Am I Being Irrational?

[AnxiousAbbie]

Hey everyone. I'm new here but have been lurking for quite a while. I've had anxiety all my life but only started getting health anxiety last year. I started on Zoloft at the end of last year. I've recently gone up to 150mg and think it has spiked my anxiety.

Long story short, I started getting anxious about my health towards the end of last year. I have gone from Lymphoma (seems to be a common one), Metastatic Breast cancer, lung cancer, brain tumour, ALS, MS - you get the picture. I have never felt so insane as what I have in the past few months. This is truly one of the worst forms of anxiety I've experienced.

My new doctor started me on Zoloft after going to her thinking I had breast cancer. I noticed a few veins appearing in my left breast probably 5 months ago and thought nothing of it. When my HA was in full swing, I suddenly panicked about it and went to see the doctor. I found a lumpy place in my left breast which was not in my right (my left is a bit bigger than my right). The doctor did a full exam and felt around in my armpits for lymph nodes. She told me she couldn't feel anything; that the veins were normal and the lumpy bit was normal breast tissue. She said she was so sure it was normal tissue that she wouldn't even send me for precautionary testing.

Anyway, I went back a few weeks later still worried and asked to get an U/S. She agreed because it was a low risk test and if I'd asked for a mammo she would've said no (I'm only 23 btw). The U/S came back totally clear, the lumpy area showed as normal breast tissue.

Fast forward to now. I've been having weird breast pains in the left but also in the right breast. The veins are really bothering me, I have them all across my upper chest and into the left breast. There are a couple in the right too but not as noticeable. I went for a second opinion the other day and asked to see a specialist because I want some answers. The second dr is referring me but she thinks the veins are from weightlifting, which is what my doctor said too.

Sorry for the long post! Just want to know if I'm being absolutely ridiculous and what you guys think. Also thankyou for the amazing forum, it has calmed me down more times than I can count :notworthy:

[ServerError]

You are indeed being irrational.

If the doctors are saying one thing, and you're worrying about something more serious, you're being irrational, for while doctors aren't perfect, they're the best we've got and they rarely get such straightforward things wrong.

And anyway, everybody can see veins, especially in the chest region. I may not personally own a pair of breasts or have regular access to any (god, I need a girlfriend), but I'm sure it applies to both men and women that veins are easily visible in the chest region, whether in the actual breast or not.

Basically, as far as I'm concerned having read your post, I think you're fine. Might be worth getting some therapy to supplement the Zoloft, though.

[AnxiousAbbie]

Thanks for your reply :)

I am currently getting therapy as well. I've been so good whilst on 100mg of Zoloft and I think the upping is what has made me dive back in a bit.

[ServerError]

Thanks for your reply :)

I am currently getting therapy as well. I've been so good whilst on 100mg of Zoloft and I think the upping is what has made me dive back in a bit.

Last summer (winter to you, I guess), I also went from 100mg of Zoloft to 150mg. I was doing well, but thought I might get a little extra bounce from going up again. Like you, I also felt a bit ropey after the increase. I went back to 100mg and am still there today and doing well.

[AnxiousAbbie]

Server, that's really interesting. I elected to go up as well because I started getting a bit of anxiety but I might think about going back down if this keeps up.

[swajj]

You had the breast ultrasound done and I would accept that as evidence you don't have breast cancer. Are you sure the veins haven't always been there? I remember looking at the veins in my arms and being horrified that they were so prominent. This was during my first encounter with HA 15 or so years ago. I obsessed over it for weeks. Later I realised that I had never taken any notice of the veins in my arms before so they were kind of alien to me. They only started looking odd when I started noticing them lol

[beatroon]

Yes, I would accept what the evidence is telling you, i.e. that you're all clear. Like swajj, I found when my HA was bad that I'd spot things about my body that I'd never noticed before and make a huge thing of them, when nothing had really changed. I remember at one point saying to my partner 'Do you think my right knee is bigger than my left? It is, isn't it?' and her collapsing into giggles.

[swajj]

lol
I was convinced the part in the middle of my hair was getting wider every day. My husband would take photos of it with his iPhone and zoom in to show me that hair was growing out of every follicle. The stories I could tell...:blush:

[beatroon]

Oh man. I know. It'd be funny if it wasn't a shame to have wasted so much time. But then, I guess if we can look back on it and laugh, it's not wasted, is it? :)

The odd thing was that when I got chicken pox as an adult five years ago, and I really did look like the Elephant Person, I was totally chill. Just waited for it all to clear up and on we go. Funny how the brain works!

[swajj]

When it's "real" we seem to calm down and deal with it. Yeah I hate the time and energy I gave to it.

[beatroon]

Well, we live and learn eh? Have you seen that film We're the Millers? There's a character in that, a dope-smoking teenager, who gets a chest tattoo that says NO RAGRETS. That's my motto :)

[swajj]

lol Yes I saw the movie.

[AnxiousAbbie]

Thanks for all the messages guys :) I too have done the veins things over my entire body. It's almost like my skin is see-through.

I've got a second U/S this morning to take to the breast surgeon and I'm quite nervous. Not to mention my partner has started his first day of work this morning and I have a job interview this afternoon! Finding it hard to focus, this worry has not come at a good time.

For all of you out there struggling with this horrible anxiety, I'm thinking of you and hope you can find some peace

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Anxiety is really nasty. One thing Ive found is when someone else is going through something irrational it's easy to see the light and recognize that said person is being irrational. When it's yourself going through the anxiety it's not so easy.

I'm 23 and am sort of currently going through the breast cancer anxiety. Best of
Luck to you and hopefully you can see the rational light at the end of the tunnel!

[AnxiousAbbie]

PAS that is honestly so true. I read so many peoples' posts and think, 'you poor thing, you're going through hell right now but there's absolutely no reason for it!' But when it's yourself, you cannot see rationality at all!

I hope you come out the other end soon too!

[swajj]

I have told this story here before:

when I told my psych that my veins were sticking out and showed him he just brushed it off as my imagination. BUT he looked at the veins in his own arms! I'm sure he was comparing them to mine. Not that it bothered me too much because it just showed me that he had never taken much notice of his veins and my obsession compelled him to look. Anyway my arms ceased to be important after that because I switched to noticing how prominent the veins on the backs of my hands were. lol So very ridiculous.