Sparkle1984
15-02-17, 10:56
Hi all, it's been a while since I last posted here as I've been mostly doing fine lately. About a month ago, under the guidance of my doctor, I reduced my citalopram dose from 20mg to 10mg.
My period is due to start any time now, and I often feel more anxious around this time of the month anyway.
So, last night I had a disagreement with an online friend. I help them to run a Facebook page along with a couple of other people. They had posted something on the page which was off-topic and I thought plays into pseudo-science. Several commenters had written comments underneath the post, complaining about it. So I expressed my concerns to the page owner, saying I didn't understand why they'd posted it, and how I thought it's best if we stick to subjects we know a lot about. I was concerned that some of the page followers would find these sorts of posts off-putting and that it would harm our reputation. But the page owner seemed rather dismissive of my concerns.
I didn't feel comfortable being associated with such a post, so I made some replies saying that it doesn't represent the views of all supporters of our cause. I noticed then that Facebook had posted these replies as the page's name rather than my own name, and as I was on my phone rather than my PC, I couldn't easily fix this. I was worried that the page owner would be angry with me for posting my disagreeing comments as the page's name rather than my personal name.
So then I started having thoughts that if I just deleted or hid the entire thread, would the owner and the other page admins even notice? However, if they did notice, I'd probably be banned and our friendship would be ruined. Then I started thinking that maybe I should quit anyway as I don't want to be associated with these sorts of views. I did actually press the Delete button on the post, but thankfully a confirmation box popped up. I hovered over the confirmation box for a couple of seconds but I didn't have the guts to go through with it, so I left the post there.
Later I started thinking "thank goodness I didn't go through with deleting it" as I wouldn't want to ruin everything and upset everyone through one disagreement. If I had gone ahead, people would probably never trust me again and it could ruin my career if they had told other clients and employers that I'd been caught deleting something.
It scares me how close I came to doing something so destructive. I worry that what if I actually do something self-destructive in the future and can't stop myself?
My period is due to start any time now, and I often feel more anxious around this time of the month anyway.
So, last night I had a disagreement with an online friend. I help them to run a Facebook page along with a couple of other people. They had posted something on the page which was off-topic and I thought plays into pseudo-science. Several commenters had written comments underneath the post, complaining about it. So I expressed my concerns to the page owner, saying I didn't understand why they'd posted it, and how I thought it's best if we stick to subjects we know a lot about. I was concerned that some of the page followers would find these sorts of posts off-putting and that it would harm our reputation. But the page owner seemed rather dismissive of my concerns.
I didn't feel comfortable being associated with such a post, so I made some replies saying that it doesn't represent the views of all supporters of our cause. I noticed then that Facebook had posted these replies as the page's name rather than my own name, and as I was on my phone rather than my PC, I couldn't easily fix this. I was worried that the page owner would be angry with me for posting my disagreeing comments as the page's name rather than my personal name.
So then I started having thoughts that if I just deleted or hid the entire thread, would the owner and the other page admins even notice? However, if they did notice, I'd probably be banned and our friendship would be ruined. Then I started thinking that maybe I should quit anyway as I don't want to be associated with these sorts of views. I did actually press the Delete button on the post, but thankfully a confirmation box popped up. I hovered over the confirmation box for a couple of seconds but I didn't have the guts to go through with it, so I left the post there.
Later I started thinking "thank goodness I didn't go through with deleting it" as I wouldn't want to ruin everything and upset everyone through one disagreement. If I had gone ahead, people would probably never trust me again and it could ruin my career if they had told other clients and employers that I'd been caught deleting something.
It scares me how close I came to doing something so destructive. I worry that what if I actually do something self-destructive in the future and can't stop myself?