View Full Version : Feeling so lonely.
As few of you already know, my relationship has been on the brink for quite a while now. My partner hasn't made an effort to see me or our daughter this week and we haven't seen him since Sunday and won't until tomorrow as he has to wait in for someone this evening. I've basically told him there's no point anymore and I'm sick of trying. He doesn't seem bothered.
Other than my daughter, I haven't seen anybody I know since Sunday and I feel really lonely. I do like to be alone too, but all day for 3 days is so difficult. I usually meet a relative on a Wednesday in town but they're not going today. So another day alone. Feeling so down, for the past decade my partner has been pretty much my only company (bar a few hours here and there with relatives), now it seems I just have to accept he isn't interested.
I don't feel comfortable around my relatives, I have to watch what I say as they always have an opinion on things. I can't even discipline my daughter without being undermined so if she's there with me I spend the whole time nervous in case she acts up and I have to tell her off (she rarely does but does occasionally). I only have one friend who I rarely meet up with. I feel like a complete loser.
I feel so sickly today, don't really know what to do with myself anymore. Not interested in TV (I do like some programmes but usually can't pay attention unless I'm in bed), I've eye strain so can't read at the moment. No point leaving the house as nowhere to go and can't stand going for walks, with anybody never mind alone. It's another Sunny day which always makes me feel worse.
Just feel so low and down in the dumps. The school run is really getting me down it always makes me sweat which makes my face greasy, which makes me feel even worse. I look unkempt a lot as I have really dark circles, spots and greasy skin and my hair is in terrible condition (a relative thinks it could be stress as my hair was always lovely and shiny until I started feeling really low and also developed dark circles at the same time) so even if I get a little overheated my hair turns into a frizzy mess. I just can't see any purpose. I've been getting blurry vision in my left eye too, which is starting to unsettle me. I just don't feel right.
Sorry to anybody who reads this for yet another miserable post I just feel horrible. Each month things seem worse. I feel so low and whilst being single isn't the worst thing in the world, I crave intimacy so bad. I've had virtually no sex life for the past 5 years and it's really, really getting me down.
Catherine S
25-01-17, 14:13
Keekee, your posts have all been the same for years, never mind days or weeks. You really do feel sorry for yourself. Therapy hasn't worked, meds haven't worked...yes we know you can't take prescribed meds because of side effects, but you've never got back to anybody about the natural remedies suggested to you. Did any of them work? Did you even try?
You go on about the boyfriend who isn't interested and the relatives. Stop relying on other people to help you live your life and make you happy. Only you can make you happy. You constantly list all the things that make your life so miserable. ..so change what you can. Wash your hair, put your make up on and get out of the house and do something about it. Or try your hand at crafting at home, making toys or jewellery etc. But I know from all your previous threads that you just can't be bothered, or there's always a reason why you can't do something.
If you can't face going shopping or for a coffee on your own, ask at the school if you can volunteer for a few mornings, you're there anyway while dropping your daughter off. It's what my daughter did when her twins were in Primary school. She used to help with the craft table and reading corner, she stuck with it and eventually got paid to do it.
Her boys are 15 now and for the last 6 years she's been manger of the breakfast and after school club. She used to be alone at home all day, depressed and lonely and had no friends, and she's quite a shy girl...not like me at all! But she made the changes, it was small steps but she got there, and has made some really good friends along the way. She was also unhappy in her marriage for many years and is now getting divorced, but she's doing ok, she's getting on with her life. I'm proud of her.
Only you can make changes Keekee, nobody here can do that for you. All we can do is repeat the suggestions we always make over and over again. Surely you don't want to be still complaining about your life for another 10 years? And there are alot of people on this forum who feel like crap every day, but they get themselves out there, they give things a go. It's what you have to do.
Take care
ISB x
Aww KeeKee Iam sorry to hear this yet again. Well at least you have told him, he isn't interested by what you are telling us, So you have you answer, and again you deserve better. You contacting a charity called Changes I have gone back to them and my first small (and I mean small) groups is tomorrow there is only 2 other users plus me and plus a trained coordinator it's a safe enviorment and is totally none judgemental and you aren't forced to speak unless you want to. I have nearly hit rock bottom my self but am looking forward to going to changes. At least look at the website: http://www.changes.org.uk You can not continue like you are doing ok, no if's, no buts do look at the website they even have social groups and craft making etc too :) Good luck
Thank you for your reply ISB.
I come on here as a way to vent, I'm not expecting anybody to change my life. I do not feel sorry for myself I'm simply releasing my emotions as opposed to bottling them up.
I do wash my hair. I am a very, very clean person, my hair and makeup are always done before I leave the house, I wear clean clothes each day. I look unkempt due to my bad skin and terrible hair condition, there is nothing I can do about either.
Natural remedies have side effects too, I got spots simply from taking a multivitamin (I have acne but these were different types of spots, kind of like a rash you'd get from wearing cheap makeup) so I'm very reluctant to try anything like that. Also, if even one person has gained weight I will not go near it.
If I was able to volunteer and commit to being around others, I'd be able to work. It's not as simple as just doing something. I have extreme self esteem issues, if people look at my face when I'm talking to them I get really anxious feeling like they're judging my appearance.
I don't want to complain about my life ever, but sometimes you just have to let it all out. There's nobody else I can talk to.
I know changes can help improve ones life, but I'm not sure what I can do to change my life and circumstances. I have no idea whatsoever what I could do to make myself happy. I do enjoy crafting, but I do small things like that anyway. It's not like I just sit here staring at the wall all day, I do do the small things i enjoy in life. I enjoy my cats, I enjoy looking at pictures of animals on my phone, I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to some music which I do most days, but it doesn't give me the confidence to go out and be around others.
I wish there was something I could do to fill my time up, I wish there was something I enjoyed and could go out and volunteer (of better yet work and actually earn some money and be able to take my child out) but I've no idea what, me not being able to tie my hair up or have skin out makes things so hard. I love animals but it's hard looking after my own never mind going to a shelter and looking after others.
Again, I do enjoy being alone at times, but not all the time. If I don't feel comfortable in front of my own relatives who I've grown up with, how will I ever feel comfortable in front of other people.
Even before my mental health issues, the only thing I can think of that kept me happy was the confidence in my own appearance. I could wear nice clothes, went out drinking and got complimented on how I looked. I know it's shallow, but unfortunately that's how my mind works. When I don't look good, I don't feel good. And lately I look like utter crap.
