt suites best. Looks like you are really an asset to your group and I am sure you will go for that promotion soon.

I myself have been through similar stuff and this is where my anxiety/panic attacks started.

Last year I was under pressure to get promotion. I went through training and all. Then I was able to conduct meetings, give presentations. I used to feel afraid but thought it will go away slowly. I was working hard though I didnt like working on that stuff. On the other side, it was looking like, Boss was preferring another guy over me. It was more pressure than I could handle, no idea how to cope with it.

While explaining something to the other guy (also working for the same promotion), I got so pressured and got my FIRST PANIC ATTACK. And my life is mess ever since.
I ended up changing my job. Now I dont have any meetings.
I have social phobia/anxiety since 1 year and I am not medication since 3 weeks.

Knowing your limits is one of the best thing. That way you can realize how much beyond you are stressing yourself, for what cause, whether you like those things and finally if its worth it.
For me I didnt know my limits. I thought the progress is limitless and I can stretch myself and do anything. Well it was certainly not worth it :-).

I feel really good for you that you consulted the problem before taking the decision.

KW
10-11-04, 12:48
Thank you again for all your support.

I'm interviewing next week for admin (have never interviewed in my life [:I]) and interestingly i'm actually looking forward to it! I'd usually dread someting like this but i've told myself if i'm nervous it's only natural and i've stopped beating myself up about it. I think the counselling is starting to pay off :)

KW

Karen
10-11-04, 14:35
Hi KW

That's great, actually looking forward to interviewing. You are making such good progress and I'm glad the counselling is helping.

I think you are right about not beating yourself up about getting nervous. Beating myself up about things is something that I still find difficult to stop.

Good luck with the interviews.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
10-11-04, 14:35
Great news .....

You're absolutely right .

You'll be able to help put the candidates at ease as you know only too well what they might be feeling like .

Hope it goes well...



Meg

It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.

mypanichelp
12-11-04, 01:37
Congratulations KW.
Glad to see your are doing great.

KW
21-02-05, 13:14
Hi all

Well after counselling things became better to a certain degree, but now i feel like i've relapsed. Does this happen to others? It's knocked my self esteem again.

I hate this social phobia and just wish it would go away. I have been so close to giving up.. but i can't. I know the moment i say to myself i phone in sick at work and can't go out through the front door will be the start of a long, hard struggle ahead. I need to keep going.

KW

lainey
21-02-05, 14:09
Hi KW

Although I would say I am 95% recovered with my panic and anxiety I get relapses which knock my self-esteem but I treat them as blips and slowly they are getting less frequent and less intense. Considering you have social phobia you are doing great at still going to work, stick at it however hard it may seem.
You are doing well at keeping going mate, stick at it.

Take care

Elaine x

KW
21-02-05, 14:20
Thanks Elaine. I've got a meeting this afternoon which i'm dreading. There will be about 12 people and i dread having to speak. As soon as i see everyone looking at me i just go blank and i'm so scared of looking stupid! I've been dreading this for about a month and it's just ruining my life. I can't seem to ever look forward to anything because i have meetings to dread. I've been sooo depressed lately. I felt like I was craking up last week. Because each day I was getting closer and closer to this meeting i felt so nervous and even with work colleagues i've been finding it difficult interacting with them.

I hate making eye contact too. Although i'm really nervous about going into this meeting i do say to myself if i mess up so what. I'm sure noone will hate me for it. I'll be with my boss though so i don't want to embarrass him. I feel so sick with worry. Just can't wait to get it over and done with.

KW

lainey
21-02-05, 14:29
Hi KW

Firstly, well done to you for going ahead with this afternoon's meeting.
Try not to look at anybody, look above them and say to yourself I can and will do this-for myself. Think how good you will feel at the end of it and how much it will do for your self-esteem.
Have you any rescue remedy to take before you go in?
I'll be thinking of you and let us know how you get on.
Go in with your head held high and I'm with you all the way.

Take care

Elaine x

Karen
21-02-05, 19:17
Hi KW

Sorry to hear that you are finding things difficult. Social phobia does affect every part of my life too and is one of the reasons I am so isolated now. As Elaine said, you are doing so well managing to continue working. It is true that when you stop going into work it is the start of the slippery side.

I hope the meeting went well in the end and you are feeling better about it now. I don't know if you can ever get over social phobia. I know I find it difficult to believe that I will ever be able to communicate normally, but I also know that my depression is clouding my judgement at present.

You have been doing really well and I'm sure you are doing the right thing by continuing to confront your fears.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

FAN
21-02-05, 19:55
hi, you had done really well so congratulate yourself on that . we all have times when we feel we are slipping back but dont worry too much about it just keep on going

fan x

nomorepanic
21-02-05, 20:16
KW

How did the meeting go - were you ok?

Nicola

KW
24-02-05, 14:30
Hi all

Thanks so much for your support. Well the meeting went well. There wasn't as many people there as I thought there would be so that helped. We had to go around the room and update on our services and when it came to me i had a surge of confidence and i got my words out ok! Didn't say much but felt so relieved. I struggled a little with maintaining eye contact and i'm sure some of them sensed i was a bit shy but i guess that doesn't matter.

Elaine - I drank water all morning before the meeting with drops of rescue remedy in. It may have helped and I take a beta blocker before meetings and they help control my breathing etc.

I can't believe I worried so much. The build up to it was worse than the meeting!! I made myself so ill last week. Hardly slept, had panic attacks just thinking about the meeting and couldn't eat much. Now I can relax again.

Still have to attend the weekly meetings but i get through them. We've got 2 new people starting next week though so with more people in the room i might feel more anxious and self conscious.

I won't give up! :)



KW

lainey
24-02-05, 18:52
Hi K

A big hug to you mate!!
Well done, see, I told you ,you could do it.
I'm so proud of you, you have confronted your fear head on and you were fine, you must be so chuffed!

Take care

Elaine x

nomorepanic
24-02-05, 22:03
KW

Nice one!

Well done to you. It is always that build up isn't it? then it is all fine!

Hope it is easier next time.

Nicola

Karen
24-02-05, 23:13
Well done KW. You did really well.



Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

KW
01-03-05, 15:16
Hello

Well another meeting this morning and all went well...! need to believe in myself a bit more. I've found it's a like a cycle with me..I'm ok for a few weeks then I go all depressed and very self concious for about 2 weeks....maybe it is is to do with hormones..any women reading this will know what i mean!

It is strange as last week I felt my world was coming to an end and even had to hurry out of the supermarket because I felt so paranoid but this week I feel full of confidence and could quite happily go browsing around the shops!! Does anyone elses get like this?

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

KW
08-09-05, 13:27
hello all

haven't been on here for a while.. got a meeting this afternoon and not looking forward to it. the last 2 meetings in june and march we had to introduce ourselves.. i got through it (with help of beta blocker) but just feel anxious today..can't wait til 4.30 when it's over and done with!

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Meg
08-09-05, 15:18
Go for it !!

You've been doing great KW

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

Karen
08-09-05, 15:27
Good luck Kerry. You will be fine. You've made such good progress.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

KW
09-09-05, 08:35
Thanks Meg and Karen..got through the meeting - as usual

KW

'Everyone believes very easily whatever they fear or desire'
- JEAN DE LA FONTAINE

Karen
09-09-05, 13:32
Well Done! I knew you could do it!

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

Meg
09-09-05, 13:39
Kerry

Way to go ..

Do you write down these experiences from start of first symptom to finish ... so you can use them next time to reassure youself and recognise the pattern


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?