View Full Version : I'm an absolute doormat.
As many on here know I have a very difficult relationship with my other half.
He treats me like crap and I put up with it (I'm not perfect though and I also speak to him like crap at times). Time after time after time. I'm well and truly sick of it. I am so weak that I'm too scared to end it and be left alone.
Besides our daughter my partner comes before anybody. I love him to death and would die or kill for him should such an extreme situation occur. However this never feels reciprocated. We've been together a little over 11 years and no talk of marriage and engagement has ever come up.
Today he isn't speaking to me yet again because I wasn't happy that he wasn't meeting me today (one minute he wasn't, the next he's snapping saying he didn't say he wasn't). Now I do have depression/anxiety etc and do feel worthless and like people don't like me, but I know when somebody can't be bothered with me and it seems my partner is like this more often than ever. We don't sleep together and I'm finding it very frustrating. I don't get why a healthy man in their late 20's wouldn't want to sleep with their long term partner, whom they supposedly find attractive.
I know I should walk, leave it all behind me and move on but I'm so scared of being alone. I sit about all day by myself as leaving the house is very difficult. Due to my depression I'm not very pleasant to be around, for example I hate the sun, don't like going for walks (unless it's dark or raining), hate the beach etc, get really agitated with loud noise, not interested in small talk and so on, so I'm worried I'll never be able to make friends. I do love animals but in 'real life' I don't know anybody who shares this with me.
Even putting the bins out is very difficult, I hate it so much. I feel like an outsider where I live, even though I've lived here 9 years now. I hate my house, my garden etc. I'm so unhappy. It's very shallow but I am constantly looking at my appearance in mirrors I HATE the way I look (I have BDD) and feel like if I separated from my partner I'd be single for the rest of my life which is very upsetting as I really crave intimacy, lately more than ever.
I'm ashamed to admit I don't really do much housework either. I wash dishes and clothes and change the cat litter etc but that is it. I rarely hoover, I never dust or polish. I have zero pride in my house. I have plaster on my walls from when I had a boiler but in 2 years ago and still haven't painted it. I have no push to do anything. I'm sick of it all.
My partner was with me when I was at my best physically and mentally, and it still wasn't enough. I'm now at my lowest mentally and physically I'm really out of shape (not overweight but no muscle tone at all) and look knackered with dark circles that do not seem to go away even for a day. I feel like I'm about to crack.
I recently finished my third lot of therapy. I feel lost and don't know where to go from here.
I love him to death and would die or kill for him should such an extreme situation occur.
That "extreme situation" you talk about…. Is happening now.
Don’t let the wake-up call you need be the final curtain on your relationship. Because it was for me, and when I got the wake-up call, it was too late. Adios.
You currently have an opportunity to make a difference, to save it, and to make a change. But it is all down to you to instigate the change you want to see happen. It doesn’t have to be massive to start with. But you have to start being very open about how you feel, and what you want your life to be like.
You say you’d do anything for him… it’s time to put that into action.
You obviously struggle very much with your mental health, and it seems difficult to complete the simplest of tasks. But if you want to save your relationship, you have to try now before its too late.
That "extreme situation" you talk about, is happening slowly each day you don't take action.
Thank you for replying SLA.
I honestly don't know what else I can do to try and save my relationship though. He knows everything I've wrote on this forum etc, I tell him every little thing in my life. He knows I am unhappy and he also knows I'm willing to work on anything to keep our family together. However he never knows what things he would like me to work on as he can never remember. He won't talk about things and when annoyed I'll get the silent treatment and so on.
I know our relationship is hanging on by a thread, but it's very hard to get through to him, there is not really anything else I can do in my eyes. I've tried everything. I don't even get a thank you or anything when I pay for dinner. I genuinely feel like he doesn't want to be with me, I'm just too scared to end things myself.
How about hoovering, and getting back some pride in your house?
That'd be a simple step.
You don't need motivation to do it, and if you do, then feeling better about where you live is a pretty good one.