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------
Aww KeeKee Iam sorry to hear this yet again. Well at least you have told him, he isn't interested by what you are telling us, So you have you answer, and again you deserve better. You contacting a charity called Changes I have gone back to them and my first small (and I mean small) groups is tomorrow there is only 2 other users plus me and plus a trained coordinator it's a safe enviorment and is totally none judgemental and you aren't forced to speak unless you want to. I have nearly hit rock bottom my self but am looking forward to going to changes. At least look at the website: http://www.changes.org.uk You can not continue like you are doing ok, no if's, no buts do look at the website they even have social groups and craft making etc too :) Good luck
Thanks bigboy I'll have a look on. I just find it very difficult to socialise when I'm feeling this low. I genuinely have virtually no interest in holding a conversation and find I'm the opposite of most people. For example when random people talk to me it's nearly always about the weather. It's either lovely day or awful day but the Sun to me is an awful day and when it's dull and dingy I instantly feel more alive so that is a nice day to me. Put in a few showers every few hours and I'd be in my element. I either have to lie and pretend it's a lovely day or people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I don't like the Sun. It makes me feel like I'm odd. Then I get the comments in the Summer such as "Why are you wearing that coat?", "Why don't you just tie your hair back" etc and I don't really know how to answer them. I dread being around others and it always ultimately comes back to my self image. I feel so ugly and I know it's shallow, I know looks aren't everything, but I just hate the way I look, I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me feel worse.
---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------
Bigboy do you have any idea which areas 'Changes' covers? I've looked at that link and can only see a select few on the home page, none of which I have any idea where they are.
Contact your friend, see if they are free for a few hours so you can catch up. That might be a nice short term relief.
I'm sure you've heard this time and time again, but change starts with you. Small steps and determination are key. Are you determined to make a change?
EDIT: I wrote this before reading your previous post.
2nd EDIT: It seems that they key to change may be dealing with your BDD. I presume you've been diagnosed, have you had help for that? If you can throw yourself into treating that I think you can begin to move on.
Catherine S
25-01-17, 15:36
You see? Now that reply of yours was quite a defiant one, which is how you tend to react if you think anybody is having a go. You then go into defensive mode, listing all the positive things about yourself and your life. So why are your initial posts always so negative? And you're not just venting, you're seeking sympathy and reassurance which you get here in bucketsfull. I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts. Keep up the positivity.
ISB x
Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
Yes I am determined.
I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).
When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.
---------- Post added at 15:42 ---------- Previous post was at 15:38 ----------
You see? Now that reply of yours was quite a defiant one, which is how you tend to react if you think anybody is having a go. You then go into defensive mode, listing all the positive things about yourself and your life. So why are your initial posts always so negative? And you're not just venting, you're seeking sympathy and reassurance which you get here in bucketsfull. I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts. Keep up the positivity.
ISB x
So you're accusing me of lying about my situation with your "I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts"? ISB I am in no way seeking sympathy I have always used this forum as a way to vent, as advised by a therapist due to me feeling like I can't tell anybody how I feel. I'm in no way being 'defiant' and find your comment to be quiet offensive.
What exactly am I seeking reassurance for?
May I ask how you know how I tend to react when I think people are having a go (I've never felt like people were having a go at me on this forum, ever, that is why I feel so comfortable posting such personal issues)? Which of my posts suggest this to be true?
Thank you for your reply ISB.
I come on here as a way to vent, I'm not expecting anybody to change my life. I do not feel sorry for myself I'm simply releasing my emotions as opposed to bottling them up.
I do wash my hair. I am a very, very clean person, my hair and makeup are always done before I leave the house, I wear clean clothes each day. I look unkempt due to my bad skin and terrible hair condition, there is nothing I can do about either.
Natural remedies have side effects too, I got spots simply from taking a multivitamin (I have acne but these were different types of spots, kind of like a rash you'd get from wearing cheap makeup) so I'm very reluctant to try anything like that. Also, if even one person has gained weight I will not go near it.
If I was able to volunteer and commit to being around others, I'd be able to work. It's not as simple as just doing something. I have extreme self esteem issues, if people look at my face when I'm talking to them I get really anxious feeling like they're judging my appearance.
I don't want to complain about my life ever, but sometimes you just have to let it all out. There's nobody else I can talk to.
I know changes can help improve ones life, but I'm not sure what I can do to change my life and circumstances. I have no idea whatsoever what I could do to make myself happy. I do enjoy crafting, but I do small things like that anyway. It's not like I just sit here staring at the wall all day, I do do the small things i enjoy in life. I enjoy my cats, I enjoy looking at pictures of animals on my phone, I enjoy reading, I enjoy listening to some music which I do most days, but it doesn't give me the confidence to go out and be around others.
I wish there was something I could do to fill my time up, I wish there was something I enjoyed and could go out and volunteer (of better yet work and actually earn some money and be able to take my child out) but I've no idea what, me not being able to tie my hair up or have skin out makes things so hard. I love animals but it's hard looking after my own never mind going to a shelter and looking after others.
Again, I do enjoy being alone at times, but not all the time. If I don't feel comfortable in front of my own relatives who I've grown up with, how will I ever feel comfortable in front of other people.
Even before my mental health issues, the only thing I can think of that kept me happy was the confidence in my own appearance. I could wear nice clothes, went out drinking and got complimented on how I looked. I know it's shallow, but unfortunately that's how my mind works. When I don't look good, I don't feel good. And lately I look like utter crap.
---------- Post added at 14:57 ---------- Previous post was at 14:51 ----------
Thanks bigboy I'll have a look on. I just find it very difficult to socialise when I'm feeling this low. I genuinely have virtually no interest in holding a conversation and find I'm the opposite of most people. For example when random people talk to me it's nearly always about the weather. It's either lovely day or awful day but the Sun to me is an awful day and when it's dull and dingy I instantly feel more alive so that is a nice day to me. Put in a few showers every few hours and I'd be in my element. I either have to lie and pretend it's a lovely day or people look at me like I'm nuts when I say I don't like the Sun. It makes me feel like I'm odd. Then I get the comments in the Summer such as "Why are you wearing that coat?", "Why don't you just tie your hair back" etc and I don't really know how to answer them. I dread being around others and it always ultimately comes back to my self image. I feel so ugly and I know it's shallow, I know looks aren't everything, but I just hate the way I look, I can't stop looking at myself in the mirror and it makes me feel worse.
---------- Post added at 15:00 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------
Bigboy do you have any idea which areas 'Changes' covers? I've looked at that link and can only see a select few on the home page, none of which I have any idea where they are. Hi KeeKee Do you want to be where you are now in 12 months time ( I am sure I know the answer!) Changes come from within Ok I am even though I am mentally tired of the way some ppl act, lie, promise this and that for me and exhausted but decided now is the time for changes :) Hence me contacting them. Not sure of the area's they cover but it's worth contacting them. All corodinators have been users of changes too so know how you are feeling you go to as many workshops, social get togethers as you wish same as a courses to help you get better eg 6 week course on aniexty just do one meeting if you like miss one go back and no questions asked. So to clarify iam not 100% what area's they cover in the uk if they don't cover your area they will put you in touch with some other ogranisation to help you :) If you like the way you are then stay as you are and vent away, Not being harsh :) but if you want to change then ppl on here will guide you etc. I have taken the plunge, so can you :) Cheers
---------- Post added at 16:04 ---------- Previous post was at 15:49 ----------
Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
Yes I am determined.
