KarloShen
31-01-17, 16:28
When I was suffering with depression that was caused by my anxieties/panic attacks I can't say that I didn't have any support.
Those who knew what I was suffering from depression told me - "It is going to get better", "Depression is like a cloud it comes and then it goes", "You are just too stressed, you should get some rest and then it will get better.", "Are you sleeping and eating properly? That should help", "Just go to the gym and lift you sadness away" or the most terrible one - "Just stop being sad, go out and have fun!"
I know that all of those people are well meaning and they just want the best for me, but what they don't understand is that this advice just makes me feel worse.
It reassures you that noone really understands you and that you are alone in this. But since you're on this forum, you should already know that you are not alone and there is tons of people like you and me who suffer or have suffered from anxiety or depression.
Why it really is terrible to give out such an advice.
It make you feel even more miserable. Since the very essence of depression is that you don’t want to go out, because it seems just pointless and were not even going to talk about having fun, that sounds totally impossible.
This reminds you that you are depressed and that you are missing out on life because of this condition and with that you become more depressed.
You don’t see the point of going to the gym because it feels like it is not going to help.
Sleeping helps you avoid dealing with your stuff and the more you sleep the less you have to face your depression.
What are the main causes of depression?
I don’t believe that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain and many studies have proved that this isn’t true as well.
I don’t believe the Freud’s theory about childhood trauma or past events causing depression as well.
Many psychiatrists that are in Cognitive Behavioral therapy and me as well, believe that depression is caused by your own thoughts.
Your anxiety/disability/sickness/trauma/financial problems might be what set it in motion, but your thoughts are what keep you there.
So what is helpful advice then and how can you help others and yourself if you’re suffering from depression.
I will give you two exercises that I believe can help a lot, they helped me and I’m sure they will help you or someone that is suffering from depression.
Your thought log.
The main issue that keeps you in your depressive cycle are thoughts that are simply not true.
For example:
I’m worthless.
There is nothing that I can do right.
There is no point in doing anything.
I can’t make my spouse happy.
I will never be able to take care of my family.
*place event here* has ruined my life.
Etc.
These are just from top of my mind, the possibilities are endless.
So the steps.
1. Make two columns on a peace of paper or in an Excell document (that is what I did)
2. Name the first one “Instant thoughts” the second one “Rational reply”
3. In the first one you write the thoughts that pop in your mind, like the ones above.
4. In the second one you write a rational response.
An example:
There is nothing I can do right -> Not true at all. I drove my kids to school today. I can drive a car properly. I cooked a meal today that turned out good. I wrote that report and my boss seemed pleased. I’m not a computer therefore I mess up sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t do anything right.
Write these logs for every thought that pops in your mind that seems to get you down.
You can even go a step further and add two more columns to your log:
Emotion before rational response and Emotion after rational response.
In the first one you write down what emotion the thought is causing and how strong it is from 0% - 100% 0 being the least and 100 being the strongest. You will find that after you rationally respond to your thought the intensity of your negative emotion will drop.
ONE IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to believe 100% in what you write in your rational response. You don’t have to think that it is something major or important, but it has to be true.
The second exercise:
I know how hard everyday tasks may seem when you are depressed or anxious. Making a to-do list in most cases don’t help, because the tasks seem too big.
The solution that did wonders for me was making a MICRO task to-do list.
It seemed impossibly hard for me to get out of bed and get into a shower. I started to feel bad about that and it was getting me even more depressed.
Here is how my Micro To do list looked like:
1. Take off the blanket
2. Sit up
3. Stand up
4. Go to the shower
5. Start the water
6. Get in the shower
7. Put shower gel on my sponge
8. Start taking a shower
If I had stopped at any of those points I still had accomplished some of the steps and it didn’t seem so hard to do those MICRO tasks.
Once you get trough the first task of the day, you feel more empowered and have energy and motivation to star to tackle the next one. Do the next one the same way.
It might seem like a lot of work to write down those To-Do lists, but just as I wrote in an other thread, It is better to get done 10% of the things you want to do, than 0%.
