I'm so fed up of anxiety ruining my life

[AnxiousJosh]

Hi everyone - my name's Josh and I'm 19 years old.

I've spent months scouring No More Panic and I've found many words of comfort here when anxiety has gotten on top of me. But now, things are just going from bad to worse and anxiety is ruining my life.

I've always been a worrier, which is what everyone who knows me says. But things started to get bad last year when I went through something of an existential crisis. It lasted about 10 months and saw me questioning my existence, why I'm here, what happens when we die, what's the point etc.

I eventually managed to convince myself that we're all here because of a greater being (although I have no specific religious beliefs). I also realised it's better to die than live forever - but I'm only 19 so have plenty of time to live.

Not long after I'd put that to bed, health anxiety kicked in (or hypochondria as my dad likes to call it). The first was some red in my stool, which I immediately presumed to be blood and of course, bowel cancer. As a result of the worrying, I developed the symptoms of IBS (which still come and go), only furthering my anxiety.

I managed to put that one to bed after being told how rare it was in my age group and having my stool tested.

I then, of course, moved onto a cancer that's much more likely to hit my age and gender - testicular cancer. Despite getting a clear scan on that one, I spent months worrying that it had been missed or a mistake had been made.

However, things got an awful lot worse over Christmas. On New Year's Eve, I bashed my head getting into the car and couldn't stop worrying so headed to A&E. I was told that it was a minor head injury at worst. Still, I've spent the weeks since worrying that I have a subdural hematoma (the chronic type with a slow bleed), that is one night going to kill me.

Just a few days ago, I bashed my head on the plastic of the car boot, which has doubled the worry of a hematoma for me.

I used to be able to put my worries on hold, but now I can't, because I'm worried every night that I won't wake up in the morning. If a subdural hematoma doesn't get me, I'll have a stroke or something in my sleep.

I'm absolutely at my whit's end with this. My mum is pretty understanding, as she's always worried herself, although not on this level. My dad has tried to be supportive but ultimately thinks I'm being daft. I don't feel like I can talk about these problems with anyone though really.

My GP is a really nice guy and every time I go back, he's happy to do whatever tests I want (bloods, ECG, scans etc), but never really picks up that I might have anxiety.

I'm not looking forward to another sleepless night tonight. Does anyone have any words of advice? I can't carry on like this.

[SLA]

19. I wish I was 19!! :D

As someone who has been in your position, and knows how consuming anxiety can be, let me say this... your feelings are normal, and there is a way out.

I've bashed my head quite badly probably 4 or 5 times in the past 6 weeks, and actually did so today getting my daughter in the car.

That voice immediately pops up.... "Ah ha!! A blood clot on the brain!!"

I tell that voice to "f**k off" these days. That fearful, wuss of a voice which always expects the worse, yet it never happens.

You don't have to take any of your thoughts seriously. Just because you have a worrying thought, that doesn't mean you have to worry.

Some things that help me beat anxiety:

Not beating myself up for feeling anxious. If im anxious, I go easy on myself.
Exercising. Burning off excess energy.
Monitoring my diet. Restricting caffeine and sugar. Going gluten-free.
Becoming self-aware. Taking a step back and realising how 90% of the thoughts I have from the subconsious are kinda... bullshit.

We are programmed from an early age, and a lot of the thoughts that manifest from the subconsious are scared and fearful ones. They need to be ignored, and you need to work on reprogramming your mind to take you in the direction you WANT to go, and not the direction your mind is taking you.

IT GETS BETTER!

..but it takes practise.

[Fishmanpa]

I would discuss your anxiety with your GP next time you go. I have the feeling he probably has a pretty good inkling you're suffering ;)

Positive thoughts

[Clydesdale Epona]

I agree with Fishman, after months and months i went up to my GP and just started balling my eyes out and asking for help with my possible anxiety, to which he replied "ah finally! i was waiting for you to realize" quite an entertaining day :roflmao:
i know it seems bad now but with hard work and determination you can get over it and there's many routes to take, recovery is a journey, but rest assured it is almost always a successful journey x :D

[Lucinda07]

I would visit your GP & ask for help with anxiety - CBT, talking therapies. You are 19 & are young enough to change, take some new strategies on board & develop life long skills.That's good news! When I was 19 there was no such support & its harder to change habits when one is middle aged.
Your thoughts of injury have no substance - its fear. SLA's advice about 90%thoughts being BS is true & being programmed from an early age. Time to modify those channels. As a teenager, I questioned why we were here on earth. Its to make a difference (& if possible to help others)Its also to procreate & continue the human race. However, at 19 the latter is definitely something to put on the back burner! Good luck!:)

[AnxiousJosh]

Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of advice. This really is a lovely community.

