Family Drama for Wedding

[Civics23]

Hey guys and gals, going threw a tough time with family. And I'm stuck in the middle between my Fiancée and my Mom. So further more, my Mom told me and my Fiancée we don't need to worry about her doing anything with the wedding, because she didn't want to me like her mother in law. So we took it as okay we will plan the rehearsal dinner, and do it at my fiancée's aunt's house and it will be cheaper for everyone. Well it was brought up with girls day, my Mom mentioned too my Fiancée, do you all already have names picked out for your wedding... She said yeah we kinda made a list, (rough draft) and My Mother said,"How does me son already know who to invite"? So my Fiancée shocked already, didn't say a word and my sister said, I think me, civics23 can figure out who they want to invite he is a adult. So my Mom thought she upset my Fiancée which she was butting out of the situation between my Mom and my sister. That being said, back to the rehearsal dinner, she wants to take full control over it and my Fiancée is like no! You need to stand up too her and tell her this is our wedding.

But here is the big thing. My parents are stressed out and don't wanna talk about it due to moving my sister, so me and my Fiancée have been fighting about it and my mom won't come forth too talk about it, after me standing up too her 3 times to have a family talk. And she just blows up and says not right now we have alot going on...

What do I do?!?! I'm having panic attacks abd my OCD and anxeity wont let me move on till my parents are ready... It just keeps replaying in my head!

[Fishmanpa]

My situation was different but it was similar in that it was family drama. There was always infighting between my parents sisters and brothers (aunts and uncles) and it carried down to my cousins. It was like a bad soap opera really.

So... at around the age of 21 or so, I just said "F^%$ it" and basically divorced myself from the family. I moved out on my own and for all intents and purposes severed ties. I still stayed in tough to a degree but the moment there was any BS?... I'd be like "Sorry to hear that" and take my leave. I'm sure I was the subject of many an interesting family gathering topic but I could care less.

Through the years we'd all get together but I'm able to emotionally distance myself as to not allow the drama to get to me.

I wish I had words of advice for you but the bottom line is you're both adults and it's your wedding. IMO, the decisions are yours unless you ask for someone else to do something.

Congrats and the best of luck!

Positive thoughts

[Catherine S]

Yep...what fishman said. And just an observation, it must cost American couples an absolute fortune to get married, with the rehearsal meal, naming day, bridal shower, groom's cake etc, the parties seem to go on endlessly before the actual wedding day. That's alot of opportunity for family tensions!

ISB ☺

[Chasingmyowntail]

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing your situation. I'd love to provide some perspective as my wife and I went through pretty much exactly the same thing. It's kind of surreal to read this as our situation was similar down to the details of yours.

All I can say is your guys' special day will come regardless of the nitty gritty/drama/details/emotions, and it will be the most beautiful memorable day of your lives, as it was ours. :) All those things you're panicking about right now will be a distant memory that you will laugh off down the road. And I say that smiling--in my situation, we went through a year and a half of family drama involving our wedding plans, and it practically tore us apart at times. But it made us stronger in the end. These are the moments that test us and bring couples together to fight for what marriage means--working together as a team. Savor these moments of working together, standing up for what you guys need and want (while still being compassionate and loving to your parents). I thought we'd never make it to this day without being defeated, but we were able to male it all work and still be in good relations with family.

As far as panicking, I know there's not much to say that will make you not have anxiety over this, because it's one of the most meaningful times of your life, but just know that eventually everyone comes together on their best behavior to celebrate the day for you guys. Everyone goes through this to some extent I think. And parents naturally don't want to pull away from their child, it's all fear-based, but they will eventually come to understand they can't have control over you, that you are now starting your own family.

It's not nearly as dreadful as it may feel now. Your day is going to be awesome--especially because you're fighting for each other to have the wedding that you envision.

Feel free to reach out whenever you need. Like I said, I've had a year and a half straight of anxiety over this myself. I even lost 2 jobs partially due my constant stress over family drama and relations with family sprouting from wedding planning disputes. It's been a journey. But I wouldn't trade that process for anything. i've grown into a new person because of it. It forces you to become an adult whether you know it or not.

All the best, and keep calm!

[Civics23]

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing your situation. I'd love to provide some perspective as my wife and I went through pretty much exactly the same thing. It's kind of surreal to read this as our situation was similar down to the details of yours.

All I can say is your guys' special day will come regardless of the nitty gritty/drama/details/emotions, and it will be the most beautiful memorable day of your lives, as it was ours. :) All those things you're panicking about right now will be a distant memory that you will laugh off down the road. And I say that smiling--in my situation, we went through a year and a half of family drama involving our wedding plans, and it practically tore us apart at times. But it made us stronger in the end. These are the moments that test us and bring couples together to fight for what marriage means--working together as a team. Savor these moments of working together, standing up for what you guys need and want (while still being compassionate and loving to your parents). I thought we'd never make it to this day without being defeated, but we were able to male it all work and still be in good relations with family.

As far as panicking, I know there's not much to say that will make you not have anxiety over this, because it's one of the most meaningful times of your life, but just know that eventually everyone comes together on their best behavior to celebrate the day for you guys. Everyone goes through this to some extent I think. And parents naturally don't want to pull away from their child, it's all fear-based, but they will eventually come to understand they can't have control over you, that you are now starting your own family.

It's not nearly as dreadful as it may feel now. Your day is going to be awesome--especially because you're fighting for each other to have the wedding that you envision.

Feel free to reach out whenever you need. Like I said, I've had a year and a half straight of anxiety over this myself. I even lost 2 jobs partially due my constant stress over family drama and relations with family sprouting from wedding planning disputes. It's been a journey. But I wouldn't trade that process for anything. i've grown into a new person because of it. It forces you to become an adult whether you know it or not.

All the best, and keep calm!

Thank you so much for the kind words. It all comes down to what me what my fiancee want.
Thanks again for the kind words have a blessed day