This fear is taking over my life [Archive]

alwaysscared234

17-01-17, 21:29

Hi everyone,
I decided to post on here because I'm really worried and tired of not getting any answers. I'm 16 years old. So a few months ago in September, I got a colonoscopy because of a positive FOBT test and low hemoglobin. My GI did both the upper and lower scope and said everything looked beautiful. He even showed my mom photos he took during the procedure. Now, normally this would have relieved me, but I'm still worried because they didn't find a cause for the bleeding. I also have my other stomach problems, mainly gas and occasional bloating. I did another CBC blood test a few weeks ago and my hemoglobin did go up, but I'm still scared because I still see occasional blood with mucus. My parents keep telling me that everything is ok, they did the tests and everything is normal, and there's no way they are going to get me another colonoscopy. I'm trying to think positively but I can't get over the possibility that they might have missed something. Idk, what should I do? Should I keep pushing for more tests or just try to live with it and manage the pain? Also, are there any medications I can take to help with gas?
Thanks

Clydesdale Epona

18-01-17, 00:59

I'm not so certain about medications especially as you're in the US and I'm from the UK but I can assure you that if anything was terribly sinister they'd of found it trust me, I know its very scary but pushing for more tests will only put more anxiety and stress on you in the long run, also consider your age. just try and slowly let it go and move on x
what other symptoms are you having as well blood like what kind of pain do you get? as I might have some tips to help x

---------- Post added at 00:59 ---------- Previous post was at 00:51 ----------

Oh sorry i only just saw the part where you said it was gas and bloating lol. there are a couple of basics thing you can do like makjng sure you eat a fiber rich diet and getting enough exercise. not drinking soda or anything fizzy. don't chew gum and don't swallow too much air. try cutting down on dairy and wheat as that can cause terrible bloating.
I am fairly certain there are stuff like anti wind/burping medication so I'd take a look around x

alwaysscared234

18-01-17, 01:47

Thanks so much for your reply, any help I can get is truly appreciated.

So back in September I used to get blood with mucus, it looked like red tomato skins but the FOBT test and the hemoglobin count confirmed it was blood. Now, I don't get it as much, but occasionally I do see very little blood with mucus. I think since I've been drinking a lot more veggie juice and eating more salad, my movements are usually smoother and don't have blood or mucus (that I can see). Yesterday my movements were a bit harder and I could see some very little amounts of blood with mucus. I do find that eating and drinking the vegetables help a lot with smoother movements. My most recent blood test also showed higher numbers, so hopefully I'm not bleeding as much.

Aside from that, gas is my biggest problem. I've had it since I was very young, but it seems to be getting worse. Almost anything triggers it. I struggled a lot with constipation, but that's not as much as a problem anymore because now I usually go around 2-3 times a day. But even having a bowel movement doesn't seem to help. I also do get cramps occasionally, which happens at random times throughout the day.

I just thought they would have found SOMETHING based on my symptoms, but I guess not. It seems the biggest problem for my doctors and my parents is to get it into my head that nothing is wrong me with me. My GI even listed "anxiety" as one of the causes for my colon/endoscopy. It's really difficult for me because I want to move on so bad, I want to focus on school and friends and not have to worry everyday. But it's just so hard :weep:

Clydesdale Epona

18-01-17, 01:54

I understand the struggle I'm currently awake instead of sleeping because my eyelashes are molting and I'm afraid to sleep and get one in my eye(I have huge issues with things in my eyes I think I might go blind or something) but I think i'm gonna try anyway,
what's your daily diet like? with the cramps and other symptoms I'm thinking its IBS x

alwaysscared234

18-01-17, 04:06

My daily diet is nothing special, I try to eat as healthy as I can

Usually for breakfast I'll have granola or oatmeal, maybe some fruit
I also started juicing a lot so sometimes I'll have a beet/carrot juice

For lunch I have baked veggies or a salad

Dinner I have whatever my parents make, I have been eating more beans because of the iron and protein content. I might also have a salad.

There was a period last year from around January to October when I ate really bad, lots of bagels and junk food. Since then I've been trying to eat a lot better, partly in hopes that it would make my stomach problems go away. It has helped to some degree but I still have lots of problems with gas, which seems to just be getting worse.

