It's never going to get better

[ponylover]

:weep: :weep:
I don't know what to do. I can't see any hope of being able to do anything with my life, and I'm only 20. What is the point. I'm not going to end it, I couldn't do that to my friends and my pony. I've never been one for taking the easy way out, but sometimes I wish that I could.

And I have no excuse either. Yes, I lived in a constant state of high anxiety for the first 17 years of my life, waiting for the next time my dad would randomly and spontaneously explode, but that's over now. He won't do it again...so why do I still feel so awful? I have friends (ok, they're all old enough to be my mum, but that's more because that's who I meet through work than from choice), but I never go out, I can't ring my friends as often as I'd like because they all have their own lives and I'm too independant to be that needy.

I hate feeling so down, and I hate myself for feeling this down. But I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I also have trouble coming to terms with the fact that I may have to be on antidepressants for the rest of my life, because when I try and stop them, this happens:weep:

Sorry for the moan, but I have noone else to talk to.

[Keep going]

Hi ponylover, we all have ups and downs. I had one last week and i'll probably get one this week.Your not alone. I too was in a job had "work friends", but no private life. Still don't really, but there has to be something out there for you. drop us a line if u you want a chat.

stu

[ponylover]

Thanks for the reply stu, I know that things will get better eventually, but it's getting harder and harder to see any hope at all.
Still...I'm never usually one for admitting that I'm moping, and feeling awful so:D there's a happy smiley, and I'm sure if I try hard enough I can stick it on

[hoppipolla]

i'm sorry things have been so tough, i know how you feel :(

i look at myself now at 22 and i'm like - "how long will it take before I am back on my feet? how many years will go by?" but I know i'm still learning and still experiencing things and trying so so hard, and that's what's important. Don't beat yourself up, all you can do is your best and you never know when things will start to look up, just let life continue :)

i'll hang around for a while tonight, so i can chat too :)

[ponylover]

Thanks for that message hoppipolla, that really struck a chord. It's exactly how I try and think of things...that although I'm finding things difficult I'm still making small achievements, helping people in small ways and getting satisfaction from that. Just lose sight of it sometimes:blush:

I think that "just let life continue" might have to be my motto for a while - although not in a passive way, taking one day at a time can never be a bad thing...right?:shrug:

Thanks again:)

[hoppipolla]

yeah enjoy the small things in life and look out the window every morning and see the light streaming in and the clouds in the sky and realize it's so worth staying here, even if it can be tough sometimes. there is so much beauty ._.

i've been hurt today all i can think about is this girl who hurt me recently :( life seems to keep hurting me, but i'm being so patient as i know that if i just push on, who knows where the journey will take me :)

[ponylover]

Sorry to hear that you've had a bad day, but it's good that you're sounding positive despite it.
I think you're completely right...appreciate the small things - they'll always be there, even if they're hard to see amongst all the things that have gone wrong.

[hoppipolla]

yeah :)

so what have you been up 2? how has your weekend been? =)

[ponylover]

Well...it's been ok. Got my last day at work tomorrow before back to uni:weep: but I've haven't been quite as down as I have been.

How about u?
I'm around for a bit if you want a chat?

[hoppipolla]

hi sorry it took me so long to post again the net is being sooo slooooow! i think it's because it's wireless and i don't think it likes this room lol

i'm glad you're around though, it's nice to have someone to chat to :)

[ponylover]

Yep I'm around for a bit.:)
ETA - in chat now. :-)

[hoppipolla]

cool, maybe i'll join you in there in a mo if the connection holds up