RD
30-01-17, 13:17
Hi everyone,
Not sure why I am writing this post - having a really difficult period at the moment and suppose I just wanted some reassurance that I won't feel like this forever?
I have had severe anxiety for approx three years - which I thought I could deal with, but it seems to just get worse by the day. I have had underlying anxiety for a lot longer - but just willed myself to keep it hidden i think?
My anxiety isn't about things that could happen to me - I worry about my children and feel a huge responsibility to keep them safe and healthy.
I suppose it was triggered when I had massive problems with my first pregnancy. Our unborn baby was diagnosed with a significant brain development issue at 20 weeks. We made a heartbreaking decision to have a termination (a decision I regret every day) - that was nearly ten years ago.
We were blessed to have two amazing, healthy children a couple of years later. My problem is that I feel a constant pressure to keep them safe and healthy.
My real severe anxiety issues started with anxiety about asbestos and have spiralled to so much more......
The back-story is that I had to write a feature for my work (I am a writer) about asbestos training courses. It triggered a worry that the insulation in my loft may contain asbestos....... it didn't.....
I had so many asbestos tests done on our previous house (all of which came back negative) - but that didn't stop me worrying.
I moved my daughter's school (she was in a 70s build which had a lot of asbestos in it)
We moved house anyway because I couldn't control my worrying - to a new build
I got rid of all my furniture and bought new during the move.
Despite all of this - my anxiety gets worse and worse...
I worry about my children's health and well-being so much, that a lot of the time, it is stopping me from enjoying being their mummy.
My worries have moved on now.....
I still worry that they will encounter asbestos (when they're out and about / at school / walking down the street etc)
I also now worry about what they're eating (so many scare stories about what food / drinks etc can cause cancer / palm oil / not getting enough veggies etc)
I worry about flouride in their toothpaste
I worry about low level radiation (from our smart meter, wifi router etc)
And more......
I am driving myself mad.......
I avoid places (even homes of certain family members in case of asbestos), I don't buy certain foods and now I am worried about my youngest child's bedroom because it is closest to the smart meter.
My husband is totally fed up with me and tries to understand, but can't.
I feel I can't talk to anyone else - because they will think I am totally mad.....
Have tried CBT through local GP a few years ago - but no help at the time.
Also paid for my own therapy sessions - just a general talking therapy a couple of years back - but was v expensive.
I want to get back to a place where I can enjoy my life and my family life - without looking around me, being over vigilant and seeing a catastrophe in every situation. But, at the same time I feel like as long as I am being vigilant, that I am making my best effort to keep my children safe.....
So sorry for the ramble.......and thank you if you managed to get to the end! I really haven't got anyone to talk to about this.
I just wanted to say hello and read through some of the inspirational stories of other anxiety sufferers, hoping maybe one day I won't feel like I do today.
XXXX
Not sure why I am writing this post - having a really difficult period at the moment and suppose I just wanted some reassurance that I won't feel like this forever?
I have had severe anxiety for approx three years - which I thought I could deal with, but it seems to just get worse by the day. I have had underlying anxiety for a lot longer - but just willed myself to keep it hidden i think?
My anxiety isn't about things that could happen to me - I worry about my children and feel a huge responsibility to keep them safe and healthy.
I suppose it was triggered when I had massive problems with my first pregnancy. Our unborn baby was diagnosed with a significant brain development issue at 20 weeks. We made a heartbreaking decision to have a termination (a decision I regret every day) - that was nearly ten years ago.
We were blessed to have two amazing, healthy children a couple of years later. My problem is that I feel a constant pressure to keep them safe and healthy.
My real severe anxiety issues started with anxiety about asbestos and have spiralled to so much more......
The back-story is that I had to write a feature for my work (I am a writer) about asbestos training courses. It triggered a worry that the insulation in my loft may contain asbestos....... it didn't.....
I had so many asbestos tests done on our previous house (all of which came back negative) - but that didn't stop me worrying.
I moved my daughter's school (she was in a 70s build which had a lot of asbestos in it)
We moved house anyway because I couldn't control my worrying - to a new build
I got rid of all my furniture and bought new during the move.
Despite all of this - my anxiety gets worse and worse...
I worry about my children's health and well-being so much, that a lot of the time, it is stopping me from enjoying being their mummy.
My worries have moved on now.....
I still worry that they will encounter asbestos (when they're out and about / at school / walking down the street etc)
I also now worry about what they're eating (so many scare stories about what food / drinks etc can cause cancer / palm oil / not getting enough veggies etc)
I worry about flouride in their toothpaste
I worry about low level radiation (from our smart meter, wifi router etc)
And more......
I am driving myself mad.......
I avoid places (even homes of certain family members in case of asbestos), I don't buy certain foods and now I am worried about my youngest child's bedroom because it is closest to the smart meter.
My husband is totally fed up with me and tries to understand, but can't.
I feel I can't talk to anyone else - because they will think I am totally mad.....
Have tried CBT through local GP a few years ago - but no help at the time.
Also paid for my own therapy sessions - just a general talking therapy a couple of years back - but was v expensive.
I want to get back to a place where I can enjoy my life and my family life - without looking around me, being over vigilant and seeing a catastrophe in every situation. But, at the same time I feel like as long as I am being vigilant, that I am making my best effort to keep my children safe.....
So sorry for the ramble.......and thank you if you managed to get to the end! I really haven't got anyone to talk to about this.
I just wanted to say hello and read through some of the inspirational stories of other anxiety sufferers, hoping maybe one day I won't feel like I do today.
XXXX