I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).
When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.
---------- Post added at 15:42 ---------- Previous post was at 15:38 ----------
So you're accusing me of lying about my situation with your "I'm glad you're not really as bad as you say in your first posts"? ISB I am in no way seeking sympathy I have always used this forum as a way to vent, as advised by a therapist due to me feeling like I can't tell anybody how I feel. I'm in no way being 'defiant' and find your comment to be quiet offensive.
What exactly am I seeking reassurance for?
May I ask how you know how I tend to react when I think people are having a go (I've never felt like people were having a go at me on this forum, ever, that is why I feel so comfortable posting such personal issues)? Which of my posts suggest this to be true? Well first thing is make appointment with your Dr and get a firm diagnoises on your condition wither it's BDD or anxiety or what ever. Then get a treatment plan set up and ask for a trained therapist to see you ( I don't think I would want a half trained therapist either) As for your friend if you are having too many excuses does that tell you something and I know this maybe the only life line you have at the moment ( have been there my self too :) ) And you say you only trust you BF when he asks to you to tie your hair up. It's simple you love him he doesn't care one bit about you sorry being very blunt but think I need to be for your own good. so that being why would you trust some one who doesn't care or love you, you wouldn't would you ?? It's going to be baby steps, just like it is for me from tomorrow you can start too if you want too hun XX
Hi Kuatir, my friend isn't normally available, last time we met up it took 5 attempts as there was always an excuse. We have discussed meeting up in a couple of weeks but it all depends on when they're available, we do text regularly.
Yes I am determined.
I've never been formally diagnosed with BDD but it's been mentioned in each of my therapies and I'm pretty sure my GP mentioned it once, so I've never had therapy tailored to that. Each therapy I've had has been all over the place to be honest, I truly question whether they were ever fully trained (my last therapist did say they were 3/4 way through their training).
When I mentioned me not being able to tie my hair up to one therapist, they asked me to tie it up in front of them and tell them how I feel, when I couldn't I was deemed not willing to try things as opposed to not being able. If I could tie my hair up on front of anybody it would be my partner as I trust him more than anybody, but I simply can't. I haven't tied my hair up in over a decade. I'm not going to be able to do so just like that.
Life get's in the way and sometimes it can take a while to find the time to meet a friend. I am normally the one giving excuses and I feel bad about it, but I'm not making them up.
From what I gather, a therapist that you gel with can sometimes be a job in itself. It doesn't sound like you've had much look. I'm not a therapist, but I would think that asking you to tie your hair up would be a no, no; or maybe something a long way down the line. What do I know though?!
Can you tie your hair up when you are on your own?
Hi again Bigboy. Yes I know what you mean, but I can't possibly think of any changes to incorporate. I've felt low for 9 years, lower for 4 years and extremely low for almost 2 years. I have no idea what caused any of it (although some relatives believe it was my partner, I personally don't think he is to blame). I've never been that much of a socialiser, I did enjoy going out drinking at one point, but other than that I'm a stay at home, reading with a nice coffee kind of girl. I do find it hard to socialise nowadays but ultimately it's my body image and I'm at the doctors in 12 days so I'll mention it then and see what he says. I'm not sure if I can specifically request the therapist be fully trained but I will mention that also.
I'll ask my GP if he knows what things are on in the area.
As for my friend to be fair they do have a family and also work so I can understand its just a bit frustrating at times when plans are changed. It's fine about being blunt my family have been saying the same about him for years it's nothing new. I just didn't want to be essentially a single parent (plus I do love him too).
Kee Kee
Why do you find it impossible to tie back your hair. Is it because of the spots? Why is your BF the only person you could trust to tie your hair up with. Do you think others would make remarks or think you were unattractive?
Hi Kuatir, I did really get on with my last therapist, but it was all about reciprocal roles etc and just didn't really mean anything to me if I'm honest. She kept saying I should be more like a certain family member who I don't want to be anything like. She was my fave therapist though and was genuinely lovely. Perhaps it was the type of therapy.
I can tie my hair up when alone, for example when I put my makeup on and take it off each day, but I feel naked when I do, genuinely as though I was standing there naked. I sleep with my hair down even though it's just me and my daughter in the house.
---------- Post added at 16:53 ---------- Previous post was at 16:49 ----------
Kee Kee
Why do you find it impossible to tie back your hair. Is it because of the spots? Why is your BF the only person you could trust to tie your hair up with. Do you think others would make remarks or think you were unattractive?
It's nothing to do with my acne I've only had my acne since my 20's and have been this way since I was 15. I just literally feel like I'm naked when I do. My partner has never saw me with my hair up, apologies if I said that, nobody has since I was 15. I don't think anybody would say anything I just can't do it. I wouldn't tie it up when I had a c section either as I couldn't bring myself to. If somebody offered me £1000 to walk to the school with my hair in a bun, I still couldn't do it and I'm struggling financially at the moment too so that would be the best 'bribe' for me to do it.
Hmmm, comparing you to somebody else and telling you to be like them also seems counterproductive.
Do you think you could start wearing your hair up all the time when you are alone? It'd take some getting used to, obviously.
What if somebody threatened to shoot your family?
Serious question.
Edit: not trying to be flippant, but getting an insight into your mind.
Hi again Bigboy. Yes I know what you mean, but I can't possibly think of any changes to incorporate. I've felt low for 9 years, lower for 4 years and extremely low for almost 2 years. I have no idea what caused any of it (although some relatives believe it was my partner, I personally don't think he is to blame). I've never been that much of a socialiser, I did enjoy going out drinking at one point, but other than that I'm a stay at home, reading with a nice coffee kind of girl. I do find it hard to socialise nowadays but ultimately it's my body image and I'm at the doctors in 12 days so I'll mention it then and see what he says. I'm not sure if I can specifically request the therapist be fully trained but I will mention that also.
I'll ask my GP if he knows what things are on in the area.
As for my friend to be fair they do have a family and also work so I can understand its just a bit frustrating at times when plans are changed. It's fine about being blunt my family have been saying the same about him for years it's nothing new. I just didn't want to be essentially a single parent (plus I do love him too).KeeKee in hindsight I think you relatives are right, and from what you speak about him in general that's another reason why you are better off with out him hard I know but have long and hard think to yourself (one day you will wake your self up and think yes!) EH yes you can it's your treatment at the end of the day you can demand it in a nice way :) You don't deserve second best So go for it. Call changes tomorrow and see what they can offer you or any other charity like Mind I had nearly given up my self till I decided to push my self you must push your self too :)And start wearing your hair up in the house and look in the mirror and say I look great its about changing your mindset from Negative to Positive Come on KeeKee do it for you:hugs::yesyes:
Hmmm, comparing you to somebody else and telling you to be like them also seems counterproductive.
