View Full Version : I'm in a new job and anxiety is ten times worse
brooklyn79
29-01-17, 10:46
Hi I recently posted as I was so anxious starting a new job. I'd been in and out of work for over 6 months due to redundancy from a job I loved. I went into a couple of other jobs before this one and but left after a month due to anxiety because they were long commutes and one the manager was so nasty to me I just had to get out so everyone I know I just keeps getting annoyed at me saying oh here she goes again running away from jobs.
I have so far done 2 weeks in new role and everyone that doesn't understand my anxiety keeps saying oh stick at the job it will be OK soon but I just want to leave. The job itself was not what I thought and I'm trying to learn a complicated computer system and it's pure data analysis and figure work as opposed to what was advertised which was general admin, typing letters etc which is what I enjoy. I'm not very good with figures and data and wouldn't have applied if it was advertised as such.
I find myself checking the time counting down to going home and having so many toilet breaks I think the staff think I'm crazy! There are 3 other new staff who do different roles who seem so confident and chatty to everyone too and I feel so quiet and shy and feel like everyone is judging me for hardly speaking. I just don't feel like I fit in and the work is too complex for me. Plus they make me go to weekly meetings and want me to report on figures and I stumble over my words and go red any time I talk!
I have to stop myself crying and spending my weekend worried sick and hiding away in my bedroom. I just don't know what to do. I'm frantically looking for other work but making myself physically sick. I'm really bad at telling managers I'm not happy too I just keep it bottled up because I don't want them knowing and judging me as I feel like I don't know them well enough.
Sorry for the ramble but I just need to get my feelings out to people that understand and maybe can advise me what to do. I'm just so fed up and don't understand why the older I've become the worse my anxiety, fears and worries is getting. Thanks for reading xx
goalkeeper
29-01-17, 22:05
i understand how you feel.i started a job a couple of years ago having prevoiusly worked for a different company for 25 years.i felt like a fish out of water for weeks after i stsrted.i didnt know what i was doing and couldnt see any light at the end of the tunnell.it wss around the 6 week mark until i felt like i new roughly whst i was doing and it got much easier after that.it will get easier although it wont feel like it just now.i promise it will.im so glad i didnt quit because if i had i would have been back to square one somewhere else.
Firstly, congrats on getting the job, great stuff.
The anxiety is telling you to run but I'd ignore the advice it's giving you and listen to your true self. A new job is stressful for sure and hence anxiety goes into overdrive but anxiety doesn't mean you can't do the job. Try to put the anxiety to one side (easier said than done), do your best and see what happens.
I think you can do the job but you need to have to believe in yourself. Don't put pressure on yourself and don't compare to other people, just be yourself and do your best. No one can ask anything more.
Hi I recently posted as I was so anxious starting a new job. I'd been in and out of work for over 6 months due to redundancy from a job I loved. I went into a couple of other jobs before this one and but left after a month due to anxiety because they were long commutes and one the manager was so nasty to me I just had to get out so everyone I know I just keeps getting annoyed at me saying oh here she goes again running away from jobs.
I have so far done 2 weeks in new role and everyone that doesn't understand my anxiety keeps saying oh stick at the job it will be OK soon but I just want to leave. The job itself was not what I thought and I'm trying to learn a complicated computer system and it's pure data analysis and figure work as opposed to what was advertised which was general admin, typing letters etc which is what I enjoy. I'm not very good with figures and data and wouldn't have applied if it was advertised as such.
I find myself checking the time counting down to going home and having so many toilet breaks I think the staff think I'm crazy! There are 3 other new staff who do different roles who seem so confident and chatty to everyone too and I feel so quiet and shy and feel like everyone is judging me for hardly speaking. I just don't feel like I fit in and the work is too complex for me. Plus they make me go to weekly meetings and want me to report on figures and I stumble over my words and go red any time I talk!
I have to stop myself crying and spending my weekend worried sick and hiding away in my bedroom. I just don't know what to do. I'm frantically looking for other work but making myself physically sick. I'm really bad at telling managers I'm not happy too I just keep it bottled up because I don't want them knowing and judging me as I feel like I don't know them well enough.
