When did nmp lose its way? [Archive]

Keitharcher

19-04-07, 20:53

It is with sadness I have to make this post. As most of you know, if it wasnt for this site i would be elesewhwere. Its through the support and help that i got on this site that I can say I am cured, also as a few of you know I still come into the site occasionally to see if I can repay my debt to this site by helping others out, giving a kind word, talking through problems etc.

Alas it all seems to have to turned into a dating agency, the last three times i have been onto the site it has all been virtual sex and weddings. Now I am not averse to humour, in fact i think humour is one of the best remedies that suffers on this site can use to beat their problems. However, do not lose sight of the main purpose of the site.

As a lot of you are also aware I teach, recently I have had a student with nmp type problems, I felt sorry for her and recommended this site, not a very proffesional thing to do. I could do it as an aquantaince or a friend, however as a lecturer I am none of these things and any help that I offer in this direction can be thrown back into my face and even cost me my position, (welcome to Britian in the 21st century). Imagine my horror when the female in question tells me that the site seems to be more concerned with sex and inuendo than in helping other suffers.

Can I pleasae ask that the good work and reputation of this site is not compromised by people who do not use the site as its intended. Might I suggest if the 'few' want to persue their 'on-line' sex lives. then they do it through a channel that is known to be tolerant to such ideals, the one most probably known is msn but their are others, if people want a list just ask.

I will be intrigued to read the repilies (if any) to this post

Keith

nomorepanic

19-04-07, 21:02

Keith

You may not have seen the other post about the chat room that Heidi did and behind the scenes I have 3 admins looking into the chat logs and we are all in discussion as to what to do about it.

I will do a PM to all users and remind them of the chat room rules etc and that it is not a sex chat room.

I know many go in there to have fun and sometimes the conversation does get out of hand but I did ask that people respect new members coming in and stop any chat that may be offensive.

Please be assured that we are trying to sort things but it is so hard to find people willing to sit in there all night to keep an eye on things - I know I couldn't do it.

If you want to PM me the members name I will contact her and explain.

Sometimes it comes close to shutting the chat room down but I can see the good it has done too and don't want to take away a valuable asset on the site from people.

clickaway

19-04-07, 21:03

Keith,

I'm very sorry you have had this feedback and that your pupil has felt this way.

I presume your student is talking about the chat room, a place I do not frequent. I find the actual forum very helpful and inuendo free, as well as the information pages on this site.

Remember, any wrong-doings can be reported here and the case considered.

nomorepanic

19-04-07, 21:05

Good point Ray - NMP is not about the chat room - it is more about this forum and the website.

Chat is such a small (but obviously contraversial) part of the whole of NMP.

jodie

19-04-07, 21:15

hi keith

hope you are well :)

i have been on this site for a year or more now and havent realy seen that it has turned into a chat room for any of the above BUT i dont go in there very much so carnt realy say
i knwo things may be sead that dont have anything to do with panic ect but i do think people go in just to take there minds of whats bothering them and as we are all adults mabe the convo gets a bit rude at times.
i think the main part of the site is the forums and all the info that is on nmp that has helped me more then anything it is a shame she has gone into chat and felt this way i would tell her ot talk to nic about it and give nmp another go .

jodiexx

angiebaby

19-04-07, 21:29

Hello, i have only been a member since 2006, i think lol minds gone, but i can honestly say that i think i must be reading something other what what others are. I haven't seen or heard anything dodgy ever on this site. Perhaps i'm in the wrong place at the wrong time. I have been on the chat a few time, recommended to me by NMP herself because i was in such a state one night and she thought it is what i needed. I did go on and found that it did ease a lot of my troubles on that particular night and helped me come round somewhat. If i hadn't had that help on that night i don't think i could have managed. I have popped in a few times since and not seen or heard anything funny, just people telling jokes, having quizzes and a laugh. Whenever i have had something on my mind that has been troubling me and i need help straight away i have looked in and i have had people listen to me, well read my moans, and reply to me, making me feel better and no that i am not going through this horrible thing on my own. I obviously haven't been on there when things have happened and can't comment on that, but i would just like to say please don't think of closing it because what would i do when i need instant help before i drive myself even more bonkers?