With all due respect how would that help with my relationship though?
---------- Post added at 12:58 ---------- Previous post was at 12:57 ----------
I will never like where I live we've never been happy here.
I think what SLA may be getting at is doing some hoovering and taking some pride in your home again is one thing you can absolutely take control of today.
From bitter experience, it doesn't matter how much you are willing to work on your relationship if the other person doesn't feel the same way. Does your partner want to work on things?
I don't think there is anything I can really write which will get you out of this hole.
With all due respect how would that help with my relationship though?
Well, people generally feel better living in a clean environment.
I have no pride in my home though, I wish I did but I don't. Nobody visits me or anything so what is the point? It's not like I'm living in filth, my house isn't dirty, it's just not nice either if that makes sense. I despise this house and not just because I don't do housework. I hate the layout and everything.
I'm not sure if my partner wants to work on things, it doesn't seem that way but when I ask it's always the same 'Of course I do' response but that is all I get. He won't meet up with me today because of the mood I'm in apparently. I'm sorry you had to experience that.
---------- Post added at 13:18 ---------- Previous post was at 13:11 ----------
I don't think there is anything I can really write which will get you out of this hole.
Well, people generally feel better living in a clean environment.
My house isn't dirty, I have 3 cats so have to keep on top of things. I really meant things like the stairs etc, I only hoover when its pretty obvious you need to hoover etc. I never polish as I just don't see the point and I never dust as again, if things aren't dusty why dust? However the reason I mentioned these is that most people I know do hoover, dust etc even when there is no visible dirt or fluff, whereas I don't.
Moving houses may make me feel better, but this house will not.I've lived here 9 years and have never liked the house, my family have always told me "You need to get away from there" etc. It's nothing to do with the cleanliness of my house, i just simply hate this house, garden and area (not the people).
I understand having pride in my home is a good thing, but it in no way affects my relationship.
Do you think you would still be in this relationship if you hadn't got your daughter, KeeKee?
Is it possible for you to move? I assume you own this house - can you sell it and buy a different one in a new area that would give you a change of pace?
I'm not entirely sure Pulisa. I do know that if I didn't have mental health issues I would have at least temporarily ended things.
Catherine S
18-01-17, 13:36
Sorry Keekee, I've deleted my previous reply because by the time I posted it, it was a repeat of what others had already said.
I hope things work out for you whatever the future brings
ISB x
Poppy I rent my house and my housing association only rehomes when there is a specific need (for example overcrowding etc), so I'm pretty much stuck. Then there's the financial aspect of removal van etc and redecorating as I couldn't live in a carpeted house with the cats.
I'm not entirely sure Pulisa. I do know that if I didn't have mental health issues I would have at least temporarily ended things.
I know when you are low it's difficult to think that things could be any different and maybe you should settle for what you've got? From my perspective you are young and obviously attractive(although your BDD won't allow you to think this). You are not washed up and "past it"-you are in your prime. You have a lot of life left to you and you don't want or need to continue to be miserable and trapped in a relationship which isn't ticking all the right boxes for an unhappy young woman.
KeeKee, I have read about your situation before and it seems like nothing has changed. Are you on any medication? for depression (may be) or something to up your mood so to speak.
Oh, Could you not go to the council and have your name put down for a property that would make you feel better and discuss your situation about your health.
I feel there is something out there better for you.
I hope this post will not upset you. What alternative is there???
I know when you are low it's difficult to think that things could be any different and maybe you should settle for what you've got? From my perspective you are young and obviously attractive(although your BDD won't allow you to think this). You are not washed up and "past it"-you are in your prime. You have a lot of life left to you and you don't want or need to continue to be miserable and trapped in a relationship which isn't ticking all the right boxes for an unhappy young woman.
Thank you Pulisa, I do think my BDD has a lot to answer for. My partner has also only ever complimented me (in the past) on my appearance and I think that is why I feel like I've nothing to offer other than my 'looks' and now my supposed looks have declined I literally feel worthless. I know it's shallow and I really hate being this way.
