From Health to Lymphoma to ALS [Archive]

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PASchoolSyndrome

01-02-17, 22:23

Hello everyone!

I've been on this forum reading a couple of threads and decided to join and maybe make one of my own. Everyone here seems super nice and helpful. Let me just tell you a little bit myself.

I live and breathe medicine. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a doctor. When the time came to apply for medical school I realized that the physician assistant field would fit my lifestyle, so I worked real hard and am not 1.5 years away from really making a (good) difference in patients' lives!

Now.. I've always had a little bit of health anxiety. I tend to latch onto a symptom until my body convinces itself that is has all the right symptoms. From plaque psoriasis to pregnancy (any girl in school who's had a boyfriend and big dreams can probably understand that). Then I started medical school.

I won't bore with the mini details, but in our blood unit we learned about leukemia and lymphomas and the physical exams that come with the disorders. Naturally we all started feeling our lymph nodes. Within 5 minutes we were all convinced we had lymphoma (it is naturally normal to be able to palpate lymph nodes, particularly in the neck, armpits, and groin) but my anxiety didn't go away. I have lymph nodes all down the side of my neck and groin. I felt them constantly day in and day out until my neck started to hurt and I could swear they were getting bigger. I made a doctors appointment because is started to get chest pain that felt so real. Turns out the chest pain was real (costochondritis.. what are the odds??) and he told me he wasn't concerned about my lymph nodes at all! He did every blood test under the sun (even HIV 😱) but nothing was wrong with my blood. I follow up with two weeks on the costochondritis and I'm dying to beg for a biopsy. The anxiety and fear that my lymph nodes are harboring a cancer that I caught early I s almost debilitating. It doesn't help that I am doing long distance with my fiancé for my schooling so the support system is slightly far away.

Fast forward to last night, I'm trying to sleep and my thigh would NOT stop twitching. I turned to the other side and then that thigh would not stop twitched. Then my bicep. Then my face. I'm constantly dehydrated, but I drank plenty of water that day. My half-asleep brain decided to Google (whhhhhhhy) and naturally the first 10 websites are the ALS support group. Now I'm convinced my tongue is fasiculating, my speech is slurred, and my arms are growing weaker by the hour. I'm fasciculating everywhere! (Which is not a real worry for ALS but the brain goes to dark places)

So. This is where I am at. I am worried I'm dying, I'm getting married in 2 years and I'm spending the last two years alive (lymphoma is at least a fighting chance) away from my loved ones. Yet I know it's all anxiety, the evidence is all there. I'm worried I'm in the wrong field because whatever unit that I'm on in my schooling is what I am convinced I am dying from. Sorry for the long post and I apologize if I am doing this wrong, but I'm happy to cyber meet everyone and be able to talk and help each other through this!

Mav

01-02-17, 22:57

ugh I have this single enlarged node and I've had the same fear. I know how you feel and its a horrid feeling :(

PASchoolSyndrome

01-02-17, 23:08

The most annoying thing about lymph nodse is they always instill such fear when in fact they are so normal. If you're thin, ever been sick in your life, and go looking solid chance you're going to find one or two. The worst things always come to mind though and it can be debilitating. If it feels big to you it definitely never hurts to have it checked out - but its so hard to be reasonable about them! ):

Josh1234

01-02-17, 23:08

Twitching is not a symptom of ALS, it's a byproduct.

PASchoolSyndrome

01-02-17, 23:30

Thanks Josh.

In some of the other threads I read some solid information and statistics that was shared which did help me feel better, but with health anxiety sometimes logic doesn't help in the slightest. I have a plethora of medical text books yet I continue to go to the doctor (and unfortunately Dr. Google) with every little change that I notice. I've always sort of been health anxious before but being in medical school causes a hyper awareness which unfortunately hasn't been the best for me this past month.

I do feel the need to say that with my patients I am a very thorough and logical provider. It's my own health that is the issue.

Hancock

02-02-17, 03:26

Just wanted to put in my two cents, lymphoma and als are popular on these boards. Never gone through the lymphoma fear, but have definitely been on the als rollercoaster of doom. All I can tell you is you're fine, and it's not worth wasting another second on.

I also wanted to say that I myself had to get out of the medical field. I was in radiology but I was so hyper aware of my body and contamination that I couldn't cope with it anymore. It's a shame because I love medicine, and I was good at my job, but with my mental state and that kind of field...well, it just didn't mesh well at all. Don't be afraid to broaden your horizons if you feel like it'll have a better impact on your mental health.

You sound very rational and sound. I know you'll get over these hurdles. They aren't easy, but with a little bit of outside help and some support from your fellow hypochondriacs and anxiety sufferers, you'll be just fine ;)

Josh1234

02-02-17, 03:34

Dave1

02-02-17, 03:45

Hi there,

I vaguely remember some medical students telling me that it was common to go through a hypochondria stage during medical training. Is that correct?

Hancock

02-02-17, 04:13

Hi there,

I vaguely remember some medical students telling me that it was common to go through a hypochondria stage during medical training. Is that correct?

Yeah, it pretty much happens to every student. The more anxious ones get fixated it seems. I wasn't too big of a hypochondria until I started medical school, and it became worse after witnessing death first hand. But medicine was definitely a big trigger for me, as it is with all students who begin learning about pathology of diseases and whatnot.

PASchoolSyndrome

02-02-17, 13:24

:hugs:
Hi there,

I vaguely remember some medical students telling me that it was common to go through a hypochondria stage during medical training. Is that correct?

Yes it is very common. I've talked to some of my professors and they almost laugh at how common it is when students come to their office. Like Hancock said, some however larch on and can't let go (me!) it's a been a struggle these past few months in particular and it seems that I just go in this circle of several different fatal diseases.

Hancock, thank you so much for your two cents. It can be debilitating and stop you from doing the things you love. I'm so sorry to hear that but I'm glad you found the courage to do what's best for you. I am going to speak to my doctor about maintenance anxiety medication if he does agree that a lymph node biopsy is necessary. Unfortunately I can't stop poking them and feeling them to see if they've gotten larger, and I'm the only one of 2 doctors and 2 PAs who seem to be worried. But when you know more about the exceptions of people with a tiny pea sized node with no symptoms who needed up being stage four you tend to convince yourself that you are that one in a billion. I want to work on controlling my anxiety before I decide that it's too much.

Josh, right I understood. Having generalized muscle twitching with no other manifestations is not indicative that something is wrong.