View Full Version : Dealing with cancer
Hey guys, as of 2/12/17 I have learned my mother has developed what appears to be an aggressive form of cancer in her stomach. I still am somewhat at a loss right now. My OCD has ratcheted up and it's been difficult to deal either right now. I am just kind of numb. Still.
You have to be there for her
Yes you do, regardless of your OCD. Your Mum is your priority now. It's a horrible shock for you and a really challenging time but you'll do your best for her no matter how scared you are.
Post on here for support if it helps? Sometimes we really surprise ourselves at how well we cope during the worst times..
I've been at every step that I've been able to be at. She isn't just fighting the cancer at the moment. She has an infection to deal with as well. Sorry if I wasn't able to articulate that at first. I am distressed just by all of it. I am trying to prepare myself for a long fight and digging in. I am more concerned with trying to put my OCD on the shelf right now and just help my mother but it isn't panning out that way. Probably the worst part is accepting that no whatever I do personally I won't be able to influence the disease in a positive way and I'll have just sit and watch and pray.
bottleblond
14-02-17, 19:03
Hi Gatsby
I am so sorry to hear about your mum!. Nothing and no one can prepare you for the shock of hearing a loved one has cancer.
You said you've been there ever step of the way possible, so no one can ask any more of you than that.
As Pulisa said, come here if you feel you need some back up or even just for a moan. There's always someone who has been in a similar situation who could possibly offer some advice.
Just take one day at a time!. It's all any of us can do.:hugs:
Lisa
x
Thanks guys. I am trying to return to normal or at least adjust to the new normal for now. I really appreciate it guys.
You sound as if you are doing really well coping with what is a very stressful time for anyone, let alone someone with OCD. Yes, your symptoms will in all likelihood flare up but you will know why and maybe then you can use this reasoning to mentally compartmentalise your OCD in order to pour your energies into supporting your Mum?
It's draining and exhausting watching a loved one go through treatment and no, you won't be able to influence how your mum responds to treatment but you can certainly help to keep her mentally strong and positive so that she can fight this current infection knowing that you are with her all the way. Which she does already, I'm sure.
I cannot put it better than pulisa. Just perfect.
You sound as if you are doing really well coping with what is a very stressful time for anyone, let alone someone with OCD. Yes, your symptoms will in all likelihood flare up but you will know why and maybe then you can use this reasoning to mentally compartmentalise your OCD in order to pour your energies into supporting your Mum?
It's draining and exhausting watching a loved one go through treatment and no, you won't be able to influence how your mum responds to treatment but you can certainly help to keep her mentally strong and positive so that she can fight this current infection knowing that you are with her all the way. Which she does already, I'm sure.
Yeah, that'd probably be a great way to handle my OCD. I just got word she will be returning home since they can't really do anything at they he current hospital.
WiredIncorrectly
20-02-17, 17:39
I lost my Dad on the 5th of January this year to stage 4 bladder Cancer.
He was diagnosed 5 years ago, he beat it and was living life normally until July last year. He developed stomach pain and was rocking back and forth constantly. In September we learnt he had aggressive bladder Cancer with tumours all over.
As someone with anxiety and depression it was surprisingly easier to deal with than I expected. It was hard, don't get me wrong, but I had to be there for him and remain strong.
Just be there for her. That's the only advice I can really give. There is no right or wrong way to deal with this.
My Dad made decisions we didn't agree with, but we just accepted them because it's what he wanted. He got to spend a week with me at my home and I cared for him. It was so good to have that week with him.
My Dad refused to die in hospital. He waited until the day he got moved to a hospice and died there that same day. Only 57 :(
If you want to chat in PM or ask any questions feel free.
I've also had Cancer, but only stage 1 testicle cancer. My treatment was a walk in the park compared to some.
Cancer is a beast. It's challenging for both the victim and the caregiver. All I can say is focus on the task at hand and believe me, it takes A LOT of focus. That alone will help distract you from much of your anxiety/OCD related issues.
Sorry to hear about this. As a warrior and survivor my positive thoughts are with you.
Positive thoughts
Thanks, fish. Wrestling with it right now. Dealing with the fact it's worse than we thought right now.
Hugs your way, I know exactly how you feel x
It's Stage 4 cancer. It has spread everywhere. That's the been the news. I am reeling still. I am trying to to cope with the fact that I might have yo bury my mother at 20. My OCD is throbbing. I am scared I am going to hurt someone. I am experiencing a cacophony on feelings. I want to throw my head into a wall.
MyNameIsTerry
02-03-17, 05:32
Gatsby,
I'm really sorry to hear it has turned out to be worse news. I don't know how you must feel right now, you must be in bits.
Feeling anger at what you are going through is going to be natural. That is nothing like OCD in the sense of acting anything out, it's just going to be because of the pain & frustration of something building up. Anyone could feel like lashing out from pain like that. Don't let it try to confuse you that it's about OCD, it's much more likely natural emotions we could all feel.
I think I understand in that there is tension & frustration in OCD and this can feel like that but it's on top of that or because of the natural emotions over your mum.
People who hurt people don't get scared they may hurt people. They do it and don't care or even enjoy it. They justify it to themselves very easily. Feeling scared you may lash out on top of what I already know of you tells me you want to check your behaviour so it doesn't happen. Who you are hasn't changed.
And if from all this pain you throw everything in the room against the wall, how many of us could do the same in your shoes? That's not about the OCD and doesn't change your OCD or validate any fears about violence or losing control because this is intense pressure.
Give your mum a big hug and tell her how much you love her. Cry. Let the emotions out if you need to. It's natural to have a release.
