Finally got the courage to test for HIV but I couldn't get tested...

[Alpha]

Hi everyone. As some of you may remember I posted here some weeks ago about being scared of HIV. It was a really long post, I'll try to keep it short this time... after so long I got the courage to go to one of the HIV detecting places we have there, but I couldn't find the first one (it was nowhere where they said on the website) and the second one was in such a shade place I couldn't get the courage to go there. It was in this really old builing you'd look at and think that there's no way that place is sanitised or anything...

Now why I'm worrying about this - it's such a stupid thing, but I can't take this off my head... I thought the test would just end all worries and now I have no way to do it (I can't go to an hospital to do it because I don't have health insurance or money...)
I'm in a long term relationship with a guy that is always bleeding from his gums. Besides that, he's always stratching everywhere (which makes me think rashes) and gets sick easily. He did told me he is anemic so I'm trying to convince myself it's just that!! But my anxiety won't let me... I talked to him about this fear, he is very compreensive of my health anxiety and didn't get mad at me, he tried to help me and said that I shouldn't really worry because he lost his virginity with me so there's no way he could have it. However he did told me that he did oral on his ex once (sorry tmi) and never got tested after so that's enough to make me worry like, a lot. I've been feeling so nauseous and can't eat because I'm thinking about this 24/7. I'm scared I will end up ruining my relationship and I hate myself for thinking this, because he's so sweet to me. But I really can't stop worrying what if.

Since I've been with him I got sick twice, first time after two months but I was working in a place where the AC was always next to me so I think it was because of that. The next time was in November, where I got tonsillitis. That's where I started to worry because I usually never get sick... I've also been dizzy, my feet and arms feel cold/numb sometimes, and I've heard all this could be signs of HIV infection... I hate to be posting about this again but I really need some opinions on this... I don't want to bother my boyfriend about this again and there's no way I could tell my mother... so I have noone to talk to about this :(

[Miznuvem0412]

Sorry to hear you're going through this . I also have a fear of hiv and trust me the stress of not knowing it's just worse than going to get tested. Does your country offer free STD of hiv testing ??? Or places where you get the results in 15mins so u don't have to wait for days to get your results . It's not that easy to contract hiv through oral sex although there is a small risk I think the best thing you can do is go get tested with your partner . That way you have someone there with you . I got tested in December and I thought I was going to have a heart attack but my results were negative . The mind is a powerful tool and can make you feel and believe anything it wants you too . Once you get your results you'll see that a lot of symptoms you had were nothing to do with hiv

[Alpha]

Yes I do have two places where I can do that here, the thing is as I said I went there yesterday and one of them I couldn't find and the second one was in such a weird place, in this really old house, probably the least place on earth where I would like to have someone sticking a needle on me. I got really frustrated because I finally got the courage to get tested, but there's no way I would do it in a place like that.

The rational part of me says it's only my mind playing tricks because I started worrying about this more yesterday and I legit got my head, hears and throat hurting like I had a cold, which is one of the symptoms, but it went away when I got distracted and today I'm not feeling it as much. The numbness and cold feelings I already got before because of anxiety. But I still can't get my mind off this. The fact that there's a small possibility, and specially taking in mind how much my boyfriend bleeds from his gums are just enough info for me to freak out. I couldn't have the heart to ask him to get tested with me, I don't want him to think I don't trust him. In fact I do trust him, I just don't trust his ex. And he's a little irresponsible and doesn't look after his health much so he would totally ignore the symptoms and just think it's nothing...

[GlassPinata]

I've always had this fear, and have been tested many times.
The CDC recently came out with some statistics that helped alleviate my anxiety on this issue (and also explained why I and everybody else I know doesn't have AIDS).

http://www.aidsmap.com/Estimated-risk-per-exposure/page/1324038/

These statistics estimate your odds of contracting HIV from having unprotected sex with an infected partner.
Yes, you read that right. This is assuming your partner is infected, and you are having unprotected sex with him/her.

If you are female, your risk of contracting HIV from an unprotected sexual encounter with an HIV-positive male partner is 1 in 1234, or 0.08%.

If you're male, your odds of catching HIV from an unprotected sexual encounter with an infected female partner is 1 in 2380, or 0.04%.

Risk from oral sex is less. Risk from anal sex is more.
But either way, your odds of not getting HIV from sex, even unprotected sex, even with an infected partner, are pretty good.
Apparently, HIV is not that easy to transmit sexually. The majority of people who have it got it from IV drug use, and the next-largest group got it from anal sex.

The risk, of course, is cumulative.
Your odds of getting it from a one-night stand are low.
But if you are married to an infected person and have unprotected sex twice a week for four years, then you are talking about over 400 sexual encounters, and a greatly enlarged risk (although it is still more likely that you won't have it, than that you will).

What I'm saying is: you don't even know that your partner has it. Most likely, he doesn't. But if he does, that doesn't mean that you do.
Get tested. And then make him get tested, or else use protection from here on out, until he agrees to get tested.
That's all you can do. You can't change the past, but you can move forward in a responsible way.
I hope these statistics reassured you somewhat, as they did me, that catching HIV via unprotected sex- while it is a risk, and a preventable one, which is why the government puts so many resources into publicizing it- is not all that common. It's not easy to contract HIV via heterosexual sex.
best wishes.


Edit:

Just read that your partner was a virgin before you. The odds of him having HIV are virtually zero, unless he was a hardcore IV drug-using virgin, which seems unlikely. It doesn't matter if he once performed oral sex on a female.
According to the CDC, the likelihood of him contracting HIV from that one act of oral sex on a female is "negligible". Like, they don't even have a number to put on it, because it is so minimal. And that is even assuming she was infected, which is a huge leap, unless she was an IV drug-user, a prostitute, or the like.

Read the CDC statistics:

https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/estimates/riskbehaviors.html