Do you think you could start wearing your hair up all the time when you are alone? It'd take some getting used to, obviously.
I could wear my hair up when alone, I tie it up when changing the cat litter etc anyway
---------- Post added at 18:01 ---------- Previous post was at 17:57 ----------
What if somebody threatened to shoot your family?
Serious question.
Edit: not trying to be flippant, but getting an insight into your mind.
I would walk about the streets naked if my family's lives were in danger. I would pick up a spider and let it crawl all over me if my family's lives were in danger (I have a serious spider phobia) however that would be an extreme, highly unlikely situation.
---------- Post added at 18:10 ---------- Previous post was at 18:01 ----------
KeeKee in hindsight I think you relatives are right, and from what you speak about him in general that's another reason why you are better off with out him hard I know but have long and hard think to yourself (one day you will wake your self up and think yes!) EH yes you can it's your treatment at the end of the day you can demand it in a nice way :) You don't deserve second best So go for it. Call changes tomorrow and see what they can offer you or any other charity like Mind I had nearly given up my self till I decided to push my self you must push your self too :)And start wearing your hair up in the house and look in the mirror and say I look great its about changing your mindset from Negative to Positive Come on KeeKee do it for you:hugs::yesyes:
I've known for a long time this relationship wouldn't last. I have told my partner countless times I'd leave eventually. It's just not easy to leave somebody you still love, regardless of their negatives (I have told my partner we aren't currently together though as I'm sick of being ignored by him with texts and phone calls). I also struggle with being a Mother and that is a large part of why I've put up with so much.
There is a mental health charity or organisation that I had to do a works placement for college with a few years ago in my city. I could contact them.
I think I will mention that I want a fully trained therapist. I've discussed it with a few people who also said they sound like they don't even know what they're talking about so I wonder if it's possible I've been given people who were still training.
I think you need to find out whether you actually have BDD? If you aren't formally assessed you will never know and will go through life assuming you have a very complex condition but this may not be the case?
I will mention it to my GP Pulisa. Who would be able to diagnose me? Would it have to be a GP? My therapist wrote on my referral I present with symptoms of BDD so I'm guessing they think I have it, but obviously not an official diagnosis. Any idea how I'd mention this to my GP? Would I just say, "Do I have BDD"?. I'm a bit nervous about mentioning it.
I also keep thinking "Is it actually BDD if you really are as ugly as you think".
I will mention it to my GP Pulisa. Who would be able to diagnose me? Would it have to be a GP? My therapist wrote on my referral I present with symptoms of BDD so I'm guessing they think I have it, but obviously not an official diagnosis. Any idea how I'd mention this to my GP? Would I just say, "Do I have BDD"?. I'm a bit nervous about mentioning it.
I also keep thinking "Is it actually BDD if you really are as ugly as you think".KeeKee I think when you see your Dr explain everything in detail and ask for the proper referral its the only way and I am sure they will help you! As for the BF next time he calls you or txt you ignore it You must not carry on the way you are he is on his way out of your life :)
KeeKee I think when you see your Dr explain everything in detail and ask for the proper referral its the only way and I am sure they will help you! As for the BF next time he calls you or txt you ignore it You must not carry on the way you are he is on his way out of your life :)
Thanks bigboy I'll mention that to my Dr. My GP is very nice I'm sure they will.
I haven't bothered texting him on a night for a few weeks now. I no longer ring him when I'm walking to or from the school alone as there is no point. I didn't get him to ring for my doctors appointment like I usually do either (I hate being on the phone, I speak really quickly and it's almost inevitable that I need to repeat myself but when I attempt to speak slower it sounds unnatural so makes me feel stressed). We haven't seen him since Sunday which is the longest my daughter has ever went without seeing her Dad but she isn't bothered so that's one less thing to worry about in the long run. I am officially over trying to make things work with him. If I meant anything to him, he'd have been over regardless of his excuses.
I will mention it to my GP Pulisa. Who would be able to diagnose me? Would it have to be a GP? My therapist wrote on my referral I present with symptoms of BDD so I'm guessing they think I have it, but obviously not an official diagnosis. Any idea how I'd mention this to my GP? Would I just say, "Do I have BDD"?. I'm a bit nervous about mentioning it.
I also keep thinking "Is it actually BDD if you really are as ugly as you think".
Your GP can't diagnose it and you would need to be referred to a mental health specialist in your area who could. It may be a good idea to do some research so that you have a named professional you could ask to see? I remember when my daughter was diagnosed autistic the GP hadn't a clue as to whom she should be referred but fortunately I did. I'm sure there must be a national BDD online support group you could get some info from as well?
Thanks bigboy I'll mention that to my Dr. My GP is very nice I'm sure they will.
I haven't bothered texting him on a night for a few weeks now. I no longer ring him when I'm walking to or from the school alone as there is no point. I didn't get him to ring for my doctors appointment like I usually do either (I hate being on the phone, I speak really quickly and it's almost inevitable that I need to repeat myself but when I attempt to speak slower it sounds unnatural so makes me feel stressed). We haven't seen him since Sunday which is the longest my daughter has ever went without seeing her Dad but she isn't bothered so that's one less thing to worry about in the long run. I am officially over trying to make things work with him. If I meant anything to him, he'd have been over regardless of his excuses.Wow KeeKee I am proud of you. great progress already hey if your daughter aint bothered then follow suit Yay!! :yesyes: Hey don't worry about having to repeat your self to the Dr's receptionist I am sure they get this quite a lot from other anxious patients ok :) KeeKee you are on you way girl keep going XX
---------- Post added at 19:47 ---------- Previous post was at 19:42 ----------
Your GP can't diagnose it and you would need to be referred to a mental health specialist in your area who could. It may be a good idea to do some research so that you have a named professional you could ask to see? I remember when my daughter was diagnosed autistic the GP hadn't a clue as to whom she should be referred but fortunately I did. I'm sure there must be a national BDD online support group you could get some info from as well? So you are talking about a pyschiratrist or psychologist? But again her dr is the first port of call to get the ball rolling :)
I would have thought a full psychological assessment would be needed as BDD is a complex condition which is closely linked to OCD. It needs to be taken seriously and not just thought of as bodily dissatisfaction which loads of people have. That's why I think you have had pretty shoddy treatment from your previous therapists, KeeKee because if they suspected you have "BDD traits" then this should have been followed up by your GP and not merely noted.