happyone

19-04-07, 22:23

I use this site on a daily basis.
I hardly ever use chat. When I do it is not how you describe keith
I don't recognise the site keith describes.
I have nothing else to say except sorry if I am missing the point......but I don't think I am.
People will see what they see.....but why?
Happyone
xx

Piglet

19-04-07, 23:11

nomorepanic

19-04-07, 23:35

Piglet

Yes maybe the title is a little harsh as we have not lost our way atall.

We are still here and strong and supportive.

If chat causes so many issues then we just shut it and concentrate on the forum but I think people will miss it.

Well I sent my PM so maybe people will read and respect it.

normalwisdom

19-04-07, 23:35

I am so glad the point has been made that this problem is a chatroom issue only.

I feel the title of this thread is a little ambiguous in that respect and most certainly NMP has not lost it's way!!!!! It's yet another chatroom problem!!!

Please be reassured that this is no reflection on the site as a whole and the person you recommended to come here will find as warm a welcome as always on the forums!!

I don't use the chatroom other than to pop into the quiz nights when I can, so I can't speak for how it is going but I am sure everything that can be done will be done!!

Piglet :flowers:

I agree with everything you say piglet, I think one of the main problems is people can't "edit" what they say in the chat room.......I know on here I put a reply and "edit" "edit" "edit"....honestly I go back on what I say over and over LOL:blush: ....and it still doesn't make sense. The website is a valuable source to a lot of people and I am sorry that people have felt the Chat Room is not for them but that is only a small part of the site as said before this site is a huge relief for people to find..........see I "edit" and still don't make sense:blush: :winks:

mirry

20-04-07, 07:07

I dont use the chat room because years ago I did witness some really really disgusting chat in there.
I was unlucky to witness it , but I knew there was more to NMP.
The problem is , if you are new to NMP then I suppose first impressions count ! But NMP certainly isnt loosing its way, and how you can control the problem I just dont know ?
Maybe a flash bar should pop up reminding everyone all chat is recorded.

Paddington

20-04-07, 08:02

Oh Kieth mate thats a bit harsh:lac: i dont go into chat so i can not comment on that aspect ,tho have read that folk have problems[hey mirry that sounds a good idea ,the flash bar!]the forum is still wonderful,full of non judgmental support and sound advice.I am so sorry your student went straight into the chat room.Perhaps you could guide her/him to the forum and the first steps page,the real backbone of the forum:) just a thought .Love Paddie.xxxxxxxxx

jo61

20-04-07, 09:20

If I could throw in my say here. I joined in November and used chat all the time (well daily anyway). Any time I've gone in there in the past couple of months, whilst I haven't had experiences like some others, I find that it is less useful to me now as I'm so much better than I was. I still read the forum daily and find inspiration in others' experience and try my best to put back something back. I've taken the view that I get what I need from the forum so though I'll go into chat occasionally, my support network on the site is on these forums. If I was recommending to someone to come to this site, as Paddie said I'd tell them to go through the first steps and read the forum.
Hope this makes sense.

Ellen70

20-04-07, 09:26

Keith I do think you should edit the title of your thread as nmp is a great site and maybe the chatroom is letting it down a little but overall nmp certainly hasn't lost it's way.

I visit the chatroom most days and yes, there are problems in there. I would say the main problem is fighting and backstabbing amongst certain members and I think the remedy to this should be a stricter banning system, or if it is techinically possible, to prevent these members from entering the chatroom.