NoraB

18-01-17, 07:27

alwaysscared234

18-01-17, 15:56

I mean I just started eating a lot of beans but I've been having gas problems way before that, they occur whether or not I eat beans. I know I should be glad they didn't find anything but I just can't understand how I could have been having all these symptoms and nothing showed up, not even on the biopsies. No inflammation, nothing. Then it makes me wonder if they were thorough enough, if I did the prep right, etc. and it just really stresses me out. It's gotten so bad I've had thoughts about killing myself, I almost ran out onto the street once with my parents chasing after me. It really scared them, and I can definitely see how this is affecting my whole family. My biggest problem is HA, and at times I wish I hadn't even done the FOBT in the first place. It's because of that one single test that my fears have gotten out of control.

Kuatir

18-01-17, 16:09

Juicing removes the fibre from veg. That's no good.

It's boring, but a controlled healthy diet is what you need. Either speak to a dietician or research possible food types to avoid or incorporate into your diet.

Exercise is also important.

These life changes are not easy to stick to sometimes and you might not find the perfect diet straight away, but speak to your parents and they will help.

Are you getting any help for the anxiety?

alwaysscared234

18-01-17, 20:42

I know juicing removes the fiber but usually when I juice and eat a lot more veggies I don't see blood and my bowel movements are much smoother. I actually didn't juice yesterday and ate mostly solid food with only some baked veggies and I had trouble going to the bathroom this morning, my stool was hard with mucus and bits of food in it. It seems like raw food is easier to pass through and I have less trouble with it, aside from the gas.

And yes, I have been to a few counselling sessions and I'm meeting with another psychiatrist next weekend.

Kathryn313

18-01-17, 21:57

It is good that you are getting someone to talk this through with. I am a big fan of talking therapy and think it helps.

I assume food allergies have been discussed and considered?
If I had access to all this medical knowledge and awareness campaigns when I was 16 I am pretty sure I would have been just like you. It's so hard.

Try and engage your brain in more logical tasks but failing that maybe encourage your creative side... as worriers we have excellent imaginations that can lead us to all sorts of terrible conclusions so we should also be able to envisage fabulous things as well.
Do you write? Fiction, short stories? Might help.x

alwaysscared234

19-01-17, 00:15

The doctor made me go dairy free and gluten free, which didn't really help. My GI also did the endoscopy to check for celiac's, but nothing showed up. That's why I'm confused as to what caused all of this in the first place.

I did used to write stories, but I've kind of fallen out of it. Maybe I'll start soon. These worries have been literally taking over my life and I can't focus on anything else.

Kathryn313

19-01-17, 21:36

You could just write about your worries.x

alwaysscared234

20-01-17, 00:22

Well my mom called my GI again probably for the tenth time since the procedure to do a confirmation that everything is okay. She said he sounded mad, and told her to assure me that everything is fine, nothing showed up on the scopes or the biopsies, my blood tests are all normal and that I need to focus on eating well and stop being scared all the time. When asked about the blood he said that it happens sometimes with IBS. I want to believe him so much, I really do. But I just don't know how to move on. My biggest fear was getting blood in my stool, and the positive stool test just really messed with my head despite the other normal tests.

swajj

20-01-17, 00:37

You should be reassured by the tests that you have had. The colonoscopy allows the gastroenterologist to actually look at your colon. It is a very definitive test.

alwaysscared234

20-01-17, 15:13

I am almost certain they missed something. There is no way I could have gotten a stool test positive for blood and not being caused by anything. I'm going to ask for another colonoscopy because the pain in my stomach has travelled to my back, pelvis, and legs. I think I'm dying. I just want to run away. I don't know what to do and I'm terrified. I terrified I have cancer. I'm terrified I'm going to die soon. The pain is just getting worse, the cancer is probably spreading. I'm really at a loss here.

Nzxt27

20-01-17, 19:12

My question for you is did they find hemmoroids? I went through this last month. And my colonscopy was clean just minor hemmoroids and nonspecific inflammation in rectum. I was having every symptom of colon cancer. And I also got pics of my colonscopy. ( it's Crazy how clean looking it can look for what's coming out of it lol ).