Let me know what you think and if you try them out, report back the results.
Those who knew what I was suffering from depression told me - "It is going to get better", "Depression is like a cloud it comes and then it goes", "You are just too stressed, you should get some rest and then it will get better.", "Are you sleeping and eating properly? That should help", "Just go to the gym and lift you sadness away" or the most terrible one - "Just stop being sad, go out and have fun!"
I know that all of those people are well meaning and they just want the best for me, but what they don't understand is that this advice just makes me feel worse.
It reassures you that noone really understands you and that you are alone in this. But since you're on this forum, you should already know that you are not alone and there is tons of people like you and me who suffer or have suffered from anxiety or depression.
Why it really is terrible to give out such an advice.
It make you feel even more miserable. Since the very essence of depression is that you don’t want to go out, because it seems just pointless and were not even going to talk about having fun, that sounds totally impossible.
This reminds you that you are depressed and that you are missing out on life because of this condition and with that you become more depressed.
You don’t see the point of going to the gym because it feels like it is not going to help.
Sleeping helps you avoid dealing with your stuff and the more you sleep the less you have to face your depression.
What are the main causes of depression?
I don’t believe that it is a chemical imbalance in your brain and many studies have proved that this isn’t true as well.
I don’t believe the Freud’s theory about childhood trauma or past events causing depression as well.
Many psychiatrists that are in Cognitive Behavioral therapy and me as well, believe that depression is caused by your own thoughts.
Your anxiety/disability/sickness/trauma/financial problems might be what set it in motion, but your thoughts are what keep you there.
So what is helpful advice then and how can you help others and yourself if you’re suffering from depression.
I will give you two exercises that I believe can help a lot, they helped me and I’m sure they will help you or someone that is suffering from depression.
Your thought log.
The main issue that keeps you in your depressive cycle are thoughts that are simply not true.
For example:
I’m worthless.
There is nothing that I can do right.
There is no point in doing anything.
I can’t make my spouse happy.
I will never be able to take care of my family.
*place event here* has ruined my life.
Etc.
These are just from top of my mind, the possibilities are endless.
So the steps.
1. Make two columns on a peace of paper or in an Excell document (that is what I did)
2. Name the first one “Instant thoughts” the second one “Rational reply”
3. In the first one you write the thoughts that pop in your mind, like the ones above.
4. In the second one you write a rational response.
An example:
There is nothing I can do right -> Not true at all. I drove my kids to school today. I can drive a car properly. I cooked a meal today that turned out good. I wrote that report and my boss seemed pleased. I’m not a computer therefore I mess up sometimes, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t do anything right.
Write these logs for every thought that pops in your mind that seems to get you down.
You can even go a step further and add two more columns to your log:
Emotion before rational response and Emotion after rational response.
In the first one you write down what emotion the thought is causing and how strong it is from 0% - 100% 0 being the least and 100 being the strongest. You will find that after you rationally respond to your thought the intensity of your negative emotion will drop.
ONE IMPORTANT NOTE: You have to believe 100% in what you write in your rational response. You don’t have to think that it is something major or important, but it has to be true.
The second exercise:
I know how hard everyday tasks may seem when you are depressed or anxious. Making a to-do list in most cases don’t help, because the tasks seem too big.
The solution that did wonders for me was making a MICRO task to-do list.
It seemed impossibly hard for me to get out of bed and get into a shower. I started to feel bad about that and it was getting me even more depressed.
Here is how my Micro To do list looked like:
1. Take off the blanket
2. Sit up
3. Stand up
4. Go to the shower
5. Start the water
6. Get in the shower
7. Put shower gel on my sponge
8. Start taking a shower
If I had stopped at any of those points I still had accomplished some of the steps and it didn’t seem so hard to do those MICRO tasks.
Once you get trough the first task of the day, you feel more empowered and have energy and motivation to star to tackle the next one. Do the next one the same way.
It might seem like a lot of work to write down those To-Do lists, but just as I wrote in an other thread, It is better to get done 10% of the things you want to do, than 0%.
Let me know what you think and if you try them out, report back the results.