don't want to live like this anymore

[ell19]

i've arrived to a point in which i'm really tired. i tried to fight so hard with health anxiety but everyday seems worse. i can't stand anymore those thoughts, those fears. tonight i woke up so scared because i had so many stabs on my chest, where the heart is. i woke up this morning and my left side on the back is hurting so much. i don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of feeling like this at 19 years old. and it's awful keep thinking that these feelings will end just if i end myself.

[ServerError]

Have you ever considered not fighting it? I'm not sure how anyone gets better by fighting with it. It's exhausting, it makes you worse, and you can't win that way. So my advice would be to give up the fight. Time to start accepting that this is how things are for you at the moment. Yes, it can be changed, but not through fighting and wrestling with your mind. Anxiety doesn't beat anxiety.

You don't mention whether you've sought any treatment for your anxiety. If you haven't, that's got to be your next step.

You're 19. You don't want or need to live like this. It can be overcome. It's hard, but it can be done.

[SLA]

The fact you have back pain too, which is muscular, would suggest that the chest pain is also muscular.


i can't stand anymore those thoughts, those fears.


Then don't stand them. Watch them and let them go.

Just because we have a thought doesn't mean that is reality. In fact, lots of thoughts do not serve us.

They come from our subconsious, "out of nowhere". We can watch them without having to react.

I've had to do it a lot today! I've been having a few HA things pop up myself.

[Josh1234]

What medication are you taking for your anxiety?

[montys]

If you're starting to feel depressed as a result of your health anxiety, you should schedule some counseling appointments ASAP.

In the meantime, are you actively pursuing treatment for your anxiety? Things like exercise, meditation, and medication? Once you start taking concrete steps to reduce your anxiety, you won't feel so overwhelmed.

[Kyle032196]

I hope you read this. I just joined this site because I have phases of thinking I'm doomed... Even right now.. I'm only 20 and healthier than I've ever been.. But it's here. It was easiest when I accepted the possibility of death at all times. I'm thinking about taking medication, remember medication doesn't change you. It only fills in the gaps.. Just don't Google. Also a dream is what got me started, straight up told me I had cancer. Goes to show the brain can be a douche.

[ell19]

it's such a strong thing to say but it's what i've been thinking about on the past weeks. i was doing good, was getting a bit better, some days i was almost feeling "normal".
but now i'm here, lying in bed, with my back which is really painful, my chest is thight, i feel a strange noise on my left lungs when i breathe like a vibration. i'm tired. i'm tired about my life. and i keep wondering if i should really kill myself. if this is the only way to stop everything. because i can't stand anymore this feelings at 19 years old. i'm feeling down everyday. i'm feeling hopeless. i don't want to be like this, i want to stop these thoughts. i can't sleep. i can't eat a proper meal. i feel like i don't have control over my body and mind.
i want to die. i don't want to live like this anymore.

[Elen]

Hi

This is just a courtesy reply to let you know that your thread was merged with another of your threads

It is nothing personal it is just to make it easier for people to follow your story and to give you advice as a whole.

Elen

[ServerError]

I don't believe you do want to die. At the end of the day, you're choosing to post on here, which suggests to me that what you really want is help with how you feel. You may not want to "live like this anymore", but you don't want to die.

The question is, what are you doing to challenge the way things are at the moment? When you're having suicidal thoughts, what you need is urgent help. Go to your doctor and show him/her this thread. Tell him/her how you feel, and get referred for some therapy. You may need to consider antidepressants as well. This time last year, I was wracked with suicidal ideation and came closer than I'd like to acting on it. I pulled back from it, though, got some help, took some meds and am doing much better now. I never wanted to die, but I know how it feels when you're so scared and exhausted by how you feel that you start to wish you could just close your eyes and go to sleep forever. Things can and will get better.

[Josh1234]

Please tell your parents to take you to a doctor and get you some medication. It will really help you.

[MrsDavies]

Gosh, your in a really dark place aren't you :( I've been there, not wanting to die but tired of the anxious life I was living, I was in a very dark place too. Like another poster has said though, the fact your posting on here tells me that actually you desperately want help, you desperately want to get out of this cycle and be yourself again.... is that right? If you are having suicidal thoughts I would urge you to see a GP as soon as possible to get some help. I know it can seem scary but honestly, it will be worth it. You WILL get better, you will. Please keep talking and know you are not alone.


