I am so scared trapped and alone

[elik]

I can't believe how hard every decision is. I've spent years going round to my best friends pretty much every day and kind of following her life and In the past that would of been choice and I enjoyed that. After 9 months of her travelling and now her dependency is back on me I feel I need to see her every time she is free and calls on me and I can't breathe. I don't want to feel like a spare part in her life and which is now what I feel like and I want my own and I want to be able to say no without feeling swallowed by guilt. I can't express myself at all and I just look like the bad guy all the time. I just can't reason with the constant journeying anymore when I have next to no money and have other people to journey to. I genuinely adore her and I just want more of my own freedom and time to sort myself out and I do that on my own because I hate boring people with my mundane jobs so I end up rushing my life to go and join others all the time. This is my fault not theirs I just always feel stuck and like my good will be a bad and I am exhausted and panicky at how to address these situations because I am petrified of upsetting people but I'm so unhappy in my old routine. I feel so much anger because I am always trying to do right by others and now I look at it I look ungenuine because if someone asks me to do something a lot of the time I'll say yes regardless if I don't want to because I feel bad. I'm really making myself ill over this one. I love how people are themselves around me but I just become a shadow and my only happiness is theirs and I can't do it anymore I'm exploding

[Aurelius]

I find it hard to have any kind of awkward conversation with people, particularly people I'm close to.

I also end up taking on too much through not being able to say no to friends, family and colleagues, and then I end up completely overwhelmed and freak out.

What about writing it down and telling her that way? If you were a friend of mine and sent me your post above I'd totally understand and adapt to help you. Surely your best friend will understand too.

Does she have anyone else who can help her besides you? That way it's not you being called on every time.

[Jacqueline7]

Honestly honesty is empowering and excruciatingly difficult when you are anxious and it's hard to get words out.

But I truly feel it is your best option here. When I stopped pretending I was ok to my loved ones it was liberating. To just say listen I love u but I'm not in a good place right now. Tell her your feelings and how u feel so under pressure. Not because of her but because your anxiety is making everything so tough ATM

Any one who loves u will understand

Hope this helps

Jacqueline