I really hope the doctors can do something for her. People do live on with advanced cancers and treatments are getting better all the time. It's little comfort right now but there is always hope and there could be years to come.
MyNameIsTerry
03-03-17, 10:31
Bumping for someone in great need of our support right now.
Gatsby, I'm so sorry to hear this news. It sounds very distressing. Thinking of you x
Gatsby, Terry is right about your anger. Don't equate it with your OCD-it's a normal reaction to such devastating news.
You need to put all your energies into being there for your Mum in any way you can which I know you will do. Take it a day at a time and don't dwell on the diagnosis-you can't do anything to alter the outcome and as Terry says, although the news is worse than you thought there could be treatment options available for your Mum which you are unaware of at the moment.
Please continue to post on here if it helps? Sometimes just writing it all down can help with the mental pain.
Sorry for the long wait. Been dealing with stuff. We have her with some of the best hematology/oncology doctors in the country. It's just getting worse as we go along.
It's terminal. That's the news. Even if we beat it, the cancer will restart over and over. My soul has been torn out.
MyNameIsTerry
11-03-17, 06:01
That's terrible news, gatsby. I can't comprehend how you must be feeling right now.
Try to retain some level of normality in your days to keep pulling you along. When my GF went through this, it's what she did for her parents. There is so much extra stuff going on through something like this but people just want their old life back so anything that helps them feel more in control can be helpful in keeping their spirits up & focused.
Have they got the treatment plan ready? Whilst this is going to be an ongoing battle, they could keep it reduced and there could be years ahead of her. I hope she gets some early success so you know it is working.
It's good to hear she is seeing some of the best doctors available. This will mean the best treatments and they may find newer ways to treat her on top of the usual methods.
It is the worst news, Gatsby and it must be very hard to take in. Can you get support from the rest of your family? Is there anyone you can talk to other than her doctors just to help you through the days?
Gatsby this is terrible for you and your mum, my heart goes out to you at this very difficult time. Is there any cancer charities that you could get some much needed support near to you? I lost my mother to cancer about 15 years ago and still wish she was still around. Sending you big :bighug1::bighug1:To you and your mum XX Cheers
Hey guys. We are thinking we might not go through treatment. If she compromises her immune system anymore it's going to be a very quick end to her because of the nature of her Crohns. We are thinking of just enjoying the little time we have left and doing something. I am so angry right now. I am furious. I want to break both my hands punching something right now. Out of all the people who get it, she does? Are you ****ing joking? Not some ******* who deserves it? Literally out of all places he psychopaths, predators, parasites and low life SHE gets it?! You have to be ****ing kidding me. She has done nothing but the best for everyone and always put her self at the last of the line for other people. Just don't know what to do anymore. I am just at a loss. I have to bury my mother. I am only 20 and I have to bury my own mother.
Hey guys. We are thinking we might not go through treatment. If she compromises her immune system anymore it's going to be a very quick end to her because of the nature of her Crohns. We are thinking of just enjoying the little time we have left and doing something. I am so angry right now. I am furious. I want to break both my hands punching something right now. Out of all the people who get it, she does? Are you ****ing joking? Not some ******* who deserves it? Literally out of all places he psychopaths, predators, parasites and low life SHE gets it?! You have to be ****ing kidding me. She has done nothing but the best for everyone and always put her self at the last of the line for other people. Just don't know what to do anymore. I am just at a loss. I have to bury my mother. I am only 20 and I have to bury my own mother.Hey you are going through all sorts of emotions right now. It's normal but just hope you don't anything to harm your self it's not worth it Enjoy the time you have left with your mum knowing that has been there for you try and find a inner peace too we are all here for you to help you through this difficult time :hugs:Take it easy XXXXXX Cheers
Hey you are going through all sorts of emotions right now. It's normal but just hope you don't anything to harm your self it's not worth it Enjoy the time you have left with your mum knowing that has been there for you try and find a inner peace too we are all here for you to help you through this difficult time :hugs:Take it easy XXXXXX Cheers
I don't want to harm myself. I am just all over the place right now.
I don't want to harm myself. I am just all over the place right now. Yes I know! Is your mum still able to speak to you and all that? It's hard for you and also difficult in some ways for people to convey their thoughts to you we want to be here for you and support you :)
Cheers
Hey guys. My mother is being admitted today. She decided to pursue treatment which has caused some drama in the family. I am trying my best to keep my composure. My fears about prison and meningitis are getting worse. Especially with the hospital visits. I get intensely anxious and start checking my neck for stiffness constantly and monitoring myself. I just don't want anything else happening. Please, God i can take very little more.
Hey guys. My mother is being admitted today. She decided to pursue treatment which has caused some drama in the family. I am trying my best to keep my composure. My fears about prison and meningitis are getting worse. Especially with the hospital visits. I get intensely anxious and start checking my neck for stiffness constantly and monitoring myself. I just don't want anything else happening. Please, God i can take very little more. Hi Gatsby is this treatment going to actually help your mum, I sure hope so! So fingers crossed for her :) Prison sorry I don't follow hope there is nothing wrong in this dept?? Think you need to be kinder to your self and stop checking your neck as it's more than likely just pent up stress :) You take care XX Cheers
Hi Gatsby is this treatment going to actually help your mum, I sure hope so! So fingers crossed for her :) Prison sorry I don't follow hope there is nothing wrong in this dept?? Think you need to be kinder to your self and stop checking your neck as it's more than likely just pent up stress :) You take care XX Cheers
I've had fears of being falsely accused and it's a common theme in my ocd. It will pass and go accordingly with my anxiety levels. I haven't had a calm moment so far and I am having the usual paranoia alongside dizziness which I am getting right now. Helping my mother pack right now for the hospital.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.