Sorry for the ramble but I just need to get my feelings out to people that understand and maybe can advise me what to do. I'm just so fed up and don't understand why the older I've become the worse my anxiety, fears and worries is getting. Thanks for reading xx
As a serial employment changer (boy that sounds bad) I know how you feel, I change jobs for other reasons. (for fun to be honest). But feeling out of place is completely normal, you shouldn't worry too much about that.
If you would ask me advice about your job situation, I would strongly suggest that you find something that you like, even where you feel neutral and don't worry about what other people think about you.
IF you would ask me about your anxieties that would be a completely different story. The problem is your thoughts about the job, and we can always control that.
here is my take on it - you can always make any job bearable, you can't love something that you don't like, but you CAN not hate it as well. You can always get to the inbetween level, where you're just like - oh whatever, it is not like it's braking my bones.
You're just in the state of whatever, i'll do it. Your not super excited about it, and you're not hating it as well.
The next logical question that folows is: "Thats all nice and good, but how do I get there?"
i can't put links here yet, so you'll have to excuse me, but I'm gonna copy-paste my reply from other thread where I just replied to another job related question.
So here it goes:
The solution that helped me.
I started to get into Stoicism that lead me to CBT. I was having a lot of issues, and this particular exercise I did for depression, but I adapted it for work as well and it did wonders.
Basically you make two columns on your computer, I did it in an excell file.
In one you write the automatic thought that you're having and in the other you write down the rational response.
Here is one from my log:
Automatic thought: Daniel definitely thinks that I'm a total looser and will probably pretty soon exclude me from the main team, because he thinks that I'm a total looser.
*comment*
Just to put in some context, I had no basis for making the assumption that he looks down on me, that was just all in my head.
Rational reply: I have no basis to think that I'm getting fired, I'm doing a good job, maybe not the best that I could, but better than others here. Also, noone has ever told me that Daniel looks down on me and I've made that one only on my own ideas and as history shows me I'm a terrible judge when it comes to this. Multiple times when I've asked people if there is a problem or have I've done anything wrong when I think I have, they've always told the, that everything is cool.
I did this exercise daily and still do it. Within the first few days I was feeling a lot better.
Every time you get upset just write down the thought that makes you upset and come up with a rational response.
The only rule here is that you have to absolutely believe the response that you write down. !
Hope this helps. :)
Hi I recently posted as I was so anxious starting a new job. I'd been in and out of work for over 6 months due to redundancy from a job I loved. I went into a couple of other jobs before this one and but left after a month due to anxiety because they were long commutes and one the manager was so nasty to me I just had to get out so everyone I know I just keeps getting annoyed at me saying oh here she goes again running away from jobs.
I have so far done 2 weeks in new role and everyone that doesn't understand my anxiety keeps saying oh stick at the job it will be OK soon but I just want to leave. The job itself was not what I thought and I'm trying to learn a complicated computer system and it's pure data analysis and figure work as opposed to what was advertised which was general admin, typing letters etc which is what I enjoy. I'm not very good with figures and data and wouldn't have applied if it was advertised as such.
I find myself checking the time counting down to going home and having so many toilet breaks I think the staff think I'm crazy! There are 3 other new staff who do different roles who seem so confident and chatty to everyone too and I feel so quiet and shy and feel like everyone is judging me for hardly speaking. I just don't feel like I fit in and the work is too complex for me. Plus they make me go to weekly meetings and want me to report on figures and I stumble over my words and go red any time I talk!
I have to stop myself crying and spending my weekend worried sick and hiding away in my bedroom. I just don't know what to do. I'm frantically looking for other work but making myself physically sick. I'm really bad at telling managers I'm not happy too I just keep it bottled up because I don't want them knowing and judging me as I feel like I don't know them well enough.
Sorry for the ramble but I just need to get my feelings out to people that understand and maybe can advise me what to do. I'm just so fed up and don't understand why the older I've become the worse my anxiety, fears and worries is getting. Thanks for reading xx
Hi :)
Sorry to hear things are tough at the moment for you. :hugs:
Firstly, well done on sticking out your new job for two weeks. I once got a new job a few years and and ended up walking out half way on the first day because I was so anxious! I don't think my manager was best pleased but oh well! You have lasted longer than me in the past.