If you got a formal diagnosis this would give you something to work on rather than you feeling that you are stagnating in your current situation. You would actually be doing something to make life more manageable for yourself and for your daughter.
Wow I never knew a GP couldn't diagnose it, perhaps that's why it's never really been mentioned prior. My GP knows how I am so hopefully that's a step in the right way. I guess you don't get help if you don't ask (the only reason I had my most recent therapy was thanks to a workplace advisor my CBT therapist put me through to, if it wasn't for her my CBT therapist wouldn't have put me forward for referral as she told me I needed to sort my issues before going to work, whereas my therapist at the time told me to get a job then refer myself back for cbt). I will Google my local area to see if anybody would help diagnose me. It'll be a bit embarrassing if I don't have BDD as I've been 'living with it' for over 10 years now and therapists have discussed it with me etc as though I had it. Same with depression, I was diagnosed with PND many years ago then when I was discussing my depression with another doctor I was asked "Who told you you have depression?", so really I don't know what I have.
All the more reason to request an appropriate assessment, KeeKee? You've never had appropriate professional support. Maybe this could be the start of better times?
Yes you are right Pulisa, a proper diagnosis would definitely be best for me then. It seems most people think I want to be told I'm attractive whenever I bring it up, which isn't the case at all and makes me feel uncomfortable. It's not about wanting to be attractive or anything, it's about wanting to not obsess over my self image. I don't want to disallow photographs of me etc, I just want to feel 'normal'. I will definitely mention it to my GP. I've thought for years this was the main reason I can't get out of this hole I'm in, perhaps getting help for this could mean other issues fall into place.
---------- Post added at 20:53 ---------- Previous post was at 20:53 ----------
All the more reason to request an appropriate assessment, KeeKee? You've never had appropriate professional support. Maybe this could be the start of better times?
I certainly hope so :-), thank you for your advice, as per usual.
BDD needs to be taken seriously and treated by the appropriate specialist professionals
Thanks bigboy and you're probably right about the receptionists having other anxious patients. I'm a little sensitive about my fast speech, people think it's funny to 'mimic' it at times too. Quite a few family members speak the same way (they don't have anxiety) so I think it's just the way we speak. When I try to slow down I sound robotic and like I'm being sarcastic.
To be honest I've had no choice but to stop texting him as it was all in vein anyway. I was getting no response it's just took a while for me to get the picture. It's not like he never texts or anything, he's just acting like the father of my child as opposed to my partner though. Message received though, we've lived separately since August so it's not like it's a massive shock or anything.
My daughter has an official OCD diagnosis along with her autism and they were looking into BDD as well (the Maudsley Hospital in London) It was always taken very seriously and was a lengthy and detailed assessment.
I really hope you get somewhere with this. It could be so worth it to make progress and to be able to understand things about yourself a bit better with the help of professionals who know what they are talking about..
Thank you Pulisa. I live in the North East of England so hoping there'll be something here for me. My appointment is in 12 days so at least I've time to think of how I'm going to bring it up to my GP.
Thank you Pulisa. I live in the North East of England so hoping there'll be something here for me. My appointment is in 12 days so at least I've time to think of how I'm going to bring it up to my GP. KeeKee I will check with Changes and see if they have anything in the North East for you tomorrow things are starting to look better for you now, just start believing it :) XX
Thank you very much bigboy. I'm going to look at other resources around my area tomorrow too.
MyNameIsTerry
25-01-17, 22:50
KeeKee I will check with Changes and see if they have anything in the North East for you tomorrow things are starting to look better for you now, just start believing it :) XX
Changes is SOT but they were branching out towards the East Midlands. It's a local charity.
There are similiar groups around the country though so a Google of the area might turn them up.
GlassPinata
26-01-17, 02:32
As few of you already know, my relationship has been on the brink for quite a while now. My partner hasn't made an effort to see me or our daughter this week and we haven't seen him since Sunday and won't until tomorrow as he has to wait in for someone this evening. I've basically told him there's no point anymore and I'm sick of trying. He doesn't seem bothered.
Other than my daughter, I haven't seen anybody I know since Sunday and I feel really lonely. I do like to be alone too, but all day for 3 days is so difficult. I usually meet a relative on a Wednesday in town but they're not going today. So another day alone. Feeling so down, for the past decade my partner has been pretty much my only company (bar a few hours here and there with relatives), now it seems I just have to accept he isn't interested.
I don't feel comfortable around my relatives, I have to watch what I say as they always have an opinion on things. I can't even discipline my daughter without being undermined so if she's there with me I spend the whole time nervous in case she acts up and I have to tell her off (she rarely does but does occasionally). I only have one friend who I rarely meet up with. I feel like a complete loser.
I feel so sickly today, don't really know what to do with myself anymore. Not interested in TV (I do like some programmes but usually can't pay attention unless I'm in bed), I've eye strain so can't read at the moment. No point leaving the house as nowhere to go and can't stand going for walks, with anybody never mind alone. It's another Sunny day which always makes me feel worse.
Just feel so low and down in the dumps. The school run is really getting me down it always makes me sweat which makes my face greasy, which makes me feel even worse. I look unkempt a lot as I have really dark circles, spots and greasy skin and my hair is in terrible condition (a relative thinks it could be stress as my hair was always lovely and shiny until I started feeling really low and also developed dark circles at the same time) so even if I get a little overheated my hair turns into a frizzy mess. I just can't see any purpose. I've been getting blurry vision in my left eye too, which is starting to unsettle me. I just don't feel right.
Sorry to anybody who reads this for yet another miserable post I just feel horrible. Each month things seem worse. I feel so low and whilst being single isn't the worst thing in the world, I crave intimacy so bad. I've had virtually no sex life for the past 5 years and it's really, really getting me down.
Also a single mom of a 4 yr old.
I know loneliness, believe me.
If you want, maybe we could be friends, write & encourage each other.
PM me if you want my info.
Best wishes. <3
I would walk about the streets naked if my family's lives were in danger. I would pick up a spider and let it crawl all over me if my family's lives were in danger (I have a serious spider phobia) however that would be an extreme, highly unlikely situation.
So, it could be done.
Isn't your quality of life that important too? We only get one life, and yours is passing you by every single day.
At some point you have to release all the negative mental energy you have built up and say.... "F**k this. I have to change.... because this isn't working...."
It is all on you. As much as you try and resist that.
Put your hair up. No-one really cares or notices how you wear your hair at the end of the day.
We all take ourselves far too seriously.
The minute you accept that life is mostly shit, we all die and go through troubles, and that nothing will change that, it becomes a lot easier.
Your opinion of yourself needs to go out of the window. Its completely wrong.
You've spent far too long listening to that negative voice.
Tell it right now, to "f**k right off."
