View Full Version : Why Do We Fear Waiting
I was just thinking about how so many of us here at No More Panic fear waiting. Whether it be waiting in a queue at the supermarket checkout, waiting for food to arrive or waiting for a traffic light to turn green, most of us find waiting one of the hardest things to do.
It's easy to see why someone, say with a fear of heights would have a panic attack when they go somewhere high, but why do so many of us panic while we are waiting...when nothing is actually happening?
There seems to be something about a lull in activity in a busy place that sets us off. While we are going round the supermarket distracted by our shopping lists or driving in traffic our minds are occupied but as soon as we have to pause the panic rises.
I wouldn't describe myself as an impatient person but any kind of waiting triggers very nervous feelings in me. I get the same if anyone gives me a long explanation during conversation, requiring me to be passive and listen for a long time without saying anything.
It's as if we have to be constantly doing something to keep the nerves at bay and being still and patient seems to be very difficult for us.
What are we afraid of?
What a great post!
Aint got a clue to the answer though!
Kate
nomorepanic
15-04-07, 16:04
I would say it was because you then feel trapped!
If you are wandering around the supermarket you know that at any time you can just leave the trolley and walk outside. Once you get in the dreaded queue, however, it is so much harder to just wander off - hence you feel trapped.
hmmmm, that's got me thinking. I've been known to jump red lights in order to avoid waiting and when people launch into a long tale I find it really difficult to listen (which is a problem when part of my job entails listening to problems). I wonder if that's how we got here? Always active, always thinking and then we get very very tired and bang, anxiety sets in coz we've become exhausted.
I read a bit about Chris Evans once who admitted he couldn't be inactive and was always on the go. This became a problem and he became very tired. After therapy he realised it was because his father had died at a young age and somehow, if he kept on the move and occupied,it wouldn't happen to him.
I can't even be in a quiet room. First thing I do when I get in is either put on TV or radio!
Kay x
Dying_Swan
15-04-07, 16:20
You're right.
Never really thought of it as a fear of 'waiting' before, but it's spot on. I don't get it now (very rarely anyway), but do remember being terrified of stopping at traffic lights. I always considered it odd, because if I really was going to faint whilst driving, that would be the safest time to do it!
And I remember being ok in supermarkets until I got in the queue. If there was no queue, I found it easy, but a long queue was hell. I think Nicola's right in what she said - it's harder to walk out once you're in the queue as it might look strange to others. I guess you feel trapped.
Thanks for this one Rain - it's really made me think!
xx
honeybee3939
15-04-07, 16:43
Hi Rain
I am just the same,to me it is a fear of been trapped. traffic lights, queues, bulidings with no near by escape routes, trains, planes the list is endless with me.
I wonder if you have ever been in a sittuation where you had felt trapped before your anxiety started.
I went for a few years anxiety free after a armed robber sittuation where i was trapped with him in a back room with a knife held to my throat. iIhave realised now that after councilling i keep having all those feelings again when im in certain sittuations. Have you ever felt trapped anywhere in the past. Ie. A lift for example would be curious to know.
Hugs
:hugs: :hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
skylight2007
15-04-07, 17:39
Hiya Rain great thread!!!!
I am not very good waiting in doctors surgerys, or the hospital, its that anticipation that you feel what they are going to tell you, is always going to be bad news!!! but of course its not, but those thoughts and feelings do cross my path but they dont affect me like before. come to think of it!! I dont like waiting for people either, waiting for cabs to turn up, waiting for friends to turn up, I wouldnt say I was an impatient person, but it definately has something to do with, what do I do with my time, whilst I am waiting!!!!:)
Sky
Hi Rain,
This is a very interesting post! I think for me it is a fear of being trapped.
I am a very patient person generally and don't mind waiting, but in certain situations where I feel trapped (like queues, waiting rooms, restaurants and buses etc) I totally panic! I'm not sure why I panic when I feel trapped as I can't remember anything particularly bad happening to me. I am totally fine with waiting and quiet rooms and I can be totally relaxed doing absolutley nothing (ahh bliss), it's only being trapped that makes me panic.
Love shoegal xxx
GOSH, theeT:shrug: hought of the word "WATING" for what, everyone is trying to get somewhere yet we q every day for something b it at the checkout , board a fligt , waiting for a train,the list is endless.It,s part of life i guess, like waiting for the meet up on the 22 nd, anxious, yet excited.
I am totally the same Rain!!
I guess we it's that feeling of not being able to escape quickly, or politely isn't it.
Love Piglet :flowers:
This is a good thread Rain :)
I find that wether I am in a queue,waiting at traffic lights,stuck in a traffic jam, waiting in doctors/dentist waiting room I tend to feel more vunerable in these situations because I am not in control and then I start to panic. I think it is mainly because we aren't in control. The fear that actually something or someone is controlling it for us makes us panic incase something terrible happens.
Well that's what I think it is for me anyway. I hate feeling like im not in control.
Good post Rain :yesyes:
Laura xxxx:flowers:
LOL PIGLET..... escape politely!!! Whatever next? LOL :D :D :D
Love shoegal xxx
Granny Primark
16-04-07, 09:08
What a brill post Rain.
