Don't know what to do with my kids

[Bigphil]

It's been a while since I posted on here (btw I'm a 37 year old male), but I'm having a particularly bad week and I'm scared that i'll take it out on my kids (two active boys 5&3 yyrs old). They are constantly winding each other up to the point that the 3 year old keeps screaming this ear piercing whaling noise which makes my ears distort. I'm a stay at home dad and thought years ago I was able for it as the boys have school and creche most days but even the few hours before my wife gets home I'm finding particularly hard these days. I've been to the docs a few times with health anxiety which is still there but i'm at my wits end when the boys start to hop off each other. I collected them both today and on the 10min drive home I simply burst into tears at the thought of the fighting that was sure to start minutes after getting thru the door and sure enough thats what has happened. I have NO motivation to do any activities with them anymore as one never wants to do what the other is doing and again the fighting begins. I was prescribed 100mg Sertraline which I stuck to for a few months but I decided myself to come off it as I couldn't sleep (i don't sleep well at the best of times) but it also completely killed my appetite and on a more personal note it pretty much zeroed my sex drive. I have a meeting tomorrow with a psychiatrist for a check up but they haven't been much use except ask a few dopy questions like do I have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of hurting my family (no being the answer to both) and they simply prescribe more sertraline but not much in the way of an in depth conversation. I can't write any more unfortunately as the kids are at it again and I'm crying over my keyboard.

[Catherine S]

Hi, There are alot of helpful tips on dealing with young children who constantly play up and the reasons they do it. You briefly mention your wife who works outside the home, but you don't mention how she deals with the boys, or if you both do the parenting in the same way. Children can pick up on tensions you might have in the home and are looking for attention because of it.

They also pick up on weaknesses, try not to show how overwhelmed by them you are. Imagine how much power they must feel if they think they are in control! If the fighting starts in the car, put some loud music on and sing very loudly along with it to drown their noise out. They'll see that they have lost your attention and hopefully be stunned into silence...it worked with mine anyway. Every time they started on each other the loud music went on. They got the message.

I don't know if you remember a tv programme called The Nanny? If you type 'Childhood tantrums' into Google she pops up with lots of good advice about this issue, as I'm sure parents here on the forum will do too. My sons argued loads into their teens too. They're both in their 40s now and the eldest is having the same problems with his own two at age 7 and 9...so the cycle continues!

ISB ☺

[Bigphil]

Thanks for the reply, sorry meant to add that the pshyc appointment is for my health anxiety but the boys tantrums just pile on top of everything else that's banging around in my numbskull head. My wife is amazing at what she does but also feels the strain of how the kids can act up,,, they just have so much energy and we find it hard To keep their attention to anything, especially something that they don't turn into a war between themselves. We've tried different methods to deal with the boys but they seem to be short lived but will defo give the loud music a try.👍🤘

[Chocolateface]

Hey

I have two boys with the same age gap, and basically boys fight and you feel your main parenting role is that of a referee. They also both need to let off steam after doing what they are told to at school and nursery.

I found that I never gave them a choice I literally said things like we are going here or doing this etc, a simple trip to the park (collecting sticks, leaves) can be so much fun especially if you reward it with a small treat for good behaviour.

Speak to their school and nursery too in case they have noticed anything, chances ate they will say they are perfectly happy boys.

You are a good dad keep telling yourself that until you believe it.

[ErinKC]

No real advice, but wanted to say I feel you. I have a three year old who has become relentless in her whining, not listening, etc... It's hard enough dealing with kids. Anxiety is so energy zapping on it's own. It's so so hard to keep it together as a parent with anxiety. Hang in there and maybe look for a therapist vs. psychiatrist. Someone who will just talk to you for an hour and help you work through all this stuff. I've found therapy beyond helpful!

[toothless]

It is really hard having anxiety with small children as your tolerance levels are lowered and trying to be nice all the time is tiring.

I think it is definitely the age of your kids, they are finding out who they are and testing the boundaries all the time, I have three kids aged 11, 8 and 7 and they have been through lots of phases before but are definitely easier than when they were younger, so you will find they won't stay the same forever.

Do you have access to a garden or outside space? Exercise and being outdoors help release some energy.

Can you give them a snack in the car or a book to read to make the journey more interesting for them?

I know if I've felt particulary stressed when they have got in from school I've given them a treat and put the telly on for half hour, I know not everyone likes the telly but it's given me time to get myself together.