Overall I would NOT say that the chatroom conversations are all about sex. My main problem with the chatroom is that the problems of gad/panic/depression etc aren't talked about enough. Frequently I would like to talk about how I am feeling health wise but feel I would be 'spoiling the fun' for some others if I brought up the subjects of anxiety etc.

I still enjoy participating in the joking and light conversation in the chatroom.

I think the solution is for the two rooms in the chatroom to be renamed. The second room 'people in need of help' make the room sound like it is only for those who are really desperate/suicidal. I think if the one room was called something like 'General coversation room' and the second one was called 'Conversation about mental health issues' then people would have a better choice.

Obviously some people will still break the rules of each room but I still think it would be helpful to reorganise the rooms like this.

On a final note it is down to us members to say 'stop' when someone is being deliberately obnoxious or making an unpleasant atmosphere in the chatroom. I haven't had the courage to do this as yet but I think now that maybe I will if I encounter 'negative behaviour' again.

Regards

Eibhlin

shoegal

20-04-07, 10:06

Hi everyone,

I would like to say that I have found the chat room to be very helpful when I have been in a terrible state. I truly believe that the chat room has helped me in my recovery. However, I am not generally a 'poor me' type, and apart from the odd grumble, I generally get by with general chit chat and humour which takes my mind off things.
I admit that at times I can be a little rude and flirty. However, I do this only when others are joining in and would stop if anyone said they were offended. I truly believe that although I can be very silly, I have not said anything shocking or offensive. There is no way I would use this site as a dating site, and I don't believe many others would. If I say 'oh, lets go on a date' or 'oh my word what big feet you have' :ohmy: etc ... IT IS SAID IN JEST TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH!
I think the chat room should be a welcoming place for everyone. Some people choose to have fun and some people choose to talk more seriously about their problems. I think there is room for both.
I have been ignored completely a few times when I have gone into the chat room and personally I find this much more offensive than people having fun (as long as it's not at the expense of others, obviously).
Also, sometimes people sit at the side and don't join in. This is their choice, but I wish they would say something if they were finding the topic offensive. When you are part of a conversation you cannot be expected to check on those who choose to keep quiet. I know that I sometimes go off to make a cup of tea and then I forget I am logged in! I would not expect others in the chat room to worry about what I might be thinking!
There have also been plenty of times when I have sat up all night in the chat room talking to people who are threating suicide and I think that is much more offensive than flirting and silly talk! Of course I realise that people who do this are ill and can't help it, which is why I offer them support at the expense of my own feelings!
I really hope the problems can be resolved as the chat room is a really great place to meet people and get valuable and much needed support. The quizes in the chat room on Saturday evenings are great fun also. :yesyes:
We all need to put out heads together to make sure our understanding of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable is the same. And when problems do arise, we should respect any admin who ask us to tone things down a little, after all, without them we wouldn't have such a great site!
I know I really don't want to lose the chat room.

Love and hugs from shoegal xxx

darkangel

20-04-07, 10:42

I will put my tuppence worth into this thread too - cause the title did cause some concern. I too have found chat not the most welcoming of places in recent times so i just dont visit - apart from the quizzes.

I agree its a bit harsh as its not the forum that has turned into a dating site but the chat room can on numerous occasions be seen like this. I have also recommended other anxiety sufferers to try out this site but we all have choices and if certain areas are offensive or not suitable for an individual then we can opt out.

Hopefully something can get sorted out - but Keith - please don't stop referring people to the site - it has become a lifeline for many.

Darkangel

Missblondie

20-04-07, 15:43

Alright, well, i've read some of the posts, and i have to say i somewhat disagree with all the hype about the chat turning into a "sex chat" I think this has been taken waay to much to an extreme.

