Symptom of anxiety or not?

[Charlottie]

Every so often, but more recently I've just felt really angry for no reason, like now I'm getting all mad and just wanting to cry from the sheer frustration for either no reason at all or stupid petty reasons.
Plus I've just lost my motivation to do anything, like anything at all. Everything seems pointless :(

I keep updating in new posts. It's just kind of a mini-rant for me.
But any help is appreciated. Really not feeling too good at the moment.

[Charlottie]

I'll post the mini rant I just put in my journal, doesnt make much sense but it gives some insight into how I'm feeling.

I'm going to ramble. I'm starting to feel worse. I'm getting angrier and angrier, I don't wanna lie here on this laptop much longer but I'm scared in a way to come off cause then I'll be alone with my thoughts and at the the moment they're not good. I keep thinking of things to say and then getting really angry with myself for thinking of them. I'm gritting my teeth and clenching my fists I'm that angry, but then every few mins I go ridiculously happy again. I want to tell someone but I just get the feeling I'll annoy them or they won't understand and think I'm mad, or even worse think I'm trying to attention seek. Believe me I'm not, I wish I didn't feel like this. I wish it would go away, I want to feel normal. I'm losing my self confidence again as well, I used to be able to look at myself and think I don't look too bad, now I look at myself and just think ugly ugly ugly, and I wonder how I've got a boyfriend and why the hell he puts up with me cause I am clearly a loon. Jesus why would anyone put up with me when I'm having thoughts like this and I can't stop them and I feel weird and horrible and ANGRY. Though I'm calming down again now, probably about to go stupidly happy again. I don't want to go to work tomorrow, I don't want to get out of bed tomorrow nevermind get up and work. I don't want to get out of bed but I don't want to stay in here either, and I want to be left alone but I want to see people as well. I don't know what I want to be honest. Shut up Charlotte shut up shut up shut up.
UGHH

[Charlottie]

Can anyone help?

[Jaco45er]

Hiya charlottie

I get those fits of anger sometimes, and frustration but different to how you explain them. My anger goes in tandem with anxiety and I lose patience with people easy (which can make people I have to work with a little wary of me sometimes).

It sounds more like depression you have Charlottie, have you thought of talking to your GP to see if there is a therapy they might recommend?

I can recommend a book too, by a chap called Dr Burns called "Feeling Good, the New Mood Therapy" which aims to tackle these thoughts and confidence knocks.

And don't get angry with me ;) but you're not a loon you are just having a wee bad spell at the moment.

If it does continue, try to speak to a GP about treatment, and try try try to remember its just how you are thinking at the moment, so take no notice of those negative thoughts.

Hope you get better soon.

Take Care

Jaco

[Charlottie]

Hehe thanks!
I actually feel quite a lot better this morning. I've stopped being angry anyway!
I'll see how things go :)
Thanks for the reply <3

[dorabella]

Certainly sounds like depression to me, rather than anxiety. I have spells where I get intensely irritated by anyone and everything around me - walking down the street (and this in London!) is like a battlefield for me - I want to push everyone out of my way - or worse - can't even stand to have to talk to anyone or acknowledge them. I think it is just the result of a very tired mind and irrational emotional responses - hence depression.


Have a read of some of Clare Weekes books - they have become like a bible for many suffering from anxiety and depression. But don't beat yourself up about it. It's not worth it and you can't help it!

[Charlottie]

Thanks for your reply!

I feel fine today, I've had the day off work because of a bad cold and just lay in bed all day talking to my boyfriend. I'v calmed down a whole lot. Feel a bit sad but that's because of another reason.
I'll definitely see how I feel :)

[Charlottie]

Okay the sad feeling came back. :( Sorry I'm just generally rambling to myself. I'm so worried about my boyfriend, he's suffered from depression before but now it's coming back and he won't go to the doctors. I don't know what to do :'( I'm so worried about him. :(:(

[Dying_Swan]

Hey Charlottie.