I do feel a fair bit better today.

I think I'll work up to telling my GP next time I see him. I'm sure he has some sort of suspicion. Anybody who has any experience with CBT and the like, how effective are they? I did buy a book a while ago, that I've been meaning to get into, but well, worrying has gotten in the way.

[SLA]

Anybody who has any experience with CBT and the like, how effective are they?

As effective as the effort and persistence you put into making it work. Its like a fitness coach for the mind. He can only tell you the exercises to do. Whether or not you actually follow them to get fit is down to you.


I did buy a book a while ago, that I've been meaning to get into, but well, worrying has gotten in the way.

:D - Exactly.

Make a pledge to yourself now, that you take full responsibility for your mental state, and that ultimately only you can change it.

Once you do that, half the battle is won.

[AnxiousJosh]

As effective as the effort and persistence you put into making it work. Its like a fitness coach for the mind. He can only tell you the exercises to do. Whether or not you actually follow them to get fit is down to you.



:D - Exactly.

Make a pledge to yourself now, that you take full responsibility for your mental state, and that ultimately only you can change it.

Once you do that, half the battle is won.

Thanks so much! :) I'd never really believed I could change until now.

[NoraB]

19. I wish I was 19!! :D

Me too.:yesyes:

---------- Post added at 18:56 ---------- Previous post was at 18:46 ----------


Thanks so much everyone for your kind words of advice. This really is a lovely community.

I do feel a fair bit better today.

I think I'll work up to telling my GP next time I see him. I'm sure he has some sort of suspicion.

I'm sure mine wrote down 'raving lunatic' in shorthand once.:winks:

I think it's obvious when someone has health anxiety. In my case it's going from a deranged, hyperventilating mess to calm having had my latest fear dismissed as nowt. I'm sound as a pound once I know I'm not going to peg it...

Until the next symptom that is...:scared15:


Anybody who has any experience with CBT and the like, how effective are they? I did buy a book a while ago, that I've been meaning to get into, but well, worrying has gotten in the way.

I found it helpful. So much so that I'm referring myself for some more to try and get a grip of this HA. One of my finest moments was the therapist having to interrupt me as I was running through my lengthy list of symptoms and we were running out of time.:blush:

Give it a try.

[Clydesdale Epona]

If you put 100% into CBT you will get 100% back, as long as you're willing to try really hard and be honest it'll work well :) x

[Chicksy]

Hi, I'm very new to this site (literally just joined) although the threads and comments I've read today are not new to me at all. I've suffered with terrible anxiety since the birth of my son nearly 8 years ago and as consuming as these worried and fears get, it's comforting to.know I'm not the only one. The reason I've stumbled across this site today is I basically hit my head getting something out of the boot of the car and as I stood up I caught the top of my head near the crown. It didn't half hurt but obviously once I done it, I couldn't help but think of the damage I've done. I'm considering going to a and e, constantly checking my pupils, and generally worked myself into a complete frenzy!

[Lucinda07]

I've also hit my head on the boot of the car, but just considered it a bump.
Unless you feel giddy, sick, vision blurred - I would let it be. See how you feel in a few hours time.

[beatroon]

Can I just say Josh you sound like a really nice person and very sensible, I'm sure you have every shot at beating this anxiety! As the others have said, it's a game of putting as much as you can into things and the effort you put in = what you get out. But it can and does get better. Wishing you positive steps in your recovery!

[Bill]

As you say, you've always been a worrier and that's a natural trait to have but it's when we allow ourselves to over worry that we make ourselves feel ill. We cannot avoid events through life that will make us worry but we can help ourselves to keep our worrying within manageable limits.

So in answer to your question, yes, there are therapies and medications etc that can all help, especially when we need extra help when we're going through a bad phase when things get out of control but I know it is possible to learn how to help ourselves too.

I used to suffer severe anxiety, bad OCD and health anxieties but I learnt what works for me as will you.

The one quick and simple thing I would say though is you're looking for a way to stop over worrying so the next time something triggers you to start worrying, train your mind to not dwell on it and not to go through all the "what if's". Don't allow your mind to start over worrying by nipping it in the bud. The quickest way of achieving this is finding something that you enjoy that absorbs your mind so it's not allowed time to dwell on worrying. As the days go by, the anxiety will naturally ease if you allow it.

Remember, the more you dwell on a worry, the more anxious and ill you feel. For me, I find computer games work but you might find something else that distracts your mind.

We cannot avoid events and nor can we avoid being a worrier but we can learn to take control of our worrying so we find enjoyment in life, so fill your spare time with things you really enjoy and you won't have time to over worry so you won't end up feeling ill.