badlands
20-01-17, 06:53
Hi, my name is Mark, i am 59yrs old, and have suffered from terrible intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety for 40 years. My illness started when my Father
died at the age of 47, I'm not sure if this was a trigger or not, and have not had
a single day since then that has not been blighted by anxiety, depression, of some description.
Over the years i have been prescribed various medications, which generally have not worked. Unknowingly i started to self medicate, mainly with alcohol but eventually class A drugs, i work in an industry where this type of behaviour is
common so to me was completely acceptable, the end result was the failure of 3 marriages , loss of my children , and complete financial failure. I reached rock bottom xmas 2011 and put myself into rehab , which stopped me abusing substances totally, and i have been free of alcohol and narcotics ever since.
Although i do not abuse substances it seems my anxiety and depression has got worse, i work in a very high profile industry and am under a lot of pressure to perform, i get very anxious before a job, and start to doubt i can do tasks that i have been doing very successfully for years, and if i do happen to make a mistake
at work, however minor it haunts me and i start to imagine all kinds of damaging
scenarios resulting from this mistake, and the greatest anxiety would be can i do that task that there was a problem with, when in reality i know i can, but am
consumed with fear of doing it again.
I hope this introduction gives an insight into where i am at the moment, and would welcome comments.
Mark.
died at the age of 47, I'm not sure if this was a trigger or not, and have not had
a single day since then that has not been blighted by anxiety, depression, of some description.
Over the years i have been prescribed various medications, which generally have not worked. Unknowingly i started to self medicate, mainly with alcohol but eventually class A drugs, i work in an industry where this type of behaviour is
common so to me was completely acceptable, the end result was the failure of 3 marriages , loss of my children , and complete financial failure. I reached rock bottom xmas 2011 and put myself into rehab , which stopped me abusing substances totally, and i have been free of alcohol and narcotics ever since.
Although i do not abuse substances it seems my anxiety and depression has got worse, i work in a very high profile industry and am under a lot of pressure to perform, i get very anxious before a job, and start to doubt i can do tasks that i have been doing very successfully for years, and if i do happen to make a mistake
at work, however minor it haunts me and i start to imagine all kinds of damaging
scenarios resulting from this mistake, and the greatest anxiety would be can i do that task that there was a problem with, when in reality i know i can, but am
consumed with fear of doing it again.
I hope this introduction gives an insight into where i am at the moment, and would welcome comments.
Mark.