---------- Post added at 14:23 ---------- Previous post was at 14:12 ----------
KeeKee, I have read about your situation before and it seems like nothing has changed. Are you on any medication? for depression (may be) or something to up your mood so to speak.
Oh, Could you not go to the council and have your name put down for a property that would make you feel better and discuss your situation about your health.
I feel there is something out there better for you.
I hope this post will not upset you. What alternative is there???
No it hasn't upset me. I possibly could mention my situation to the council, they may be able to help. No I'm not taking any medication, I won't take it due to the side effects.
What side effects in particular?
What side effects in particular?
The main one that made me come off them was the weight gain. Then I also think lack of libido and loss of my sense of humour was unacceptable too. I also lost my ability to empathise whilst on them and had to sleep around 10 hour each night. This happened with Fluoxetine, Citalopram and Paroxetine
Catherine S
18-01-17, 14:53
Just a thought re meds. I know people dismiss natural remedies but they can help sometimes, and without the bad side effects. Why not look up 'natural remedies for anxiety/depression' online to give you an idea of what's available and which are best to take. You can buy them in pharmacies and health food shops. They may not be heavy duty meds, but they often do work and better than nothing at all.
ISB x
Thank you for that info ISB I'll have a look online. I do know about St John's Wort but I've read it's very similar to an SSRI so won't touch it. Although I'm sure there's plenty more out there I could try.
SJW was really helpful for me.
Rhodiola as well.
Thanks I'll have a look at that Rhodiola
Catherine S
18-01-17, 15:38
I took a natural tranquiliser called Valerian which worked really well when the palpitations were bad a few years ago. I'd had a really bad experience on prescribed tranquilisers in the early 1980s when they were handed out like smarties, so after I came off them I bought Valerian tablets from my local health food shop and they worked well for me. They're still sold.
ISB x
No It's rented A.F.A.I.k Poppy! Oh KeeKee Iam sorry that your having problems with your other half You don't have to put up with it he doesn't live with you And for having nice clean home I too haven't and you should see my bedroom it's like the local council dump it's horrendous I don't dress very good and haven't had a bath in 3 days Iam like a tramp my life at moment is getting me down too so feel you pain :) Hope you can sort your self out Hun XX Dave
Catherine S
18-01-17, 16:33
Your partner doesn't live with you? Oh, I thought when you said you don't sleep together you meant you sleep in separate bedrooms. So I've just read some of your previous threads, and there's one that's almost word for word the same as this one about your relationship...dated July 2014. So it seems like nothing much has changed really since then. Hopefully you'll see the light one day and start to make some changes with old habits, so you can start to get your life back on track.
Take care
ISB x
Just my opinion but I don't think prescribed meds can help with basic unhappiness and you seem completely despondent and resigned to your supposed "lot". As Magic says, something does need to change but what? What causes you the most distress? Are you able to pinpoint one thing or is it just everything in your life?
Thank you for replying bigboy, I remember you mentioning that before. My house is cluttered too, although my partner is getting his things out a little at a time (we don't have any transport so he either has to carry it whilst riding his bike or on bus).
ISB we have been like this for pretty much our whole relationship. I keep clinging onto it in the hopes things will change but it seems it's always me making the effort
Plus this last couple of years when I've been at my lowest and needed him the most he's massively let me down. He doesn't really listen when I speak to him, I'm always repeating what I say as he was too busy watching TV or something. It's getting worse and I wish he would just tell me he doesn't want to be with me as then it would be out of my control.
Pulisa, I think ultimately my biggest issue is my body image. It affects everything. I can't even wear the clothes I'd like to wear as I feel my body needs to be hidden etc. I don't like going outside in the warm weather as I get really warm. It's currently winter and I was soaking with sweat when I got to the school this afternoon (0.4 miles away), I don't know how I'll survive another Summer.
