My emotions are dependant on my boyfriend

[lior]

I used to feel this way about my mum. If things were not good with her, I would feel not good. My emotions would mirror her emotions. I couldn't feel happy if she wasn't happy.

I have a new boyfriend. Just now I felt it for the first time with him - an inability to feel ok without him being ok. He's closed himself off to me in a text conversation that's too complicated to be having over text, and we'll pick it up in person.

I don't want to go down the path of following someone else's emotions around again. I've just had therapy today so I won't be able to pick this up until next week with my therapist.

It's over-empathising, and taking too much responsibility for another human. I have to manage my own emotions first. He's emotionally up and down, like my mum is. He's so affected by his emotions - just like me, and just like my mum. Having two people made of emotion is too much. I'm less made of emotion than I used to be, and more balanced... but he is challenging me. I work better romantically with people who are even tempered, who steady me.

I'm scared. The closer I get to a lover, the greater their capacity to hurt me.

How can I protect myself from being so affected by the emotions of another person?

[MentalState]

How can you protect yourself from being so affected by the emotions of another person? That's such a tough question. I think it's especially difficult as in my (unprofessional) opinion, it's a very natural human trait to care about the wellbeing of the ones we love.

For me, I feel such hatred and guilt with myself in the way that my own mental health and resulting substance abuse / self-medication affects the emotions of my loved ones (immediate family). It affects me deeply to know that I hurt them with my own actions due to my mental health.

I wish I could just "Man up" and handle my problems effectively and positively as opposed to negative choices such as becoming withdrawn, reclusive, emotionally unstable and then using drugs to give me some relief from it all. I know it breaks my families heart to see me suffer like this.

Thinking about the problem I guess it can be characterised by two distinct factors. There's the person who's triggering emotional response (me) and those that react to it (family).

I guess a good way to approach it is to openly talk. Each party should try and come to an understanding of how it affects one another and then both parties can make an effort to mitigate the impacts it has on one another.

I sometimes feel a strong urge to pull my mum to one side and try and tell to seiously not to worry about me but I'm not sure what I can honestly say that will make her feel more comfortable with seeing me in my volatile states.

I wish I had the answer to this one.

[AntsyVee]

Have you both ever heard of a term called "co-dependent"?

I think it would do you both some good to do some reading about it. I highly suggest the book "co-dependent No More".

[Serphenia]

Humans like what feels familiar. Thats why people with abusive parents often end up dating abusive people.

We are often drawn to people who are similar to our parents. As that's what we grew up with that's what is normal to us.

I think it's pretty normal to be effected by people's mood and emotions but it's a matter how much it affects you

I think you know that it affects you too much.
I don't have much advice but keep in mind your feelings are also important. That you're not responsible for managing other people's emotions