How do you cope with the anxieties of getting older?

[cattia]

Next month, I face my 40th birthday. In some ways I'm happy to be reaching this age. I definitely feel less worried what others think of me, and more confident and self assured in many ways. However this does create more of a challenge for me with my anxiety, which has been bad lately anyway. One of the ways I've always managed to reassure myself is by reminding myself that most of the things I fear (mostly cancer) tend to be higher risk for older people. However as I enter a new decade, I have to accept that the statistical risks are getting bigger for me and are only going to keep on increasing. This just reminds me of the cold hard fact that one day, I won't be around any longer. It's making me feel kind of depressed about getting older. Sometimes I think that if I reach old age, I might be more at peace with the reality of death, but seeing as I've spent most of my life so far fearing death, it doesn't seem all that likely.
For those of you my age and older, how do you cope with aging and how does it affect your health anxiety? I see people in their twenties posting here and I feel like they have nothing to worry about. Yet I was posting on these boards when I was in my twenties and my fears were just as real then as now.

[Clydesdale Epona]

I am certainly not as old as you but I still get anxieties over growing up, every January I create myself a list of things to do in the year which I find really helps (even its rather immature or silly i just go for it) I know how scary it can be when you get to an older age but the best thing you can do is look after yourself the best you can and do a bunch of fun stuff so you won't feel you missed out if something did happen x

[GlassPinata]

I'm 44, recently divorced, with a preschool-aged son, and grown children.
Getting older affects my anxiety a lot; more so since I had my youngest son, and even MORE so since my divorce.
I am afraid of dying and leaving him alone, or dying before he is fully grown.
I don't know. Things I used to worry about in my 20s (cancer, etc) are exceedingly rare in people that age. Now that I'm in my 40s, things like breast cancer are not such a remote possibility.
I should add that I am poor, and uninsured. I have no way to get medical treatment, should I fall ill.

How do I deal with it? Not very well, I'm afraid. i worry a lot, which probably just has a negative effect on my health, if anything.
I don't know how to fix it. i'm already working more than 40 hours per week. Unless I win the lottery or marry a rich man, I don't see things changing.
On the bright side: I'm still healthy at this time, and always have been, despite my worrying about diseases and such.
My family is not poor, and they help me in emergencies, such as car repairs.
My little boy is healthy and brings me great joy.
I have a job I like, even though I don't make a lot of money at it.
And my son's father loves him very much, so i'm sure if I died he would still be well cared for.
That's how i deal with it, I guess; I try to count my blessings and focus on the positives.

I knew a woman who died of ovarian cancer at age 42. She was a single mother with five children under 18 (three were teens, two were very young).
All of her kids had different dads, and none of the dads were particularly involved or responsible. Her parents were dead. She had little family support. She spent her final days in terror over what would happen to her children. It scares and saddens me so much to think about that.
But I know that this would never happen to me, even if I had a terminal illness. At least I know my little one would be cared for and loved.

But getting old sucks. It is very hard to deal with.

[Sphincterclench]

Im recently 47...getting old just plain sucks....the end. - My Mother

[cattia]

I definitely think that having three young children doesn't help. They need me around for a good long while still, and yet here I am sailing towards the increased risk of death! But surely there have to be some positive aspects of aging? I mean, in the end, we're all on an inevitable journey towards death. I'd feel kind of sad if I didn't feel like I was making a little more progress with understanding and acceptance as I get older. I try, but I just wish I had some assurance that I would be around at least until my kids are adults, and preferably long enough so that I can meet my grandchildren, if I ever have them!

[BrokenGirl]

I totally agree with everything you've said cattia. I turned 40 last year and I know that it's spiraled my HA. I can't reassure myself anymore by saying that the chances are very low of getting whatever it is I'm worrying about. I hope more people reply to this thread with some advice as to how to deal with getting older......

[cattia]

I totally agree with everything you've said cattia. I turned 40 last year and I know that it's spiraled my HA. I can't reassure myself anymore by saying that the chances are very low of getting whatever it is I'm worrying about. I hope more people reply to this thread with some advice as to how to deal with getting older......

Yes! I'd like to hear someone say hey, it's not so bad. Yes, I've got fewer years left, but I've learnt, I've grown, I've accepted things more. But I guess maybe the people who have somewhat overcome their fears and are feeling more positive about ageing, are not hanging around on this forum!

[Fairy Rose]

When I turned 50 a very dear friend of mine wished me a happy birthday. I said I wish I was not hitting this particular milestone and she replied that at 80 she would give anything to be 50 again. I felt quite humbled. She is still going on several years later and even with all her health problems she stays bright and cheerful. She has a wicked sense of humour and I find her truly inspirational. She often tells me about her memories and it seems wonderful that she has all these stories. I think that I would like to make as many memories as I can so that I know I have lived. So far they are not all good and my HA has got in the way a lot, but I am trying to catch the good times in between. It can be hard work sometimes but there is not a lot we can do about aging. I don't think I have conquered growing old gracefully but I am still a long way off 80.

[Fishmanpa]

Pffft... I'm only 20 years younger than my Mom and she just passed so what does that tell ya? Frankly, with my health issues, I'll be fortunate to make it that long.

I don't actually think about it tbh. Too wrapped up in what life is at the moment to give a hoot! That's how I deal with it ;) All I know is I want it to be quick. Here one moment, gone the next. Don't wanna know what hit me.

Positive and somewhat morbid thoughts

[Weasley123]

Im.turning 39 in March and while I was always anxious HA surfaced at age 36. Im.terrified of Dr's. I also am child free and worry quite a bit about breast and ovarian cancer. .I've read alot on mammograms and have decided I probably won't get screenings until at least 59 as the evidence is not supporting it as beneficial. My current worry is my dr panuc drives you my bp and I'm scared they'll force meds on me I don't need. I've a dreadful phobia of meds and blood tests. I do try to reminds myself even in 4os cancer is a bit rare.

