Purple_1985
12-02-17, 08:13
Hello everyone :)
Where do I start! About 10 years ago I started to develop OCD with intrusive thoughts. It started after I lost too babies through ectopic pregnancies and then lost both of my falliopian tubes. I had it in my head like it was a punishment and that maybe I'm a evil person why God wouldn't want me too had children! Anyway I had counselling and CBT group therapy. It help me but, like we all know OCD intrusive thoughts doesn't go completely.
Anyway as the years when by. I started working for a hospital. Saw a lot of death and was even a porter at one stage and took body's to the mortuary. This start with my health anxiety. First was chest pains, I was sure I'm "going to have a heart attack" I think I was put on ECG monitors practically ever week! When to doctors with put me on 24hour bp monitors, had stress echo tests, you name it I was convinced something was wrong. I gave up gym on the fear of "triggering something" the the symptoms moved...to my head...again I was sure I'm having a "brain tumour" headaches constantly had MRI scans all okay, had checks at the opticians to make sure wasn't my eyes...then if symptoms went back to my heart.. After my father died sudden my from a heart attack! That blue me out of the water!
Recently I had the fear of a kidney infection. Had all the tests all okay. Now I'm have a fear of food and allergy, it started a few months back when I notice slight itching on my body after nuts and seafood. So I avoid them. But now it's like I'm terrified of eating anything in the fear of dying of a good allergy. I boiled a egg yesterday and had to warn my partner that I'm going to eat it and just in case I have a allergy! To be aware. About 10 years ago I had a allergy test and the only thing I'm actually know I'm allergic too is nickel, but as nickel is in foods, I'm recently avoiding them. I've always had contact nickel allergy not from actually consuming. I've lost one stone, I've never been a big person anyway but people have noticed I've gone so skinny, where I don't like and always wanted to be bigger. By I'm genetically small.
Feel so sad, as I have a young child through IVF and I think I can't enjoy my life with her as I'm constantly worrying, even when we play my mind is so relate worrying about my health.
I check my blood pressure, pulse and oxygen saturation and temperature daily it's like a reassurance for a while.
Hate feeling like this, me and my partner "personal life" is non existent as I'm scared of a heart attack or something. It's taken over my life.
I was having counselling early last year which was great but then I had to cut it short as we moved from our area. I've recently contacted a wellbeing place and have a telephone assessment with them at the end of the month then hopefully some help with therapy or group therapy again.
Thank you for reading
Where do I start! About 10 years ago I started to develop OCD with intrusive thoughts. It started after I lost too babies through ectopic pregnancies and then lost both of my falliopian tubes. I had it in my head like it was a punishment and that maybe I'm a evil person why God wouldn't want me too had children! Anyway I had counselling and CBT group therapy. It help me but, like we all know OCD intrusive thoughts doesn't go completely.
Anyway as the years when by. I started working for a hospital. Saw a lot of death and was even a porter at one stage and took body's to the mortuary. This start with my health anxiety. First was chest pains, I was sure I'm "going to have a heart attack" I think I was put on ECG monitors practically ever week! When to doctors with put me on 24hour bp monitors, had stress echo tests, you name it I was convinced something was wrong. I gave up gym on the fear of "triggering something" the the symptoms moved...to my head...again I was sure I'm having a "brain tumour" headaches constantly had MRI scans all okay, had checks at the opticians to make sure wasn't my eyes...then if symptoms went back to my heart.. After my father died sudden my from a heart attack! That blue me out of the water!
Recently I had the fear of a kidney infection. Had all the tests all okay. Now I'm have a fear of food and allergy, it started a few months back when I notice slight itching on my body after nuts and seafood. So I avoid them. But now it's like I'm terrified of eating anything in the fear of dying of a good allergy. I boiled a egg yesterday and had to warn my partner that I'm going to eat it and just in case I have a allergy! To be aware. About 10 years ago I had a allergy test and the only thing I'm actually know I'm allergic too is nickel, but as nickel is in foods, I'm recently avoiding them. I've always had contact nickel allergy not from actually consuming. I've lost one stone, I've never been a big person anyway but people have noticed I've gone so skinny, where I don't like and always wanted to be bigger. By I'm genetically small.
Feel so sad, as I have a young child through IVF and I think I can't enjoy my life with her as I'm constantly worrying, even when we play my mind is so relate worrying about my health.
I check my blood pressure, pulse and oxygen saturation and temperature daily it's like a reassurance for a while.
Hate feeling like this, me and my partner "personal life" is non existent as I'm scared of a heart attack or something. It's taken over my life.
I was having counselling early last year which was great but then I had to cut it short as we moved from our area. I've recently contacted a wellbeing place and have a telephone assessment with them at the end of the month then hopefully some help with therapy or group therapy again.
Thank you for reading