View Full Version : Back to this. . ...... again
Ok so.... I know its only because my anxiety is being a pain in the bottom right now but for th3 last half hour I've been sitting here thinking about growing old and death again.
It literally leaves me sitting here physically shaking and sort of paralysed with fear, my heart beats faster I get all super anxious.
Can someone please give me a little guidance of how to change my perspective on how I look at this.
I'm 27 in July, then I think oh lord I'll be 37 in 10 years then 40 in 13 years..... ahhhh it's terrifiying. Its not the aging that bothers me, (little bit of botox will help when I need it) it's the older I get the closer I get to death, and then just we myself sitting there In a chair doing the same thing day in and day out, just basically waiting for death, and obviously seeing evrryone I've ever known and loved dying... the thought of growing old with my husband getting to 90 and him dying, seeing my parents die, my family dying, and I hope I never have to see my children die,
But death sucks.... it's not fair that we live just to die.
I know it's 100% going to happen, there's no escaping it, and that's terrifiying.
I just want a different way of looking at this, instead of working myself up whenever I think about it....
Sorry for the repeated post.....
Sphincterclench
09-02-17, 18:52
As much as I need to take my own advice here....
If you spend all your time worrying about dying, you'll waste the time you could be living.
Thats how i try to calm myself down but it never works. What's the point of spending my life worrying about dying when I can't stop it. They I get all worked up again.
I'm sitting here shakin, that might be because I've not long got home and it's a little cold and I'm waiting for the heating to actually warm the house up (forgot to set the timer this morning) but I've got that panic rising and i hate it
---------- Post added at 18:59 ---------- Previous post was at 18:58 ----------
I just dont get how the human body just stops working
I just want a different way of looking at this
Well.... You're worrying about an inevitable event which essentially is taking the time you have now away. Wouldn't you rather have that happen at the end as opposed to doing to yourself above ground now?
Positive thoughts
Well.... You're worrying about an inevitable event which essentially is taking the time you have now away. Wouldn't you rather have that happen at the end as opposed to doing to yourself above ground now?
Positive thoughts
Well yeah I would 😂😂 but I don't know how to change how I think about it to make that happen. I worry that I'm always going to be worrying about this and then be an old lady and still terrified by it all. I would love nothing more than to have a carefree way at looking at things.... I'm hopingthe dear just eventually goes away
ServerError
09-02-17, 20:19
I think this thread gets to the bottom of what a lot of health anxiety really is. I look back and realise that what I was really worried about when I thought I had all those terrible diseases was the inevitability that one day something would take me, and it could happen at any time.
This came out when talking to my therapist. I didn't even realise it. He said to me one day "you're wracked with existential angst", and then I saw it for what it was. I couldn't believe I was actually making myself ill through worrying about the finality of life. It's no wonder some people choose to believe in heaven! At one point I was both suicidal and desperate not to die, which was a confusing and scary combination.
If you have faith, there's always that to fall back on. But if you don't - and I don't - then nothing changes the finality of the end of our lives. Seeking a "new way" of thinking about it sounds exhausting to me. There's no way of thinking about it that will ever change it. And this is where, I'm afraid, I find myself saying something that you're generally not supposed to say to an anxiety sufferer: STOP WORRYING.
I know it's not easy or even particularly helpful, but there's nothing else to be done with this. I mean, yes, you can learn coping techniques and talk it out with a therapist, and you should. And if you do, it could be very helpful. But it won't change the situation. For that reason, you have to find a way to make peace with it. That's what I'm doing. It's an ongoing process, but I'm doing everything in my power to enjoy the time I have.
There are philosophies and ways of thought out there that can help. I would recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. Both books really helped transform my outlook.
Ultimately, whatever you do, you'd be wise to seek some help with these existential thoughts. Beyond that, you'll have to find a way to come to terms with the reality and then you'll have to stop worrying and start living. What else can you do?
There was a guy I worked with in the auto sales business. And yes, the auto sales business is as nasty and slimy as all the rumors say it is!
There were times I felt so dirty... ugghhh... I would rather flip burgers than sell cars again. The only positive is that I know all the tricks and when it comes time to buy a car, I know I'll get the best deal ;)
Anyway... this guy I'm talking about. He always had this rather care free attitude. None of the BS bothered him and on top of it, he sold a lot of cars and made a lot of money. I asked him one day how he dealt with all the BS and the unethical nature of the business etc.
