Rmp123
12-01-17, 15:40
Hi guys, you've probably seen in other posts that I'm an actor currently on tour in Austria. I've really been struggling since coming back with separation anxiety and fear that I'm gonna die out here away from my family and friends. I was having a good day today and had a lot of spare time as we only had one show this morning, I decided to go to a cafe where I am currently to read my book about CBT but I've just suddenly had a massive relapse.
I'm trying Mindfullness and exercise to help and last night I started my first counselling session on FaceTime with a therapist. I think perhaps I'm expecting to feel better straight away and I know that's not possible. I just feel like I'm trying to do so much to help myself and people keep telling me I'm clearly trying really hard. I keep thinking I'm never going to get better and I know that's just an irrational thought. All I can think right now is how much I want to be with my family back home, I even just Googled flights home (bad idea I know) and as I sit writing this in the cafe I just want to cry.
I keep thinking I should quit. This tour goes on till April and I just don't want to keep feeling like this for that long. However if I quit it will mess the theatre company about (who are highly reputable), the casting directors (who cast a lot of West End shows and tours) and of course my agent who I think will drop me as I then won't be making him any money. I feel like as a new actor starting out I'm going to do damage my career completely. But surely my mental health is the most important part? I Googled all the hotels we are staying at (terrible idea I know) and so many of them look so naff and old and scary that I just know I'm gonna feel how I have in past hotels.
I know I'm probably just having a bad moment and I'm trying to embrace this feeling and observe it but it's tough. I have a friend coming to see me in Salzburg in the first weekend of February so maybe I should wait till then. But then if I do quit after I see her I'll have put myself through all this unnecessary stress up to that point.
I'm going to head back to my hotel and do some exercise and I'm sure it'll make me feel better. But what do you guys reckon I should do? See it the whole tour out? Quit? Speak to my agent and tell him how I'm feeling? I am a new graduate so I'm new to the industry, I don't know how to deal with these things.
I'm trying Mindfullness and exercise to help and last night I started my first counselling session on FaceTime with a therapist. I think perhaps I'm expecting to feel better straight away and I know that's not possible. I just feel like I'm trying to do so much to help myself and people keep telling me I'm clearly trying really hard. I keep thinking I'm never going to get better and I know that's just an irrational thought. All I can think right now is how much I want to be with my family back home, I even just Googled flights home (bad idea I know) and as I sit writing this in the cafe I just want to cry.
I keep thinking I should quit. This tour goes on till April and I just don't want to keep feeling like this for that long. However if I quit it will mess the theatre company about (who are highly reputable), the casting directors (who cast a lot of West End shows and tours) and of course my agent who I think will drop me as I then won't be making him any money. I feel like as a new actor starting out I'm going to do damage my career completely. But surely my mental health is the most important part? I Googled all the hotels we are staying at (terrible idea I know) and so many of them look so naff and old and scary that I just know I'm gonna feel how I have in past hotels.
I know I'm probably just having a bad moment and I'm trying to embrace this feeling and observe it but it's tough. I have a friend coming to see me in Salzburg in the first weekend of February so maybe I should wait till then. But then if I do quit after I see her I'll have put myself through all this unnecessary stress up to that point.
I'm going to head back to my hotel and do some exercise and I'm sure it'll make me feel better. But what do you guys reckon I should do? See it the whole tour out? Quit? Speak to my agent and tell him how I'm feeling? I am a new graduate so I'm new to the industry, I don't know how to deal with these things.