I figured out my gas/rumbling left side pain and I'm assuming my bleeding was from my hemmoroids. I was told to take stool softners everyday but I'm usually only taking them every few days now. My bowl habits have been better since I got a clean scope. I was worrying myself to death and causing constipation which didn't help hemmoroids and probably cause the inflammation in my rectum. In the end it looks like anxeity won because it costed me thousands to find minor hemmoroids but my anxeity over it is over and moved on to something else.

I was so worried about it my heart would pound everytime I had to go use number 2 because I was so worried about what I might see.

---------- Post added at 19:12 ---------- Previous post was at 19:10 ----------

I am almost certain they missed something. There is no way I could have gotten a stool test positive for blood and not being caused by anything. I'm going to ask for another colonoscopy because the pain in my stomach has travelled to my back, pelvis, and legs. I think I'm dying. I just want to run away. I don't know what to do and I'm terrified. I terrified I have cancer. I'm terrified I'm going to die soon. The pain is just getting worse, the cancer is probably spreading. I'm really at a loss here.

You asking for another colonscopy is doing nothing. You have the pictures and doctors wouldn't lie to you about how your colon looks. I would about bet the dr would deny your request for another one unless he's just money hungry.

Do you get constipated?

alwaysscared234

20-01-17, 23:10

No, they didn't find ANYTHING and that's what scares me the most. I read online that sometimes they can miss flat tumors or lesions and that's what I feel happened. There HAS to be an explanation for this. And yes, I used to suffer from constipation from age 12, and then I suddenly started going more (like 3 times a day) starting from September, which was when I had the stool test and colonoscopy. I did have rectal bleeding and rectal pain before and during my period, and I still do, but this stool test was taken like a week or so before my period started so the bleeding couldn't have been caused by that. And now I still feel like I'm bleeding and the fact that the pain has been spreading terrifies me. I just don't know what to do.

---------- Post added at 23:10 ---------- Previous post was at 23:06 ----------

And we have called my GI so many times since my scope, the most recent being yesterday, and he said that both the scope and biopsies showed NO inflammation whatsoever. So then what could have caused the bleeding in the first place? He said sometimes it can happen with IBS, but the problem is, the blood was INSIDE the stool, not OUTSIDE. Hemerrhoids and fissures cause bleeding that can be seen on the outside, but the fact that mine was mixed in the stool means that it was caused by internal bleeding, which also explains the low hemoglobin.

Nzxt27

20-01-17, 23:33

I don't think they missed anything with the colonscopy. Unless you didn't do the prep right. Has it happened before I'm sure but I'm sure it's because the person did not do the prep like the dr asked. I'm not saying you couldn't be bleeding from small intestines but a colonscopy won't go into that anyways. And if it was from the small intestines or stomach the blood would be really dark or black. Most colon cancers start out as a ployp. I mean these doctors do this day in and day out. They know what cancer looks like and knows when something looks off in the colon. If your colon was completely cleaned out as it should have been from prep then I would doubt they would miss something. Like I highly doubt it. Unless they are blind and I don't think they would be a dr if they was blind.

alwaysscared234

21-01-17, 01:49

So here's the thing about the prep:

My GI only asked me to take half the bottle and I didn't need to finish it. He also said I could eat the day before the procedure up to the point when I would start taking the prep. The day before, I had a piece of toast with jam in the morning and a little bit of jello in the afternoon before I started the prep. I thought it was a split prep, as in I drink half the day before and half the day of, but on the instructions the GI gave it said I only needed to take half the day before and not drink any more after 12 am. He also called the day before as a check in for my bloodwork, and my mom asked him to make sure the instructions were clear. He said that yes, I only need to take half because I'm younger and I wouldn't need as much cleanout. So I DID follow the instructions, but everywhere I looked online people said that they all took laxatives as well as the whole prep AND they didn't eat for 2 days before, whereas I did eat a bit the day before and took no additional laxatives. Plus my GI said that the colon looked fully cleaned, so I assumed I got everything out. But now I'm having doubts.

I really want to trust my GI because I know he's a pro and he's done this many times, but I really feel like there's something else going on. I don't want to continue stressing out my family and my doctors, but I want to get to the bottom of this because it's really been affecting my school and emotional well being. I can't even eat properly. My grades have gone down drastically. I'm just a wreck.

