View Full Version : Anyone over 40 with SA?
I have social anxiety (not diagnosed but I have the symptoms), and I'm 48. I think I'm older than most people here so I'm wondering if I'm the only one over 40, or even over 30?
It's hard making understanding friends and meeting people who "get" me, and accept me being shy about going out socially.
I've looked at various social anxiety groups I could meet with, but have never found anything I'd be comfortable going to. You'd think the Meetup website would have such groups, but there's nothing local to me.
I have social anxiety (not diagnosed but I have the symptoms), and I'm 48. I think I'm older than most people here so I'm wondering if I'm the only one over 40, or even over 30?
It's hard making understanding friends and meeting people who "get" me, and accept me being shy about going out socially.
I've looked at various social anxiety groups I could meet with, but have never found anything I'd be comfortable going to. You'd think the Meetup website would have such groups, but there's nothing local to me. Hi MooCow
So would it be benifical to get a diagnoisis first even though you are sure? No not by a long score it can be any age too! Yes totally hard but on here members do accept each other so np there :) When you refer to the Meet Up Website are you saying the subforum on here? You can easily look at threads in that section some may be old threads so not so old. So you could get a idea whats what and maybe start you own thread like I have done :) Good luck Cheers
Hi MooCow
So would it be benifical to get a diagnoisis first even though you are sure? No not by a long score it can be any age too! Yes totally hard but on here members do accept each other so np there :) When you refer to the Meet Up Website are you saying the subforum on here? You can easily look at threads in that section some may be old threads so not so old. So you could get a idea whats what and maybe start you own thread like I have done :) Good luck Cheers
I don't think I need a diagnosis really, as it's not a black and white thing. I don't see it as a medical issue either (like depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance). I simply get anxious in social situations, and I fully understand why, so that's my own diagnosis really. Hope that makes sense! :)
I meant the meetup.com website. That seems mostly for highly confident people unfortunately. I'll look around more at these forums too. Thanks for the tips. :)
I don't think I need a diagnosis really, as it's not a black and white thing. I don't see it as a medical issue either (like depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance). I simply get anxious in social situations, and I fully understand why, so that's my own diagnosis really. Hope that makes sense! :)
I meant the meetup.com website. That seems mostly for highly confident people unfortunately. I'll look around more at these forums too. Thanks for the tips. :) Ahh ok but does it stop you meeting new people? If it does then perhaps counselling wil help or some other therapy would help?
Yes Iam with Meet up too but feel since I have been going to Changes based near to where I live which have social activity's going I am better of going there. Yes and you are welcome :)
Ahh ok but does it stop you meeting new people? If it does then perhaps counselling wil help or some other therapy would help?
Yes Iam with Meet up too but feel since I have been going to Changes based near to where I live which have social activity's going I am better of going there. Yes and you are welcome :)
The anxiety does stop me meeting people, and I've talked about it with my doctor and explained that I don't think counselling is the right path for me. I'm very aware of what's wrong and what to do about it to help. I have confidence deep down you see, but a few issues getting in the way. They are issues I COULD change, but speaking about it to anyone won't make me do it. I need to feel in a happier place and to be accepted by people more first, as then I'll be happier and want to put more into making these changes myself. Getting that emotional support is close to impossible though as nobody understands. I need to know people local to me to really talk properly to and go places with, talk to face to face, etc.. I need company.
The anxiety does stop me meeting people, and I've talked about it with my doctor and explained that I don't think counselling is the right path for me. I'm very aware of what's wrong and what to do about it to help. I have confidence deep down you see, but a few issues getting in the way. They are issues I COULD change, but speaking about it to anyone won't make me do it. I need to feel in a happier place and to be accepted by people more first, as then I'll be happier and want to put more into making these changes myself. Getting that emotional support is close to impossible though as nobody understands. I need to know people local to me to really talk properly to and go places with, talk to face to face, etc.. I need company. Well I do and so do others on here so you aren't alone on this and I need company too :) So suggest start a thread for your area and see if other members in your area want to meet up too Good luck
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anyone over 40 with SA?
Yep! I'm working on it, going to some groups for people with mental health issues including Meetup.com ones. Obviously it helps that I'm in London.
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Yep! I'm working on it, going to some groups for people with mental health issues including Meetup.com ones. Obviously it helps that I'm in London.