I won't be around to read your response, but best of luck with everything.
Also a single mom of a 4 yr old.
I know loneliness, believe me.
If you want, maybe we could be friends, write & encourage each other.
PM me if you want my info.
Best wishes. <3 I think that's very kind of you to offer this lifeline to KeeKee :) I am sure she will be pleased!!!
Also a single mom of a 4 yr old.
I know loneliness, believe me.
If you want, maybe we could be friends, write & encourage each other.
PM me if you want my info.
Best wishes. <3
Thank you for your kind offer. I struggle with only one child, she isn't even a handful either to be honest I feel embarrassed admitting I struggle when there are so much worse off.
---------- Post added at 09:43 ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 ----------
Thank you for your response SLA. It's not as easy as just doing it though, I haven't tied it up for 13 years and it has nothing to do with what other people will think of me, I know they won't say anything or judge me simply because of a hairstyle (actually they probably will say something as people tend to point out if I have any of my arms on show and makes me feel horrible, however that is only those who know me, not strangers). I can't even tie it up in front of my child, it genuinely feels as though I am naked, that's the only way I know how to explain it.
It's hypothetical of course and highly unlikely, but if I was asked to tie my hair up, or sit there with a see through top on (I'm very self conscious about my body too), I truly don't think I'd be able to choose. That's how difficult it is.
I even used to get tipsy to try and get over it, but I still can't do it drunk either and when I'm drunk I'm usually pretty confident (although I haven't had a drink in 4 years now). It's like telling me to take my clothes off, I simply couldn't do that either. This feels no different, although I do acknowledge it isn't the same.
Thank you for your kind offer. I struggle with only one child, she isn't even a handful either to be honest I feel embarrassed admitting I struggle when there are so much worse off.KeeKee., you must not feel embarrassed about that! Your troubles may not be as bad as other peoples, but they have got you very down all the same. Hope you will take that very kind offer up It will help you get through these bad times :)XX
KeeKee., you must not feel embarrassed about that! Your troubles may not be as bad as other peoples, but they have got you very down all the same. Hope you will take that very kind offer up It will help you get through these bad times :)XX
Thank you bigboy. I know there are plenty who struggle like me too as all professionals I've mentioned it to have said I'm not the only one. But from what I see each day with children I appear to have the easiest child in the world. She is cheeky and lazy (as in won't pick up after herself at all), but ultimately give her a new book and she will prefer to sit in her room all day reading. She loves reading. She isn't noisy unless I'm babysitting another child so I don't have to put up with yelling or anything. I don't get why I find it so hard. Maybe im just not 'motherly'.
Thank you bigboy. I know there are plenty who struggle like me too as all professionals I've mentioned it to have said I'm not the only one. But from what I see each day with children I appear to have the easiest child in the world. She is cheeky and lazy (as in won't pick up after herself at all), but ultimately give her a new book and she will prefer to sit in her room all day reading. She loves reading. She isn't noisy unless I'm babysitting another child so I don't have to put up with yelling or anything. I don't get why I find it o hard. Maybe im just not 'motherly'. You Are welcome KeeKee. You appear as you say and maybe she is some ways but if she is lazy then that's not a good thing for herself really :)You need to be a bit firmer with in certain things other wise she may grow up with some problems herself later on in life! No I wouldn't say that. You are motherly don't let these negative thoughts get a hold on you. Your problems have got your self very low recently (so they must be real) And did check with Changes only round the SOT area, but would call Mind ( another good mental health charity) in your area and see what they have to a offer you might be surprised nothing ventured, nothing gained give them a call today :) Come on you have started to make some small but significant changes lets keep this going for you cause you are worth it!! XX Cheers
Carrie8484
26-01-17, 12:06
Hi Keekee
if you were given a magic wand, what would wish for?
everything you want to achieve is possible.
but the change does start with you!
Only you are in control of improving your life.
Could you list a few things you would like to change?
Every day, we are a step closer to dying! how morbid you all think, but it's true.
You CAN make the rest of your life better, life is too short to be unhappy all the time.
x
You Are welcome KeeKee. You appear as you say and maybe she is some ways but if she is lazy then that's not a good thing for herself really :)You need to be a bit firmer with in certain things other wise she may grow up with some problems herself later on in life! No I wouldn't say that. You are motherly don't let these negative thoughts get a hold on you. Your problems have got your self very low recently (so they must be real) And did check with Changes only round the SOT area, but would call Mind ( another good mental health charity) in your area and see what they have to a offer you might be surprised nothing ventured, nothing gained give them a call today :) Come on you have started to make some small but significant changes lets keep this going for you cause you are worth it!! XX Cheers
Thank you again. I'll give them a ring when I'm home.
I do try to discipline my daughter, my relatives think I'm too strict, I'm the kind of parent who only allows sweets and TV on weekends etc, she is to bring her own dirty washing downstairs and so on. She's still a child of course but I still think she's old enough to contribute now, I also get her to take her clean washing upstairs and put it away. What makes me laugh is at school she offers to tidy the classrooms instead of going outside! Yet at home she doesn't bother.
---------- Post added at 12:54 ---------- Previous post was at 12:52 ----------
Hi Keekee
if you were given a magic wand, what would wish for?
everything you want to achieve is possible.
but the change does start with you!
Only you are in control of improving your life.
Could you list a few things you would like to change?
Every day, we are a step closer to dying! how morbid you all think, but it's true.
You CAN make the rest of your life better, life is too short to be unhappy all the time.
x
To be honest if I could change one thing, one thing that I truly believe would make my life better it would be my appearance. I accept that's shallow and you need to accept how you look etc, but I simply can't. I hate how I look. It's affected my relationship as I'm always asking if I'm ugly etc, he is sick of having to reassure me that I'm not ugly. It prevents me from buying and wearing nice clothes (when I had money to buy nice clothes). I feel revolting and I hate it. I fear I'll never be 'intimate' with anybody ever again due to my insecurities. If only I didn't hate the way I looked so much perhaps I wouldn't feel like I'm so worthless.
If I gave you a magic wand that could change your mindset instead, would you accept it?
It's free, and I don't need anything in return.
Keekee
Your fear has a deep root & professional advice (or hypnotherapy?) is required. How you perceive yourself is totally distorted & untrue.
It brings to mind Micheal Jackson who was a handsome guy when Thriller came out. He underwent scores of painful & unnecessary procedures because he disliked his face. As a result he looked awful & his life was cut short due to his severe anxieties.
I am unable to help but sincerely wish you well.
Its time to take action NOW!!
I agree with Lucinda, very deep rooted issues, and all we can do is support you and say good luck.
I'd imagine there are few individuals who look how they'd like to look. My hair is disapppearing, and I have aged about 5 years in the last 6 months alone.