I understand that this site is for our problems and issues, whatever they may be. But when a person who needs help, logs into the chatroom, and someone does not want
to help them.. they don't have to.. if they don't want to.
It is not a rule to help people, surely someone does notice them and helps out, but a lot of people log into the chatroom for fun and laughter, that is just what it has become, and i think it is hilarious and great! I mean think about it, we have something here that doesn't focus on our problems and issues.. ect..
its about fun and friends!

sometimes, yes, it can get cheeky, but we will try and make sure that doesn't happen as much (especially in front of new members), if it ever does happen.. its late in the night, and IT IS NOT CYBERSEX OR A DATING SERVICE! its simply talk about sex, and SEX is apart of life, and friends talk about life.. it is not something needing to take offence to, and i don't get why people are freaking out and saying, "I'm leaving NMP!" just because a few friends jokingly talked about sex one night.

We have a right to talk about whatever we wish, but we will take into account those around us, but if those around us do not stop to tell us that they are offended, then thats their problem.

there are plenty of ways to get help on here, PLENTY! The forums are a good way, Much more help here. and we must take into account that there are TWO rooms on the chatroom.. "General chit chat" and "People who need help" so really..... come on!

Danielle_ARG

20-04-07, 16:09

Hello. Well, im posting cause i think some people are being unfair. We did talk about sex once, not dating and not being vulgar, just talking about sex as an issue in life.
I can understand if people find it offensive, i can understand its breaking nmp code of conduct, its ok. The people who participated wont do it anymore, including me.
Why do i say this is unfair? Ok. The night we talked about sex all the people online were talking about sex, we were kidding, joking and having some fun. Who doesnt talk about sex with friends??? Its fun! Ok, i can understand some people cant find it funny...but....DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DONT FIND FUNNY? PEOPLE THREATENING SUICIDE TO ME AND TO OTHERS. AND THESE PEOPLE ARE THE ONE COMPLAINING. I just find this soooo unfair. I dont have to hide anything after a member post about leaving nmp i just want EVERYONE(mostly the admins)to know that this member before leaving that thread pm me telling me she was going to commit suicide. Hey, i find that much more offensive that talking about random sex stuff. She was going to commit suicide and ive been talking to her for hours on pm trying to stop her. After that she posted that thread about sex dating chat service.
What i really would like the admins to know is that ive helped a lot of people who have threaned suicide, and those people can tell you lot thats true. Im no mother teresa, but the person who started a thread leaving nmp is my best example, while i was helping her she didnt focus on me she focus on a sex chat i participated once and stubbed my back.
Is it fair on me? Can a 21 y old like me deal with a suicidal person who is 52?. Can i cope? Am i a gp? I can help people through a Pa but i cannot save anyone from suicide, and this is not the first time that this happens to me.
I once had a girl saying she was going to self harm her, i pm an admin and she said "she is just an attention seeker". ok...
i left her...what if that girl selfharmed herself? How am i suppose to feel?.
im really upset about all this, and im sad cause a lot of people let me down. I was always there to help. And i will continue doing it as long as i can cope. My conclusion is: I THINK TALKING ABOUT SEX BREAKS NMP RULES, BUT I THINK THAT THE WORD SEX DOESNT LEAVE YOU WITH THE BURDON A SUICIDAL PERSON DOES.
And let me say that there are lots of them in chat.
When i want to have a laugh ill create another room just for fun, im not the owner of this site but i just hope the admins are ok with it, cause i really like this site and it helped me a lot and i dont want to offend anybody.
Hope you can all understand my point of view, and btw, we just had a sex talk one nite at 3 am and all the people there participated, so i dont know why everyone is now clinging from that night to complain.
tc all x

Dan x

mirry

20-04-07, 16:13

Like I say, it was many years ago when I visited the chat room and found it really disgusting, I couldnt comment on what it is like now cos I dont visit it anymore.
But the sex chat I witnessed years ago wasnt general talk about sex, it was talk about what they were going to do to each other and where on their body they were going to do it !!!
Now , we need to be clear what sex talk really is,
is it talk about how bad their sex life is or how they are taking the contraceptive pill cos they are worried about getting pregnant ?
Or is it talk about what they can do to each other and going into great detail about body parts?
There really is a big difference and I think this is why people are thinking of sex chat as two different things.
I really dont care if people are chatting each other up , although it can be boring for the others , but Keith you do not say what your friend witnessed exactly ? Maybe the people who were doing the sex chat didnt feel it was that bad ?

eeyorelover

20-04-07, 16:17

I can understand why Keith named the post the way he did. When you have been here for awhile and seen the support and wonderful people for awhile and then experience the seedier (sp) side of the site (the chat room) it really throws you threw a loop!!!

