More and More people know about my SICK OCD obsession

[sadtimes]

So for almost 4/5 years I've suffered from many OCD obsessions. I've had almost all you can think of and they've ranged from mild to severe. I've only had two severe obsessions. One when I was 16 which was my first one and the other when I was 17/18. They were both terrible and completely soul destroying the last one I had was very sick and disgusting.

Now, when I was 19 I got involved in drugs, where one night for some reason I ended up sleep talking and telling A LOT of people my darkest secret (I know terrifying)
These people obviously bring it up from time to time and it gives me an unbelievable amount of anxiety because they don't even know it's OCD which is the worse part, I've tried to explain.
It's incredibly likely that they've told people, the idea that there are people who know me who i speak to face to face that know this awful thing about me makes me feel sick.

There's nothing I can do to stop this from going around, it will eventually get round to people I DO NOT want it to get round to and I feel like my life is falling apart.

I don't know what to do

[viking111]

Sounds awful. Maybe you could try to explain them that it is just OCD and try to introduce them to OCD itself. It might also be hard since many people who haven't suffered from mental illnesses think that you might be crazy or something. Anywayd, if it was a sleeptalk, you could have just said that you talked something random and that it wasn't real.

[Dave1]

Hi S,

Why not tell your friends and family that you have troubling obsessional thoughts that you'll do the things that you would most hate to do. Tell them the more you hate something, the more you get thoughts about it happening. (You would be telling the truth, I think)

Then if the word does get back to them, hopefully they'll think: 'Oh yes, he told me about that, so that's the thing he hates most.'

[GlassPinata]

The idea of social humiliation and exposure is very disturbing. I felt anxious simply reading your post.
What I have to say about it is this: people think about us a lot less than we think they do. They are mostly focused on their own lives, their own problems. If a few people know some "secret" about you and think you are weird, oh well. Might they tell others? Possibly. Although it sounds like this happened awhile ago, and if they were going to tell others, they probably would've already done it by now.
If they do tell others, you must remember that these others will be hearing it secondhand, and may not even believe it, and will probably just brush it off and forget about it, as we tend to do when we hear strange stories about people secondhand, as opposed to witnessing them ourselves. These stories will likely have little impact on "other people" who do not know you well or who were not there and did not hear these things directly from you. The stories are unlikely to go farther, and will probably soon be forgotten.
There is always a new scandal coming up, or some new juicy gossip. No one ends up in the spotlight for long, especially if they don't want to be there.
But everyone ends up there once in awhile, usually unwillingly, and it can be excruciating for a person with anxiety.
Just remember that everyone has secrets that they wouldn't want others to know, and most people are able to feel empathy for someone whose secrets are being exposed. Most people have some basic core of decency and truly do not want to tear others down or humiliate them.
What I'm saying is, trust the world to treat you kindly, even if they cannot be trusted to fully understand you.
Best wishes.

PS- I just reread your post and saw that you exposed this secret while sleep talking.
For heaven's sake, just tell people it's not true and that you were having a terrible dream, or something.
"Sleep talking" doesn't mean "telling the truth". We often say crazy things while talking in our sleep. Everyone knows this.
The worst anyone could say about you is that you talked in your sleep and said crazy things.
That is not really juicy enough gossip to bear endless repeating, so I doubt it will go much further.
But if it does, simply tell anyone who asks that you sometimes sleep-talk, and the things you say in your sleep do not make sense, are not true, and that you don't remember them afterward.
Truly, if someone who was not there were to hear this gossip secondhand, I very much doubt it would have any impact on them, or change their opinion of you at all. It is simply not very interesting gossip.
"So and so talked in his sleep."
I mean, so what?
I would not worry about this.

[MyNameIsTerry]

The idea of social humiliation and exposure is very disturbing. I felt anxious simply reading your post.
What I have to say about it is this: people think about us a lot less than we think they do. They are mostly focused on their own lives, their own problems. If a few people know some "secret" about you and think you are weird, oh well. Might they tell others? Possibly. Although it sounds like this happened awhile ago, and if they were going to tell others, they probably would've already done it by now.
If they do tell others, you must remember that these others will be hearing it secondhand, and may not even believe it, and will probably just brush it off and forget about it, as we tend to do when we hear strange stories about people secondhand, as opposed to witnessing them ourselves. These stories will likely have little impact on "other people" who do not know you well or who were not there and did not hear these things directly from you. The stories are unlikely to go farther, and will probably soon be forgotten.
There is always a new scandal coming up, or some new juicy gossip. No one ends up in the spotlight for long, especially if they don't want to be there.
But everyone ends up there once in awhile, usually unwillingly, and it can be excruciating for a person with anxiety.
Just remember that everyone has secrets that they wouldn't want others to know, and most people are able to feel empathy for someone whose secrets are being exposed. Most people have some basic core of decency and truly do not want to tear others down or humiliate them.
What I'm saying is, trust the world to treat you kindly, even if they cannot be trusted to fully understand you.
Best wishes.

PS- I just reread your post and saw that you exposed this secret while sleep talking.
For heaven's sake, just tell people it's not true and that you were having a terrible dream, or something.
"Sleep talking" doesn't mean "telling the truth". We often say crazy things while talking in our sleep. Everyone knows this.
The worst anyone could say about you is that you talked in your sleep and said crazy things.
That is not really juicy enough gossip to bear endless repeating, so I doubt it will go much further.
But if it does, simply tell anyone who asks that you sometimes sleep-talk, and the things you say in your sleep do not make sense, are not true, and that you don't remember them afterward.
Truly, if someone who was not there were to hear this gossip secondhand, I very much doubt it would have any impact on them, or change their opinion of you at all. It is simply not very interesting gossip.
"So and so talked in his sleep."
I mean, so what?
I would not worry about this.

The sleep talking was really talking whilst under the influence of drugs, looking at the OP.

Maybe those who heard it were too out of it to comprehend any meaning?

I think that drug use is all part of the cycle as it comes up in various threads you raise, sadtimes. I'm in no way judging you, I've done the drug scene when I was younger, but I think you are feeding your fears by almost confessing. Confession is a compulsion in OCD but it's unusual with intrusive thoughts about the more emotive themes.

Do you feel the need to talk about them? Or is it just that the drugs lowered your inhibitions? The latter may mean a different strategy to address the drug use or I wonder whether you will be able to break free of it?