Last minute reassurance please - holiday

[Munki]

Hey lovely people,

So I'm off on holiday on Sunday and I have to say, after my terrible anxiety spell over Christmas, I'm so bloody proud of myself for my mental rewiring! I told myself that I was NOT going to allow this to take over my life and ruin my holiday (as it always does) and took every possible measure to ensure that I regained this good mental health.

Then...last week we hear some bad news about my husbands kidneys, my sister in law is admitted to hospital with anyeurisms and my Mom is in pain with suspected kidney stones. Oh, and yesterday I had a job interview to boot!

I've powered through being the support I always am but I'm starting to get a bit anxious and the same old thoughts are creeping in:

Will I get ill on holiday
Will the plane crash
Will I get a terrible migraine
Will I develop a serious illness
Will I fall off a mountain and die
Will I die of something else
Will I never see anyone again
Is this the last time I'll see my loved one

Sound familiar? Yeah, thought so. The tough part is that you train yourself to feel okay then get anxious that you're being naive and WILLING something to happen!

It's an no win! :lac:

I was soooo close this time round and I'm just scared that something will happen now. Maybe its the extra pressure, I don't know. I can still feel the positive, tough angel on my shoulder fighting through, however, so I just need to know how to cheer her on and help her win :D

Love, x

[Citydeer]

Sorry to hear that some things have gone wrong for you lately :-( congratulations on pulling yourself together after Christmas, you should be proud of yourself and if you can do it once you can certainly do it again!

I have had all the same worries as you before, I am currently on a 2 month trip, I developed panic disorder leading up to it due to many of the same worries you have. I'm in the final week of my trip now and I wish I hadn't ruined so much of it worrying about things that were so ridiculous. you're not going to die (well you will one day... But it'll 99% likely be wherever you call home and spend most of your time). If you get sick on holiday it's not an issue, there are doctors everywhere for tourists in third world countries (the kind of places I've been travelling).

Just try to remind yourself of all the things you want to get out of the holiday :hugs: have an amazing time and don't let your fear overcome you! Make yourself a little physical toolkit you can carry with you wherever you go, fill it with notes of affirmations and of exercises you can do if you start getting worked up like "breath in and out 10 times slowly", "focus on finding 10 things in your surroundings that are brown" (bad example but you get the idea - anything to occupy your mind if you feel a panic coming on, and reassurance notes for situations on a flight could be about the ridiculously high safety record of airplanes - the safest form of travel in the world. "My chance of dying in a plane crash is less than being struck by lightning twice in my life in exactly the same spot".

[ellie_C_mason1990]

Great reply citydeer. I'm also like this at the moment as in going to Japan in April. I'm making a play list full of relaxing music for flight and week before and creating a book full of positive facts and thoughts about flying. Reminding myself it will be fine and I'm just finding something to worry about. Enjoy your holiday you will have an amazing time :)

[Citydeer]

That's such a good idea to make a positivity book, Ellie! I wish I had done that before I left for my trip so I had something to flick through when I was struggling. I spent a great deal of my trip having panics and now that it's nearly over and all my fears were proven irrational, my residual anxiety has nothing to cling onto... so it's projecting onto absolutely nothing. So I'll be out and dinner and suddenly feel uneasy where I am and want to be back home. Not to say I haven't had a lovely time but I just wish I knew about this forum before I left for my trip so I could have prepared myself. So you guys are doing the best thing possible by doing this preparation and thinking of tactics in advance!

I loved Japan Ellie, I hope you have a great time. That will be cherry blossom season too right?! Oh my gosh.

Munki where are you off to?

[Munki]

I like the idea of positivity books :D I might actually take my inner chimp book with me and carry a few affirmations here and there. Great idea!

Japan is a place I've always wanted to visit. Do you find, like myself, that once you're there you're generally alright? I know with myself it's more about the anticipatory build up. Today I'm a little anxious, tomorrow will be the same and Saturday will be much the same. By Sunday it'll be bad in the morning then once I'm on the plane it'll calm. A bit. But these are patterns I need to break and shouldn't be able to predict them!

I'm off to Morzine on a snowboarding trip. I think that's where the panic comes in ;)
x

[Munki]

How do you deal with it when the angst creeps in pre- holiday? How do you know that it's not real and just anxiety?