---------- Post added at 01:49 ---------- Previous post was at 00:50 ----------

Should I ask for another opinion or a follow up? Maybe I should just get a CT scan and if nothing comes up then I'll stop worrying. Or another stool test. If it shows negative for blood, at least I'll know I'm not bleeding.

Nzxt27

21-01-17, 03:34

You are younger so the prep probably was right for your age. My prep was not to eat the day before the colonscopy. I had to take 2 laxatives at 12pm. At 2 pm another laxative. Then 3 pm drink full bottle of magniesuim citrate. Then at 8 pm take the last laxative. Your clean when everything coming out if you is clear to yellowish clear. If you could read something at bottle of toilet bowl after you popped then you was clean. Like I said the second colonscopy is going to be a waste of money and time. If you was not fully cleaned out he would have told you and maybe rescheduled it for a later date. You need to trust him he stick a camera up your full large intestines and checked for problems and didn't find any. The odd of him missing something like that would be very slim less the 1% if I had to guess. He gets paid big bucks to do this job everyday and has no reason to lie or keep something from you. Why would he risk losing a 300-500k a year job to tell a lie or do it wrong?

I'm not saying you might not have something going on. Idk I'm not a doctor but I do know the second colonscopy would be a waste of time and money. I'd also be suprised if he would even do another on you.

Also 16 with colon cancer is like unheard of. Colon cancer is a disease of the elderly 50+. Yes younger people then 50 get it but that is rare and usually hireditary. If you still feel something is wrong then you need to look else where then your colon.

swajj

21-01-17, 06:27

The gastroenterologist would not have done the test if you weren't clean. They actually refuse to go ahead with the colonoscopy if you aren't clean enough. So you can put that out of your head. My understanding is that you can have blood without any obvious explanation. Stop putting yourself through unnecessary tests. Colonoscopies are expensive tests (I know because I wouldn't give up on the idea of having one until I did). Do you really want your poor mum to spend all that money on something that is completely unnecessary? I haven't read all your posts but did you have health anxiety before you started finding blood?

alwaysscared234

21-01-17, 18:37

Actually I did, ever since 2015 I was always scared of having blood in my stool. The reason for this was because I had a lot of stomach issues, and I had read that one of the "red signs" was having blood in the stool. So after finding out that I was bleeding, my anxiety just became worse. And now I'm also seeing blood in the urine (which I've had before) but the pain is what's scaring me the most. So far I have stomach pain which has spread to the back, legs, and pelvis.

I'm seeing a new psychiatrist today too. I'm planning to tell her what's been going on, starting from the very beginning.

---------- Post added at 18:37 ---------- Previous post was at 17:27 ----------

Currently nauseous, tired, weak, bleeding, in pain, and scared. I'm going to go to the psychiatrist and see what she can do. It's come to a point where I actually feel like I'm dying. The pain is everywhere now and I can barely walk.

Nzxt27

21-01-17, 19:36

When is last time you had a urinalysis? Blood in urine is not normal. And your kidneys can cause pain in your back. You could have a very bad urine infection.

I'm not saying everything is fine. Idk I'm not a doctor. What I am saying that a clean colonscopy means you don't need another for ten years. So getting another colonscopy would be pointless and waste of time and money.

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 01:30

I gave a urine sample back in 2014. They did find blood but it was because I wasn't drinking enough water and it was before my period started, so they wrote it off as a UTI which might have also been attributed to PMS. Yeah I found blood this morning but it's not there anymore.

I went to urgent care and they told me that the blood in the stool was most likely caused by irritation due to the constipation I used to have. They advised me to take more fiber and drink a LOT more water. They ran a basic blood panel and should call back with results in an hour. As for my stomach, they felt it and said that everything feels okay, nothing hard or unusual. My leg and back pain have subsided for now, but I'm still feeling a bit crampy. As for the blood in the urine, I'm going to try drinking more water and see how it goes. I have another doctor appointment on Tuesday, so if it's still happening I'll make sure to tell them.

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 02:53

I'm in between on the fiber doctors tell people to take when constipated. Maybe it helps you go but it also bulks up your stool. I'm sure DR's know more then me so I can't say it's bad but I have realized when I'm on the consolation side I usually just take one those stools softners pills you can get at Walmart for $1.