Was about to say that I was glad you were feeling better, when I read your last post! Rambling to yourself is fine. Writing in light pink is not! My poor eyes! But it does mean people have to really want to read what you've written.

I hear what you're saying, and agree with the others who say it does sound more like depression than anxiety. Of couse, these two do often go hand in hand.

It's horrid feeling so indecisive and frustrated. And having a bad cold sure as hell doesn't help! Do you find you tend to feel mentally worse when you're not well? I always do. And I get well down when I have a cold.

About your boyfriend. What makes you think he is suffering from depression again? I guess you can't force him to see the GP, only be reassuring and try to get him to see that he might be glad of some professional help. Did he get help when he was depressed before? I remember feeling like a fool when I confessed to my doctor how I was feeling, but now I don't care. We all get down and need a little boost sometimes, just some of us get it worse than others.

Anyways - hope you are alright and getting through this sunny saturday xx

[Charlottie]

Yes he had anti depressants and a counsellor. The doctor told him the symptoms and he was listing them to me last night saying thats how he felt and it's horrible. :( I hate to see him feeling so bad, I feel so helpless that I can't make him better. :(

And sorry about the light pink I copied straight from my journal I'll try and edit it.
Yeah, I do tend to feel sorry for myself when I get ill. Doesn't really help matters!

Thanks for your reply <3

[Dying_Swan]

No worries.

I was just teasing about the light pink. I actually think it's good, as people have to be really interested to read it!

I'm so sorry your boyfriend is feeling so bad. It's awful to feel helpless. But you know, just being there is probably more help than you realise. I suppose all you can do is listen to him and support him. He's lucky to have someone who cares so much for him. Keep gently trying to get him to see someone, if and when he's ready.

You have every right to feel sorry for yourself! One day I'll invent the cure for the common cold (in my dreams). I always find Sudafed is good actually, and makes me feel a bit perkier.

Hope you feel better soon xx

[Charlottie]

Hehe I did change it now, it was a little hard to read.

Okay thanks for the advice, I'll keep being there for him. I love him more than anything ^_^

I'm starting to cheer up again now! And my cold's starting to go hurrah. I think it's all the laying about I've been doing.

Thankyou again for replying! <3

[Dying_Swan]

Good woman.

You have a good saturday evening and keep your chin up xx :flowers:

[Charlottie]

Thankyouu, and you!

[Charlottie]

I have felt crap today :(

Like really bad. I was okay for the morning, just didn't want to do anything. Couldn't eat, I was hungry but everytime I thought of food I felt sick or I couldnt be bothered with it. Then, I was at my boyfriends house and I embarassed myself and something just snapped. Like all the happiness just drained out of me, I literally felt empty. Even my boyfriend's mom could tell something was wrong. But I didnt want to say anything because it might look like I'm trying to steal my boyfriend's attention. And like I was trying to be happy I REALLY was and my boyfriend was making me laugh but I'd start laughing and then get struck with this horrible empty miserable feeling and just go quiet. :(


I feel better now, really just ugh thinking about college really have not got the energy/concentration for it. But I don't think only having 3 and a half hours sleep last night really helped. I just can't be bothered with sleeping or eating these past few days, it's like whats the point? Or I start eating, eat a little bit and then suddenly lose all my appetite or feel sick. Ugh I don't know where this has all come from. :( Well the concentration and broken sleep stuff has been going on for a while but all this other stuff, just appeared out of nowhere. :(

Sorry this is the only place I can talk about this. :(

[Dying_Swan]

Hey Charlottie.

Sorry to hear you've felt bad today.

Have you ever spoken to a Doctor about how you've been feeling recently? You do come across as being quite depressed. It might help you to speak to a professional and get these things off your chest. Maybe a counsellor could help?

