View Full Version : odd feeling
o.k, i'm new to this but i wondered if anybody else has a similar problem to mine...about a month ago a deleloped intense panic attacks which seem to have been triggered by a weird obsession with "being alive".. i feel really embarrassed about how i feel, but it's the oddest experience..it's as though i've developed a sudden awareness of the fact that i'm alive..has anyone else had a similar experience?
Hi JD,
Mine was feeling like everything was just out of reach.
With anxiety we all get obsessed with a few things that we interpret as being different, life changing or potentially dangerous. This is extremely normal - everyone gets them - the difference is that anxious people cannot dismiss these thoughts and keep them close trying to analyse why we feel like this and quite how obtuse the thoughts are, thus perpetuating the odd feelings. Whilst we give them energy, time and power they will persist.
These are very different from a true OCD profile which is a whole different ball game.
How did these sensations make you feel in order to trigger panic ?
Meg
Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...
I understand what you're saying but i'm finding this so difficult. I have been put on Sertraline, which i don't know if it is working. I feel like i'm gradually losing touch with the person i was before..the crazy thing is, i'm aware that i'm doing it but it's so distressing. i feel very trapped inside this "new me" and i can't escape. its so frustrating, i can't do anything except cry..and the worst thing, i can't really remember what it is like to feel "normal"..
I know exactly what you mean JD. I get scared at 'being aware' of being in the world. I think its to do with the fact I have no idea how I came to be here.....
Hi JD
i was discussing the very same thing with my mum today as my younger sister is pregnant with her second and me at 30 hasnt had one child yet.(im too scared at the thought of a baby moving inside me will send me over the edge).I spent ages in the beginning laying on my sofa scared to death at all the various parts of my body doing their thing (even thinking about my tongue used to send me in fits thinking i was going to swallow it!), i also couldnt understand what on earth the reason was that we were here for anyway! My mum and i came to the conclusion that the reason we feel like this is because the older we get the more we know about the body and the way it works and are more aware of our own mortality.(especially with all the science programmes on tv now).
Fortunately ive stopped obsessing about all this 'being alive' stuff as it was driving me insane but i still cant get over the pregnancy fear (weird huh?)
anyway - believe me JD, you sure arent the only one who had wierd thoughts!!!!!!!
love Sarah
quote:Originally posted by twister
I know exactly what you mean JD. I get scared at 'being aware' of being in the world. I think its to do with the fact I have no idea how I came to be here.....
I'm so relieved that someone else knows how i feel...i think the Sertraline is starting to do something as i definitely feel 'calmer'..but i feel really odd..i still have the obsession with "being aware" and am worried that it will never go away. How do you cope with it, Twister / Sarah? I find it difficult to explain my problem to others coz i usually get that "she's lost the plot" response. I've been quite ill with this for a couple of months..i've even had to suspend my University studies..i think one of the worst parts is not being able to remember how i used to act / what i used to think about..
Hi JD
I am constantly plagued with weird thoughts. I spend most of my day worrying about whether today will be the day that I will die of a heart attack, brain hameorrage, stroke or some other serious disease. Sometimes, I am aware of these thoughts and try to stop them before they escalate but other times they happen subconsciously. I also suffer visualisation, and can see myself falling to the ground in pain etc. I used to think that I was schizophrenic or something but now I know I am not. I guess you have just got to let the thoughts come and dont try to fight them as they are only thoughts. Eventually when the symptoms of panic attacks become less sever so will our thoughts. God, if only I could listen to my own advice I wouldn't panic so much.
Take care
Sadie
Hi JD
I was on sertraline too and these did make me feel calmer so I think they may be starting to work for you. As for how I managed to stop thinking weird thoughts....I honestly cant remember. I think it was just that I realised they were connected to the panic and stopped worrying about everything so much. I also started trying to do things to take my mind off things. (decorating and jigsaw puzzles were a favourite of mine). I still have trouble with feeling unreal sometimes but Im more used to it so it doesnt scare me too much anymore.Like sadie says, the symptoms of panic wear off and so do the thoughts. Its all just positive thinking and being aware that it wont really hurt you however bad you feel. Im not 'cured' by any means but im soo much better. I used to think i would end up in a padded room as i couldnt see the end to it, but now i almost cant believe i felt so bad!
I hope this give you something positive to think on
love Sarah
quote:Originally posted by sarah
Hi JD
I was on sertraline too and these did make me feel calmer so I think they may be starting to work for you. As for how I managed to stop thinking weird thoughts....I honestly cant remember. I think it was just that I realised they were connected to the panic and stopped worrying about everything so much. I also started trying to do things to take my mind off things. (decorating and jigsaw puzzles were a favourite of mine). I still have trouble with feeling unreal sometimes but Im more used to it so it doesnt scare me too much anymore.Like sadie says, the symptoms of panic wear off and so do the thoughts. Its all just positive thinking and being aware that it wont really hurt you however bad you feel. Im not 'cured' by any means but im soo much better. I used to think i would end up in a padded room as i couldnt see the end to it, but now i almost cant believe i felt so bad!