Are we supposed to have fun in chat? Of course.
But what some aren't realising is that it really is becoming offensive to other members. Should they come out and say that they are offended? Well that would be nice but truthfully everyone here can understand why they wouldn't feel the courage to do so. People who suffer with anxiety (generally) are people pleasers. They don't want to ruffle feathers. They want everyone to be happy. So with that in mind - I can see why some members wouldn't complain when the conversation gets out of hand.

I have seen that conversations don't stop when new people come into the chat room so no one can tell me that they watch what they say. They continue the conversation regardless.

We have younger members on here too. The age to be able to use chat is 13. I know that if my daughter (who is 16) were to ever come on and go into chat and hear some of the conversations that I have been told about I would have an everloving fit!!!!!!!!
The simple fact is that the way the chat room is right now I wouldn't let her go in there and that is sad. It's part of a site that I truely love and has been a God send to me.

And the solution? To make 2 rooms so the people who need help can go into a seperate room?? Now wouldn't that make you feel alienated? If you came in looking for help and someone sent you to another room??
The point is people should be willing to stop the banter and lend a hand to someone who needs it.

The chat room guidelines are clear on several things.
No talk of suicide.
If someone is doing that report it.
There will be no sexually explicit or suggestive conversations in the chat room. There is absolutely no cybersex at this site.

Those are part of the rules that everyone agrees to when logging into chat.

If you can't abide by those rules - simply stay out of chat! It's that simple!!

There are other places that you can chat about your sexlife. Other places that you can mack up on each other. Other places that you can use profane language.
NOT HERE!!!

I know that this post isn't going to sit well with some but I am not going to appologise for it. There have to be rules set out and followed to make this online community a supportive safe place!
xxx
Sandy

mirry

20-04-07, 16:31

good post sandy but I dont know what "mack up on each other means ?" lol.
Is it an american expression or am I being dumb ?

eeyorelover

20-04-07, 16:38

Sorry Mirry :)
It means overly flirting:lac:

I guess it is an American expression. Didn't realize. Sorry:winks:
xxx
Sandy

manmoor

20-04-07, 16:39

:hugs: Can I just add my view :D I am a regular in chat this past year and I would truly be so dissappointed in myself if someone came into chat and I didn't try to help them the best I could. I love a laugh and a carry on as much as the next person but last night I left chat myself as I was totally disgusted at the behaviour of a few members. I joined this site because I suffer from anxiety I like to have a laugh to take my mind off it but at the same time would like to think I could help someone in need. I've made a lot of great friends here and wouldn't want to upset anyone but lets all play nice and be nice. xx

Granny Primark

20-04-07, 16:53

Im so saddened about all this talk about the chatroom.
I love the chatroom although i dont go in much these days cus im recovering.
Ive had many laughs in there and made many friends and have had loads of support and encouragement. Luckily I havent been in the chatroom when all the talk was about sex. Anyway Im sure at my age I wouldnt understand the talk.
When people are feeling extremeley anxious it good to know that we can just go into chat and get help.
Ive said this before but the chatroom to me is like going to the local to have a good old chinwag with friends.
Its an extremely important part of nmp that helps so many people.