I frequently don't bother to eat during the day. But it really isn't a good idea. Anxiety tends to be worse when you're hungry, thirsty, tired, etc etc. So a bit more kip would probably help too. When I was really depressed, I could hardly eat anything. I stayed up all night and slept most of the day. I lost 3 stone, quickly, and was pretty rough. It wasn't until my therapist told me I'd either end up dead or psychotic if I carried on like that, that I took any advice seriously. Not trying to scare you!! But I do know what it's like feeling as though you just can't be bothered with anything. And also when you're hungry but the thought of food makes you gag. Nasty.

College can also be crap when you're not feeling very bright. But maybe you'll find that actually doing things helps you feel better. Same with eating. However sick and bored it makes you feel, you will probably perk up a bit when you've managed to eat something. I always found fruit was quite good when I couldn't stomach anything else. I used to buy really nice fruit like raspberries and apricots. Because I wasn't buying much else, it didn't matter that it was expensive. It's pretty easy to swallow too :)

Unfortunately it's almost impossible to force yourself to feel happy when you're not. But sometimes it helps just to keep saying positive statements to yourself, and trying to believe them.

Sorry I'm banging on! I've had a glass of wine and a headache, and the two don't mix!

Night night....tomorrow is a new day xxx

[Charlottie]

No you're not you're really helpful thankyou! I actually could see you were viewing the thread and hoped you would reply.

I don't want to see a doctor :( Not yet, one being as I'm terrified of them! And two, I've only felt like this for a week or so I'm still hoping it's PMT or something. Plus my boyfriend has just booked his appointment with a counsellor [I'm so glad about that], I don't want to seem like I'm copying or that I want attention just because he's getting some. Not that he would think that, but you know what our anxiety fuelled minds are like.

Plus I don't have a reason to feel like this. I get good grades at college [All A's =/], I have a job so I have money, I have a close family, I have the most amazing boyfriend, kind of lack friends but I know people that I have a laugh with. So, I don't know why I feel like it.

[Dying_Swan]

Hey again.

I have to make this my last post for tonight! Red wine going to my head!

If you don't want to see a Doctor, then that's ok and I respect your decision. I am sad to think that you're scared of them though (some can be pretty alarming, I know!). What are you scared of?

Glad your boyfriend is going to get some help. Perhaps if he is happier in himself, you will be too. Yes....I do know how our anxious minds work! But don't let that stop you seeking help if and when you feel you need it.

I think it's really hard getting help for the first time. I almost felt like I'd failed. But now I don't see it like that at all. People develop anxiety and depression for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes you might never know the cause. Lots of people think that they are caused by a slight chemical imbalance in the brain. If so, then it's something you have little control over. But there is so much debate as to why people get these things. Who knows really? But never feel 'bad' because you have no 'reason' to.

Well done for getting all A's!! Don't put too much pressure on yourself 'eh? Not easy, I know. Keep your chin up lass and I hope tomorrow is a better day xxx

[Charlottie]

Heh how ironic, that is exactly what I was telling my boyfriend about the chemical imbalance and the fact he can't help it. Can't take my own advice eh.

I'm scared of doctors because I always fear the worst. I think it stems from when I went about my chest hurting and not being able to breathe. That's when I was first diagnosed with anxiousness but I was convinced the doctor was going to tell me I had lung cancer. [I'm only 16 o.O]

I think well if I continue to feel like this I will get help cause I won't be able to take it, it's like just draining me. But I'm hoping it's a passing thing. We'll see.

Thanks for replying!

[Dying_Swan]

You're very welcome.

Hope you get some sleep tonight. Let me know how you get on xxx :)

[Charlottie]

Thankyou. I'm off to bed soon, don't really feel like it but for the sake of my sanity I have to survive 5 hours of French and Physics tomorrow which I don't feel like doing anyway.

Nightnight xxx

[Charlottie]

Feeling really better today!

Think my day at college helped. Got home, did loads of coursework and cleaned my room which I'd been putting off for ages.
And got my appetite back, just demolished almost an entire box of jaffa cakes lmao :D

So I think maybe it was just a really low few days. Thanks everyone for their help. <3

[Dying_Swan]

Great news Charlottie. Long may it continue! :)