Definitely helps being in London. :) I'm on the south coast, and there are quite a few other groups near enough for me to get to, but nothing that really fits. I did find a group once for people with SA, but the places they chose to meet at were the worst types of places for anyone who really has SA!
I'm 47 and socially anxious, though I have found friendship in three separate Meetup groups - one which sees films at the cinema together and chats in the cafe afterwards, one which is a mental health support group, and one which is just a group to try different tearooms and cafes and chat there. I have tried others too with less good results it just so happened these were the three which worked for me. I haven't so far seen anything on Meet Up that I would go to as yet, but actually fulfilling my needs via a Mental Health Charity which has many different groups and meetings and social gatherings too, and already made friends with a couple of members too so will stick with this and feel really positive since last week and the best I have felt for a long time:yesyes: Cheers
I'm 47 and socially anxious, though I have found friendship in three separate Meetup groups - one which sees films at the cinema together and chats in the cafe afterwards, one which is a mental health support group, and one which is just a group to try different tearooms and cafes and chat there. I have tried others too with less good results it just so happened these were the three which worked for me.
I keep looking through the meetup groups but there is little that I'd feel comfy with anywhere near me. There is one very local group who do various things, but looking at the list of who goes, they're mostly quite a bit older than me. I still may go to one of their events though (they do a cinema meet and coffee morning in a cafe). I did go on a walk with another group last year, where I met 32 strangers in one go! That was very scary. Most were older than me, and most were also very confident people who weren't very friendly towards me. So I was put off seeing them again.
I keep looking through the meetup groups but there is little that I'd feel comfy with anywhere near me. There is one very local group who do various things, but looking at the list of who goes, they're mostly quite a bit older than me. I still may go to one of their events though (they do a cinema meet and coffee morning in a cafe). I did go on a walk with another group last year, where I met 32 strangers in one go! That was very scary. Most were older than me, and most were also very confident people who weren't very friendly towards me. So I was put off seeing them again. yes I can understand how that must have felt and even where I am at right now which is really good 32 others I wouldn't like as it would be difficult to tag on to some one in the same boat that's why smaller groups like I have joined will really help me even more on my road to recovery :) Like later on this week there is a social evening out at a pub local to me and about 10 will be going so feel comfortable with that :) So again MooCow set up a thread Under Meet Up's and Get Togethers on the Sub forums of NMP And see how you go on Iam in the process of getting one going too Nothing ventured,nothing gained :) CHeers
yes I can understand how that must have felt and even where I am at right now which is really good 32 others I wouldn't like as it would be difficult to tag on to some one in the same boat that's why smaller groups like I have joined will really help me even more on my road to recovery :) Like later on this week there is a social evening out at a pub local to me and about 10 will be going so feel comfortable with that :) So again MooCow set up a thread Under Meet Up's and Get Togethers on the Sub forums of NMP And see how you go on Iam in the process of getting one going too Nothing ventured,nothing gained :) CHeers
I've already started a new thread for my local area. :)
I've already started a new thread for my local area. :)Cool Good luck:yesyes:
GlassPinata
20-02-17, 23:06
I'm 44, and have suffered from HA for many years.
It does not effect my functioning, per se- I am a single mother, I have a full-time job and a place to live, I have friends, etc- but it very much defines my personality. Ask anyone who knows me (family, friend, coworker) to describe me, and they will say, "She worries a lot. She is anxious all the time."
It has become my defining character trait as I've gotten older, whereas once (say, in childhood, or adolescence), it was just PART of my personality.
Sadly, it's pretty much eclipsed everything else I once was.
Hopefully, one other thing that people will notice about me is that I am kind: empathetic, compassionate.
But my anxiety makes me so damn weak and ineffectual- at least that's how I feel about myself- that I wonder if I really have the capacity to help others anymore.
* edit: oops, sorry. Just noticed this thread was about social anxiety, specifically.
I suffer more from GAD/ health anxiety, not so much social anxiety. Sorry, i didn't read closely enough.
I'm 44, and have suffered from HA for many years.
It does not effect my functioning, per se- I am a single mother, I have a full-time job and a place to live, I have friends, etc- but it very much defines my personality. Ask anyone who knows me (family, friend, coworker) to describe me, and they will say, "She worries a lot. She is anxious all the time."
