Been thinking....

[NancyW]

I am 57... I have worried about "stuff" as far back as I can remember.

I can remember being worried about breaking my thermos when I was in the first grade.

I remember completely freaking out because I couldn't find my mom when I came home from school, she was in the back yard.

I remember worrying that I would get sick and throw up in school. That went on from elementary school through middle school.. about the 7th grade.

If I stop to think of certain times, ages or events in my life, there is always a worry/potential crisis attached to the memory.

This misery has followed me my entire life.

Each time it feels extremely scary, real, like THIS time my worst fear will happen.

On the outside, I'm a fully functioning adult, successful in my work, raised 2 children, 34 year marriage, have many friends, volunteer at a youth organization.

Perfect life.... right?

On the inside I'm a train wreck.

[Catherine S]

I'm with you on this Nancy. I'm now 63 and was what my mum used to call a 'highly strung' child. I then became a highly strung teen, and have been a highly strung adult. By that I mean I was a sensitive, jumpy, nervous and worried child for no particular reason as my childhood was stable. However unlike yourself, my life as a grown up hasn't been as stable over the years, as a direct result of my inner turmoil. I've been divorced twice and now married for the third time, moved house..and countries.. numerous times and i'm still restless.

The physical symptoms of anxiety have settled down as I've got older and learned to cope better with the effects, but the mental insecurity/instability can still jump up and smack me in the face sometimes.

ISB ☺

[MyNameIsTerry]

Nancy,

You've successfully raised two kids.
You're successful in your work.
You volunteer to care for people worse off than yourself.
You've got a long & happy marriage.

So, you must be doing lots right. And you have people that love you for who you are.

You could have let your anxiety affect all of that. You could have let it own you and lose people or not even have those kids out of fear. On top of it all you even go out of your way to volunteer which is more than most would consider without your anxiety!

You could have hid away. You could have avoided. You could have pushed people away.

Perfect? No because we would all wish you didn't have the struggles that anxiety brings BUT remember your strength in not letting it hold you back.

Are you reflecting or are you ruminating? I found I could get quite low thinking about my lot in life and especially in comparing it to others. I've learnt these days to kick it in the ar5e. Head it off of I'm felling low so it doesn't take me there anymore. I still look at someone and think how lucky they are but I no longer allow my mind to call me all the names it did. :noangel:

Even if it does affect people's lives, that doesn't mean you give in. We all keep fighting to recover on here so our lives get better. Some keep things together, like you, some of us have lost out too (I've pushed people away in mine). However maybe where we end up means it works out for the best? So, I mean no offence to anyone who has struggled to the point of losing people, I've done badly myself on this front.

[GlassPinata]

I am 57... I have worried about "stuff" as far back as I can remember.

I can remember being worried about breaking my thermos when I was in the first grade.

I remember completely freaking out because I couldn't find my mom when I came home from school, she was in the back yard.

I remember worrying that I would get sick and throw up in school. That went on from elementary school through middle school.. about the 7th grade.

If I stop to think of certain times, ages or events in my life, there is always a worry/potential crisis attached to the memory.

This misery has followed me my entire life.

Each time it feels extremely scary, real, like THIS time my worst fear will happen.

On the outside, I'm a fully functioning adult, successful in my work, raised 2 children, 34 year marriage, have many friends, volunteer at a youth organization.

Perfect life.... right?

On the inside I'm a train wreck.



Same here.
First time I can remember being "worried", I was about six.
My dad went to the grocery store, leaving me home with my aunt.
It was raining.
I remember standing in the yard crying, because I suddenly thought my dad had gotten into a car wreck and would never come home (he'd only been gone for ten minutes at that point).
Shortly after that, the fear switched to mostly being about my health.
Once I had children, I worried about their health as well, and the health of other family members, as well as my own.
Worry and fear have plagued me all my life also.
I cannot remember a holiday or vacation, or ANY fun, memorable event, where I wasn't worried about having some type of cancer, or about my loved ones having some life-threatening illness.
I am 44.
It would be easy enough to say, "Well, I've lived with it this long..."
But I don't want to live with it for the rest of my life.
That is why I'm doing everything I can to break out of this cycle.
I hope you can too. Best wishes.

[rainbow]

I was also a worrier as a child, I was nervous and shy and only ever had a couple of close friends at most. My parents argued a lot and eventually split up when I was about 9. My dad raised myself and my sister and we saw our mum every fortnight or so. My dad was amazing and did his absolute best for us.

So, I've always been an anxious person but in the last 12 years the main anxiety is surrounding my or my loved ones health. It's an awful way to live.

[pulisa]

I think a lot of people put on a "front" and appear to deal with a lot with no apparent problems whereas in fact people would be amazed if they revealed their issues/insecurities..

Terry, I think your post was an excellent one and Nancy, you have in fact achieved a lot in life despite your anxiety and should bear this in mind when you are ruminating on your perceived "shortcomings". It's easy just to concentrate on your "weaknesses" when you're low and stressed.

[Sphincterclench]

I think I am the odd duck here, I remember being blissfully ignorant of any real anxiety aside from silly kid stuff like tests or "waiting for dad to get home" when I was in trouble for something.

Mine kind of came out of left field sudden and sustained. been about 2 years and I am still kind of reeling from it all.

[NancyW]

Thank you all for your supportive and kind words. While it's good to know I'm not alone, I wonder... are there people out there that just don't worry?

My anxiety's focus is centered around thhe health and safety of my children and husband. Years ago, it was my mom. She had many health ailments in her later years, I was the closest to her so went to all of her drs apts. My HA over medical tests, I believe, started here

I don't want to teach my kids my worrying ways... so I keep a lot of it inside.

[KeeKee]

I think I am the odd duck here, I remember being blissfully ignorant of any real anxiety aside from silly kid stuff like tests or "waiting for dad to get home" when I was in trouble for something.

Mine kind of came out of left field sudden and sustained. been about 2 years and I am still kind of reeling from it all.

I was a non worrier as a child too. The only thing I ever remember worrying about was my parents separating (which did eventually happen but not until I was an adult). My anxiety started nearly 4 years ago completely out of the blue. I had a handful of night time panic attacks and have had health anxiety ever since.

---------- Post added at 20:25 ---------- Previous post was at 20:23 ----------


Thank you all for your supportive and kind words. While it's good to know I'm not alone, I wonder... are there people out there that just don't worry?

My anxiety's focus is centered around thhe health and safety of my children and husband. Years ago, it was my mom. She had many health ailments in her later years, I was the closest to her so went to all of her drs apts. My HA over medical tests, I believe, started here

I don't want to teach my kids my worrying ways... so I keep a lot of it inside.

I feel selfish as my health anxiety only applies to myself. I have no idea why but I don't worry about the health of others. I do worry about my loved ones being in accidents etc but when they're ill I don't think it's anything sinister like I do myself at times.

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think I am the odd duck here, I remember being blissfully ignorant of any real anxiety aside from silly kid stuff like tests or "waiting for dad to get home" when I was in trouble for something.

Mine kind of came out of left field sudden and sustained. been about 2 years and I am still kind of reeling from it all.

I wasn't a worrier. My anxiety hit me at 30 after a decade striving in high stress jobs and having an active social life. Looking back I can see the odd very short period as a teenager but beyond that, and some isolated confidence issues, things were fine.

---------- Post added at 23:55 ---------- Previous post was at 23:37 ----------


Yes, there are truly people out there that just don't worry! It's hard to believe.
I remember the anxiety for me starting about the age of 6. My grandfather had cancer and I believe watching him go through that is what caused my HA.

I can answer it about HA because I have no HA elements to my anxiety.

As an outsider on this board I can tell you all that what I see you panicking over wouldn't bother me. That's not a minimisation of what you go through because I have anxieties that you wouldn't be bothered by.

For instance, I used to panic is I couldn't eat with the same utensils. Or if a meal changed from my rigid routines. At my worst this would trigger me to the edge of panic.

It i find a lump or bump - I don't care. If I have blood in my poo - meh. There is no trigger. If my anxiety is higher, I sometimes get a thought about what could it be and then my mind intuitively moves on without caring.

My parents have no anxiety disorders. They don't see a GP until something is urgent. My mum has health issues (mid seventies) but she will wait & wait to see it it really needs looking at. She had a cough for 2 months before seeing her GP. My dad had a sore on his nose for about 2 years before it was getting uglier and my mum forced him down the surgery where it turned out to be a form of skin cancer (a very common form with excellent treatment rates).

[LeighT]

It wasn't until I developed full-blown HA that I remembered and realised that I've been carrying this all my life. I too can remember worrying myself sick over things that kids just shouldn't worry about.