groovygranny
20-04-07, 15:37
Anal Examination:
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce protruding from his bum. He says to the doctor that he is a little concerned.
Upon examination the doctor turns to his patient and says "It's worse than I originaly thought...That's just the tip of the iceberg!"
Second funniest joke in the world:
Patient: "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's or H's!"
Doctor: "Well you can't say fairer than that then"
Man in Bar:
A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The barmangives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it says. "You really look fantastic....and that aftershave is just wonderful!" The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realising he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice comes from the machine
"You B*****D....Oh my god you STINK.....Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother?!"
By now the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation.
"Ah, yes sir" the barman responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order!"
GHANDI: (no offence!)
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and because of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
'A super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis'.
ARK II:
God called Noah one day and said, "Noah, I need you to build another Ark".
"What, like the last one?" says Noah.
"Er, no.....I need this one to have six storeys."
"So do you want me to lead all the animals into the Ark two by two?"
"No," says God. "Iwant you to take just fish on board".
"What kind of fish?" asks Noah.
"Just carp." answers God.
"But why just carp?" asks Noah.
"Because I've always wanted a multi-storey carp ark!"
__________________________________________________
'Bye 'Bye....gone to buy a catering pack of Tenna Lady! :flowers:
A man goes to the doctor with a piece of lettuce protruding from his bum. He says to the doctor that he is a little concerned.
Upon examination the doctor turns to his patient and says "It's worse than I originaly thought...That's just the tip of the iceberg!"
Second funniest joke in the world:
Patient: "Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's or H's!"
Doctor: "Well you can't say fairer than that then"
Man in Bar:
A man walks into a bar - he sits down and orders a drink. The barmangives him his drink, accompanied by a bowl of peanuts. To his surprise, a voice comes from the peanut bowl.
"You look great tonight!" it says. "You really look fantastic....and that aftershave is just wonderful!" The man is obviously a little confused, but tries to ignore it.
Realising he has no cigarettes he wanders over to the cigarette machine. After inserting his money, another voice comes from the machine
"You B*****D....Oh my god you STINK.....Do you know, you're almost as ugly as your mother?!"
By now the man is extremely perplexed. He turns to the barman for an explanation.
"Ah, yes sir" the barman responds. "The peanuts are complimentary, but the cigarette machine is out of order!"
GHANDI: (no offence!)
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and because of his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
'A super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis'.
ARK II:
God called Noah one day and said, "Noah, I need you to build another Ark".
"What, like the last one?" says Noah.
"Er, no.....I need this one to have six storeys."
"So do you want me to lead all the animals into the Ark two by two?"
"No," says God. "Iwant you to take just fish on board".
"What kind of fish?" asks Noah.
"Just carp." answers God.
"But why just carp?" asks Noah.
"Because I've always wanted a multi-storey carp ark!"
__________________________________________________
'Bye 'Bye....gone to buy a catering pack of Tenna Lady! :flowers: