View Full Version : Growing older .
Ok so my anxiety and everything involving my anxiety has pretty much been pretty great.
But...... I went to a friends 30th birthday party over the weekend and for the past couple of days my anxiety has been through the roof over a pretty silly subject
I realised that in 3 and a half years I'll be 30! Then looked back at how quick the past 10 years have gone and got all freaked out at how quick life actually goes.
I hate the thought of getting old, getting wrinkles, my looks fading, and of course the inevidable death.
I hate the thought that I had no control over death and that it will happen. I'm terrified of the thought of being a little old lady and spending every day terrified of how close death is.
Obviously I don't know what's going to happen between now and then
I have a husband and 2 beautiful young children and the thought of never seeing them again once I dieis the worstpart. And yes I know I won't know once I'm dead. But why go through life making a family, working hard, having a beautiful house. Just for it all to mean nothing
And I hate myself for always worrying about everything in my life. Why can't I be one of these people that glide through life then grow old graciously? ??
Basically my question is, do you think the older you get the more settled you'll bbecome about dying? Even someone like me who is terrified of it??
Sorry for the stupid and long post.
I do have these moments where I overthink things and he myselfworked up in a state that I'm in right now
It's all part of the human condition, and I think every one has these existential thoughts and concerns, especially in their late 20's. I know I certainly did.
I did a good amount of reading on spirituality, and philosophy. People like Eckhart Tolle have some really good lectures that put life in perspective.
Death isn't the worst thing that can happen to us.
I'm a little worried about turning 30, although I'll be 30 in a little over 1.5 years. Not like I don't want to get older because I do. I'd like to live to a ripe old age.
I also hate the idea of wrinkles etc, I thought I'd 'grow old gracefully', but when I developed under eye wrinkles at 24 and then dark circles and puffy eyes a little under 2 years ago that all changed. I feel like I've lost my looks and it's a horrible feeling. One I never thought I'd experience in my 20's.
I do believe most people become more accepting of death. My elder relatives do talk about it in passing and they seem very at ease with it.
Getting older is better than not getting older put it that way.
There are plenty of people who never get to grow old.
Be grateful that you live in a country where growing old is actually an option.
Getting older is better than not getting older put it that way.
There are plenty of people who never get to grow old.
Be grateful that you live in a country where growing old is actually an option.
Of course it is and I've always had the opinion that we are lucky to grow old. But in such a shallow day and age it's hard not to think of ones appearance. It's very hard to go from a head turner to Shrek.
It's a horrible feeling and knowing there is nothing I can do about it to stop it.. I spoke to my husband about it (hes 30 next year) and he said he has them thoughts too now and then but he just forgets about them and moves on, but said when he was in his early teens he used to be terrified of the though I it.
I'm hoping it does get easier the older I get, but I'm terrified it won't and I'll just down my whole life worrying about something that's got to happen, I'm kind of frustrated with myself at it.
One thing that has always stuck with me is my great nonna died when I was 17, she was 89 and I asked her if she was scared of dying now that she's so old, and she said I've loved my life I've had a happy life iv3 married I had children, and said everyone who she knew throughout her life has passed so everything she knew had gone, so she said she wasn't scared, but she fell poorly and was in the hospital and we had a call tho we needed to say out goodbyes, I honestly wish I never went, it's the last thing I remember of her and it breaks my heart, even though she said she wasn't scared when I previously asked her, I've never seen someone look so scared as she did, when I kissed her goodbye she gripped my hands so tight and looked at me totally terrified.
So maybe we think we will get used to the idea of dying but when it's about to happen the fear comes back.
---------- Post added at 14:16 ---------- Previous post was at 14:14 ----------
Getting older is better than not getting older put it that way.
There are plenty of people who never get to grow old.
Be grateful that you live in a country where growing old is actually an option.
Oh I do agree with what your saying. I guess it's selfish of me to put it how I did, of course in gratful to have the life I have and possibly life to a great age. But it doesn't stop the fear
Its a lovely story, and I think that you should be proud and honoured that you were there for her when she needed you. Most of the people I have lost in my life just went, and I never got to say goodbye.
I think at that age, when you've done it all and you've lived to a ripe old age it will be a lot easier to accept. Sure it will be scary, but maybe a blessed relief at the same time.
There is another thread with the same theme. At almost 58, I got a giggle reading this. I have a son your age Bing! ~lol~ I recall thinking when I was 18 that in the year 2000 I'd be 40! It seemed so surreal.
It is what it is. What happens is you just live your life. The years go by faster and faster and life just goes on.
Ok... I'm going to tell you something that will stick with you. I've told this to countless others in your shoes. On the morning of your 30th birthday, you'll wake up and get out of bed. You'll also have an ache or pain you didn't have the night before ;) You're going to remember some guy on an internet forum told you this! ;)
Positive thoughts
I guess your right.
I just wish I can go through life and not worry about it. I just dont want to always worry about something that's going to happen . I just dont know what to do with myself when the thoughts pop up
---------- Post added at 14:43 ---------- Previous post was at 14:39 ----------
There is another thread with the same theme. At almost 58, I got a giggle reading this. I have a son your age Bing! ~lol~ I recall thinking when I was 18 that in the year 2000 I'd be 40! It seemed so surreal.
It is what it is. What happens is you just live your life. The years go by faster and faster and life just goes on.
Ok... I'm going to tell you something that will stick with you. I've told this to countless others in your shoes. On the morning of your 30th birthday, you'll wake up and get out of bed. You'll also have an ache or pain you didn't have the night before ;) You're going to remember some guy on an internet forum told you this! ;)
Positive thoughts
My son is 6 and I freak out that when he is 20 I'll be 40.....
If course in looking forward to the journey that I'll go on I just dont like what happens at the end 😂 everyone says life behind at 40..... but why haha.
And ok If I wake on my with birthday with an ache I'll remember what you said fish.... it'll just be another sucky point of getting older..... more aches ha
I think that's just the nature of some people. We worry about things we can't change
I seldom think about death etc, but on the rare occasion I let my mind slip it makes me feel hideous. Hopefully we're looking at many more healthy years so why worry now? Although that's easier said than done.
A strange thing I'm worried about in regards to turning 30 is my depression. I really don't want to be a woman of 30 crying because of how low I feel! I somehow feel like it's more acceptable in your 20's. I know that's daft.
Weasley123
16-01-17, 14:57
Im almost 40 and to Me 3o sounds like a baby
Sphincterclench
16-01-17, 15:41
sneaking up on 50 and to be 30 again would be like a rebirth.
sneaking up on 50 and to be 30 again would be like a rebirth.
As long as we could retain all the wisdom we've gained ;)
In fact, there was a book I read called "Replay" and it was about a man who relives his life over and over and recalls the previous lives. Pretty cool.
Positive thoughts
I just worry that this horrid fear Is never going to go away and just get worse.
All my family has lived to good ages. Touch wood I've only ever experienced 1 death in my family since being born, I still have a nonna a grandad who are quit oldbut still really healthy and active.
By I also think that once I die. And my children die, then their children die, then their children die, there would be nobody alive to remember me, it would be like I didn't exsist.....
I try and think about it in a different way.... If I had the choice to live forever I wouldn't... the thought of living forever terrifiesme just as much.... but then I don't want to grow old and die.... I can't win either way
...oh it will go away...:D
Sphincterclench
16-01-17, 19:35
As long as we could retain all the wisdom we've gained ;)
In fact, there was a book I read called "Replay" and it was about a man who relives his life over and over and recalls the previous lives. Pretty cool.
Positive thoughts
If I could retain what I know now!?!?? Id prob win several lotteries and be so busy spending all that money I wouldnt have anything to be on here complaining about.
If I could retain what I know now!?!?? Id prob win several lotteries and be so busy spending all that money I wouldnt have anything to be on here complaining about.
That's actually one of the scenarios in that book "Replay". He knows who won Super Bowls, plays the stock market and such and acquires all sorts of money.
Positive thoughts
I remember thinking like that when I was a young chick like you. Articulaticed some of the same fears. Meh, I wasn't worried about wrinkles. :winks: Now at 53, such thoughts don't cross my mind.
Ultimately it is a fruitless worry because not much you can do about growing old. All part of the ride.
Ok so sitting and thinking about it... it's not death im scared of its the non exsisting after we die that I'm scared of
Sphincterclench
16-01-17, 20:27
If often been heard to say...I have no problem being dead, its that whole DYING thing that freaks me out.
I'm 19 and even I feel like time flies, but death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you.
Sometimes, and I know this can be true for most of us anxiety sufferers, we fear the worst in the future when we should be focusing on how great things are now.
Just cherish the moment, honestly, death is what gives life meaning. If we lived forever and ever the world would be a mess XD We probably wouldn't even find a reason to get out of bed because we would have an infinite number of days left to do whatever we didn't do that day.
Just enjoy the moment, enjoy your life right now :) Happiness is a blessing X
Ok so sitting and thinking about it... it's not death im scared of its the non exsisting after we die that I'm scared of
I'm a Christian so I don't have those issues. Haha don't worry I'm not trying to convert you. But actually if you see all the posts here by and large they are from people deathly afraid of this illness or that illness. But the underlying greater fear is the exact same fear you have - non existence. Fear of dying. Humans are the only species on the planet burdened with such knowledge. But knowing that is the best reason to get off one's ass and enjoy the kids. Realistically you've probably got about 70 years left on this planet. That's a long time. You have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren to enjoy.
N.
---------- Post added at 22:45 ---------- Previous post was at 22:44 ----------
I'm 19 and even I feel like time flies, but death isn't the worst thing that can happen to you.
Sometimes, and I know this can be true for most of us anxiety sufferers, we fear the worst in the future when we should be focusing on how great things are now.
Just cherish the moment, honestly, death is what gives life meaning. If we lived forever and ever the world would be a mess XD We probably wouldn't even find a reason to get out of bed because we would have an infinite number of days left to do whatever we didn't do that day.
