I want to cancel my doctor's appt

[Ihavelostmymarbles]

I'm in the second trimester and I haven't seen the OB. I know, I know. But I just can't go. The machines scare me. The numbers scare me. The doctors and nurses scare me. I just can't do it. I'm pretty sure my blood pressure will be stroke level (high), or that my heart rate will be 300 and they will send me to the ER via ambulance. Then they will admit me to the hospital without my kids. Or worse, I'll end up having cancer from a blood test.

I really need to bring up the high heart rates though, but I don't want to go to the ER. I've been there like 20 times the last two years because of my heart. The high heart rates now are scaring me, and I really need to meet with a cardiologist. I've never met with one because on base they didn't allow it unless the test caught a heart issue. I'm so scared. I want to cancel right now. I can't do this.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

Have you been pregnant before? I only ask because it is normal to have an increase in BP and HR due to the pregnancy and it really could be a normal physiological reaction to your pregnancy, even if you didn't experience it with previous pregnancies.

Please don't cancel your doctors appointment. Think of your health and the health of your baby. I know you're scared but you can tell them that and they'll their best to help you. To educate you, or even get your anxiety under control.

[Ihavelostmymarbles]

I have been pregnant before. My last pregnancy resulted in a heart rate in the 200s. That was so scary and I thought I was having a heart attack. By the time the ambulance got to my house, it dropped to the 150s. I hate being afraid of everything, and this was a very unplanned pregnancy so I'm scared and angry.

[PASchoolSyndrome]

I can completely understand your fear and frustration. Even when planned pregnancy can be super super scary. My sister is planning on her second one but the first one was so rough for her that it's almost holding her back. I really wish there was something that I could say to help you, but I really think your shouldn't cancel the appointment. The OB may be able to counsel you on options for certain medications that can help calm your fear during the rest of your pregnancy, or discuss anything else to calm your fears.

[ServerError]

If any of those nightmare scenarios came true, where would you want to be? In hospital having your life saved or at home dying? That's a stark question, but it exposes the irrationality of not wanting to see a doctor incase you're seriously ill.

In any case, you're pregnant. It's not just about you. I'm sure you understand, in more rational moments, that pregnancy requires both you and your baby to be monitored and checked up on. The majority of pregnancies in modern Western countries occur without complications, especially serious ones.

As a man, I can't even hope to relate to what being pregnant does to both your body and your mind, but I bet you'll do the right thing for both you and your baby in the end, and I bet you'll both be fine. Please forgive me if I seem in any way insensitive as I don't mean to.

[Fishmanpa]

In any case, you're pregnant. It's not just about you.

Exactly!

Positive thoughts

[One_phobic_gal]

I know it's scary, but for the sake of your health, AND your baby's, you really should go to the doctor. Stay strong you've got this. Just think of your LO.

[Ihavelostmymarbles]

I cried before walking into the office. Then I started filling out the paperwork and I calmed down, until the commercial for "signs of women having heart attacks" popped up. Now I'm shaking and feel like I'm going to get sick.

I'm afraid I'm going to die right now.

[ServerError]

If you were showing any signs of imminent death, they wouldn't have let you walk out of there.

Heart attacks exist. They aren't going to go anywhere. You'll need to find a way to make peace with this fact, because sometimes they will come to your attention whether you want them to or not.

[Ihavelostmymarbles]

Hopefully they get this appointment over with. I'd rather be hiding in my bed under my blanket right now.

I don't know why I can't accept the fact that I'm not in control. If I just stopped trying to control what I can't, then I feel like I wouldn't worry. It's not like my worrying is going to stop anything.

---------- Post added at 19:49 ---------- Previous post was at 18:56 ----------

I have to go see a cardiologist, and I'm further along than I thought.

Now, to not stress about the cardiologist. They are here to help. I need to remember that.

[GlassPinata]

Dude, i got pregnant at 40 (when my children were 20 and 22 years old, and I was already a grandmother).
I had also been uninsured and not seen a doctor for many years, AND suffered from health anxiety for many years, so that I thought I was suffering from HIV and numerous types of cancer, among other things.

Here's the deal: set all that nonsense aside, and go to the doctor. Do it for your child.

I was amazed to learn there was actually nothing wrong with me, and I was a perfectly healthy woman dealing with a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy.
And in fact, my youngest son is the healthiest of all my children! The pregnancy went fine, and the labor was the easiest of the three!

It actually helped my health anxiety quite a lot- pretty much VANQUISHED it, at least for the duration of the pregnancy- to go to the doctor and get checked out, and learn that i was, after all, healthy.

Please go. You must. Do this for yourself and for your child. Keep us updated.

Best wishes!