It has become my defining character trait as I've gotten older, whereas once (say, in childhood, or adolescence), it was just PART of my personality.
Sadly, it's pretty much eclipsed everything else I once was.
Hopefully, one other thing that people will notice about me is that I am kind: empathetic, compassionate.
But my anxiety makes me so damn weak and ineffectual- at least that's how I feel about myself- that I wonder if I really have the capacity to help others anymore.
* edit: oops, sorry. Just noticed this thread was about social anxiety, specifically.
I suffer more from GAD/ health anxiety, not so much social anxiety. Sorry, i didn't read closely enough.
I didn't honestly know what HA was before, so I've learned something new. :) Don't worry that you posted about that instead of social anxiety, I don't mind. It's just nice to get some replies from people, and I think I have anxieties about all sorts of things anyway (including health). I've just never had any sort of diagnosis, but I am naturally a worrier about many things.
It's good that you have a lot in your life (things I don't have). More than anything I want local friends, but somehow it barely ever happens. The odd time it does, the people go cold and stop communicating with me. I'm fairly sure people get put off me when I tell them more about my life, my lack of work, etc.. I wish they'd just accept me as I am without judging, and see that I'm a good person who's worth knowing. I had more friends when I had a car and could afford to buy drinks for people!
I'm too stupid to even know what ineffectual means but I understand about feeling weak. You certainly don't come across that way to me though. I also feel that I'm not capable of helping others, even though I always try. For reasons I'll never understand, any attempt I make to help and be there for someone makes them disown me. I must be absolutely useless at it, but I don't know why. People's reactions to me are very confusing.
I didn't honestly know what HA was before, so I've learned something new. :) Don't worry that you posted about that instead of social anxiety, I don't mind. It's just nice to get some replies from people, and I think I have anxieties about all sorts of things anyway (including health). I've just never had any sort of diagnosis, but I am naturally a worrier about many things.
It's good that you have a lot in your life (things I don't have). More than anything I want local friends, but somehow it barely ever happens. The odd time it does, the people go cold and stop communicating with me. I'm fairly sure people get put off me when I tell them more about my life, my lack of work, etc.. I wish they'd just accept me as I am without judging, and see that I'm a good person who's worth knowing. I had more friends when I had a car and could afford to buy drinks for people!
I'm too stupid to even know what ineffectual means but I understand about feeling weak. You certainly don't come across that way to me though. I also feel that I'm not capable of helping others, even though I always try. For reasons I'll never understand, any attempt I make to help and be there for someone makes them disown me. I must be absolutely useless at it, but I don't know why. People's reactions to me are very confusing.MooCow I hear you loud and clear!! I have been there many times my self and even just fairly recently it's happened to me and I was stuck in a rut and couldn't move on at the time and thought oh not another year of this emptiness etc, But I have moved on to a happier state of mind, those sort of people are fickle and not genuine in my book, and they are 10 a penny every town etc is full of them, I have one true friend who is genuine in lots of ways and really only started to get to know him in the last 6 months or so :) And I have a lot of respect for him and him for me it's a two way street :)I also have met at my local Peer Support Group Meetings some new nice ppl there too :) I used to think like you Oh Iam not worth knowing I cant help any one and if I try they will disown me and I am useless, let me tell you, you aren't useless and have a lot to offer :) Cheers
MooCow I hear you loud and clear!! I have been there many times my self and even just fairly recently it's happened to me and I was stuck in a rut and couldn't move on at the time and thought oh not another year of this emptiness etc, But I have moved on to a happier state of mind, those sort of people are fickle and not genuine in my book, and they are 10 a penny every town etc is full of them, I have one true friend who is genuine in lots of ways and really only started to get to know him in the last 6 months or so :) And I have a lot of respect for him and him for me it's a two way street :)I also have met at my local Peer Support Group Meetings some new nice ppl there too :) I used to think like you Oh Iam not worth knowing I cant help any one and if I try they will disown me and I am useless, let me tell you, you aren't useless and have a lot to offer :) Cheers
I appreciate the kind words, thank you. Deep down I know I'm a good person and have a lot to offer, but it's just sometimes that people make me feel like I'm imagining it. Really though I know it's all about their issues rather than mine. I know I have loads of very good and rare qualities, but it's not me who needs convincing of that - It's all the people who avoid me, which is 99.9% of people. Even on forums like this barely anyone responds to things I write. That's just the way it's always been for me.