As for meds I agree, I took antidepressants for about 5.5-6 years and if I thought they'd benefit me I'd go back on but they didn't. My GP has even given up asking me as he knows I won't touch them. They made everything even harder than now, whilst I struggle with housework etc it's nothing like it used to be. I was always behind with washing etc, always had a sink full of dishes and so on.
I feel like if I just had one person I could rely on, I'd feel much happier but I don't. I can no longer rely on my partner to come into town with me either as if I'm "in a mood" he won't come. Or if I could drive etc as being outside is just the worst. I'm okish inside shops etc it's the getting there that I struggle with. Going to the school especially to pick her up when I've got to go there alone is just absolute hell (although my partner does collect her most days).
Thank you for replying bigboy, I remember you mentioning that before. My house is cluttered too, although my partner is getting his things out a little at a time (we don't have any transport so he either has to carry it whilst riding his bike or on bus).
ISB we have been like this for pretty much our whole relationship. I keep clinging onto it in the hopes things will change but it seems it's always me making the effort
Plus this last couple of years when I've been at my lowest and needed him the most he's massively let me down. He doesn't really listen when I speak to him, I'm always repeating what I say as he was too busy watching TV or something. It's getting worse and I wish he would just tell me he doesn't want to be with me as then it would be out of my control.
Pulisa, I think ultimately my biggest issue is my body image. It affects everything. I can't even wear the clothes I'd like to wear as I feel my body needs to be hidden etc. I don't like going outside in the warm weather as I get really warm. It's currently winter and I was soaking with sweat when I got to the school this afternoon (0.4 miles away), I don't know how I'll survive another Summer.
As for meds I agree, I took antidepressants for about 5.5-6 years and if I thought they'd benefit me I'd go back on but they didn't. My GP has even given up asking me as he knows I won't touch them. They made everything even harder than now, whilst I struggle with housework etc it's nothing like it used to be. I was always behind with washing etc, always had a sink full of dishes and so on.
I feel like if I just had one person I could rely on, I'd feel much happier but I don't. I can no longer rely on my partner to come into town with me either as if I'm "in a mood" he won't come. Or if I could drive etc as being outside is just the worst. I'm okish inside shops etc it's the getting there that I struggle with. Going to the school especially to pick her up when I've got to go there alone is just absolute hell (although my partner does collect her most days). Do you have a neighbour you could rely on? if I remember correctly you have friend who you can contact but don't because she is busy this is what good friends are for in time of real need and right now this is the time. Its bringing you down KeeKee you cant continue in your present state.
Thought your partner had a van even if he hasn't he does work and could hire one out for the day, is by taking bits at a time out of your house meaning he is trying to delay things? As for him denying he doesn't say bad things to you and then cant remember could you seceretly record him and then playa it back to him? I think personaly his digging at you is probably one of the main reasons why you feel down it's not nice and is a form of abuse You take care KeeKee :hugs:
Have you had any specific therapy purely for your BDD? I know there are links to OCD and specialised therapy is often advised.
It must be very isolating to have no one to rely on. This can't help and it's a shame your partner can't come up to the mark. Does he know how you feel about this? He may not want to but do you talk about things like this?
KeeKee,
I remember a thread where you talking about the house getting you down and your O/H stuff getting you down, as is the relationship.
It is possible to love someone, but not be in love, if you know what I mean?
Could be this case here?
And I think that it IS the relationship that is getting you down.
Until your O/H puts his cards on the table, you will always been waiting for a reconciliation.
You can move house on medical grounds. If you explain how where you live is affecting your depression and health.
What you could do is suggest to your B/F about a holiday and see his reaction to that and if he agrees you could stay somewhere where you might think you would like to live.
Just a suggestion. x
Hi bigboy, no I don't speak to anybody around here. I do have a friend and I am comfortable having a good moan to her etc but I don't always get a response.
As for the removal van, he genuinely doesn't have the money. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on here as I'm trying not to blurt out my whole life story but he went and rented a place of his own (without telling me at first), so financially he's just about managing as he's still contributing to my bills in lieu of giving me money towards clothes etc for my daughter.
