mismashful2
20-01-17, 11:42
This is something that is really bothering me atm. I have a huge fear of suicide. It's an obsession, and I'm afraid that if I keep thinking about it I'll eventually do it, but that's another story.
The thing is, I analyze every thing that happens. When my dad yells at me I think 'will he regret this if I'll have committed suicide?' of if I say something mean against somebody I think 'I said that, I must be a horrible person, now I must commit suicide?' or when I'm standing alone I think 'well, this is not fun standing alone', but it's always followed with 'now you must commit suicide', and it leaves me with SO much distress :( it's really hard to always have that thought in your head, and I feel like if I stop stressing about it that I will do it then and I don't want it?
Weird story, I know, I just know some of you recognizes :)
The thing is, I analyze every thing that happens. When my dad yells at me I think 'will he regret this if I'll have committed suicide?' of if I say something mean against somebody I think 'I said that, I must be a horrible person, now I must commit suicide?' or when I'm standing alone I think 'well, this is not fun standing alone', but it's always followed with 'now you must commit suicide', and it leaves me with SO much distress :( it's really hard to always have that thought in your head, and I feel like if I stop stressing about it that I will do it then and I don't want it?
Weird story, I know, I just know some of you recognizes :)