Classic Circling Around Diagnosis'

[PASchoolSyndrome]

So I'm twirling my head in a spiral and no amount of logic has been able to help me today. I really enjoy talking to people on here and helping them through their HA.. I only wish I could do the same thing for myself!

I've been obsessed with a few lymph nodes I've had on my neck. Very benign, according to all professionals who have examined them. But the natural fear of lymphoma comes creeping in and sits itself to stay.

Now the last doctor I saw actually found that I have them all over, up and down both sides of my neck. Okay sure, that's not how lymphoma presents. I'm good. Follow up in 3 weeks.

Now I can't stop feeling a hard marble like node under my chin - surely I would have felt that one before. Now my throat is getting tender and my voice is going hoarse.. On to the next downward spiral of head and neck cancer - not a simple cold that's causing me to have a post nasal drip or anything.

Whyyyy do we do this to ourselves and avoid all the logic because when we hear hooves we think zebras, not horses??

[Brian_VA]

I once thought my skin was turning jaundice. I was at work and was freaking out.....Turned out it was highlighter marks on the palm of my hand. Talk about thinking of zebras!

[PASchoolSyndrome]

That's pretty funny! I've done something similar with the dye on my jeans - thought my hands were hypoxic! It's so interesting how our minds go straight to the worst without putting two and two together.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Also, something else I catch myself doing.

I don't know how it happened, but Instagram will give you suggested photos and people to follow based on your liking history, people you already follow, and accounts you interact with. Being in med school a lot of the photos that come up are medicine based (give little tips for board exams, taking pictures in your white coat and stethoscopes) but some people suffering from disease have come up as well.

Cue the spiral, now every time I log onto Instagram there are the accounts of countless cancer survivors, all brave, inspirational, YOUNG women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer at 24 and at 28 it is now metastatic stage 4 fighter. Or Hodgkin's Lymphoma, cervical, or ovarian cancer. I find myself following them because they are such beautiful, brave souls who are living their life as best they could while battling a stage 4 cancer. And then unfortunately someone will lose their battle before they reached the age 30 and tears come to my eyes because through their blogs and posts I've felt like I was fighting along with them.

And here I am, perfectly healthy 23 year old who is convinced that because I've stumbled onto this society that I am destined to become one of them. So I constantly feel my breasts, worry about the 20 lymph nodes in my neck, wonder if my ovaries are trying to kill me and I won't know until its too late.

I feel so disrespectful - yet I can't stop this constant anxiety and fear.

[Brian_VA]

Facebook does this to me. I've had to block people because of the things they post. It's not their fault it's just my mind can't handle seeing stories of people with health issues, especially kids.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Ugh it's so hard.

[Sphincterclench]

I really enjoy talking to people on here and helping them through their HA.. I only wish I could do the same thing for myself!

I seem to struggle taking my own advice as well.

[cry]

I've had to stop myself clicking on certain links on Facebook or news sites because I know I can't read the stories without making myself worry. I have however been trying to think more rationally and for every story about someone dying young you read there's one hundred thousand stories not published about people living long, happy, healthy lives but they just don't make an interesting read.

People are living longer now than ever before which should offer some comfort, although I know at times it doesn't.

[DpickensUSNavy]

Im 18 and I Have three nodes in my neck my doctor told me not to be concerned So I try To forget about them. But there are some day's where Anxiety Comes back. It's like a never ending cycle of worrying...