[swgrl09]

Ok, I am one of those in their 20s... I'm 28 right now. I feel like there may be some parallels though getting closer to 30. I have made a lot of progress with my anxiety, but you know what? Each year I feel like I am getting closer to death and that scares me. My mom died at age 49 of cancer, so it was my worst fear come to life. That sticks out like a thorn in my side anytime I start to make some progress with anxiety - like she had no idea her life was over halfway over at my age.

The only thing that helps me is thinking about her reaction to getting cancer. She herself had a huge cancer fear her entire life, so it coming true was a nightmare for everybody. But she said to me in the hospital that there was no use worrying all that time, as it was a cancer she never even had heard of and couldn't have ever predicted.

I don't know if this post really speaks to the OP, but it's what comes up for me I guess.

[Catherine S]

I'm 63 now... I was born in Liverpool in the 50s, my childhood was during the 60s with the Beatles going strong. I got married at 18 and had my 3 older children during the 70s, divorced remarried and had my 4th child in the 80s, divorced a second time and became a single parent in the 90s, became a grandmother married for a third time and moved to Germany in the 2000s. A lifetime of memories both good and bad, they all shaped me.

Anxiety and stress was a big part of my life over alot of those years but strangely, the older I've got the less I worry about age or health like I once did. But i'd like a few more adventures before I go. My lovely mum is 84 so i'm hoping that another 20 years is part of the plan for me too. Bring it on :D

ISB x

[pulisa]

I'm 58 and main carer for my adult daughter who is on the autistic spectrum and has severe anxiety/OCD. My adult son also has difficulties. Both live at home. My daughter dreads the thought of my death. All I can do is live as healthily as possible and have all the necessary health checks/screening tests. My mother died from secondary breast cancer at 69 and my father died at 93. I don't know what lies ahead for me but I know if I think too much about it I won't get very far. Cancer can be random no matter how hard you try to prevent it. Nothing is certain. I just hope that I will be able to cope with serious illness and still protect my daughter should it happen. Somehow I don't think I will be able to but I can't think about that now when I presume I have the luxury of being healthy.

[NoraB]

I'm 46 with two grown up sons and an autistic seven year old..

People reckon you hit your peak at 35 and I certainly did and it's been a rapid descent since then. I had my little boy at 39 and my ovaries threw in the towel. I get so down thinking about ageing and I blame my mother, who did NOT do age. She used to throw a fit if anybody dared to mention her age, which me being a git did at every given opportunity.

She despised age and anything to do with it but at the age of 72, her hips gave up and she was faced with an operation to replace them. My brother took her for her pre-op appointment where she was told she would be on crutches for six weeks and would have to have a special chair as hers was quite difficult to get out of. According to my brother, my 5 ft 1 inch silver haired mother told the surgeon where he could stick his crutches.. using the f word.:ohmy:

As it turned out she didn't need the crutches because she died a week before her op and to this day I am convinced she willed herself to shuttle of her mortal coil rather than use those crutches.:unsure:

She hated getting old and she hated her wrinkles. She had shares in Loreal, I swear. She had creams for everything! I loved her wrinkles though, not just because I was probably responsible for the majority of them but because I thought she was a beautiful woman. She never saw what I saw.

What shocked me about Mum's death was how sudden it was. She was a strong woman. She wore the trousers in our house and was completely independent but she went out like a light and after years of soul searching, I know that's how she would have wanted to go. The alternative was to become dependent on people and that would have done her nut in which in turn would have done ours in. So now, knowing that everybody has to go one day, I'm kind of glad she went the way she did. It was hard for us but the best thing for her and I get some comfort from that now.

I wouldn't mind being 46 if I felt like 46. As it is, I feel like I'm 106 but my main worry is my little boy because of his difficulties in life. I need to be a fit 46 year old but Mother Nature (the cow) put me through the menopause early so I'm 5 years post meno with Osteopenia and an anxiety disorder. But whenever I start to wallow in self-pity, I remember that I am here while my friend (also 46) is not. She won't get to be old or see her boy grow up. It puts stuff into perspective.

[pulisa]

It certainly does, Nora. We have the luxury of thinking/complaining about ageing whereas others don't.

[RLG]

I completely understand. I turned 40 a year ago and since my late 30's I have suffered terribly with HA. I suffer from hypothyroidism which makes me feel old. I feel I am in the firing line for breast cancer - continuous warnings on the news makes me feel it's a certainty. I try to be positive but getting old makes me feel in the firing line😦

[Autumn4]

I am now 61 & so wish that I hadn't spent most of my life being anxious & worrying. It hasn't made any difference to getting to be 61 apart from not enjoying all of the time that has gone. Worrying hasn't helped anything in fact it has just got in the way. I have been abused, been divorced , had children & have grandchildren. Worry & anxiety didn't help me get through these things & I would have got through them anyway as people do.

Whatever happens happens & worry & anxiety changes nothing apart from our state of mind & feelings.
Feelings are just that feelings & nothing more. Our feelings change nothing but we can change the way we react to the feeling. Notice the feeling & accept that it is ok. You are ok & everything is as it should be - move forward with the thought that "it is as it is & that is ok". Find a positive in everyday & achieve something everyday no matter how small a thing that is. Whenever you feel something just say to yourself " its ok to feel this" . At the end of the day its all OK. It has to be as that is all it can be. I wish I had started this practice 40 years ago as I have wasted so much time. Don't do the same just know its all OK. xx

[NoraB]

Find a positive in everyday & achieve something everyday no matter how small a thing that is. Whenever you feel something just say to yourself " its ok to feel this"

Love this.:)