upsetting thoughts

[rollergirl]

Hi guys. Wondering if anyone has ever had disturbing thoughts with their anxiety. Currently in a really bad relapse that has been going for 6 weeks and ive had all the usual stuff...dizziness, nausea, depersonalisation, panic, fear, waves of doom and gloom, irrational thoughts about being stuck here forever, am i going mad etc. But yestrday i was watching the add to a movie and the topic of sex came up somewhere and then out of nowhere i started having these rediculous disturbing thoughts about people (sexual) that made me sick instantly. Like people i SHOULD NOT have had those thoughts about, like family or a friends husband or workmates for example. I panicked so bad now they wont go away WTF.. i feel disgusted as I am not at all interested in any of this and it is so morally wrong that I don't know why I would have a thought about stuff I would never ever do. This is the worst ever. Obviously I'm trying not to think about it as it's making me ill, but nothing is helping.

[MyNameIsTerry]

What you are experiencing are called intrusive thoughts. They are very common and anyone can experience them. People without anxiety tend to not realise they have them as they pass through without this disgusted reaction.

They are also a very common form of OCD and the theme of sexual thoughts is well documented.

It's an intrusive thought because it's something you wouldn't want to think as it disgusts you and it just appears in your conscious mind sent by your subconscious.

They clash with your true beliefs hence the subconscious asking the conscious mind what to do with them. It's rare for an anxiety sufferer to act on them, but it's extremely common for am anxiety sufferer to react to them in some way whether it is just anxiety itself or the compulsions seen in OCD.

That reaction of fear, shame, disgust, guilt, etc is a negative reaction and what the brain looks for to tick the box in the cycle for it believe what it did was important. Just like how it builds a fear of anything. Therefore learning not to react starves it of this and they go.

There's no point in trying to understand what this means about you because they have no meaning at all. They are just phenomenon.

Common sexual themes are about family members, incest, bestiality, religious figures (if you are religious hence being someone important to you) and children including your own. It obviously extends to anything. It could be extreme sexual practices, maybe things that are criminal just like the common one about children. No matter which, they are not a reflection of "the real you" or someone you may turn into. They are meaningless. That's the scientific view supported by many years of their research.

So, don't let it get you wondering why or what it means as you may probably never find out and all this does is keep you putting importance on it.

I've been through them myself and learnt through reading what the professionals say. And nearly every thread on the OCD board has been about these thoughts since I joined. Have a look and you sell see we are saying the same.

[rollergirl]

MyNameIsTerry, thank you so much for taking the time to reply in depth like that it has calmed me some. I was too scared to search online for their meaning in case it said I had something deviately wrong and I needed to be locked up! Definately the worst anxiety symptom ever. I would rather have every other symptom x 10 than think these things. Again, thank you for your calming response I will try too heed your words and not panic too much x

[MyNameIsTerry]

That's ok. I'm glad if it helped.

These themes are important to understand because if you've never heard they exist, you may worry it is was what you more commonly have come across in the media. For instance, we see cases about paedophilia a lot yet how many understand the paedophilia theme in OCD. Naturally, a POCD sufferer may not and equally naturally may believe it to be paedophilia simply out of not knowing it exists in OCD and POCD like all other intrusive thoughts themes in OCD is considered rare to be acted out (because it's abhorrent to you) yet true paedophilia leads to be acted on very commonly. There are massive differences in the diagnosis.

I often use POCD as an example as we always understand how morally wrong it is, that it's illegal and that it is a very emotive subject in society. However I used to have violent thoughts as well as sexual ones and it would be just as easy to give an example of the difference in my intrusive thoughts of violence to that of a violent criminal.

We are repulsed by the thoughts. We are afraid of them. Paedophiles see them as the same as our adult sexual fantasies so they enjoy them. Psychotic violent people don't see what they do as wrong so the thoughts will be enjoyable or normal to them.

Do you see what I mean? You aren't like that, neither am I. I've spoken to many on here about intrusive thoughts and we all shared this and it is what the medical professionals say.

I'll add a few links on with more detail to save you searching. One is more detail from my own reading & experience. I'll add OCD UK's explanations of the themes. One will be to one of Steve Seay's articles, a licensed clinical psychologist in the US who provide a some excellent detail on it all.

---------- Post added at 06:51 ---------- Previous post was at 06:43 ----------

https://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd
http://www.steveseay.com/sexual-obsessions-ocd/

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=184847

Something I forgot to mention also is that it is possible to have groinal responses to sexually intrusive thoughts. If this happens, it's not an indication of anything as it's a recorded possible reaction and it's just because a more primal part of the brain upstream is reacting to stimulus. It can be disturbing for people for obvious reasons hence telling you now so you can stop any panic, but many never mention having any.

It should be mentioned in the above links too that intrusive thoughts can be imagery as well as image less thoughts.