Can't cope at all no solution

[elik]

I am under so much pressure my own life happiness is out of the question. I cannot handle people. I'm so miserable always because I just follow everything and everyone's lives and have none of my own. I wish I could do something about it but there is no way. I can't talk out at all I say one thing and people just don't listen/care enough to take it in. I am borderline mental breakdown once again because I can't keep up with everyone's wants. See me here give me advice now help me here etc and I am near explosion. I feel I go quiet so much because my anxiety is overflowing. The guilt in everything makes me die. I just want to be detached from everyone. I feel so easily persuaded because I'm so easy going and all I want is to be able to do that on my terms for once. I want to spend the day with my animals without feeling guilty for not seeing someone who wants to see me. I just can't do it anymore and there's no solution, the only one being that I'm seen in a way in which I can't bare - a let down. I cannot open up my mouth doesn't open - I am so uncomfortable in everyone's company I am not myself around ANYONE. I don't want to hurt anyone's feeling and I don't want to be two faced so all in all I'm a terrible person. I can't be anyone's best friend it just doesn't work anymore I'm so closed I give nothing and I just take on everything so I'm never at ease. The tears streaming down my face are uncontrollable and I have no outlet other than writing on this.

[GlassPinata]

Are you lonely? Do you WANT friends, or do you need space and want to be left alone?
Your post is a little confusing, on this issue.
Would your ideal life at this point involve having friends around you, or "just being left alone all day with your animals"?
If the latter, then tell these friends you are going through some emotional issues and need time and space to work on yourself. Ask them not to bother you. Tell them you'll check in, say, once a week with a text or a post on social media, so they don't have to worry about you.
If they're real friends, they will respect that and let you be.
If they refuse to leave you alone and give you space, then they aren't real friends. Lock them out. Block their numbers. Call the damn police if they won't leave you alone after you've asked them to.

If you DO want friends and just feel like socializing makes you too uncomfortable, then perhaps seek some counseling, maybe even get on meds. Try seeing just one friend at a time, meeting on neutral ground, like a coffee shop or a restaurant. Or even a movie. Then if you get too uncomfortable, you can just leave and go home. Tell the friend in advance that this might happen, that you are trying to work through some issues; that way they won't be offended and you won't feel pressured.

You sound very hopeless, and I'm sorry. I wish I could help in some way.
I, too, prefer to be alone a lot of the time. Friendships can be very taxing and stressful, but sometimes also very rewarding.

Best wishes.

[Icket]

I agree that they will understand that you need some time.

It's also hard for me to get the time to do what I solely want to do.

Talk to them and choose something that you are wanting to do. Or just sit. Either way, do something for you. Guilt free.

[elik]

Sorry if that was confusing. I feel at the moment I have so many people that I need to see/talk to. I can't explain how I feel that's my issue, people don't get me, I'm very proud and I don't want to talk about it etc. Plus, no words come out of my mouth if I try. I'm also sick to my stomach because my best friend is no longer someone I can be myself with just because I've become so introverted, so i find it quite painful putting on a facade all the time. I have no idea how to address it either. I just follow follow follow and I feel near explosion

[Annie0904]

You sound a bit like me and are always putting demands on yourself or letting others put demands on you. My therapist suggested I read 10 steps to positive living by Dr Windy Dryden

[Kuatir]

I'm very proud and I don't want to talk about it etc.

As Marsellus Wallace says in Pulp Fiction:
That's pride ****ing with you. **** pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps.

If you are too proud to talk about these things then that's a hurdle you need to get over to make progress.

[elik]

It's so so so exhausting. As soon as I do try and speak up it never comes out right or I feel the lack of understanding on the other side just leads to me kicking myself. I just say yes to things I don't feel comfortable with all the time but how on earth am I meant to say to my supposed best friend that I don't feel at ease round her (through my fault not hers). I literally just see people to do what they want and make sure they're happy with me and I will never put any demands out there (this is all self inflicted) and I can't relax ever. I'm never ever myself and that would just upset people if I told them so I have no idea how to resolve it other than to carry on. I worry that it's going to make me really angry as the frustration over lack of control can make me so on edge I burst into tears when I'm on my own