His answer?... "I just don't give a shit" ~lol~ What a way to approach it! I've adopted some of that tidbit of wisdom to the things in my life I can't control and never will.
I can't change the fact I have heart disease. I can't change the fact that I may get cancer again or some other nastie. All I can do is live my life the best I can and try to keep a positive attitude. That's the one thing you can control... Your attitude...
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it" - Charles Swindoll.
You change the way you think by changing your attitude about it. You start by reading or doing something positive each day. Maybe it's a prayer, maybe it's reading a positive quote. Maybe it's not Googling for an hour... whatever... but do something as opposed to thinking about it. This was something that was affirmed when I was in therapy.
IMO and in my experience, that's how you change the way you think.
Positive thoughts
Catherine S
09-02-17, 21:10
Quote: "life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it".
I love that.
ISB :)
Hi,
I've had periods of my life when I've had those same fears about dying. I now know that the cause was loneliness, and when I mixed more with people and made friends the fear receded. I would say you need to think what in your life is causing this abnormal amount of fear. Maybe some sort of insecurity? Can you do something to change your life for the better?
It scares me too, but my biggest fear is dying young. Everybody dies, it's a part of life.
I understand the fear though. I try not to think of death, it's hard but like others on here I'm not religious so believe when we die, we die, it's as simple as that. It scares me to think I'll never meet my loved ones again, but the fact of the matter is we will never know about it. We want our children's, children's, children and so on to be able to enjoy the world and for that to happen our time must come to an end.
It's a horrible subject though and probably best to try not to think of it. It's hard though and I can't even go visit relatives without some death or illness being discussed and it just makes life feel grim.
Hi,
I totally get what your feelings on this subject. You're only 27, I am 58 and counting. I am no more closer to the end than I was yesterday. I lost the man I loved and he was at the time 47 years old and my life has not been the same since. Does death bother me, yes and no. I have my version of it, whether it is wishful thinking on my part, I do not know, but, I like to this is the case.
I think we are all in a chrysalis stage of life and when we pass on we become like butterflies. My other version is this, we were not here before we were born, where were we, I do not know but, we haven;t been alive before, so in the sense we had no sense, no experience, it is the experience, the senses, it this loss of those, that scare us. The sense of awareness, sight sound smell, love, breath, experience.
People worry to much about passing on, than living each day, missing the joy and other experiences.
I said yes and no about being scared and not so. I am not because the one I love dearly I hope to meet again and the other is I will miss the experience of this existence. It is a chance in a lifetime not to be missed.
I do hope you don't miss this wonderful opportunity in life, instead of thinking the worst every day and lose the magic of just being alive.
I do know it is not easy for you and easy for me to say, but I do hope that you say to yourself, right, let's stop this now and do something else instead. Let me find something else that I can focus on today and not be afraid.
Look out online for Louise Hay, she has some wonderful insights and healing works ans meditation audios you can find on YouTube. Also look for Mellie O'Brien, she is amazing. She recently hosted a very successful Mindfullness Summit. You will find her under the name of Mrs Mindfullness.
Here is a little link, after I read what you wrote, I was inspired to send you this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkTvAi9UdLw
I wish you so very well and I do hope that you will find joy in life. I do know it is not easy for you, but with all my heart I hope you find happiness in your daily life.
Ok so.... I know its only because my anxiety is being a pain in the bottom right now but for th3 last half hour I've been sitting here thinking about growing old and death again.
It literally leaves me sitting here physically shaking and sort of paralysed with fear, my heart beats faster I get all super anxious.
Can someone please give me a little guidance of how to change my perspective on how I look at this.
I'm 27 in July, then I think oh lord I'll be 37 in 10 years then 40 in 13 years..... ahhhh it's terrifiying. Its not the aging that bothers me, (little bit of botox will help when I need it) it's the older I get the closer I get to death, and then just we myself sitting there In a chair doing the same thing day in and day out, just basically waiting for death, and obviously seeing evrryone I've ever known and loved dying... the thought of growing old with my husband getting to 90 and him dying, seeing my parents die, my family dying, and I hope I never have to see my children die,
But death sucks.... it's not fair that we live just to die.
I know it's 100% going to happen, there's no escaping it, and that's terrifiying.
I just want a different way of looking at this, instead of working myself up whenever I think about it....
Sorry for the repeated post.....
GlassPinata
10-02-17, 01:20
I don't think dying will be much different from being born.