You could try fiber see if it takes away your constipation if not if try those stool softener pills at Walmart. My GI doctor told me to use these everyday but since I'm not stressing over colon cancer anymore I really only need them every now and then. My bowel movements have been better

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 04:30

The thing is, I'm not exactly constipated anymore per say, but sometimes the stool is floating and looks hard. I am currently taking a Citrucel powder recommended by my neighbor who is also a doctor.

I had a full blown panic attack today. I just couldn't take it anymore, this fear has gotten out of control. I'm no longer that happy, excited, lively girl I was two years ago before this all started. Now every day consists of worrying about cancer and dying. My family is worn out and tired, my friends are worried, my grandmother came to visit just a few days ago and even she knows something isn't right. I don't know how long I can take this. Maybe I should just stop going to the doctor and forget this all happened. Because honestly, I'm just tired. I'm tired of all this. I'm tired of crying everyday. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I just want to live a normal life. I want to focus on school, my grades, my friends, my family, and just forget about this whole thing. It's so hard and frustrating.

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 05:48

I understand that's what anxiety does to you. It consumes your life with worry. And it affect everything around you. Family and friends. I can tell you I still bleed some but they found minor hemmoroids during my colonscopy. But usually mine is fine unless my still is on harder side.

The thing with anxiety you can't just forget it like you got it. Takes 1 moment to get it and seems like it takes months or years to get rid of it. Are you on medication for your anxiety?

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 16:54

At least you know why you're bleeding. I don't even have an answer for that. It just doesn't make sense. It could have been from straining but they probably would have seen that on the colonoscopy. Plus, even if that was the case, that wouldn't cause the hemoglobin drop.

I am not on any medication.

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 18:03

Well I would think next step would be something other then colonscopy. That will just check same thing you had checked. And being its a visual check it should be very accurate.

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 18:25

What do you think the next step would be? I am meeting my GI on Tuesday, what do you suggest I ask him?

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 18:29

Is the blood you see red or maroon or black?

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 20:00

I'm honestly not really sure if I'm seeing blood most of the time. The reason why I got the stool test done was because I would see black spots on the stool, as well as red tomato skin-like pieces which I wasn't sure was blood. Nowadays I don't see the red pieces there anymore, which makes sense because I don't eat tomatoes as much. The black spots are there sometimes, and when my stools aren't formed and are breaking apart I can see faint pink and red spots inside the stool.
I have maroon-magenta like stools nowadays because I drink a lot of beets
I have also had a few instances of seeing bright red on the stool. One time I had a small drop on the stool, and a month ago I wiped and saw red on the toilet paper. Also the day I got my period I had red mucus on the stool (this was before my period started).

---------- Post added at 20:00 ---------- Previous post was at 19:08 ----------

I'm just wondering if I had all of these symptoms they would have surely seen something really serious right? Like if it was something really bad it had to have shown up. Idk I'm just trying to think positively here because I'm just so sick of worrying all the time :/

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 22:36

I also get the black specs and red pieces. Blood will not be pieces it will smear and be liquid. Black specs that look like pepper is not blood either. Some foods you eat don't digest ( that's just part of life). Also if you eat ketchup it has small pieces of tomatoe skin. I have learned skins are hardest to digest like potatoe skins

alwaysscared234

22-01-17, 22:39

Yes but that doesn't explain the blood on the toilet paper and the red mucus on the stool. I don't even eat tomatoes anymore so it DEFINITELY wasn't caused by that

roadtorelex

22-01-17, 22:53

Sweetie I know you're scared but you need to trust the doctors, the main reason why they did the colonoscopy was probably because of the blood. That meant they were looking for everything that would cause bleeding including cancer. Yes, it's very strange that you had blood and nothing was found, but so many things can cause that including IBS. As for your hemoglobin, you mentioned that you had another blood test and it had gone up? If you were still bleeding it would have gone LOWER, not HIGHER.

Nzxt27

22-01-17, 23:00

Blood on toilet paper would mean it's coming from lower which if nothing was found means it would have to be from constipation. You can also get anal fissure which causes you to bleed.

The gi Doctor should recommend what he thinks the next step should be. If he doesn't think your pain is from bowels then you would have to follow up with a regular dr to get more test ran.

