PASchoolSyndrome
01-02-17, 22:23
Hello everyone!
I've been on this forum reading a couple of threads and decided to join and maybe make one of my own. Everyone here seems super nice and helpful. Let me just tell you a little bit myself.
I live and breathe medicine. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a doctor. When the time came to apply for medical school I realized that the physician assistant field would fit my lifestyle, so I worked real hard and am not 1.5 years away from really making a (good) difference in patients' lives!
Now.. I've always had a little bit of health anxiety. I tend to latch onto a symptom until my body convinces itself that is has all the right symptoms. From plaque psoriasis to pregnancy (any girl in school who's had a boyfriend and big dreams can probably understand that). Then I started medical school.
I won't bore with the mini details, but in our blood unit we learned about leukemia and lymphomas and the physical exams that come with the disorders. Naturally we all started feeling our lymph nodes. Within 5 minutes we were all convinced we had lymphoma (it is naturally normal to be able to palpate lymph nodes, particularly in the neck, armpits, and groin) but my anxiety didn't go away. I have lymph nodes all down the side of my neck and groin. I felt them constantly day in and day out until my neck started to hurt and I could swear they were getting bigger. I made a doctors appointment because is started to get chest pain that felt so real. Turns out the chest pain was real (costochondritis.. what are the odds??) and he told me he wasn't concerned about my lymph nodes at all! He did every blood test under the sun (even HIV 😱) but nothing was wrong with my blood. I follow up with two weeks on the costochondritis and I'm dying to beg for a biopsy. The anxiety and fear that my lymph nodes are harboring a cancer that I caught early I s almost debilitating. It doesn't help that I am doing long distance with my fiancé for my schooling so the support system is slightly far away.
Fast forward to last night, I'm trying to sleep and my thigh would NOT stop twitching. I turned to the other side and then that thigh would not stop twitched. Then my bicep. Then my face. I'm constantly dehydrated, but I drank plenty of water that day. My half-asleep brain decided to Google (whhhhhhhy) and naturally the first 10 websites are the ALS support group. Now I'm convinced my tongue is fasiculating, my speech is slurred, and my arms are growing weaker by the hour. I'm fasciculating everywhere! (Which is not a real worry for ALS but the brain goes to dark places)
So. This is where I am at. I am worried I'm dying, I'm getting married in 2 years and I'm spending the last two years alive (lymphoma is at least a fighting chance) away from my loved ones. Yet I know it's all anxiety, the evidence is all there. I'm worried I'm in the wrong field because whatever unit that I'm on in my schooling is what I am convinced I am dying from. Sorry for the long post and I apologize if I am doing this wrong, but I'm happy to cyber meet everyone and be able to talk and help each other through this!
I've been on this forum reading a couple of threads and decided to join and maybe make one of my own. Everyone here seems super nice and helpful. Let me just tell you a little bit myself.
I live and breathe medicine. Ever since I was little I wanted to be a doctor. When the time came to apply for medical school I realized that the physician assistant field would fit my lifestyle, so I worked real hard and am not 1.5 years away from really making a (good) difference in patients' lives!
Now.. I've always had a little bit of health anxiety. I tend to latch onto a symptom until my body convinces itself that is has all the right symptoms. From plaque psoriasis to pregnancy (any girl in school who's had a boyfriend and big dreams can probably understand that). Then I started medical school.
I won't bore with the mini details, but in our blood unit we learned about leukemia and lymphomas and the physical exams that come with the disorders. Naturally we all started feeling our lymph nodes. Within 5 minutes we were all convinced we had lymphoma (it is naturally normal to be able to palpate lymph nodes, particularly in the neck, armpits, and groin) but my anxiety didn't go away. I have lymph nodes all down the side of my neck and groin. I felt them constantly day in and day out until my neck started to hurt and I could swear they were getting bigger. I made a doctors appointment because is started to get chest pain that felt so real. Turns out the chest pain was real (costochondritis.. what are the odds??) and he told me he wasn't concerned about my lymph nodes at all! He did every blood test under the sun (even HIV 😱) but nothing was wrong with my blood. I follow up with two weeks on the costochondritis and I'm dying to beg for a biopsy. The anxiety and fear that my lymph nodes are harboring a cancer that I caught early I s almost debilitating. It doesn't help that I am doing long distance with my fiancé for my schooling so the support system is slightly far away.
Fast forward to last night, I'm trying to sleep and my thigh would NOT stop twitching. I turned to the other side and then that thigh would not stop twitched. Then my bicep. Then my face. I'm constantly dehydrated, but I drank plenty of water that day. My half-asleep brain decided to Google (whhhhhhhy) and naturally the first 10 websites are the ALS support group. Now I'm convinced my tongue is fasiculating, my speech is slurred, and my arms are growing weaker by the hour. I'm fasciculating everywhere! (Which is not a real worry for ALS but the brain goes to dark places)
So. This is where I am at. I am worried I'm dying, I'm getting married in 2 years and I'm spending the last two years alive (lymphoma is at least a fighting chance) away from my loved ones. Yet I know it's all anxiety, the evidence is all there. I'm worried I'm in the wrong field because whatever unit that I'm on in my schooling is what I am convinced I am dying from. Sorry for the long post and I apologize if I am doing this wrong, but I'm happy to cyber meet everyone and be able to talk and help each other through this!