I hope this give you something positive to think on
love Sarah
Hi Sarah, (& Sadie)
thankyou so much for the positive reply..it really helps to know that i'm not totally alone in this. I'm trying my best to get back to "normal" but i can't help but worry that i'll never be the same again...the past couple of days have been a bit better though, probably because i've been trying to keep myself occupied..i managed a Tesco's trip!
I know what you mean about the "padded room" stuff...the past couple of months have been so bad..i felt completely trapped inside my own head and no-one seemed to understand..
I'm glad that you're beginning to get through this, it's given me some hope..thankyou again for your positive words,
love JD.
Hi JD
well done for the Tesco trip. I know how hard that is to do when you are feeling so bad. Bet you felt over the moon that you had done it! Hope you treated yourself to a nice cake!!!!!
Love Sarah
xx
Hi there,
You should read 'Nausea' by Jean Paul Sartre. Sounds like you had an existential experience.
I've definitely experienced them too.
quote:Originally posted by kd
Hi there,
You should read 'Nausea' by Jean Paul Sartre. Sounds like you had an existential experience.
I've definitely experienced them too.
Hi, thanks for the tip..
when you experienced these feelings, did they make you freak out?...it was the "existential experience" that kicked off my panic attacks in the first place, and it soon developed into the obsessive condition that i described in my first post...how did you cope with it?
JD
These "existential feeling" come over you like a flash and suddnely you thik "I exist" its quite surreal and very hard to describe when you're not experiencing it. When you're going about your usual thyings you don't really think about it, but it can come over you suddenly. I can't really explain anymore, perhaps rather than it being the precursor to your panic attacks, maybe the panic caused the feeling.
Maybe like me you're just incredibly self aware. Sometimes i wish I ould forget myself and relax but i always feel 'very there' and stared at etc.
I suffer from this and have read about it. It occurs when you live 'too much inside your head', something that is warned against in many Eastern religions and practices. The suggestions are that you do something as simple as exercise or read or watch a film - anything that takes you away from just 'thinking' about yourself too much.
quote:Originally posted by kd
These "existential feeling" come over you like a flash and suddnely you thik "I exist" its quite surreal and very hard to describe when you're not experiencing it. When you're going about your usual thyings you don't really think about it, but it can come over you suddenly. I can't really explain anymore, perhaps rather than it being the precursor to your panic attacks, maybe the panic caused the feeling.
Maybe like me you're just incredibly self aware. Sometimes i wish I ould forget myself and relax but i always feel 'very there' and stared at etc.
Hi,
what you've described (& Twister's reply) sounds exactly like what i'm going through..i know what you mean about the feelings coming very suddenly..that's probably one of the worst parts. I sometimes 'forget' about it for a few moments but then when i'm doing things as usual the dreaded thought comes back..really frustrating, and i feel so overwhelmed by it and like i need to escape from my skin. Did either of you see a doctor about it? What advice did they give you? My doctor just dismissed it as "anxiety" problems (and put me on sertraline), and the councellor i've been seeing thinks i'm clinically depressed. No-one seems to understand what i'm talking about. They just latch on to the phrase "panic attack"..i find it really difficult to describe to them this "awareness of existing".
JD.xx
Hi, perhaps you should do some research on the internet about it. I do recommend reasding that book and then you may be able to see it as a postive thing. The lead character likes these feelings.
They're probably very normal. Try not to worry about it too much, and just accept that they come from time to time. I have a problem like you, of dwelling on things too much. I worry about worrying etc.
hello everyone,i find this topic very interesting,as it kind of covers quite a range of issues about perceptions of reality.i have anxiety and ocd and have had these what you call existential experiences,although i had them before i had my problems.im an artist(i dont have exhibitions or anything)but i realise that if we all have a gift then mines art.so i kind of think i see things differently,maybe it is being more aware of existence,which could work either way i suppose.when i dwell on the negative aspects of reality,i would say i would feel it more,as probably most of yourselves do.however i feel i can appreciate reality on a wide scale,and can get very spiritual experiences,(mystic,artistic,romantic,whatever your preferred choice of word is).im not sure if ive offered anything in the way of advice,but its definately interesting to read other stories.all the best[^] paul
april tones
17-03-04, 22:47
hi all, only just found this site. hooray there is people like me. i have had depression, panick attacks and recently post natal depression. I thought id got better when i startred getting unwanted thoughts about my self and people i love. i have a 6 month old baby and have bad thoughts about him to, i then spend time thinking im bad and going mad. i constantly check on him in bed. I feel trapped in my head, ive omly told my partner as no one else would understand. im on waiting list for cnt, a year, i wont go on tablets as side effects scare me. i went on seroxat few years ago they helped but dont want to go on again, any one no what im going through? im a loving person and wouldnt want bad things to happen so why am i getting this? april
April tones,
I think you would be surprised at how many people would understand. Start with your health visitor as they are there to help you (mines is great)I was alos diagnosed with PND when my baby was (about) 3 months old and i was petrified I was going to freek out and hurt him. The health visitor did not think i was a threat or a raving looney as i thought she might. the fact that you are getting upset about your thoughts shows you are not a a bad person.
