Lost in myself [Archive]

Jacsta

30-01-17, 21:00

Lost in myself, my thoughts, my emotions.
I question reality, because I feel out of touch with it.
I no longer feel the raw despair....because my auto block steps in and numbs me from it.
I no longer make the big decisions.....because I fear I will make the wrong one.

I am lost in myself. Frozen in time. Scared to look back, scared to look forward.

On the outside....I look better.
I look in control.
I sound in control.
I don't feel in control. I don't feel anymore.

So I may at times reach out. But know I will just as quickly withdraw again. It is not you. It isn't even me. It is habit. It is all I can do so as not to feel despair. So as not to face reality. So as not to look forward or back.

Don't feel sorry for me.
Don't be upset with me.
Don't expect of me.

I once got a grip, then lost it.
I fell hard.
I am still searching in the darkness.

(Sorry if this post is misplaced. I just needed to write somewhere. It can be removed if too sorrowsome )

Cakelady

30-01-17, 22:45

Oh sounds scarily familiar, I could have written it xx

venusbluejeans

30-01-17, 23:03

Hun I know you are not one to reach out and ask for help when you need it you think you should deal with on your own because it is your problem.

You know I will be always around if you want a chat. even if it is about something really stupid like cheese!! (i know, i know cheese isn't stupid!)... I don't mind if you talk and then disappear for a couple of months as long as you know I will always be there to talk to. don't feel you have to keep things to yourself.

http://third-bit.com/img/2015/12/just-keep-swimming.jpg

SLA

30-01-17, 23:15

You put it in a very poetic form which is quite endearing. Why do you think that is?

Elen

31-01-17, 08:59

Jac like Emmz I want you to know that I am always here (I know people say that all the time) but I truly mean it. You have seen me through some scary times and I will never ever forget it.

I know exactly what you mean re decisions, it can be totally overwhelming trying to work out what is the best course. Always happy to work through pros and cons with you, if it helps at all. Sometimes just going over it can make the right decision seem more obvious.

I don't feel sorry for you - you are far too formidable a force for pity.

I am not upset with you as I know that is your way of dealing with things, hell I do much the same.

I will however expect one wee thing from you. Whenever you feel up to it, drop me a line or pop into chat.

Jac I so wish that you were right here and I could give you a massive hug. I know it doesn't change the shitty situation that you are in but it would make me feel better.

Wuv you hun

ps why not drop Rad a line, she would love to hear from you I am sure, I am also sure that she would love the opportunity to kick your ass lol

tc Jac, just remember that I am always here for talk of Cheese ooooooooo found a new one to discuss with you, or cabbages and kings, whatever your heart desires.

pps She's a poet and I never knew it lol

Bigboyuk

31-01-17, 10:20

This is wonderful to hear that members and mods (sounds like a new club LOL) care about it's flock, like the shepherd tending it's flock each one is a precious as the previous one :) This is what makes this forum so special :) Thanks

Jacsta

31-01-17, 11:52

Thank you lovely people.
Yes....poetry...hmm. well I find it hard to express myself in words, then sometimes things like the above come out and explains it all lol.
I will try and pop in chat more.
I might try and dabble in more poetry.
Elen, I might take you up on your offer.
I might not do any of the above.

Yes cheese....on that thought....

Elen

31-01-17, 12:40

Do all, some, or none, whatever you feel most comfortable with, just promise me one thing NEVER EVER dismiss the power of cheese.

If you would prefer to talk on the phone I will even do that for you hun. Now THAT proves my love for you lol. Not sure if I have spoken to anyone on the phone, apart a convo with sek last year, since our last call.

Bigboyuk

31-01-17, 12:43

Elen

31-01-17, 13:43

Oh Wow what a offer ( Wish I had a offer like that :) ) Seriously Jacsta I would accept that offer :) Cheers

I don't mean to be dismissive but at the same time it is important that there is no pressure on Jac to take me up on anything . It's up to her to decide what she feels comfortable with.

Jac and I go back many many years, and we have been around each other long enough to know that sometimes we simply cannot cope and we have to retreat a bit.

But I also know that personally it is nice if someone just affirms that all is ok with a friendship and that they are open to contact if the other feels up to it.

Anyhooo Jac, nothing has changed between us, I do miss you nagging me though lol

Speak soon

xxx

Bigboyuk

31-01-17, 15:12

I don't mean to be dismissive but at the same time it is important that there is no pressure on Jac to take me up on anything . It's up to her to decide what she feels comfortable with.

Jac and I go back many many years, and we have been around each other long enough to know that sometimes we simply cannot cope and we have to retreat a bit.

But I also know that personally it is nice if someone just affirms that all is ok with a friendship and that they are open to contact if the other feels up to it.

Anyhooo Jac, nothing has changed between us, I do miss you nagging me though lol

Speak soon

xxx Hey Yes I fully understand what you mean and it's a nice thought from you :) That's a special trait to have wished more ppl were like you! Cheers