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[Thelegend27]

I know how you feel. My anxiety started around 19 when i started experiencing heart palpitations like pounding fluttering and skipped beats im 25 now and i have experienced 2 episodes oh afib both time was caused by straining while vomiting. After i had all the heart tests done 2 times in the past 2 years i was told my heart is healthy. So i don't know how to deal with my heart because i don't know whats wrong. Ive almost put it behind me but now i located a few lymph nodes in my neck so i am currently worried about that even though the doctor said they are normal. I will admit i have also at times imagined suicide i never actually considered doing it but the fact that it comes to mind shows me i have a real mental problem and i need to get it under control. We can't let our anxiety rule our life and i am doing everything in my lower to resume a normal life free of anxiety im tired of the what ifs. See a doctor and possibly a therapist.

[Samia]

Just made an account to comment your post because I feel every word you wrote. I'm tired too, so f***** tired of feeling like everything is pointless, of feeling sick, of thinking I'm gonna die from all kind of things and suffer and make everyone around me suffer. Anxiety can really wreck us, but we have to keep going. If you keep thinking about how bad you feel, how horrible things are now, how much you hate your anxiety, it's not gonna get better but worse. I know it's not easy because I suffer from health anxiety too, and right now I'm in a peak, but panicking about all the things that could be wrong with us is not gonna be of much help at all. Like, if you were having a heart attack , panicking about it it's not gonna stop it. If I were dying of ovarian cancer (which is my current fear thanks to an abnormal blood test and some symptoms i have) crying and panicking is not gonna cure me or make it go away. Even if we are really sick, it doesn't mean it's the end for us. I have an aunt which got breast cancer when she was forty something, she got surgery, got treated and she's almost eighty now and perfectly fine. She has also had two heart attacks, and she didn't died. She walked to the hospital at 75 years old with a heart attack and had to wait because they hospital didn't want to attend her thanks to our pauperrim health system, but she lived and now she is fine. Her daughter has just been diagnosed with MS, and you know what, she's not taking it half as bad as I did when I thought i had it some years ago. Then I have an uncle which was diagnostic with cancer too and was given only 6 months to live, another doctor even said less than that. 20 years later he's still alive and cancer free. Every time I start panicking, i try to remember that even if I were to be sick, it doesn't mean i'm gonna die. For all I know, I could die by slipping on the shower and hitting my head for (which happened to me once and i didn't even when to the doc to check for a concussion because I wasn't going through health anxiety at the time)

I have had health anxiety for a long time now, sometimes it's really bad, sometimes it's mild and sometimes it disappears. I don't take meds because i don't want to, but there's a lot of people who feel so much better after taking meds. If you're not taking anything, you should think about it. Talk about it with your family and doctors. If you're taking meds and you still have peaks of anxiety, it happens too.

I have learned to live with this anxiety. It's part of who I am and fighting with it it's not gonna make it go away. I accept it because there's not much else to do in my case. I keep a symptoms journal and if a new symptom appears, i go to my doc. Sometimes she orders me some tests or scans, sometimes she just examines me and says everything is fine and sends me home. Sometimes I don't trust her, but I force myself to accept her diagnostic and wrote down the new symptoms in my journal and keep going. Months pass, sometimes weeks only, and sometimes a year or more before a new symptom appears, and there I go again to see my doctor. Same if the symptoms get worse. I don't like it, it's not what I would have chosen for me when I was a child, i don't even know if what I do is okay or not, but it's my way to deal with it and it works in a way.

Try to keep a journal, vent there your feelings, write your symptoms ( I add levels too, like how strong the pain is from 0 to 10, does it disappear when I'm not thinking of it. Does it get worse or better when I do certain things? etc) It might help you. Also, I know this is hard and that you hate it, you don't' want it and you just want to feel good and probably do not want to have to write anything at all because it's tiresome. But the hard truth it's that anxiety is an ugly guest that once it comes, it wants to stay with you forever. Here's where you apply meditation, meds and everything else to make it leave your house. Sometimes you are lucky and it stays away for years, or it might never come back again, but in many cases it will keep coming to pay you a visit from time to time, you like it or not. I have had anxiety for many years, since I was seven and cried to my mom because i thought i was dying of pneumonia, or because i felt like I couldn’t breath, and the docs said i was fine. It's been a long time since then and I've spent many years without anxiety and many years with it. I don't regret being alive despite the frequent visits to the doc, even when I feel like crap and like you i wonder if I wouldn't be better dead, i don't regret it because I know the peak is gonna pass and then good moments will come. So please be strong, force yourself to do the things you like even if you just want to stay in bed thinking about your symptoms. Force yourself to move. Fake it till you make it :P


I know it's been a few days since you posted this, and I really hope you’re feeling better now.

:) sorry for my bad English.