Alpha
11-01-17, 17:39
Hi everyone. As some of you may remember I posted here some weeks ago about being scared of HIV. It was a really long post, I'll try to keep it short this time... after so long I got the courage to go to one of the HIV detecting places we have there, but I couldn't find the first one (it was nowhere where they said on the website) and the second one was in such a shade place I couldn't get the courage to go there. It was in this really old builing you'd look at and think that there's no way that place is sanitised or anything...
Now why I'm worrying about this - it's such a stupid thing, but I can't take this off my head... I thought the test would just end all worries and now I have no way to do it (I can't go to an hospital to do it because I don't have health insurance or money...)
I'm in a long term relationship with a guy that is always bleeding from his gums. Besides that, he's always stratching everywhere (which makes me think rashes) and gets sick easily. He did told me he is anemic so I'm trying to convince myself it's just that!! But my anxiety won't let me... I talked to him about this fear, he is very compreensive of my health anxiety and didn't get mad at me, he tried to help me and said that I shouldn't really worry because he lost his virginity with me so there's no way he could have it. However he did told me that he did oral on his ex once (sorry tmi) and never got tested after so that's enough to make me worry like, a lot. I've been feeling so nauseous and can't eat because I'm thinking about this 24/7. I'm scared I will end up ruining my relationship and I hate myself for thinking this, because he's so sweet to me. But I really can't stop worrying what if.
Since I've been with him I got sick twice, first time after two months but I was working in a place where the AC was always next to me so I think it was because of that. The next time was in November, where I got tonsillitis. That's where I started to worry because I usually never get sick... I've also been dizzy, my feet and arms feel cold/numb sometimes, and I've heard all this could be signs of HIV infection... I hate to be posting about this again but I really need some opinions on this... I don't want to bother my boyfriend about this again and there's no way I could tell my mother... so I have noone to talk to about this :(
Now why I'm worrying about this - it's such a stupid thing, but I can't take this off my head... I thought the test would just end all worries and now I have no way to do it (I can't go to an hospital to do it because I don't have health insurance or money...)
I'm in a long term relationship with a guy that is always bleeding from his gums. Besides that, he's always stratching everywhere (which makes me think rashes) and gets sick easily. He did told me he is anemic so I'm trying to convince myself it's just that!! But my anxiety won't let me... I talked to him about this fear, he is very compreensive of my health anxiety and didn't get mad at me, he tried to help me and said that I shouldn't really worry because he lost his virginity with me so there's no way he could have it. However he did told me that he did oral on his ex once (sorry tmi) and never got tested after so that's enough to make me worry like, a lot. I've been feeling so nauseous and can't eat because I'm thinking about this 24/7. I'm scared I will end up ruining my relationship and I hate myself for thinking this, because he's so sweet to me. But I really can't stop worrying what if.
Since I've been with him I got sick twice, first time after two months but I was working in a place where the AC was always next to me so I think it was because of that. The next time was in November, where I got tonsillitis. That's where I started to worry because I usually never get sick... I've also been dizzy, my feet and arms feel cold/numb sometimes, and I've heard all this could be signs of HIV infection... I hate to be posting about this again but I really need some opinions on this... I don't want to bother my boyfriend about this again and there's no way I could tell my mother... so I have noone to talk to about this :(