Pulisa, I haven't had any therapy specifically for that. I have mentioned it in all of my therapies but the advice was, send a picture and I'll ask my colleagues what they think of you (this was well meaning but the last thing I need is to be 'judged'), tie your hair up in front of me and tell me how it makes you feel (I haven't even tied it up in front of my partner, ever) and you have to accept how you look (again not meant in a bad way but just not helpful at all). I do feel like maybe I need somebody specifically clued up to BDD, perhaps I should mention it to my GP next time I'm there as they know how I feel about my appearance.
Yes my partner knows pretty much everything I write on here. I try talking to him but it ends up with him just not responding at all and it gets me angry which then gives him a reason to ignore me as he says all I'm doing is trying to argue.
Thanks for responding Carnation, I think that could certainly be the case for my partner in regards to me. Do you mean that you love your children, but you're in love with your partner kind of thing? I truly believe I am in love with my partner. The feelings I have for him are intense and I can't stand to see him hurt or made a fool of (he's stupid with money and has been ripped off with online 'schemes' as an example). I have no doubt about how I feel for him, but definitely feel he doesn't feel the same way about me.
I will look into that then and contact my housing association. The only downside to moving would be the potential of having rough neighbours. I hate my area and the house, but the people here are harmless. I'm scared to get rowdy neighbours, however I guess I could look into moving closer to relatives as I'm literally alone here. My siblings and parents (they've separated) all live within walking distance of each other. I'm miles away (only 2.5 but too far to just pop for a cuppa).
As for the holiday financially that would be impossible. My daughter is going on a school trip in early March for 4 nights and we were meant to be having days out as we've never even had one proper day out just us 2 since she was born, but now he's rented his own home (private rented too so not cheap) we probably can't afford to go anywhere decent. Although assuming things don't decline I'm sure we'll go out for dinner/tea. He's already taken those days off work so he would be willing if we had the money.
Thank you all so much for responding
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Forgot to add there's no way I'd be able to have any nights away from home as I'd worry about my cats. I wouldn't put them in the hands of a stranger and none of my relatives like cats and have openly said they wouldn't look after them for me. It's probably strange to some but one of our cats is our other cats daughter and we witnessed her birth and I'm very protective of her. I absolutely adore her and know I wouldn't settle not knowing she is OK (I love my other 2 cats too but this is just a tiny bit extra special).
Have you been formally diagnosed with BDD because if you have this would give you extra clout re getting a referral for specialised therapy? You haven't been taken seriously by your previous therapists-they have fobbed you off and trivialised your issues. BDD is complex and needs a sensitive and experienced therapist to help you understand how it affects you and how you can manage it. If you're left without help for the BDD you will take these issues with you wherever you move to, should you decide to move..
KeeKee sending a pic isn't going to help they should really want to see you in person surely?? So yes I remember now if you move you cant be certain that the neighbours there aren't in to lots of noise or peddling drugs etc, you may not speak to your present neighbours but are they quite and keep them selves to their selves?? Sorry your know my thoughts on your BF he ignores you then says you are having a argument?? Do you
talk to him quietly or do you get angry ever ? Still say you are better off with out him (Carnation Yes its possible to love some one and not actually be in love so I do get what you are saying!!)
he is I would say a big part of your problem right now.
As for decluttering (which I think is a good idea to try and help each other in a practicle way) is some of us give you hand as I know it's not easy on your own that's why I cant make a start on my house there's just too much stuff for me to do on my own :) Cheers
Pulisa I've never been formally diagnosed although I'm pretty sure I recall my GP mentioning it once when I was moaning about how disgusting I feel. It really does affect everything and I think it's the root cause of my social anxiety too. I hate people looking at my face etc.
Yes you are right, no matter where I live I'll still have these issues. I think it's the same in regards to my cluttered house, bad relationship etc. Even if they sorted themselves out I'd still have these self esteem issues which make doing anything very hard. In the Summer months I barely leave the house and even though it's a while away I'm already dreading it.