Take care
LYNN xx

LickeyEndBlues

20-04-07, 16:59

Hmmmm Deja vu!!

eeyorelover

20-04-07, 17:10

No there won't be 2 rooms so that people can go in and have inappropriate conversations that are against the rules set out for the chat room.
The whole point is that if they are having those conversations - they need to stop. It's not allowed in chat!!
xxx
Sandy

Lindalou64

20-04-07, 17:21

i totally agree with ya mandy and sandy and lynn ,lynn ya make me laugh hope ya get to feeling better hun take care of you!!!!! .....linda xxx

Ellen70

20-04-07, 17:48

When I suggested that there should be two rooms (and Oz called them good names by saying On Topic and Off Topic) , I did not mean that the Off Topic room should be for breaking the chat rules of nmp! I meant that it would be a 'talk about anything' room within the chatroom guidelines and the other On Topic room would be for talking about panic and how you are feeling healthwise etc within the chatroom guidelines.

It was mentioned that newcomers would feel alienated if they were 'sent' to another room but that is not the case. People would log in and see what was being talked about in each room and then stay in the room where they felt comfortable.

Fortuantely I have never been in chat when people were talking about suicide and self harming. If it did happen to me I would gently point out that it is against chatroom rules and that they needed professional help.

I have been lifted out of a depressed mood by the good natured banter in the chatroom at times and I am thankful for that.

Regards

Eibhlin

angiebaby

20-04-07, 17:59

I think it is a brilliant idea about having the two chat rooms renamed. I joined NMP and didn't even know about the chat room, it wasn't until i had a really bad night, thinking constantly that i was about to drop dead at any moment, and i was on my own, that NMP suggested to me that i go on chat to try and take my mind of it. I felt better after being on there a bit, it did help. Please don't shut it and take away that life line. I know that people are always on here, but the chat room to me is immediate help, someone there instantly to help you through and talk to you straight away. Like i said previously i have not had any problems so can not really comment, but the suggestion of having one room constantly just for people who need help straight away, as i have, would be wonderful.

tnt808

20-04-07, 19:39

Hi Keith..and I miss you, ya know!

I also wanted to put a thought in...not sure I should after not reading all of the replies.

I don't think he should change the title..it's how he felt, you can't fault a person for feeling a certain way, though some may disagree, it's HIS feelings. I've always been told that perception can be reality.

On another note..I don't go into chat much anymore..but I think Keith was getting at maybe *The good ole days* of chat, and hoping that it can get back to that. When someone had a problem it was addressed properly, and attention was paid to it. I'm not saying that's not the case now as I don't frequent chat. Also Keith, maybe it's hard to see things change...not the same faces are in chat anymore...that's not necessarily a bad thing, just different. AND as we all know people like us aren't the best with change. I know when I have gone in there I am always looking for the *old gang* and I don't see many of them in there anymore. Perhaps we should go into chat, AND the forum with an open mind and be a bit more receptive to the changes that this site has. I still think this site has so much to offer and would recommend it to anyone! Once again, just my two cents!

Keitharcher

20-04-07, 20:14

well i seem to have provoked some controsvy, on the whole it seems that people do agree to some extent about my comments. Yes the title of the thread was harsh, but it did stimulate reaction,. I totally agree that nmp is not just about the chat room, it's main thrust of help is to be found in the forums, a point that I made to my student, and i was pleased to determine that she had got some good ideas on how to deal with her problems for the forum.

I am not a kill joy by any means, I like a laugh with the rest of the population, as i have said many times, laughing is one of the best cures for the problems that face the members of NMP. It would not be a nice place if it was all doom and gloom. However, I have been in the chatroom and noticed that members desprate to talk about a problem have had no response because it deters from the banter. When this situation has arisen I have been involved with someone else, therefore could not devote any time to another. I seldom come into the chat room these days, the members that helped me when i needed it all but a few seem to have vanished into the mists.

To me NMP is and has been a lifeline, literally. I would hate to find that through a little thoughtles (even unintentioned) attitudes a member will not find the support they need, in a lot of cases desprately.

Keith