I too have just started a new job, a few weeks ago and it's no where near what I expected it to be. It's much harder, more stressful and with very high standards compared to what was advertised when I took the job. So it does feel like a kick in the teeth! I can do the job but I'm not use to being criticised for silly things which makes my anxiety bad as I feel what will the manager pick me on this time. It too has made me on times want to quit. However I can cope with it now so I will stick it out.
I think unless you are going through or have been through something similar or know someone who has been through it then someone cannot understand how big a deal it is for someone with anxiety. A job change or new job can be a big deal for someone without anxiety but for someone with anxiety a job change can be a massive deal beacuse it can take us out of our comfort zone and throws us into the unkown. For me personally in the past job changes have made me feel as if it is the worse thing in the world. So for me when people have said 'stick it out' or 'it will get better' has never really helped me. So I too have spent many weekends in the past crying my eyes out and feeling sick with worry about going into work. However what has helped me is keeping the following in mind:
It takes time for someone to get use to a new job. It's a whole new environment, new work colleagues, new workload and tasks and so forth.
Of course you are going to be anxious but obviously anxiety makes things seem a lot worse than they actually are. Hopefully in time as you begin to feel more at ease with the job and the environment the anxiety will ease. It it doesn't have you considered maybe speaking to a doctor if your anxiety is affecting you on a daily basis for you to get some sort of treatment whether it's therapy or medication. Obviously this is a decision you would have to make. I'm currently on medication for anxiety and it is the best thing I have ever done. Although I so have spells of anxiety I cope with it well.
I would take a step back and give yourself a bit of breathing space. Starting a new job can be tough, starting a new job with anxiety is even tougher. Take things slow, maybe try breaking up the day into small sections so say focus on getting to lunchtime and then focus on getting to home time which has helped me in the past.
If you really feel like you are not settling down then continue looking for another job. I feel that although we need money, no job is worth making you feel terrible but I also recommend that sometimes you have to give things time to improve. It really is your decision, you know yourself best and I'm sure you will make the right decision. Make the decision which is in your best interest not and what other people want you to do as it is you that is feeling like this and not them.
Keep in mind that you won't be in this job forever and it is only a means to an end which is money. I think a lot of people clock watch in their job. I'm always counting down the hours until it's home time.
I would try and have a word with your manager about how you feel and the fact that the job is not what it was advertised. I've been honest in my current job with how I feel and it really does help. Your manager is there support you and not to judge you. I've bottled things up in the past and to be honest for me it's always made me feel worse. By being open about how you feel should allow your manager to help you out whether it's extra training or support.
In my new job I feel like I don't fit in and sometimes have difficulty in speaking to certain members of staff and they must to be honest think I'm quite. But there are quite people in all workplaces so it's not something new. Not everyone is confident and wants to have a chat. Some people just want to go to work and then go home without that. I highly doubt your work colleagues will be judging you they proberly just feel that your shy and there is nothing wrong in being shy whatsoever. It doesn't matter what they think about you.
In regards to what you feel people think or say about you. Ignore them. They're not going through what you are currently going through. If their mind worked the way in which anxiety makes the mind work they would be feeling exactly the same way as you feel. It's just that they don't have anxiety and unfortunaly you do.
You clearly have done a job that you enjoyed so before so you can get back to this place again whether it is in this job or another job. The beauty about jobs is that you can always change and look for something else if this one doesn't work out.
I'm not saying stick out the job or quit but what I am saying is only you know how you feel. Make the decision which you feel is in your best interests.
If you need to chat PM me. :)
brooklyn79
31-01-17, 14:25
Hi everyone, thanks for your responses and advice I really appreciate it and helps that others understand what I'm feeling.
I'm back at work tomorrow so my anxiety is starting to rise again. I have applied for a different role no clue if I'd get interview but it kind of helped me think if I decide to leave then I'm doing something productive to facilitate it.
Jebdog and goalkeeper thank you for your advice I'm taking that on board and I'm going to at least try and last out for few more weeks and see if it gets better, just wish I didn't have to go to the weekly meetings and someone would take on that part of the job I feel sick going into them. I keep trying to repeat to myself I can only do my best and if I get it wrong then so be it but not sure that's sinking in yet!!