Its made me realise how bad I am with waiting.
I too have gone through traffic lights on red. Ive walked out of shops and left my trolly full of food. Ive also walked out of the bank and the doctors.
If theres a queue anywhere I insist someone comes with me. If im waiting for long i get stupid irrational thoughts.
I never realised others too had a fear of queueing.
Take care
LYNN xx
Definitely agree with you all there about the authors post being so good as I have a big problem at waiting in places as well. Often, I’m not too bad with waiting in traffic lights since you don’t usually wait more than a minute until it goes green. I get very panicky however waiting at bus stops, or waiting for a train to come, and waiting at train stations really make me feel so uncomfortable indeed, as I always get a panic attack at the train station. Also waiting in places can be nerve-racking too. Unfortunately, when this happens I go a place, bus stop or train station exactly the same time the bus or train is due, instead of getting their five minutes earlier just in case I miss the bus or train. However I have done one or two things recently to help me to reduce this problem. Sometimes, I wish as soon as you get to a destination/bus stop or train station that the thing happens immediately, and I never want to think of it that way as I understand that waiting isn’t all a bad thing at all if we weren’t anxious people, although it is really hard. Even though this is something like everyone else on here has a problem with, I have a few helpful suggestions underneath which have seemed to be really helping so far.
Zanxiety’s Special No-Fear Waiting Tips
For Traffic Lights
My advice though for the problem of waiting in traffics lights is understand that it’s only 30 – 60 seconds of waiting time until light changes to green, and therefore the panic shouldn’t build up too much for it to distract you while you get moving again. If this is still a problem since you are still waiting, you could count the number of blue, green or red cars that go by
Waiting At Bus/trains stops and other places
To cope with any situation like this bring a book, or handheld console such as a Nintendo DS / Game Boy / PSP with you to distract yourself while waiting for the bus or train. You should find that if you did start to panic it should help reduce the level of panic. Keep believing that nothing bad will happen as you do this too.
Queues in supermarkets
The only really thing you can do here is while in a queue look ahead and see if you can spot anything interesting, whether it’d be a poster on the wall or the beautiful scenery outside, think about the things your seeing and the good points about them too. You could even play a little game in your mind guessing how much your food will cost as soon as you pay for it, and see how far of your guess was from the real price.
Doing all these things could turn you from a person who’s has a fear of waiting, to someone who thinks it’s paradise.
hmm,
gave me food for thought this one.
the first time I had bad anxiety after my father was ill/ died, I couldn't stop. If I stopped I remembered, I thought. I couldn't stand the thinking as it was too overwhelming and too much for me to take on board. A tip I learned then was to listen to audio books in the car. It gave me something to concentrate on to shut out the thinking and when I did stop or wait, I listened more intently to the story.
This time round with panic, I think it has been similar. Doctors waiting room still has me in a state of anx even though I am much better than I was, the psychiatrists is dreadful, I positively tremble from head to toe! I think that is because i 'think' I think 'what am I doing here? Why do I need a psychiatrist? What is happening to me?' all the things that fear and upset me.
Good thread!
happyone
xx
PaperHankie
16-04-07, 13:05
Thank You for this post, Rain.
I thought I was the only person that panicked at red lights. I also feel very anxious when I'm stuck in traffic. I feel trapped - as if I can't escape.
The kids are back at school today after the Easter Holidays - and I was stuck in traffic for the first time in ages. I did NOT feel comfortable.
At the moment, I'm waiting to go down and collect my youngest from school - again I can feel the anxiety rising.
Its good to know I'm not alone.
Hi Rain, great thread.
For me it isn't a fear of waiting but a fear of all the terrifying thoughts that are free to come into my mind whilst I am not doing anything.
The minute I come home I will turn on the tv and the pc so that there is noise and some sort of activity going on. When my anxiety and depression are bad I cannot just sit on the sofa at home and not 'do' anything. Even reading won't do, I have to have noise and activity because these help distract me from the thoughts in my head - I literally fear being 'attacked' by the deep, dark, despondent thoughts that live in my mind. And it isn't just the fear of one thought but the fear of MILLIONS of morbid thoughts all 'rushing' into my mind at once.
I really would love to be able to meditate, to be still and quiet, but the fear of being 'alone' with my own mind is terrifying.
So I guess my fear is that I live in fear of my own mind.
Regards
Eibhlin
HI RAIN
im totally the same 2., its really not nice feeling like this.
love Sandy xxx
Hey guys - that is soooo me - I feel trapped in Drs surgery, restaurant when waiting for food, supermarket queues - I try not to walk out and I hypeventilate and wobble in the queue and endup paying cash coz the til machine takes ages. Wenjoy x
Granny Primark
16-04-07, 19:40
Eibhlin,
I think the same as you. I fear my own mind. Ive always had a vivid imagination. I think about loads of things at the same time.
Sometimes il be chatting away to my friend and il say something thats completely irrelevant to the conversation. She says i jump from one subject to another so quickly she cant understand me.
