aangel
15-02-17, 00:55
My listening skills are dwindling. My depression has gotten worse. I've been noticing lately that it's getting harder and harder to focus on important things. For example, (I feel so silly mentioning this) there's a show I like that's in danger of getting canceled and I feel so stressed about it to an irrational degree. TV has never stressed me out this much before. I mean I really enjoy the show, for an hour it gave me a break from the awful intrusive thoughts and lifted my mood. I keep telling myself there more important things that need my attention. That I need to get my priorities in order. But when I think about all the other stuff going aside for my own mental health issues like money problems, feeling too anxious to get a job, and my mother's health issues it all feels like it's too much to deal with. I feel so stressed about those things that it makes me feel like I'm drowning. I don't how to cope or fix anything. I feel stuck. I went to see a psychiatrist last week to get diagnosed with OCD but the appointment left discouraged and I don't want to see her again. I wanted some hope some encouragement. Basically, she said in so many words that meds don't work, OCD can't be cured, and that I could get talk therapy. I don't think she had good bedside manner. I left that appointment so upset and fearful.
Honestly, I don't know what to do next. I was really hoping that by going to the appointment after avoiding it for years I'd be taking the first small step towards getting better. Is my brain intent on worrying about trivial things because I can't deal with the big stuff? It's like I always have to be worried about something. I hate that. I feel frustrated with myself for caring about insignificant things. I feel like a crazy person and even small disappointments hurt so much.
Honestly, I don't know what to do next. I was really hoping that by going to the appointment after avoiding it for years I'd be taking the first small step towards getting better. Is my brain intent on worrying about trivial things because I can't deal with the big stuff? It's like I always have to be worried about something. I hate that. I feel frustrated with myself for caring about insignificant things. I feel like a crazy person and even small disappointments hurt so much.