And really, what is there to be scared of? Nobody fails at it. All you have to do is lie there while your organs gradually shut down (personally, I hope my brain goes first).
I'm scared of SUFFERING, and I'm scared of losing my loved ones.
But actually dying? Being dead? Why is that scary?
I once read a book about child psychology, and in it a psychologist was trying to help a child by explaining to him that some of his feelings were coming from what the psychologist called "the sad thoughts monster". I've decided I have a "scary thoughts monster", which comes up with exactly these sorts of things. It sounds sort of silly, but it does sort of help me to stop what I'm doing.
You're only 26 - focus on all the awesome things you are going to do in those 10, 13, and 60+ years. That's a lot of space to fill.
Hi,
I totally get what your feelings on this subject. You're only 27, I am 58 and counting. I am no more closer to the end than I was yesterday. I lost the man I loved and he was at the time 47 years old and my life has not been the same since. Does death bother me, yes and no. I have my version of it, whether it is wishful thinking on my part, I do not know, but, I like to this is the case.
I think we are all in a chrysalis stage of life and when we pass on we become like butterflies. My other version is this, we were not here before we were born, where were we, I do not know but, we haven;t been alive before, so in the sense we had no sense, no experience, it is the experience, the senses, it this loss of those, that scare us. The sense of awareness, sight sound smell, love, breath, experience.
People worry to much about passing on, than living each day, missing the joy and other experiences.
I said yes and no about being scared and not so. I am not because the one I love dearly I hope to meet again and the other is I will miss the experience of this existence. It is a chance in a lifetime not to be missed.
I do hope you don't miss this wonderful opportunity in life, instead of thinking the worst every day and lose the magic of just being alive.
I do know it is not easy for you and easy for me to say, but I do hope that you say to yourself, right, let's stop this now and do something else instead. Let me find something else that I can focus on today and not be afraid.
Look out online for Louise Hay, she has some wonderful insights and healing works ans meditation audios you can find on YouTube. Also look for Mellie O'Brien, she is amazing. She recently hosted a very successful Mindfullness Summit. You will find her under the name of Mrs Mindfullness.
Here is a little link, after I read what you wrote, I was inspired to send you this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkTvAi9UdLw
I wish you so very well and I do hope that you will find joy in life. I do know it is not easy for you, but with all my heart I hope you find happiness in your daily life.
I just wanted to say thank you for this lovely reply, I teared up reading it... its such a calming reply if that makes sense. I will look at the info you have added in and hopfuly it will help me even if its just slightly
---------- Post added at 11:22 ---------- Previous post was at 11:19 ----------
I don't think dying will be much different from being born.
And really, what is there to be scared of? Nobody fails at it. All you have to do is lie there while your organs gradually shut down (personally, I hope my brain goes first).
I'm scared of SUFFERING, and I'm scared of losing my loved ones.
But actually dying? Being dead? Why is that scary?
The scary part .. well there's many, not feeling, not seeing, not feeling the love. Just asleep forever, never waking up,
That's what the scary part is, I hope there's life after death, that all our souls go to another place for eternity, still having the feeling of love and seeing all the people wehave loved through our lives,
The thought that after death, I will never see my husband and my children ever again, is too painful, I love them more than anything and just want to be with them forever.
---------- Post added at 11:28 ---------- Previous post was at 11:22 ----------
I think this thread gets to the bottom of what a lot of health anxiety really is. I look back and realise that what I was really worried about when I thought I had all those terrible diseases was the inevitability that one day something would take me, and it could happen at any time.
This came out when talking to my therapist. I didn't even realise it. He said to me one day "you're wracked with existential angst", and then I saw it for what it was. I couldn't believe I was actually making myself ill through worrying about the finality of life. It's no wonder some people choose to believe in heaven! At one point I was both suicidal and desperate not to die, which was a confusing and scary combination.
If you have faith, there's always that to fall back on. But if you don't - and I don't - then nothing changes the finality of the end of our lives. Seeking a "new way" of thinking about it sounds exhausting to me. There's no way of thinking about it that will ever change it. And this is where, I'm afraid, I find myself saying something that you're generally not supposed to say to an anxiety sufferer: STOP WORRYING.
I know it's not easy or even particularly helpful, but there's nothing else to be done with this. I mean, yes, you can learn coping techniques and talk it out with a therapist, and you should. And if you do, it could be very helpful. But it won't change the situation. For that reason, you have to find a way to make peace with it. That's what I'm doing. It's an ongoing process, but I'm doing everything in my power to enjoy the time I have.