I used to read loads and that used to relax me but whilst im reading now im still thinking about other stuff.
Take care
LYNN xx
Hi Lynn, yes fearing our own minds is hell as we can never be separate of our minds. The endless capacities of our minds are wonderul in theory but in reality they can be our greatest tormentor. Back in 1995 I had my worst ever prolonged period of extended depression. My mind was literally torturing me and I wanted to get a big knife and cut my brain right out of my head. I was desperate. It is lucky that I was in hospital at this time or I don't know what I would have done to myself.
I hate the way I have all this racing thoughts in my mind - will someone invent a 'switch off' button for our minds please??? :weep:
Take care Lynn,
Eibhlin
Well. This has really got me thinking now. Tonight I went shopping in ASDA, at 6pm when it was really busy. I was not on my own as I'm not brave enough to go on my own, and I can't drive either. Anyway, I was fine in the store filling up my trolley with all the lovely food I was going to eat. And I was fine using the self scan checkout........ UNTIL......... something went wrong and I had to wait for an assistant who was busy. So I had to stand there waiting.... and I looked around, and noticed a huge queue of people all looking at me, and I started to panic. And as soon as I started to panic, I started thinking I couldn't cope and I was gonna collapse and all that sort of thing (which of course I didn't). Now the funny thing about this is I was fine until I had to stop what I was doing and wait. I always thought I was afraid of being trapped, but I was no more trapped when I was waiting for the assistant than when I was busy scanning.... so you have really got me thinking now. I think maybe I expected to panic.... so I did! LOL. Just for the record, I managed to finish my transaction and no one would ever have noticed I had an attack.
Love shoegal xxx
It’s strange because I am fine if I am sitting in traffic waiting to come home but if I have to wait in traffic whilst going to work I get very anxious.
Panic whilst waiting in the doctor’s surgery but fine queuing to get a prescription, fine shopping but look for the shortest checkout line and have been known to walk up and down looking for the shortest line only to find that my husband has stayed in the first queue been served packed the bags and on his way out the door LOL.
It such a bizarre situation to feel and be in and for me has to be the worst part of my anxiety. I hate having to sit in meeting listening to others go on and on and can feel the anxiety rising. looking and thinking of an excuse to get up and walk out of the room but as soon as it is my turn to talk or give a presentation the fears go.
Never thought of waiting before I read this, maybe I will print it out and the next time the fear comes whilst waiting I will read it and remember that all it is anxiety, and a shit feeling.
Sam
Hello !
Its got to be fear of the fear of ......
something bad will happen
being unable to escape
losing control
thinking you might faint, have heart attack , die (any catastrophe)
making a fool of yourself
I'm right , aren't I ????
When I'm in this situation I try to imagine myself calmly at home - now why should I feel any different just because I'm waiting ?
that is a great post....thought i was the only one that felt like that if i had to wait. thanks for makin this post.xx.
Very thought provoking!! I believe it is because when we are not doing anything our minds wander onto ourselves. We start the negative thinking process, we notice things too, like our own heart beats and any aches and pains and then wham, before you know it the anxiety and panic sets it. It is helping us if we keep our minds occupied and 'busy'.
Alabasterlyn
22-04-07, 15:43
I hate all forms of waiting too and I'm sure it's a combination of feeling trapped and also not feeling in control.
I've lost count of the amount of times I've been fine walking around a supermarket and as soon as I get to the check out I have to leave my partner with the trolley and go and wait in the car.
Another hard thing for me is when I'm in a clothes store queuing to purchase something and I'm anxious but able to control it until the moment comes when I hand over my debit card and 'wham' the panic hits as I realise I am truly stuck. Suddenly the sales assistant seems to go into slow motion as they scan and fold the items, put them in a bag, put my card in the machine, ask me to enter the PIN number, wait till the receipt is printed out. By the time that's all done I'm a nervous wreck!
I hate all forms of waiting too and I'm sure it's a combination of feeling trapped and also not feeling in control.
I've lost count of the amount of times I've been fine walking around a supermarket and as soon as I get to the check out I have to leave my partner with the trolley and go and wait in the car.
Another hard thing for me is when I'm in a clothes store queuing to purchase something and I'm anxious but able to control it until the moment comes when I hand over my debit card and 'wham' the panic hits as I realise I am truly stuck. Suddenly the sales assistant seems to go into slow motion as they scan and fold the items, put them in a bag, put my card in the machine, ask me to enter the PIN number, wait till the receipt is printed out. By the time that's all done I'm a nervous wreck!
ha ha ha... totally agree.. who needs tidy folded up clothes anyway?? just shove it in the f-ing bag ang let me get the f*ck outta there as soon as poss is what i say
Me too- why do the staff in dorthy perkins or new look spend hours fiddling with our clothes - Ive stoppedusing my card and only pay cash now just to speed things up - my problem is I get hot, breathless and fidget and feel Im going to pass out and in the end I empty out my handbag etc to distract myself before I faint with panic and breathlessness!!! Wenjoy x
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