Only child with separation anxiety, moved out on my own for the first time. Help? [Archive]

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Hancock

29-01-17, 17:46

Hey there guys, I'm in a bit of a funk and could use some sage guidance for people who have been in my shoes at one point or another. I'm an only child, and I've been extremely close to my parents my entire life. They've been my sword and shield through a lot of problems, and their home (my home) is my comfort zone. That's my safe haven.

My (recently fiancée) boyfriend of almost five years and I finally bought our own place, and we just finished with the renovations this past weekend. Well, we moved all our stuff in yesterday and began setting things up. I ended up feeling really sick most of the day (stomach upset, nausea, generally feeling unwell) all day after a mild anxiety attack in the morning before we began packing. I've been mentally trying to gear myself up for this move for well over two months now but I'm still an absolute wreck. This morning I woke up in a mental fog and just felt this depressive weight on me. I made some breakfast for me and my fiancée, sat down to talk to him before he went to visit his family, and all I could think of was how much I was regretting this move. I'm going on 23 now, and I feel like this is the normal thing to do. I can't rightfully be married and have a family while living under my parents roof. I just can't shake this sadness. I've been crying on and off all morning even though I'm going to my parents in an hour for the day. And here's the kicker, we only live seven minutes apart.

I feel absolutely ridiculous for feeling the way I feel, and I can tell my fiancée is a bit sad that I'm not as excited as I should be about this move and us really starting a life together. I feel guilty and awful, really. I want to be happy, and I am happy that him and I are under the same roof permanently together, but I just feel miserable out of my "comfort zone". I know it's going to take some time to adjust, but I honestly didn't realize how bad my attachment issue was until now.

I'd like to make a sidenote and say that I am on medication for severe anxiety with depression and OCD. It definitely helps keep me level, but it's not helping much with this.

Any advice from people who were really attached to their homes and parents when they moved out or only children? I'm just at a loss and feel very sad and guilty.

AntsyVee

29-01-17, 18:46

You gotta rethink this the right way, girl!

Remember, with some time you will make this your comfort zone. Then you will have TWO comfort zones! You're not giving up one for the other; your parents will always still be there. There's no reason to be sad. You're just adding an additional home in which to feel safe in :yesyes:

.Poppy.

29-01-17, 20:38

I know just how you feel. I'm very close to my parents too. I LOVE my home here. We live on a farm with animals that I am incredibly attached to, and hiking around the property is definitely how I cope with life.

I lived with my friends for four years, before briefly moving home again, and I'm moving out again on my own in August. I'd spend summers at home and then go back to my college house where my friends were. Every fall at the beginning of the semester I would nearly fall apart. I'd plan all kinds of ways that I could just move home instead.

But, after a few weeks I resettled and ended up having a blast. I totally miss living with my friends.

Give yourself some time. Let your fiancé know this is just an adjustment period. Utilize a lot of self care and just be kind to yourself. You'll get there, I promise :)

Hancock

29-01-17, 21:35

Vee, you're totally right. I typically go about looking at things the wrong way though, haha. It's a bad habit I've been unable to break. Always cynical.

But you're right, I should be looking at this as one more additional save haven instead of being ripped away from my current one (which isn't even a real thing, because I'm constantly going to be going home to my parents---I live so close and work right down the street).

Poppy, thanks for your input. That sounds a lot like me, haha. I just love being home, and I love being around my parents. It's so familiar and comfortable. I'm over here right now and my anxiety has significantly reduced. Since this is the first time I've ever moved out, I think it's going to require an adjustment period. Eventually, I'm sure I'll love it, I just need to practice a bit more self care and not crucify myself for feeling the way I feel.

Thank god for my fiancée, he's ridiculously understanding regardless if he's sad that I'm sad. He's already told me that whenever I feel like spending the night at my parents or being over there, that he won't take offense at all. So he's been really good, and that's helped a lot. I was afraid he would be frustrated with me but he was really empathetic this morning, as he related since he's close to his family (but he's been on his own for a few years now).

I just need to be patient and foster a positive attitude towards this change.

I just hope there depressive feelings will dissipate sooner than later as I hate feeling like I'm about to burst into tears at any moment.

AntsyVee

29-01-17, 22:30

Do you have any pets?

Hancock

29-01-17, 22:49

Do you have any pets?

I do! I have a chihuahua who I'm absolutely obsessed with haha. He's actually staying back with my parents until we get everything settled at the new place.

AntsyVee

29-01-17, 23:24

Hancock

30-01-17, 01:31

I think once you move him in you might feel a bit better. You also could consider getting a puppy or a kitten that is a little love pet that you have with your fiancee. It may make things feel a bit more like home, and you've had something special about your new home to look forward to come home to.

---------- Post added at 16:24 ---------- Previous post was at 16:23 ----------

Oh, and you could be saving a life with a new addition to the family!

I've actually been thinking about adopting a small dog from a local shelter for a while now. The only issue is that Ramsey is a bit aggressive so I'm afraid he won't get along with another pup or dog. The only think I can think of is trying to find another chihuahua and crossing my fingers that they'll get along.

AntsyVee

30-01-17, 01:51

So what about a different species like a cat or iguana?

Catherine S

30-01-17, 02:16

It's completely natural to be homesick for a place you've lived your entire life in Hancock, I think it'd be unnatural if you didn't feel like this. Ok, i'm an old woman now, but i've moved around a fair bit over the years with jobs, divorce, re -marriage etc....the last move has been over here to Germany recently with my husband's job, and ive cried like a baby every time including this time. But I also know that time really helps and once you've settled in and things become more familiar you'll feel much better.

Sounds like you've got a great fella in your life too.

Happy new home :flowers:

ISB x

Hancock

30-01-17, 04:29

Vee, he doesn't seem to be a fan of cats either haha. Not sure how he'd feel about a lizard though ;) maybe it's worth a try.

Believe, thanks for the input. It makes me feel better that grown women actually feel like that, haha. I felt like a pathetic little kid sobbing and wanting to go home to mommy and daddy lol. I think that's what I need though, just to get adjusted and for that place to start to feel familiar. But I'm definitely lucky to have my fiancée. Most understanding dude in the world, imo.

Thank you!

AntsyVee

30-01-17, 04:33

I'd get an iguana if I didn't already have four cats, and if my husband wasn't scared of lizards :weep: