Mav
09-02-17, 18:16
I feel very depressed, I just don't know what to do anymore.
I can't stop digging around my neck for more nodes aside from the one enlarged one and I succeeded when I felt another one, a little larger than a grain of rice, infront of the prosterior cervicle one (so basically mid way down my neck). It's hurts a little when I press on it.
My ENT referal letter hasn't come, I will call my doctors office tomorrow to ask where it is. It's been 2 weeks now that I have been waiting for it.
I'm sick of annoying everyone with my worries, I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of making myself constantly worry, it's so pathetic. I'm constantly waiting for a death sentence and at this point I'm so, so, so tired. I'm constantly screaming in my head how unfair it is that I have all these fears of cancer looming over my head and how the evidence of the cancer is in my neck in the form of my swollen nodes and I've gotten to the point where I don't believe it could be anything else and it's pointless to even be optimistic.
I'm really just so tired. I can't focus on anything, I can't plan ahead because I feel like I'm going to be diagnosed or just die. I feel stupid for writing this and it really does sound like me whining about how hard my life is, I know people have it harder but I just want to be checked out and I just want to know if I'm okay or not. It's all want and I'm not getting any answers and the wait is driving me insane.
I just feel like it's everything I've been fearing, it's not benign and I'm the one that got struck with that bolt of lightening.
I can't stop digging around my neck for more nodes aside from the one enlarged one and I succeeded when I felt another one, a little larger than a grain of rice, infront of the prosterior cervicle one (so basically mid way down my neck). It's hurts a little when I press on it.
My ENT referal letter hasn't come, I will call my doctors office tomorrow to ask where it is. It's been 2 weeks now that I have been waiting for it.
I'm sick of annoying everyone with my worries, I'm sick of myself. I'm sick of making myself constantly worry, it's so pathetic. I'm constantly waiting for a death sentence and at this point I'm so, so, so tired. I'm constantly screaming in my head how unfair it is that I have all these fears of cancer looming over my head and how the evidence of the cancer is in my neck in the form of my swollen nodes and I've gotten to the point where I don't believe it could be anything else and it's pointless to even be optimistic.
I'm really just so tired. I can't focus on anything, I can't plan ahead because I feel like I'm going to be diagnosed or just die. I feel stupid for writing this and it really does sound like me whining about how hard my life is, I know people have it harder but I just want to be checked out and I just want to know if I'm okay or not. It's all want and I'm not getting any answers and the wait is driving me insane.
I just feel like it's everything I've been fearing, it's not benign and I'm the one that got struck with that bolt of lightening.