[ellie_C_mason1990]

Usually am I alright once I am there, but I have been known to find something health related to worry about once there. I'm anxious about this trip as I've been to Spain with a friend and America with my parents and going to Japan without my trusty parents is making me scared and it's so far away/different culture/different language!

citydeer- Yes, it's during Cherry blossom time! everyone I've spoken to is so jealous and excited for me but I'm full of dread! Glad to hear you enjoyed it as it helps. How did you cope on the flight? I'm hoping my book and music will be enough and a few large gins but it's 12 hours!!!

Munki- The anxiety can feel REALLY real. try and think about all the other times you've been anxious about something and it has turned out fine. These feelings and thoughts are anxiety and not a fact, it's just our brains firing off because we perceive a threat but we aren't in any real danger. I know exactly how you feel. Have you tried breathing exercises? I remember being anxious before a trip to see my friend in Leicster. I KNEW something bad was going to happen as I had such an overwhelming sense of dread and impending doom and nearly cancelled until my Dad had a firm word with me. I went and it was fine, I had lots of fun. We can't let anxiety run our lives.

[Citydeer]

Munki, the anticipation is by far the scariest part, once you arrive you'll have confronted your fear and realised that nothing bad happened! Snowboarding will help give you an activity to focus on, the exercise will burn up your stresses and release endorphins! You'll sleep well at night! Ironically the most "relaxing" holidays I've had as an anxiety sufferer have been skiing ones, whereas island holidays give me too much time to think and dwell!!

Ellie I can relate to the dread for no reason! I think you'll be okay without your parents in Japan, it is a very safe country with a high living standard and they are such polite, gracious people by nature. They are much better with hygiene than any other country I've ever visited - they wear surgical masks in public if they feel even a slight cold coming on, so they don't spread it to others!!!
So don't worry about getting sick or anything. They may not speak the best English but they will always try to help you if you're lost or confused! Do you have a plan for what you're doing and how to get around for when you're there? Regarding what you said about the flight, I used to be so scared of flying, part of why I think I developed panic disorder in advance of my trip was because I was so scared of flying on airlines in third world countries - i had only previously flown within the first world so I assumed the risk elsewhere would be higher. Now that Ive flown a dozen flights over the past few months (including a rather small plane on a small African carrier from rural Botswana to Johannesburg) I realised how silly I was for worrying. I realised that as soon as we start doing things that scare us, our comfort zone expands. Last year I couldn't even be a passenger in a car without being on edge in a highly stressed state the whole time - constantly looking out the window for threats like another driver crashing into us. But after all this travelling I realised yesterday on an 8 hour drive that the thought of fear on the road hadn't even crossed my mind. It's kind of facinating, how anxiety works. In terms of your worries about the length of your flight, yes books and food and music will all keep you occupied, also those long flights have the best in flight entertainment - you can look up what movies will be available online before you go on your airlines' website. I'm from Australia originally but live in the UK so I fly 20+ hour flights around twice a year to visit my family, the aircrafts are always much bigger on longer flights so less turbulence! It's nice to get up, have a little walk around and do some stretching to pass the time and relax your muscles.

I think you'll both find these trips you're doing highly empowering. You'll be proud of yourselves afterwards and see that it was a great accomplishment given how much it scared you beforehand. Even if there are times on your trip that you are anxious and struggle, you will get through it and will be stronger once you go back home for it. It's the only reason I was able to continue with my trip - the knowledge that if I gave in to my anxiety and stayed home, I would have let myself be beaten and would lose confidence in myself and my strength

[ellie_C_mason1990]

Thank you citydeer, that is very helpful :) My boyfriend has plans on what to do and how to get around and I am leaving it to him. I am a control freak and I feel to practice surrendering control on the plane, it would be good to just surrender control for plans
Wow, yeah I can't understand why many of my friends go travelling in third world countries without a second thought. the idea fills me with dread!
and true, I would be able to fit about 5 films in wouldn't I :)
Yes I'd rather go.. would feel awful if I decided not too. Need to ignore the "what ifs" and focus on the true likelihood!
Thank you!