Incapable of taking control of my life

[elik]

Surprise surprise, I'm scared, anxious and guilt ridden. As usual I'm finding myself in social situations that are unenjoyable and I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to say this with any judgement on my friends personality, just factual ongoings that happen (I refuse to speak about things like this with friends, family because I don't want it to come across bitchy when that's the last thing I want to do I'm just so bloody stuck in certain situations). So I have a friend of many years that I see every couple months maybe but I honestly can't say I enjoy this time at all and it's because I have no substance or value in these situations (more so then usual) Everytime I go there I am swept along with plans that I am so uncomfortable with and will end up driving to places I dont want to go at all and meet people that completely intimidate me and have zero in common with me. All lovely people of course but incredibly druggy and the situations that they get in are so far from me it's a joke. Anyway, this sounds terrible but I don't think She has any idea what my life's about or what I'm doing at the moment or anything. There is no interest. (This doesn't bother me so much because I would only give small answers to these questions anyway but the difference is that I know she isn't at all interested which makes me question why she wants to see me). I'm always a huge spare part. Few conversations are made with me etc. I can't just stop talking to people because I need to know they're ok etc but this is one friendship that needs to be cut back a lot because I almost dread it which is terrible. I'm so easy going and never say anything in opposition so I'm an easy person to have around because I'm literally a robot that gives all the right answers. How do I sort this out without feeling so incredibly guilty? She is a lovely girl we are just worlds apart and I really find it hard to be comfortable around her and her friends :( I feel terrible in saying this but I can't talk to anyone else about it and it's causing me severe anxiety that I cannot sleep

[Clydesdale Epona]

Honestly I'd let her know how you're feeling, a friendship like this isn't a good friendship if it makes you feel this way, and the healthiest thing to do would be to tell her and possibly cut her loose x

All the best :hugs:

[elik]

It's difficult thoug because I don't ever say anything so it's my fault, and I wouldn't ever be able to make a stand and say different it would terrify me. I just don't like the way I follow and nod along to everything. I feel like I adapt to everyone's likes hence why I'm friends with very different characters. This is truth though, I am interested by people and different things I just worry I look like I mould accordingly and each person I encounter may think my interests are varying. I'm so conscious about being myself in terms of being genuine and authentic but also so concerned with being easy going and agreeing etc and the two regularly cross over and cause me great anxiety. I'll hear myself saying something or agreeing to something and if it doesn't sound like me I try and back track desperately. Am I fake if I have friends with different interests to me but I want to hear about it/ experience it/ go along with it? Do they automatically assume that I'm the same too?

[shobhar]

If you find it hard to speak up, then write her a letter, and say that you want to discontinue your friendship. Hand over the letter to her personally, and say that you find it easier to write rather than talk. As for your general anxiety, why don't you try sitting in silence and meditating. Meditation works great to find yourself, calm down your nerves and stabilize your emotions. Stay blessed and happy.

[Purple_1985]

Hmm it's tricky. But I would just let it die out. I do that. I don't contact them and eventually they don't bother . Probably easier if you don't want too say anything. Like for instance I have a friend I know for years. She only seems to want me if she needs something, especially paying me a visit just too kill time, until she goes off too her other friends house or a date. I didn't bother with her, she hasn't bothered with me. Eventually they get the drift, there human in the end. If she comes to me and asked why it's been like that them I would tell her. Otherwise just walk away. It's obviously wasn't meant too be, if you feel like this. X