Bigboy, I did have therapy in person, but she suggested I email a picture of myself to her, so she could then show her colleagues what I look like and then give me feedback. However it's not something I'd ever do, plus even when people compliment my appearance I feel like they are just saying it because they know how self conscious I am. Not to mention the fact I don't allow people to take photographs of me anymore either as it makes me worse looking at myself.
I can be both calm and angry with my partner, I'm not an argumentative person but my partner can be very frustrating. He's the type who thinks it's funny to wind people up, if the TV is on he can't concentrate on a conversation etc, my daughter is the same so I now only have the TV on when alone. He is also very ignorant and any discussion we have in regards to our relationship always, without fail ends in him giving me the silent treatment. He never apologises for anything, thinks renting a house behind my back is OK even though it means we are yet again in financial difficulty, even though he's got a better contract at work, never mind the fact him living at his parents was meant to be temporary. I've gone on a little rant again ha, sorry.
Yes the clutter is a nightmare. The biggest issue with it is the fact it's my partner things though, so I'm powerless, I would never just throw his things out and neither of us can afford storage or transport. He's getting the little bits and Bobs everytime he's over but there are some large things that couldn't be taken on a bus.
Yes I can understand you saying there's too much stuff and you can't make a start as that's what my daughters room was like before Christmas.
---------- Post added at 09:42 ---------- Previous post was at 09:40 ----------
My neighbours are quiet yes, the whole street seem to know each other though, I think a lot of them have lived here since they were in school etc where as I haven't so that's why I feel like an outsider.
Pulisa I've never been formally diagnosed although I'm pretty sure I recall my GP mentioning it once when I was moaning about how disgusting I feel. It really does affect everything and I think it's the root cause of my social anxiety too. I hate people looking at my face etc.
Yes you are right, no matter where I live I'll still have these issues. I think it's the same in regards to my cluttered house, bad relationship etc. Even if they sorted themselves out I'd still have these self esteem issues which make doing anything very hard. In the Summer months I barely leave the house and even though it's a while away I'm already dreading it.
Bigboy, I did have therapy in person, but she suggested I email a picture of myself to her, so she could then show her colleagues what I look like and then give me feedback. However it's not something I'd ever do, plus even when people compliment my appearance I feel like they are just saying it because they know how self conscious I am. Not to mention the fact I don't allow people to take photographs of me anymore either as it makes me worse looking at myself.
I can be both calm and angry with my partner, I'm not an argumentative person but my partner can be very frustrating. He's the type who thinks it's funny to wind people up, if the TV is on he can't concentrate on a conversation etc, my daughter is the same so I now only have the TV on when alone. He is also very ignorant and any discussion we have in regards to our relationship always, without fail ends in him giving me the silent treatment. He never apologises for anything, thinks renting a house behind my back is OK even though it means we are yet again in financial difficulty, even though he's got a better contract at work, never mind the fact him living at his parents was meant to be temporary. I've gone on a little rant again ha, sorry.
Yes the clutter is a nightmare. The biggest issue with it is the fact it's my partner things though, so I'm powerless, I would never just throw his things out and neither of us can afford storage or transport. He's getting the little bits and Bobs everytime he's over but there are some large things that couldn't be taken on a bus.
Yes I can understand you saying there's too much stuff and you can't make a start as that's what my daughters room was like before Christmas.
---------- Post added at 09:42 ---------- Previous post was at 09:40 ----------
My neighbours are quiet yes, the whole street seem to know each other though, I think a lot of them have lived here since they were in school etc where as I haven't so that's why I feel like an outsider. So one good thing (which is a plus) you live in a quite neighbour hood which is always good :) So when you do venture out side and there's one or two of your neighbours outside just say hi and walk on as they do sound nice people.