I also refused anti depressants as the side effects scared me senseless.
the good thing (and this might sound starnge) is that you cannot avoid your baby so this aprticular anxiety will go away quickly.
Remeber they are only thoughts and can't hurt you. I know how scary they are.
have you spoken to your HV??
Lucky
April and Lucky,
I too had PND and couldn't look after my daughter properly.
I felt terribly guilty cos I felt that I didn't want her.
Hubby and my mom looked after her mostly.
My friend had also had her second baby around the same time as me. One day I asked her if she ever wished she hadn't had her baby.
She was shocked and told me to go see my doc.
My daughter was about 6 weeks old by then. I suddenly relised that I DID want her and was terrified that I would have both her and my son taken away from me.
Anyway, I went to the doc who gave me anti d's and never once mentioned taking the kids away from me!
I took the anti d's for about 6 months and suddenly the depression lifted and I was able to give my daughter all the love that I could.
Just writing this has made me cry. I still feel terrible guilt over how I felt, and that was over 12 years ago.
I know I over spoil her now in an attempt to somehow make up for my feelings when she was born.
In consequence, she has grown up to be a spoilt little madam who has little respect for me.
Anyway, April, I would seriously consider being put on meds as they helped me enormously, though the decision is of course yours.
Take care
Kate x
I remember reading all the side effects of the anti depressants and thinking no way no way no way! I had though already convinced myself that i was taking them - i was just too scared!!!
My PND was mostly related to anxiety and my fear of hurting the kids if I went insane and I was alone with them, I thought I would have to leave the house and let my boyfriend look after them if i was deemed unsafe. The HV was brilliant everyone gets strange thoughts but it is how we deal with them. Alot of people dismiss them as 'silly' thoughts but for some reason some of us latch onto them and the problem gets worse. in my view the ony way to help yourself is by seeing a counseller (and taking meds such as anti-depressants as it can help you on your way! if you need too)
The fact that I was so guuted, upset and hysterical at the thought of touching a hair on my childrens heads showed I was no an 'evil' person
Anyway i am now over that particular 'anxiety(?) fear(?) but I remember all too well how it felt.
Kate I remember reading in a mother/baby book that all you go through (physically and mentally) when your pregnant that is really a miracle that any women DO NOT get PND!!! The fact is we got medical help and we got better!
I couldn't believe it when I was diagnosed with PND I remember sitting down and telling the HV I was having a nervous breakdown or was heading for a mental illness and she shook her head and said No it is PND. i mean everything was great i had a beautiful, health, happy baby who didn't cry alot and slept all night why was I feeling like this. (my 1st son cried all night and you couldn't put him down and I NEVER got PND). the HV said when she done the questionnaire with me I got a 'no' score and possibly everything was too good at that point and something had to happen!!!
No need to feel guilty now Kate
Lucky
Lucky,
My son also cried all the time and never slept much at all.
My daughter was the complete opposite. Only woke up for a feed and never cried.
And I never got PND with the first either!
I think the guilt will last forever, Lucky.
Kate x
Maybe the 'other' type of counselling will help for this Kate?
Lucky
Hiya Lucky,
Anythings worth a go LOL
Kate x
april tones
22-03-04, 21:06
hi lucky and kate, thanks for your message, i got real bad friday and couldnt stop crying so went to doctors, i was lucky to find a nice doctor and told him everthing, i am now on anti deppressants and feel better allready, thanks alot with sharing your experiences with me x
apriltones
Oh I'm so pleased for you, April!
Things should now start to get easier for you.
Keep us posted, wont you?
Take care
Kate x
April,
I'm glad youi got a good doctor and are taking positive steps to get better.
As Kate says Keep us posted and look after yourself
Lucky
april tones
25-03-04, 21:52
hi lucky and kate r, hope you both doing ok. i am still feeling good, almost straight away it seemed to work, when i was on seroxat it took few weeks. Still get occasional unwanted thoughts but im able to control them better, every one else is happy too as they not worrying about me! if it wasnt for coming on here i wouldnt of took them, im doing fine too, no side effects, take care x thanks
apriltones
April,
That is such good news!
Glad that we could be of some help.
Take care
Kate x
April,
That is great news, I'm glad you found a medication that worked for you, now you hopefully begin to enjoy motherhood
Keep us posted
paniccomesandgoes
02-04-04, 10:11
Hi JD
I too question my existence, and have done more since my anxiety came about. My anxiety makes me feel detatched from the world sometimes, it's a weird feeling and horrible feeling, and I found that distraction is the key. Whether it be exercise, reading or watching the TV. The big question on why we're all here is probably the hardest to answer, and will on make me more anxious - so I try to ignore it. Have you tried lavender for when you go out shopping etc, put some on a tissue and inhale through your nose when your feeling anxious - it's a godsend!!!
Take Care
paniccomesandgoes(ish)
Hiya Ish,
I will try your tip when I next venture to the supermarket!
Thanks for that
Kate x
nomorepanic
03-05-04, 16:39
I have just started using Lavender again to help me sleep. I have a scented sachet in my pillow. Not sure it is working but it smells so lovely!
Nicola
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