MentalState
04-02-17, 00:04
Hi all,
I suffered a childhood sexual abuse / trauma aged 3. This had a devastating effect on me as a child and all my reaction to it was contained (bottled up).
At age 3 I was reading how normal coping mechanisms to react to stress are not fully developed and so can cause devastating psychological problems in later life as well as even physical changes in the brain that result in PTSD.
I am diagnosed with PTSD and I also believe I have Avoidant Personality disorder (AvpD) through my own research on various mental disorders. I fit the criteria for (AvpD) to a T.
needles to say as an adult i have been a wreck, unfortunately I ended up finding peace and comfort in heroin addiction for most of my 20's.
I've sought treatment from Dr's but the SSRI's / SNRI's simply don't have much efficacy for me. I have done a CBT course but it wasn't enough, perhaps I need more focused sessions before I see more benefit. The NHS is stretched.
2 years ago I had a total breakdown at work and I saw my Dr who immediately signed me off unfit to work. I have been on ESA for almost 2 years now and as a young man it's been hard to be in this situation.
I wish I could be normal and work. Be reliable and hold down a job. Engage in social situations and relationships. But there's something seriously wrong in my head. it's holding me back majorly and causes severe depression.
Depression was the main focus of my illness for all my life. i figured this is why i found heroin and opiate abuse so effective due to the escapism and bliss it offered me.
However, recently I've realised just how much I suffer from anxiety. I've had odd panic attacks but never thought much of it.
I discovered AvpD is categorised as an Anxiety disorder which is very interesting to me. Recently I've noticed my anxiety is really high. Abusing opiates had masked my ability to recognise it. Opiates obviously have somewhat of an anxiolytic effect amongst many other things.
Anyway I now obtain diazepam through my own means as a measure to deal with the occasional panic attacks I get . My attacks can last all day sometimes, albeit not hysterical it's severe and nasty to deal with. My Dr refused to prescribe me more than 12 2mg tablets a year as he fears adiction and dependency which is a valid concern as benzo addiction is serious and no joke.
Having 10mg pills on standby for the odd time i get an attack has changed my life. i feel so different when on these. like my life has quality again. i think this goes to show just how anxious i am considering how different they make me feel.
I don't find any recreational value in diazepam and have no lure to abuse it. I keep them on hand as a last resort.
I've found Matcha green tea (L-theanine) to be very calming and exercise does wonders for me. Chamomile tea has too much of a weak effect but does offer some relief.
It's been a struggle. I can't begin to explain how much so. Seems the cures and therapies like Benzo's and to an extent Opiates have the potential to be worse than the original disease we suffer from to an extent so it's a real hard balancing act.
Would love to hear from other members if they can chime in and offer advice on what works for them.
Thanks all, and don't give up.
I suffered a childhood sexual abuse / trauma aged 3. This had a devastating effect on me as a child and all my reaction to it was contained (bottled up).
At age 3 I was reading how normal coping mechanisms to react to stress are not fully developed and so can cause devastating psychological problems in later life as well as even physical changes in the brain that result in PTSD.
I am diagnosed with PTSD and I also believe I have Avoidant Personality disorder (AvpD) through my own research on various mental disorders. I fit the criteria for (AvpD) to a T.
needles to say as an adult i have been a wreck, unfortunately I ended up finding peace and comfort in heroin addiction for most of my 20's.
I've sought treatment from Dr's but the SSRI's / SNRI's simply don't have much efficacy for me. I have done a CBT course but it wasn't enough, perhaps I need more focused sessions before I see more benefit. The NHS is stretched.
2 years ago I had a total breakdown at work and I saw my Dr who immediately signed me off unfit to work. I have been on ESA for almost 2 years now and as a young man it's been hard to be in this situation.
I wish I could be normal and work. Be reliable and hold down a job. Engage in social situations and relationships. But there's something seriously wrong in my head. it's holding me back majorly and causes severe depression.
Depression was the main focus of my illness for all my life. i figured this is why i found heroin and opiate abuse so effective due to the escapism and bliss it offered me.
However, recently I've realised just how much I suffer from anxiety. I've had odd panic attacks but never thought much of it.
I discovered AvpD is categorised as an Anxiety disorder which is very interesting to me. Recently I've noticed my anxiety is really high. Abusing opiates had masked my ability to recognise it. Opiates obviously have somewhat of an anxiolytic effect amongst many other things.
Anyway I now obtain diazepam through my own means as a measure to deal with the occasional panic attacks I get . My attacks can last all day sometimes, albeit not hysterical it's severe and nasty to deal with. My Dr refused to prescribe me more than 12 2mg tablets a year as he fears adiction and dependency which is a valid concern as benzo addiction is serious and no joke.
Having 10mg pills on standby for the odd time i get an attack has changed my life. i feel so different when on these. like my life has quality again. i think this goes to show just how anxious i am considering how different they make me feel.
I don't find any recreational value in diazepam and have no lure to abuse it. I keep them on hand as a last resort.
I've found Matcha green tea (L-theanine) to be very calming and exercise does wonders for me. Chamomile tea has too much of a weak effect but does offer some relief.
It's been a struggle. I can't begin to explain how much so. Seems the cures and therapies like Benzo's and to an extent Opiates have the potential to be worse than the original disease we suffer from to an extent so it's a real hard balancing act.
Would love to hear from other members if they can chime in and offer advice on what works for them.
Thanks all, and don't give up.