when health anxiety took control over my life

[ell19]

i decided to write this post to share what happened to me a few months ago and maybe find some advices.
my health anxiety started eight months ago. it was may. i was scared of having a lungs cancer because of my pain in the upper back and my short breaths.
one of the things i always loved most was dance. i've been dancing for eleven years, i loved it with all my heart. i loved how you can express your feelings with your body.
when this anxiety started i had to stop. it was the hardest decision that i have ever taken. but i was scared. scared of not being able to breathe during a class. scared of fainting. scared of having a heart attack. i suffered a lot because of this.
now, eight months later i'm still suffering and missing it.
every single day i wish i could start dancing again. but it's awful when your body says yes, but your mind keeps saying no, you can't do it.
and i just wish i could be strong enough to take those horrible thoughts and get rid of them. and start doing again what i used to love.

[SLA]

Interesting.

We often turn our backs on things, and run away from sources of anxiety. But anxiety is always within, we cannot run from it.

When we stop doing the things we enjoy, our quality of life goes down, and we open ourselves up to depression and an unfulfilled life.

So the only solution, is to find a way to dance again...

...to do that we need to overcome that voice that says "no" because it is not ours. It is the subconsious. It has associated the prospect of dancing with the sensation of panic. So when you think about dancing, that scared voice pipes up.

It has no reason to be scared. Its an illusion. You love dancing, and dancing is awesome.

So lets find a way back...

Could you go along and watch?

The goal isn't to fight or resist the negative voice, its just to realise that it is not what you want. Once you gradually expose yourself to dancing again, and realise it is a safe and joyous place, the voice will quieten and subside.

[ServerError]

Excellent post, SLA. As I've said before, recovery lies on the other side of the things that scare us. You don't have to dive in all at once, but you do need to start showing that fear response that it is misplaced and not needed.

[odk]

Thanks for your post SLA. I'm struggling with a similar situation now. My health has stopped me going to work and triggered my health anxiety and I'm trying to decide whether to take some time off to get better (physically and mentally) or to push through (which if it doesn't work could mean I have to end up leave permanently if things get worse).

[Primula]

Go dancing and tell anxiety it can come with you if it wants to. Go even if anxiety is screaming at you not to. I'm flying to Dubai on Tuesday for a visit to friends that I booked when I wasn't anxious. My anxiety is telling me I can't go and that I'll be a nervous wreck. Part of me would like to cancel, but if I do anxiety will stop me doing other things. Plus my husband and friends will be disappointed. Im going even if I have to crawl on to the plane,even though I'm bloody terrified!

---------- Post added at 12:59 ---------- Previous post was at 12:55 ----------

Odk, I think it's vital to keep working even when you think you can't go, unless it's your job that's causing the anxiety. I only work part time and much as I don't want to go. I know I feel a little better when I'm there.

[SLA]

Great post Primula.

On the other side of anxiety is a warm cosy feeling when we finally realise that there was nothing to worry about all along.

The endorphins kick in, and we get a buzz.

If you avoid the anxious situations, you are just deferring them until later on, and not living an interesting life.

[Primula]

Absolutely right SLA. I'm not going to allow anxiety to stop me doing things. I had a real struggle on my hands today. Woke up with mega panic which lasted a fair while, but I remembered about floating not fighting. I still didn't feel great, but I managed to shower, take dog to groomer. Buy flowers for friend, drive to said frI end. Collect dog and take him for his walk. I'm exhausted now because all the time anxiety was telling me not to go, but I know I have to keep pushing through. I've been here before and it's the only way. I have several trips planned for the next few months, and anxiety wants me to cancel them all, but what sort of life would that be. Going to listen to a relaxation audio now to calm myself.