Karlo - thanks for the ideas on how I can overcome this fear and anxiety I'm going to have good read of your post when I get on computer and try some of the suggestions, just on my phone and Internet not the best and quite hard to read on my phone but il give the ideas a go. Fingers crossed.
Hi punky fish, thank you to for your helpful words. I hope things improve in your new job sounds like they have advertised it differently to what it is which is what's happened with me too. It's great you are sticking it out and you are doing well to cope with it.
It is definitely hard having family say stick it out etc it drives me mad. I love my other half to bits but he's mr confident and has attitude of well if you make mistake so what, just wish I could think like that. I will try and go easy on myself though and I've started ticking my work days off to try and see if I can get through things. I'm thinking of pay day too to get me through it. Just wish my anxiety didn't start to build up like it is now cause I know I'm back in tomorrow. I need to keep anxiety down too as I suffer from crohns so stress and worry can make that flare!
I will think about going to see my doctor if I get the courage. Still not sure on talking to my manager yet... Thanks for the support though and I may just take you up on offer to pm you as you do seem to have been in similar situations and are getting through things.
I'm going to go and have a cuppa and try and calm myself, I downloaded an anxiety book so will read few more pages although not seeing many results yet! Take care everyone xx
I'm going to go and have a cuppa and try and calm myself
As long as it does. Caffeine exacerbates anxiety!
It seems like its a 50/50 thing to me. The job isn't ideal, but you also put a lot of pressure on yourself by getting so anxious.
It's important to keep pushing your comfort zone, and to get confidence from that. If we close ourselves off from experiences just because they cause us a little stress, then we don't lead interesting and fulfilled lives.
brooklyn79
31-01-17, 15:01
Oh no I didn't realise caffeine did that. I may stick to my water.
I will try my best to push through and try to overcome the anxiety and try and get my confidence it may take some time though!
Yeh, it does take time and practise, little steps each day.
For me, if I am anxious already caffeine accelerates that mood. I only drink tea/coffee on days when I am in a good state of mind.
I just found it funny when you said have a cup of tea and try and calm down. :D
Its like going to a rock concert for a bit of peace and quiet.
Chocolateface
01-02-17, 18:29
Hey, hope you are feeling a bit better.
You must remember you interviewed for a role and got it so you can speak in public to others that is something in itself, so many people (myself included) get so het up we know what we want to say but struggle saying it and aftetwards think of better ways we could have said it.
You are also new in the role so should be given training to help you understand what you are doing. Match the job advert and application stuff to the role you are doing see if they match.
You should also get a 1-2-1 with your line manager, talk to them in it and explain where you need more training.
Hope you get on ok
I wonder if you might be better having some time to yourself and getting yourself better. When I went through my first terrible anxious time many years ago, I was fighting through it and carrying on as normal. When I was ultimately signed off with anxiety and depression then later returned to work, I knew I'd done the right thing in taking time out. I compared the two different mindsets and they were polar opposites.
Although I agree that fight is often the more conducive and helpful action to take, sometimes we need to take some time and take stock of our feelings; treat them and receive support and counselling. I wonder if a period of sick leave might enable you to do this effectively and focus on yourself.
To do this is difficult short term but effective in the long term. You'll face your anxiety head on and develop strategies that will arm you in the future. That way you're less likely to need time out again.
It's worth considering...
All my love, x
Hi,
I am currently in the same position. It sucks.
If you arnt happy look for another job then leave it won't get any better. Xx
brooklyn79
03-02-17, 18:57
Hi everyone, thanks for your responses and suggestions. Only on Internet on my phone at mo so hard to respond properly. I will read through everything over the weekend when I'm on a computer. Was pretty fed up over these last few days at work just so much data entry and figures and nothing else I felt like walking out today then team meeting I wanted to crawl under the table and hide I was baffled all day and wanted to run had to keep saying to myself it doesn't have to be forever and think of the money although not sure it's worth all this anxiety for minimum wage.
Lily1 how are you doing? Are you trying to find a way out of the job you hate?? I've applied for 2 jobs tonight.
Will respond more soon when im not on my phone.
Take care everyone xx
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