I appreciate the kind words, thank you. Deep down I know I'm a good person and have a lot to offer, but it's just sometimes that people make me feel like I'm imagining it. Really though I know it's all about their issues rather than mine. I know I have loads of very good and rare qualities, but it's not me who needs convincing of that - It's all the people who avoid me, which is 99.9% of people. Even on forums like this barely anyone responds to things I write. That's just the way it's always been for me.That's ok the thing is you are new here just like everyone else was it takes time to get to know you :) And certainly on here members aren't ignoring you. So replace the unheathly thoughts with healthy thinking :) as you said you have lots of very good qualities which is a rareatiy in some ways in todays world. if outsiders ignore you it's their loss. BTW seen you have posted twice in the meet up section which is good It took a while for my threads to get off the ground so don't worry if you don't get instant replies and you can always bump the thread up so it stays close to the top of the list!! Cheers
I'm 48 and have had anxiety issues since I was a child. It was never diagnosed then as social anxiety, but retrospectively it makes sense and explains my childhood difficulties at school.
hi there im 64 this year welcome aboard ,i have had anxiety issues since an early age
I'm 48 and have had anxiety issues since I was a child. It was never diagnosed then as social anxiety, but retrospectively it makes sense and explains my childhood difficulties at school.
Exactly the same for me. I don't think anyone even knew was SA was back then.
hi there im 64 this year welcome aboard ,i have had anxiety issues since an early age
Thanks for the welcome Susie, nice to meet you. :)
Is anyone familiar with the charity NoPanic, not to be confused with this one? Their web address is nopanic dot org dot uk. I am a member and got a letter from them this morning, they have found me a place on their telephone recovery group course, 1 hour a week for 12 weeks. I think it's costing me just £15 because I'm a member, plus the phone calls, but I have unlimited minutes on my phone so no problem there. I just thought I would mention it in case it could help someone here too. I get the impression some people who use that charity have it worse than me, e.g. agoraphobia and can't leave the house, but I am sure tackling things over 12 weeks I will make a little bit of progress with my social anxiety. I often wondered what happened to older people with social anxiety, as it's not something people just grow out of (which my parents always hoped would happen with me) in my case I have made a bit of progress and have come to terms with things I can't do (like find a partner, though I did have one long-term relationship). Hi No Never heard of them and you can type the web address in correctly if you want there are no rules to say you cant :) I Mean if it helps you and some people then great :) I am more of a 'group' situation sort of guy been on own far too long so decided to doing something proactive about it, instead of moopsing around the house feeling sorry for my self :) And now Iam on my way to recovery which is good, I guess it's the same on here members are going to be at various levels of recovery etc. I take it you are over 40? I wish you well Good luck Cheers
There are a couple of ways I've seen now of getting group or one on one therapy. I really don't think that's right for me at all though. I want to meet people, either a group or one on one, just to talk to and mix with generally. The last think I need is therapy or someone telling me how to do this and that, or talking about "how to help", and giving me advice I don't need. I just want some real decent genuine friends. I think that's all most people want, but it's so impossible to find these days. All everyone wants to do is sit in a pub getting drunk or go on walks with an over 60's group. There seems to be no way for someone my sort of age to meet anyone that doesn't involve booze! It drives me nuts.
Hello I have not long joined this place l have had SA as long as l can remember I am 60 now. I was told l was shy and would grow out of it I am still waiting for that to happen.
Hello I have not long joined this place l have had SA as long as l can remember I am 60 now. I was told l was shy and would grow out of it I am still waiting for that to happen. Hi cumin OMG I am sorry to hear this :eek: Can I ask who gave you this false damaging information?? My heart goes out to you :) Have you at least been to see your dr about maybe some therapy etc? You have lost too many years sadly, don't lose any more Best wishes :hugs:Cheers
Hello I have not long joined this place l have had SA as long as l can remember I am 60 now. I was told l was shy and would grow out of it I am still waiting for that to happen.
Unfortunate username! :)
I was told all sorts of things as a kid, mostly to stay away from bullies (as if that helps) and that people weren't really laughing at me but were telling each other jokes (yea, right). Nobody had a clue back then about anxiety or social problems, or even how to treat young people. I wish I was young now as I think teachers and Parents would lead me up a better path rather than pushing me aside and assuming I must be stupid.
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