But that is life. Mostly shit, but with some good bits thrown in. When you realise that, and stop giving so much of a shit about your thoughts or anyone elses, it's like a 1 tonne lead weight being removed from your shoulders.
Think forward to when you are 70, looking back at all of this.
Its all trivial.
Everything. Me, and my problems. You and yours.
Before we know it, we'll all be worm food.
So at some point you better just accept it, because before you know it, it'll be too late.
Carrie8484
26-01-17, 15:05
Keekee, I think the stony hard truth is what SLA is giving you and I hope you take some of it on board at least... changing your mindset is absolutely crucial here as he says.
However
If you aren't happy with the perceived 'shallower' aspects of your life, and lets face it, many women are consumed by their appearance....there are some very simple things you can do, to give yourself a boost.
Dark circles - a good camouflage concealer works wonders. Try the cheaper version of touche éclat - l'oreal do one in a range of colours, as well as a lot of the lower cost brands. Takes seconds to apply.
Drink plenty of water aswell to plump out your skin and help with blemishes.
A friend recommended Garnier who do a great new anti blemish face wash.
Hair - I have a very thick frizzy mane of hair that is hard to control. I use a hair masque twice a week to smooth it down a bit and blow dry it then straighten. Many of us have the frizz problem sadly, any type of weather seems to bring on the frizz for me.
I use a serum before and after blow drying and sometimes an anti humidity spray too.
The hair masque is the best one though - or try a coconut oil masque.
One of my best friends is someone who, on appearance, is probably average looking at best. She openly tells people this - she has a large nose, no lips and greasy skin.
However - men find her extremely attractive. They are all mesmerised by her, I spent 3 years at uni being in her shadow! She oozes confidence. Far, far more thna me and i am the better looking one aesthetically out of the two of us. She carries herself well, she smiles at people, she walks around like she knows she is attractive. She is happy in her skin.But all of this has nothing to do with the way she LOOKS. She is charming and tactile. I used to wish i could be just like her. You see, attractiveness is not just about the outside, and i really really believe that, especially seeing the reactions my friend gets.
Please try and take the steps to giving yourself a chance. You are worth it x
Thank you all for your insightful comments. SLA I'm ashamed to admit that if I could choose between being attractive or changing my mindset it would be the former. I want to be attractive, I used to be fairly attractive (either that or many people lied to me) and this is what makes it so difficult. I've only ever really been complimented 'in real life' on my looks. Never my style, personality, parenting, my house. Solely my looks (I've had nice comments on here and had comments such as 'lovely' and 'smart' from therapists but never from people who truly know the real me). My partner has openly admitted he got with me for my looks, he has only ever complimented my looks (not in recent years), I've even asked him what he likes about me other than my looks and he can't answer.
I look haggard now though, truly shattered (sleep is actually one thing I don't struggle with so I'm seldom tired these days). I think my relationship breakdown has worsened things as how will I ever meet somebody if I'm not attractive, I know it's not all about looks, I myself wouldn't choose somebody on their looks, but I'd need to be at least mildly attracted to them.
Carrie I'll have a look at some of those products. I'm very limited financially (my foundation sets me back massively as it costs a bomb so leaves me with little money for other makeup) so will have a look at the likes of MUA in Superdrug. I also totally agree with what you're saying in regards to confidence being an attractive trait as even my GP mentioned to me 'When you feel good, you look good' or something around those lines. I've also known the type of people who think they're better than they are and they do get quite a bit attention.
I also do have some of that dehumidifier in my cupboard (Lee stafford and it's quite good as long as it isn't ridiculously humid).
Lucinda I do believe I must have a distorted image of myself. People tell me I'm attractive but I honestly can't see it at all, to any degree. I'm ashamed to admit if I had the money I'd get surgery. I know it's not for the best, but I can't see a way over this.
I'm ashamed to admit that if I could choose between being attractive or changing my mindset it would be the former.
That's kind of the point though. We can choose to change our mindset, but choosing to change our attractiveness doesn't really ever happen.
Anyway, 90% of what makes someone attractive is how they are as a person. If Mila Kunis sat around in her pyjamas all day, and didnt take care of herself, and have a positive mindset, no-one would want to go anywhere near her. (Except chavs.)
You're wasting your time.
Starting to feel like I am too, but I love you all the same.
It's really sad how important "attractiveness" is to you, KeeKee. It overrides everything as you admit. I think this is why it's important that you get an assessment for BDD.
It's really sad how important "attractiveness" is to you, KeeKee. It overrides everything as you admit. I think this is why it's important that you get an assessment for BDD.KeeKee has been given some very good advice here. I will add while there is nothing wrong with wanting to be attractive in your appearance it's secondary to you primary concern which has to be your mental state this is paramount to your health and well being get a proper assessment done get treatment etc then set about getting your appearance right it wont work the other way round like I say this is all secondary IMHO change your mind set and the rest will follow other wise you will still be posting how bad your life is 12 months from now I will add beauty is only skin deep, again it's only your perception that is making you feel that you need surgery it's a waste of money and effort so put your efforts in changing your mind set honest it will make a huge difference to your overall life :) XX
Thank you everybody for replying again. I will 100% mention this to my GP in 11 days. I know treatment will be based on my own way of thinking, I know they aren't going to be able to change how I look. I do believe there is a reason for my dark circles and fragile hair (stress) but even before those were an issue I still felt very insecure. I always felt like my partner was looking at other girls etc whenever we went out and at 28 years old I'm truly sick of it. I'm sick of the way my life is 10 years ago I would never, ever have guessed my life would have been this way. I do believe I have BDD (although accept a proper diagnosis is needed to confirm this) and that I have had BDD traits since around 15 years old, but I've still managed to meet my partner, have our daughter, work and study until 4 years ago, so it hasn't always affected my life the way it is now. I think other issues are exasperating it (my relationship, not enjoying motherhood etc). Going on Paroxetine and gaining over a stone also didn't help and coincides with when my self image became unbearable, even though I've now lost that weight.
What happens if you tie your hair back? Panic attack?
No panic attacks haven't really ever been an issue for me (other than a handful at the beginning of my anxiety). I just simply cannot bring myself to do it. As mentioned prior I genuinely feel naked with my hair up. I don't even like it up when alone, although if my curtains are shut and doors locked I will tie my hair up for certain things such as cleaning etc. It's half up now as I'm about to comb it as I've just washed it.
You say you felt that your partner was looking at other girls but I wonder whether he actually was or whether this was your insecurity causing you to think this?
You had your daughter at a young age and were tied down with motherhood when others your age perhaps didn't have that responsibility. It can't have been easy for you, especially with the PND, and stress is accumulative. If you were a bad Mum you wouldn't be so concerned about your parenting skills. Please don't be so hard on yourself?