I too am dreading the warmer weather when ppl are out in groups enjoying there selves I really hate that with a capital 'H' So even of you are calm with
your BF he still argues with you. And Yes he probably doing this on purpose enjoys winding you up this is such a horrible thing to do. You can do so much better you may not believe it now but you are :)Cheers
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The other thing is why does your BF know everything you write on here do you actually tell him or does he also visit the forums to spy on you? If you are telling him then stop as he is not supportive to you on these matters :) Cheers
KeeKee you really need a formal diagnosis of BDD to make any headway at all re therapy/help and appropriate support. Would you consider asking the GP to refer you for a formal assessment? The right approach with a competent, experienced therapist could really help you and put you in touch with other BDD sufferers if that is what you would like?
I agree with BigBoy in that your partner shouldn't know what you write on here. It just gives him ammunition.
Thank you both for replying again.
Bigboy a few people do say hello, but I'm not comfortable talking to anybody so I dread walking past people when I leave the house. One will just smile which I prefer as it takes no effort whatsoever and even if I'm a nervous wreck I can manage a smile.
The thing that I hate about the Summer is that it's harder to hide myself with the weather being warmer. For example I won't leave the house in anything less that a jacket, t shirt and jeans and even then I feel bare, but walking any distance causes me to sweat and feel uncomfortable so it's a nightmare going even to the local supermarket.
My partne doesn't really argue, he will just give me the silent treatment. However I'd rather and argument as at least then he could tell me what's bothering him whereas the silent treatment solves nothing and just makes me feel he always 'wins' as the only way he'll talk to me again is if I don't talk about our issues or anything negative that's he's done. If we've argued over the phone he will hang up on me and not respond to my texts etc.
He doesn't come on here, he knows I do but doesn't have my login details, he would never spy on me, check my emails etc. I do tell him everything I've wrote, not that I've wrote it or anything but this issues I write on here I've already told him they're bothering me. I'm very open and honest with him.
Yes Pulisa I think I could manage mentioning that next time I'm at the doctors, my GP is lovely so I usually feel comfortable when I'm there. I'm not sure about speaking to others with BDD, if it's face to face I doubt I'd be able to, I don't really feel up to talking to relatives most of the time as I feel so low, but perhaps an online community could be helpful.
Thank you both for replying again.
Bigboy a few people do say hello, but I'm not comfortable talking to anybody so I dread walking past people when I leave the house. One will just smile which I prefer as it takes no effort whatsoever and even if I'm a nervous wreck I can manage a smile.
The thing that I hate about the Summer is that it's harder to hide myself with the weather being warmer. For example I won't leave the house in anything less that a jacket, t shirt and jeans and even then I feel bare, but walking any distance causes me to sweat and feel uncomfortable so it's a nightmare going even to the local supermarket.
My partne doesn't really argue, he will just give me the silent treatment. However I'd rather and argument as at least then he could tell me what's bothering him whereas the silent treatment solves nothing and just makes me feel he always 'wins' as the only way he'll talk to me again is if I don't talk about our issues or anything negative that's he's done. If we've argued over the phone he will hang up on me and not respond to my texts etc.
He doesn't come on here, he knows I do but doesn't have my login details, he would never spy on me, check my emails etc. I do tell him everything I've wrote, not that I've wrote it or anything but this issues I write on here I've already told him they're bothering me. I'm very open and honest with him.
Yes Pulisa I think I could manage mentioning that next time I'm at the doctors, my GP is lovely so I usually feel comfortable when I'm there. I'm not sure about speaking to others with BDD, if it's face to face I doubt I'd be able to, I don't really feel up to talking to relatives most of the time as I feel so low, but perhaps an online community could be helpful. Well like I have been told just do baby steps so the next time one of you neighbours says hi say hi back it's just one small word and is one small step towards your recovery try it you have nothing to lose :) As for BF well when he hangs up next time don't text him as he will only ignore you as you know you are killing your sprit by doing this so again one simple baby step again towards your recovery :) Also don't be so free about wjat you say on here he isn't really interested. You are worth more than 10 of him sorry but you are :) As for having a caring Dr well this great so while I don't know much about BDD You really should speak to your Dr about it ask for a specific therapy or group for this :) And this will be another small step in the right direction Look after yourself KeeKee XX
Some suggestions:
Kee kee you say that in Summer you will only leave the house wearing a T shirt, jacket, jeans. Why not substitute the jacket with a blouse/shirt. It will be more practical in warmer weather & could be used for exposure exercises. The sleeves could be rolled up a little each time you venture out.