Just enjoy the moment, enjoy your life right now :) Happiness is a blessing X
Wise words for someone so young. You're ahead of your time friend.
N.
I think it's normal to feel this way, I know I do sometimes.
I'm 25 (when did that happen?! I'm sure I was 21 the other day!? Lol) I too worry about getting wrinkles and in some photos I can see that my eyes have ever so slightly aged and I don't like it! I take comfort in the fact that my mother looks amazing for 47 so hopefully I'll take after her!
My grandmother said something to me once that scared the hell out of me, she said 'age is a cruel thing, sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and I wonder for a minute who that old woman is then I realise it's me' but she doesn't fear death as I do so I think it is something we come to accept in later life.
Before I had my children I never feared it, what was the point fearing the inevitable but I think once you have children you just want to be with them forever and that's when the fear very commonly appears.
I'm greatful that I had my children young and that god willing I'll reach an old age and when my time comes my children will be old themselves and we'll have had a long life together.
Just take comfort in all the wonderful things we'll see as we age, our children going off to school, college, university and meeting partners and starting family's of their own, then hopefully as all of my grandparents have we'll get to meet our great grandchildren - what a lovely thought :)
X
Getting older is better than not getting older put it that way.
There are plenty of people who never get to grow old.
I lost my friend last September. She was the same age as me - 46. She'll never grow old or see her beloved son grow up. She'd have given anything to be able to grow old..
Death will happen to us all. I just want to die before my children do and despite the anxiety, I am thankful for every day I get to be with them.
My fear isn't of dying itself, or of being dead...it's leaving my son before my job is done, like my friend did. That terrifies me BUT I am not in control of that so I have to tell myself that, if the worst did happen, life would go on without me and my son would be cared for by people who love him. It's a terrible waste of precious time to sit and dwell on what may never happen. Time wasted is time that could be spent making memories..
It's a funny old game is death. It's as natural as being born but we fear it. The best we can do is to make our peace with it and accept that it will happen. I like to think of Death as Terry Pratchett did and his Death had a sense of humour.
I also think that our beliefs (or non-beliefs) can help us to come to terms with our own demise..
My Nan, bless her, was feeling offside so my mum went to stay with her. One night she asked Mum to put her hair in rollers as she was feeling a little better. The next morning Mum went into see if she wanted a cup of tea and Nan started to tell her about a dream she'd just had where my grandad had apparently come into the room and said "I've come to take you home, Phyll". Mum told me later that she'd looked at Nan and for a few seconds, she looked about 35 again, with not a wrinkle on her face. In the time that it took for Mum to go and make a cup of tea, my Nan passed away peacefully...Of course, it was shit for my mum but as deaths go, that wasn't bad at all for my nan.
On the morning that my mum died, I had a dream that I was in Nan's old house and everything was as it was exactly right except for one door that didn't belong there. Bear in mind that dreams are mostly fragmented but this wasn't. My Nan was also there but she didn't look as I remembered her. She had dark brown hair and looked to be in her mid-30's. I asked her about the door but was told I couldn't open it. I woke up at that point and it was about 9.30am. I woke with a 'feeling' about my mum and phoned her but got no answer. The no answer wasn't unusual for her as she was never in but the dream had unnerved me and I phoned my brother who was closest to her house. An hour or so later, my brother phoned me and told me that Mum had passed away and the paramedics told him that she'd died between 9 and 10am.
Experiences like these (and more) mean that I don't fear death itself. We're all energy and energy can't be destroyed. It just takes another form. That's how I see it and it helps me.
I've posted about this before. While I'm not a fan of death and dying (who is?), I don't fear it. I just want it to be quick. When I had my first heart attack, I went out at the hospital. All I remember is getting a weird feeling welling up from my abdomen and thinking "That's weird". Then it got stronger and I thought "This can't be good". Next thing I knew I woke up and a nurse said "Look who's back!" I had gone into AFIB and they had to use the paddles on me. I have no recollection of anything. It was a split second and I was gone. If that's what it's like? I'm good with that and I won't have to worry about anything else. People will deal with it and move on just like we all do when we lose someone.
Positive albeit a bit morbid thoughts
"Get old or get dead" is kind of a mantra for me. I'm genuinely celebrating every time a birthday comes along that I am still alive. Getting older brings us closer to having had a full life. Don't worry about death; make your life the best you can.
I've posted about this before. While I'm not a fan of in his sleath and dying (who is?), I don't fear it. I just want it to be quick. When I had my first heart attack, I went out at the hospital. All I remember is getting a weird feeling welling up from my abdomen and thinking "That's weird". Then it got stronger and I thought "This can't be good". Next thing I knew I woke up and a nurse said "Look who's back!" I had gone into AFIB and they had to use the paddles on me. I have no recollection of anything. It was a split second and I was gone. If that's what it's like? I'm good with that and I won't have to worry about anything else. People will deal with it and move on just like we all do when we lose someone.
Positive albeit a bit morbid thoughts
Yes going fast is the best way. I want to go out the way my uncle did. He died in his sleep. I don't want to go kicking and screaming like the rest of the people in his car.:D
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