My partner does look at other girls, he has always been that way, I don't believe he'd ever cheat though but I still hate him looking at others when I'm there. I know a lot of men are like that, my friends don't care that their partners do it, but I always have cared massively to the point it's caused arguments. Then people call me 'jealous' as 'all men do it', so id rather not be bothered by it.
Thank you Pulisa that's what my therapist said that if I was really a bad Mother I wouldn't be sitting worrying about it. I do agree to that, but then there are other parents who don't have it easy, yet never moan, some of which frequent this website....... Those are the definition of a good mother in my eyes.
I was once told that you only had to be a "good enough" mother by a psychoanalyst. I never could really accept that as my son was born with multiple organ defects and I had reason to blame myself for that (he copes just fine now). I think as mothers we deal with a load of guilt/feelings of inadequacy no matter how "competent" we actually are
I was once told that you only had to be a "good enough" mother by a psychoanalyst. I never could really accept that as my son was born with multiple organ defects and I had reason to blame myself for that (he copes just fine now). I think as mothers we deal with a load of guilt/feelings of inadequacy no matter how "competent" we actually are
That's a good way to look at it really, as long as you try your best what more can you do I guess.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that and glad he copes now. It must have been a very worrisome time (and no doubt still is).
He had a bit of a health scare recently but we tend to take his health for granted now as he had his operations many years ago. I just think guilt is part of the motherhood package-we never think we get it right!
Yes I feel immense guilt. I used to think it was due to my issues but maybe as you say, it's just part of the package and we all feel it.
I hope your son is OK now. You seem to be very strong, you are always helping others on here when no doubt you yourself could do with some TLC. I hope you manage some 'me time' now and again, you more than deserve it.
I do look after myself, KeeKee as I realise how important it is to do so when there is a lot to contend with in life. Thanks for your kindness. I never like to say too much about my own issues because they are of a long term nature but hopefully I can help people from my own experiences over the decades.
I'm glad you look after yourself also. I'm sure you've been more of a help to many people than you realise. For a start I would never have known I should mention my BDD to the GP for an official diagnosis if you hadn't suggested it. So thanks again for all your advice.
I just think you need an official diagnosis to get the proper treatment. Otherwise you'll just get fobbed off by the therapists which has already happened. Do you know about the BDD Foundation which offers an online diagnosis check? Not that this would be in place of a proper assessment by a professional but it may be of interest?
No but I'll have a look on, thanks. It may make bringing the subject up to my doctor easier too as I don't really know what to say.
---------- Post added at 09:48 ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 ----------
I just did the test and scored 62/72. The only one thing that makes me think I may not have it, is that it's apparently a 'perceived' flaw, whereas I can't pinpoint the exact reason or 'flaw', it's just overall.
No but I'll have a look on, thanks. It may make bringing the subject up to my doctor easier too as I don't really know what to say.
---------- Post added at 09:48 ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 ----------
I just did the test and scored 62/72. The only one thing that makes me think I may not have it, is that it's apparently a 'perceived' flaw, whereas I can't pinpoint the exact reason or 'flaw', it's just overall. I think that's a excellent idea go prepared so to speak :) And do visit my new thread "if you want to recover like I do" Not knowing anything about your condition 62/72 seems to point that you have it so it's good starting point with your dr Good luck XX
Thanks bigboy. I have been reading your thread. I'm a bit nosey. I may even mention that result to the GP. I'm aware it's not 'official' or anything but I could just say something like I've took an online test as I suspect I have BDD and scored pretty high on it (one test I'd rather I failed ;-))
Thanks bigboy. I have been reading your thread. I'm a bit nosey. I may even mention that result to the GP. I'm aware it's not 'official' or anything but I could just say something like I've took an online test as I suspect I have BDD and scored pretty high on it (one test I'd rather I failed ;-)) You are welcome:) Hey you aren't nosey LOL that's what the thread is for to be looked at!! I think it's very good that you have took the test can you print off the test results? and you can show your Dr? No I disagree if the test results are correct then this is good news as you can get the help you are looking for so see it as a positive way forward :)
Thanks again Bigboy. Yes I could print the results off.
That questionnaire was compiled by Dr David Veale and his colleagues and he's a well known authority on OCD and BDD so your GP should take your results seriously. There's bound to be a wait involved in whatever your GP suggests but at least you will have got the ball rolling.
MyNameIsTerry
27-01-17, 14:02
No but I'll have a look on, thanks. It may make bringing the subject up to my doctor easier too as I don't really know what to say.
---------- Post added at 09:48 ---------- Previous post was at 09:45 ----------
I just did the test and scored 62/72. The only one thing that makes me think I may not have it, is that it's apparently a 'perceived' flaw, whereas I can't pinpoint the exact reason or 'flaw', it's just overall.
BDD is classed as a Somatoform Disorder. So, it heavily leans into what we call HA.
That's a very high score so there must be some relevance for you? One thing I've always noticed is your self esteem is low and I wonder whether the BDD is a cause of depression? You've not found help in therapy either so are they trying to tackle a secondary issue like depression when there is a primary disorder underpinning it all?
If they changed their strategy, it may be more beneficial in treating the true issue? Or at least a mix but always making sure the underlying issue is tackled?
Hopefully my GP may have heard about him and will know which 'test' I've taken. Yes no doubt there will be a wait, but as you say it'll get the ball rolling. I've been this way for so long that waiting a while longer won't hurt.
---------- Post added at 20:13 ---------- Previous post was at 19:59 ----------
I do believe my depression could be caused by my (possible) BDD and like you've suggested maybe secondary. I mentioned to my most recent therapist that I feel it's the root of everything. I have always been shy of course but never crippling like it is now and prior to turning 15 never in regards to my appearance.
I thought my most recent therapy was going to determine the root cause (CAT) but a lot of it was about reciprocal roles etc and even though I mentioned my low self esteem I don't think they knew how to respond.
I never even thought to specifically treat my self esteem issues but do believe CBT never worked as it wasn't about treating the underlying issue.
I think categorically establishing that BDD is the underlying issue could well be a significant breakthrough for you, KeeKee. It would be worth waiting to see the appropriate specialist professional as well because you don't want to have any more "one size fits all" therapy again.
MyNameIsTerry
27-01-17, 22:06
Then it sounds like they are trying to treat symptoms. In Exposure Therapy, this is seen as a treatment failure because it doesn't treat the root, so even success treating the associated issues leaves the foundation in place for new ones to develop our others to come back. For therapists to be missing what is obvious to us is bizarre but I've seen it before on here and it makes me wonder whether it's about time scale?
When I had my CBT it didn't matter whether it achieved anything, once completed that was "your lot".
Veale is one of the big names. If I'm getting the right person, he worked with Salkovskis at The Maudsley, is a patron of various OCD charities, etc.
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