I think your anxious and causing yourself constipation from the stress. I did the same thing and with consitpation you can bleed have gas and hard stools. Along with pain in stomach.

alwaysscared234

23-01-17, 00:32

Nzxt27

23-01-17, 01:26

Then the tomato skins really were tomato skins and not blood. Which means that the blood was definitely mixed in the stool and higher up :/ This just makes me even more worried that they missed something from that area. Idk if biopsies would have shown anything either.

They didn't miss anything in your large intestines. I mean they visually looked. The odds of them missing something would be super rare and you got pictures. Now you could be bleeding from small intestines but things that usually make them bleed would be Crohn's disease. And they should checked the first first part of it during colonscopy. Crohn's can affect anywhere from mouth to anus.

roadtorelex

23-01-17, 02:08

You mentioned you tend to bleed more during your period. Is it possible you might have endometriosis or fibroids? Have you thought about seeing an OB/GYN?

Both of these can also cause pelvic and leg pain, which seems to be bothering you as well. Do you usually start menstruating around this time? Fibroids is also very common with IBS. Ask your doctor about this possibility and see if they can refer you to a gynecologist. I think you're old enough to start seeing one.

Fishmanpa

23-01-17, 02:23

I've read through this thread and honestly, it's like dozens of others on the same subject. Get medical reassurance if need be but it comes down to additional stress due to anxiety manifesting itself into real physical symptoms concerning digestion and evacuation. Hemmies, fissures, etc. are pretty common and not sinister albeit distressing to the sufferer. Treat the real issue and you treat the real symptoms associated with it.

Poo is poo regardless of how it comes out. Personally, I avoid scrutiny of excrement as it's just a damn nasty thing to do and doesn't matter unless there are other symptoms associated with it. When I bled after my neck dissection and lingual tonsillectomy, there was NO mistaking blood in my stool. What's described here is nothing like that. Hopefully, those experiencing these symptoms can rationalize and move on.

Positive thoughts and poo threads

alwaysscared234

23-01-17, 02:45

Err...I mean I get that it's disgusting and I never liked the subject either but blood is blood and always needs to be evaluated. I get that I have anxiety and I'm getting help for that. But I know, and my therapist also knows, that lessening the stress will not make my symptoms go away. The bleeding will still be there. The pain will still be there. Maybe to a lesser degree, but it still will be there.

And no, I have not seen an OB/GYN. I never really considered it tbh.

swajj

23-01-17, 08:40

alwaysscared234

23-01-17, 19:08

Ok I'm sorry.

Thanks for the help.

roadtorelex

23-01-17, 23:41

Don't be sorry, it's totally understandable how worried you must be. Feeling like something is wrong with you is always frustrating and upsetting, especially with symptoms that no one really has an answer to. Bleeding is always scary no matter where it comes from, and I'm really sorry we can't provide further explanation as to why this is happening.

You said you had another blood test done, how did it go? Have your results come back yet?

alwaysscared234

24-01-17, 02:01

I did have a blood test. They called back and said everything is normal.

alwaysscared234

24-01-17, 19:16

So if there really was something bad going on it would have surely shown up on a blood test right? And if I was still bleeding I would be anemic right?

alwaysscared234

08-03-17, 00:29

alwaysscared what exactly do you want people to say? I assume you have discussed all those symptoms with your specialist. Your specialist has performed a colonoscopy and assured you that there is nothing wrong. You won't accept that and if you won't accept the diagnosis of an expert in that field how can anyone here help? This is a forum where almost all the members suffer with HA. Sure there are some here for other reasons. Maybe even a few studying medicine but there are no doctors here that I know of. Do you honestly believe that the people here know more about your symptoms than a specialist in that field? So again, what do you want people to say? If it is to advise you to get another colonoscopy then I'm not sure how you think any of us are qualified to do that. Especislly when the expert has already said you don't need one.

---------- Post added at 18:10 ---------- Previous post was at 18:09 ----------

Especially

Ok, well I just had another colonoscopy done yesterday by a different GI. It turned out that the "expert" missed both internal hemorrhoids and a flat lesion. They had to biopsy the lesion and I'm getting the results next week.

I know that I may have sounded like I was overreacting, but I know when something is wrong. And the lesion that they found confirms it. I just hope it turns out to be normal.