There are philosophies and ways of thought out there that can help. I would recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Reasons To Stay Alive by Matt Haig. Both books really helped transform my outlook.
Ultimately, whatever you do, you'd be wise to seek some help with these existential thoughts. Beyond that, you'll have to find a way to come to terms with the reality and then you'll have to stop worrying and start living. What else can you do?
I love my life andeveryone in it, but I do see myself as in a bit of a boring part of life and often think, well I this it? I wake up, get the children ready for school, go to work,pick up the children, do dinner, wait for my husband to get home from work. And then sleep... I have no social life, my life just revolves around my husband and son and daughter, maybe if I start doing new things having more of s social life I'll start really enjoying life again (not that I dont enjoy my little family but everyone needs to be just them sometimes )
I'm going to look into the therapy route and see if I can change my perspective of it all. I don't want to waste my life worrying about th3 inevitable.... I can't Change it.... so as of today. If the thought crossed my mind. I'll justtry and forget about it.. (probably win happen)
Just worry about it when I have to kind of attitude
---------- Post added at 11:30 ---------- Previous post was at 11:28 ----------
There was a guy I worked with in the auto sales business. And yes, the auto sales business is as nasty and slimy as all the rumors say it is!
There were times I felt so dirty... ugghhh... I would rather flip burgers than sell cars again. The only positive is that I know all the tricks and when it comes time to buy a car, I know I'll get the best deal ;)
Anyway... this guy I'm talking about. He always had this rather care free attitude. None of the BS bothered him and on top of it, he sold a lot of cars and made a lot of money. I asked him one day how he dealt with all the BS and the unethical nature of the business etc.
His answer?... "I just don't give a shit" ~lol~ What a way to approach it! I've adopted some of that tidbit of wisdom to the things in my life I can't control and never will.
I can't change the fact I have heart disease. I can't change the fact that I may get cancer again or some other nastie. All I can do is live my life the best I can and try to keep a positive attitude. That's the one thing you can control... Your attitude...
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we handle it" - Charles Swindoll.
You change the way you think by changing your attitude about it. You start by reading or doing something positive each day. Maybe it's a prayer, maybe it's reading a positive quote. Maybe it's not Googling for an hour... whatever... but do something as opposed to thinking about it. This was something that was affirmed when I was in therapy.
IMO and in my experience, that's how you change the way you think.
Positive thoughts
I wish I had to attitude of the slimey saleman 😂😂😂
Thanks for your reply fish. Always good advice
brandybuck
10-02-17, 16:14
Wish I could help, but I'm in the same situation. Ever since my HA started, death has become a constant in my everyday thoughts. And even if I manage to convince myself I'm not actually sick and I've still got plenty of time left, my thought then shifts to being old and awaiting death, and how short and fragile life really is. The mere thought of my mortality gets me anxious, depressed and angry at how unfair it really is, at how much I'll be missing out. I'm not religious either, my only hope being that since we don't know much about the universe to begin with, it might still have something in store for us. I'm only 22, I should be living life to the fullest instead of being paralyzed by these kind of thoughts. I hope we can both one day come to terms with our mortality and move on. It's pretty cool we got to be alive in the first place. :)
Wish I could help, but I'm in the same situation. Ever since my HA started, death has become a constant in my everyday thoughts. And even if I manage to convince myself I'm not actually sick and I've still got plenty of time left, my thought then shifts to being old and awaiting death, and how short and fragile life really is. The mere thought of my mortality gets me anxious, depressed and angry at how unfair it really is, at how much I'll be missing out. I'm not religious either, my only hope being that since we don't know much about the universe to begin with, it might still have something in store for us. I'm only 22, I should be living life to the fullest instead of being paralyzed by these kind of thoughts. I hope we can both one day come to terms with our mortality and move on. It's pretty cool we got to be alive in the first place. :)
Oh it sucks doesn't it. I agree it gets so much worse when my anxiety is suoer high. My mind just goes into overdrive. And yeah I think what kicked It back in again fornme I the fact I'm 30 in 3 and a half years, it only seemed like yesterday that I was excited about turning 21. It just goes to quick and the years seems to be going faster too, last year went stupid fast,
I hope we both find peace with it all and just enjoy the one life that we have with no regrets.. well maybe a few 😂
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