You are devoted to your pets. In a previous thread I recall you feeling anxious about tidying up because of spiders. Make sure the cats are around because they will soon sort out any creepy-crawleys (not that I expect there will be any). Spiders dislike the smell of conkers, citronella - why not give these a try. Just clearing up a small patch for 5-10 minutes each day would help lift your mood, so you don't feel so weighed down.
A few tiny steps each day to set you on recovery & break free from this pit of despair! :hugs:
Hi again Bigboy I do say hello to the ones who say hello to me. I will speak to my GP about it thanks.
Lucinda that's a good idea I'll have a look to see if there are any cheap shirts for me, I won't roll my sleeves up though I hate how pale my skin is (that's not the reason I have BDD though, if I wasn't this pale I'd be able to wear 3/4 jeans and jackets), I'm not porcelain pale like some people, I'm pale where I actually look really unhealthy. Fake tan isn't an option due to my itchy skin.
Yes my cats do deal with the spiders if they seem them first and I sometimes come down on a morning to see a dead spider on the floor (I'm only slightly less scared when they're dead). Is it true about conkers? If so I'll have a go at that, I honestly despise the things (spiders, not conkers), I can't bring myself to go under my bed and haven't been under for years in case I see even a dead one as then I'll not be able to sleep properly that night. Doesn't help that I can no longer sleep with my mouth open so I always worry one will crawl in ha.
Hi again Bigboy I do say hello to the ones who say hello to me. I will speak to my GP about it thanks.
Lucinda that's a good idea I'll have a look to see if there are any cheap shirts for me, I won't roll my sleeves up though I hate how pale my skin is (that's not the reason I have BDD though, if I wasn't this pale I'd be able to wear 3/4 jeans and jackets), I'm not porcelain pale like some people, I'm pale where I actually look really unhealthy. Fake tan isn't an option due to my itchy skin.
Yes my cats do deal with the spiders if they seem them first and I sometimes come down on a morning to see a dead spider on the floor (I'm only slightly less scared when they're dead). Is it true about conkers? If so I'll have a go at that, I honestly despise the things (spiders, not conkers), I can't bring myself to go under my bed and haven't been under for years in case I see even a dead one as then I'll not be able to sleep properly that night. Doesn't help that I can no longer sleep with my mouth open so I always worry one will crawl in ha. This is good and is a small but worth while step so please continue with it good work :) And the ones that don't speak don't worry about it it's not you :) Hey Spiders are great they keep the fly population down that's for sure and you know deep down they wont hurt you!!! Yes good on you your caring Dr will help you Iam sure so another good step forward. Keep up[ the good work. XXCheers
Ha bigboy that's what one of my relatives says about spiders. I'd genuinely rather 5 flies than 1 spider they absolutely scare the living daylights out of me. Even dead ones. (I'm not worried about tiny ones or daddy long legs).
Yes I get what you mean about those who don't speak to me. I only speak to others if they speak to me first (even prior to my mental health issues) so no doubt many other people will be the same way.
Thanks again Bigboy.
KeeKee
I too hate having skin exposed.
When it is really hot I find long floaty skirts and loose tops keep me cool.
Ha bigboy that's what one of my relatives says about spiders. I'd genuinely rather 5 flies than 1 spider they absolutely scare the living daylights out of me. Even dead ones. (I'm not worried about tiny ones or daddy long legs).
Yes I get what you mean about those who don't speak to me. I only speak to others if they speak to me first (even prior to my mental health issues) so no doubt many other people will be the same way.
Thanks again Bigboy. Ewww no they spread diease flies do irrational thinking there especaily dead ones (spiders)LOL Hey you are on your way making good progress well done Yay :)
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