Duchesskitty
01-02-17, 21:44
Hi all.
I haven't been on this forum for a long time but really feel like my HA is the worst it's been in years. Bear with me as I'm going to put a bit of history on here!
About 3 years ago, (I was very recovered from anxiety etc) I started to work in a mental health team. I loved my job and was really happy. I even started on the path to training. However for the last 7 months though my MH has been in decline and I have been off of work now for nearly 5 months.
I started to feel more and more under pressure and was getting an increase in anxious thoughts and HA. I started to become more and more forgetful- I became worried I had early onset dementia which made me very panicky. Prior to this, (about 14 months ago) I found a lumpy area in my right breast which I saw several doctors about. None seemed worried until one referred me to the local breast clinic as she was concerned about how distraught and obsessed I was becoming. She felt being seen by a consultant and reassured would help. I had an ultrasound which came back normal and was discharged and told I had fibrocystic breast disease.
I felt reassured for a few weeks but the anxiety came back. I spent a long time every day checking my breast, squeezing and prodding my armpit and breast. I saw my GP several more times and this continued up until the time I was signed off from work with severe anxiety.
While all this was going on, I became frightened that I had Motor Neurone disease (my maternal aunt passed away from this nearly 3 years ago). This fear continued for a couple of months, then switched back to my breast. In November, I had a particularly bad time. I was seeing a therapist locally about my anxiety for 30 minutes every fortnight but things were getting worse and worse.
After a particularly bad weekend where I had become convinced that I had a huge tumour in my breast and that I was dying, as well as having constant thoughts of self-harm and panic attacks (I didn't want to but couldn't stop thinking about it), I went to see my GP. I was satin her office for 30 minutes, highly distraught, begging her to check my breast and help me as I could not carry on like this. She examined me and said she couldn't find anything unusual but was very concerned about my MH. She sent a letter to the MH team (sadly where I work) for advice and I had a call from my manager, arranging an assessment with a nurse from out of area.
He saw me at home and diagnosed severe anxiety, manifesting as HA, OCD and panic attacks- a diagnosis I agreed with as I was also checking other things compulsively and doing safety rituals and ruminating on many other things including the health of my family etc. I was then referred for high tier therapy and discharged from our service.
Things have been rumbling on but I have been spiralling again over the last few days. I am convinced that I have breast cancer as I have pain on and off in my breast (though I am sure it's worse when I have been compulsively squeezing and prodding for hours!) I am also convinced that I have a "dented area" on the side of my breast now. I have showed my partner who thinks it is just where I am twisting and stretching. (I have also lost weight recently due to doing more exercise and changing my diet) All I can see is a "dent" and when I googled this, it suggested that this is a symptom of a hidden tumour. I keep looking at it and it looks normal from some angles but odd at others. According to the NHS website, cancer would make your breast look different if you moved the breast!! The more I look, the more messed up it appears. In truth, I'm not even sure what I'm looking at any more and I am utterly distraught that I have cancer and I am dying.
I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow and I am terrified at what will happen. If she refers me on, in my mind I have cancer and will die. If she reassures me, how long will it last before I am twisting myself in knots?
Please if anyone can advise, I could really do with some support.
I haven't been on this forum for a long time but really feel like my HA is the worst it's been in years. Bear with me as I'm going to put a bit of history on here!
About 3 years ago, (I was very recovered from anxiety etc) I started to work in a mental health team. I loved my job and was really happy. I even started on the path to training. However for the last 7 months though my MH has been in decline and I have been off of work now for nearly 5 months.
I started to feel more and more under pressure and was getting an increase in anxious thoughts and HA. I started to become more and more forgetful- I became worried I had early onset dementia which made me very panicky. Prior to this, (about 14 months ago) I found a lumpy area in my right breast which I saw several doctors about. None seemed worried until one referred me to the local breast clinic as she was concerned about how distraught and obsessed I was becoming. She felt being seen by a consultant and reassured would help. I had an ultrasound which came back normal and was discharged and told I had fibrocystic breast disease.
I felt reassured for a few weeks but the anxiety came back. I spent a long time every day checking my breast, squeezing and prodding my armpit and breast. I saw my GP several more times and this continued up until the time I was signed off from work with severe anxiety.
While all this was going on, I became frightened that I had Motor Neurone disease (my maternal aunt passed away from this nearly 3 years ago). This fear continued for a couple of months, then switched back to my breast. In November, I had a particularly bad time. I was seeing a therapist locally about my anxiety for 30 minutes every fortnight but things were getting worse and worse.
After a particularly bad weekend where I had become convinced that I had a huge tumour in my breast and that I was dying, as well as having constant thoughts of self-harm and panic attacks (I didn't want to but couldn't stop thinking about it), I went to see my GP. I was satin her office for 30 minutes, highly distraught, begging her to check my breast and help me as I could not carry on like this. She examined me and said she couldn't find anything unusual but was very concerned about my MH. She sent a letter to the MH team (sadly where I work) for advice and I had a call from my manager, arranging an assessment with a nurse from out of area.
He saw me at home and diagnosed severe anxiety, manifesting as HA, OCD and panic attacks- a diagnosis I agreed with as I was also checking other things compulsively and doing safety rituals and ruminating on many other things including the health of my family etc. I was then referred for high tier therapy and discharged from our service.
Things have been rumbling on but I have been spiralling again over the last few days. I am convinced that I have breast cancer as I have pain on and off in my breast (though I am sure it's worse when I have been compulsively squeezing and prodding for hours!) I am also convinced that I have a "dented area" on the side of my breast now. I have showed my partner who thinks it is just where I am twisting and stretching. (I have also lost weight recently due to doing more exercise and changing my diet) All I can see is a "dent" and when I googled this, it suggested that this is a symptom of a hidden tumour. I keep looking at it and it looks normal from some angles but odd at others. According to the NHS website, cancer would make your breast look different if you moved the breast!! The more I look, the more messed up it appears. In truth, I'm not even sure what I'm looking at any more and I am utterly distraught that I have cancer and I am dying.
I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow and I am terrified at what will happen. If she refers me on, in my mind I have cancer and will die. If she reassures me, how long will it last before I am twisting myself in knots?
Please if anyone can advise, I could really do with some support.